Ner elokim nismas adam.

Our neshama is compared to a fire, and there are a number of ways this can be manifested. What I have always considered the most poignant relationship between fire and soul is the constant pull to reach higher. A flame, no matter which way you turn it, will always face upward. Try it. Light a candle and watch the flame rise. Turn the candle on its side, forming a straight horizontal line. The flame still rises upward. Turn the candle upside down, and if you arent careful you will burn your finger, because the flame, of course, still rises upward.

Our neshama, no matter which way we turn and how far we stray, no matter what we fill it with and how we treat it, always yearns to reach upward, to connect to Hashem and to strive for growth. Through lifes distractions and temptations, confusion and deception, our neshamah is always reaching higher.

We celebrate lag bomer by lighting bonfires, to celebrate the Torah of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai that illuminates the world. Rashbi declared the day of his death a celebration, because while his body left this world, the essence of his neshamah contained within the brilliant Torah he left us, is still here, illuminating our world until today. On some level, we are celebrating the eternity of the soul on this day. And so, what better day is there to tune into the calling of our neshamah, that ever present desire to grow and better ourselves as people and avdei Hashem?

We surely value growth. Weve all put high up on our shidduch requirement list that we are seeking a growing person. But are we really growing? Its so easy to stagnate and chas veshalom regress. We live in a world that celebrates body over soul, with unprecedented material bounty but unprecedented spiritual pitfalls. Now more than ever we need to develop a growth mindset to help us constantly reach higher, no matter what twists and turns our life may take.

In honor of Lag BOmer, I am sharing thirty-three strategies that can help us all focus on our growth, for just a few moments every day.

Look Up: Seek out Hashem in your life. Ask yourself at least once a day, what does Hashem want from me right now, in this situation? The beauty of living a frum life is that it is a G-d-centered life. Hashem is everywhere, in the food that we eat and the schools we attend. But so much of it is subconcious or by rote. We need to actively put Hashem back into our lives in the conscious decisions we make, and then we will see growth.

Look Down: Act with humility. The number one deterrent to growth is ego, or gaavah. When we are full of ourselves, there is no room for growth. Recognizing how small we are in comparison to where we can be, and how much we still have to accomplish, will give us the impetus to grow to get there. Look in dont look at everyone else self-consious, peer pressure, what society wants from you, comparison, what will others say etc. what do I know to be right?

Look In: Practice tuning into your own sense of right and wrong as opposed to making decions fuled by peer pressure and societal judgment. We spend so much time looking over our shoulders and wondering what our neighbors would think and then making decisions based on that, that we neglect to consider what we know to be right. And you know how the quote goes, If you are so busy looking over your shoulder, you wont be able to see where you are going.

Look Out: Dont be self-centered by enclosing yourself in your own little world with no regard for how your actions affect others and for how you can make impact. Rather. take a few moments a day to look at the world around you, at the people around you, and ask yourself, How can I be of service to others today?

Recognize Your Strengths: When I say to be humble, I dont mean to look down on ourselves. On the contrary, if we think we are worthless, we wont get anywhere. Recognize your strengths. List them. What are you good at? And how can you use these strengths to become a better person?

Concretize Your Calling: While none of us are blessed with the knowledge of our individual tafkid in life, we do have a global mission as ovdei Hashem. The problem is, that we are so focused on getting through the minutiae of day-to-day life, we often lose sight of the big picture. Why am I doing this? What am I here for? Take a few moments to contemplate that and then distill into a sentence or two. Write it down and keep it where you can easily access it and check in. I am in this world to perfect myself and make the world a better place. My tafkid is to spend every minute of my life according to ratzon Hashem. I need to spread kavod shamayim with everything I do.

Learn Mussar: Sifrei mussar are the greatest catalyst to growth. Just taking a few minutes a day to learn them spurs us to greater heights because they place growth front and center on our minds and make us want to become better people. And of course, if you are having trouble with number 6, this can help you figure it out! So whether it is an English sefer or Hebrew, you are learning alone or with a friend, find a few minutes for mussar and your life will change!

Find Role Models: Where growth is a lofty concept, nothing concretizes it more than seeing where you want to be lived by those whove already gotten there. Find yourself role models whose level you can aspire to. It doesnt have to be only one. No one is perfect and youd be hard pressed to find someone whos every move and every attribute you admire. Thats fine too. You can find different role models in different midos and different areas. You can have a simchas hachayim role model, a role model parent, a role model in self-control.

Set Goals: If you dont know where you are going, how will you know when you get there? Define your goals and then set clear and measurable steps to help you get there.

Be Accountable: Sometimes we slack off because its easy to slip back into bad habits with no one the wiser. If you are seeking to grow in a particular area, find yourself a friend who will be your accountability partner. You can discuss your challenges and triumphs, give chizuk, encouragement and pats on the back. This can be a peer who is going through the journey together with you and you support each other in the same way, or more of a sponsor relationship, where you find someone who went through the struggle and is already there. They can help you from the vantage point of success, with the understanding of what it take sto get there.

Collect Quotes: I am a big fan of those pithy sayings that can be more motivating and empowering than volumes of self-help books. Ive been collecting them since high school, making posters and collages and hanging them all over. When you come across a powerful quote with a strong lesson, save it. Hang those quotes prominently so that you come across them multiple times a day and you can remind yourself of those important values we tend to lose sight of as we go about our day.

Practice Mindfulness: We tend to complain that we have no time to work on ourselves, what with the hecticness of this wonderful life we lead. Thats why this strategy is so great, because it requires no extra time, but rather it takes what we are doing anyway and elevates it to a new level. Become aware of what you are doing when you are doing it. Focus on what you are doing, on why you are doing it and what you are feeling as you are doing it. So much of what we do is done mindlessly, so take a few moments of the day to tune into yourself and your actions.

Ditch the Cynicism: When you are cynical about everything, you miss opportunities for growth. Open your mind to possibilities and dont take your healthy suspicions too far by turning bitter and cynical about anything and everything that is different than what you are used to.

Get Brave: While we of course focus on our positive attributes and use those to make an impact, we cant ignore our negative traits and the areas in which we need to grow the most. Choose to improve in an area that requires herculean strength, so that you can truly flex your growth muscles. This will be the hardest growth you achieve, but also the most rewarding and the most enduring.

Believe in Yourself: When were in growth mindset we tend to focus on how much we have left to go, but be sure to notice how far you have come. Believe that you have what it takes to get to where you want to go, and dont be too hard on yourself when the going is slow. You are strong, resourceful and special and there is no limit to what you can achieve when you set your heart and mind to it. Never forget that!

Be Grateful: Infusing gratitude into your life will give you the push to keep striving for more. Spend a few minutes in the morning, when you say Modeh Ani, and a few minutes in the evening, as you give closure to your day, reflect on all of the blessings and gifts you have been granted and feel that intense gratitude coursing through your soul. No matter the challenges you may be facing, feel grateful for all that you do have.

Take a Moment of Silence: We live in a world that is a constant cacophony of sound, and most of those sounds are of the variety that drowns out the sound of the soul and stifles our urge to grow. So take a moment of your day to sit in silence, with no one but yourself and Hashem. What you do in that silence is up to you, but make sure to take the time to create it.

Talk About Ideas: As per the quote, Small people talk about people; average people talk about things; great people talk about ideas, try to pivot one conversation a day from small-minded topics and turn it towards matters of the mind or soul. If the people you converse with on a daily basis are only interested in gossip and frivolities, then maybe its time to rethink your social circle!

Help Someone Else Grow: Being a part of someone elses growth journey will inevitably enrich your own. How can you help someone else grow today? How can you support them in their own growth and be a source of inspiration to them?

Daven: Tefillah is an effective strategy for growth on two levels. For one, the very act of davening with sincerity draws you closer to Hashem, so youve already grown. Also, you need His siyata dishmaya to help you stay on the upward track. Daven for continued success in this area, for as we know, nothing happens without tefillah!

Envision the Escalator: Life is such that there is no such thing as stagnation. If you are not growing you are slipping. It may be slow, it may be imperceptible, but the descent is real. I once heard that life is like trying to go up a down escalator. You cant just stand still, because then you end up going down. In order to get ahead while life around you is pulling you down, you need to be taking assured, effective steps upward. Close your eyes for a moment and envision yourself standing on that escalator and the steps you need to take to get up to the top, even as its taking you down.

Silence the Saboteur: Identify the forces that hold you back from growth, whether its your inner self-critic, your yetzer hara hindering you every step of the way, or doubt and confusion, and silence those voices. Speak back with a voice of strength and courage and squash the destructive messages they are trying to give you.

Get Up When You Fall: Dont let failures distract you from the goal. Sheva yipol tzadik vkam. You may have lost a battle but the war is still yours to win, which you wont be able to if you surrender right away. Dust yourself off, take a moment to breathe, and then plunge right in again.

Grow from Challenges: The deepest growth often comes from the most challenging times. Tragedies are given to us as a means of self-improvement, every test is an opportunity to find meaning and growth within it. If you are struggling, take the time to figure out how you can grow from this struggle, so that even your suffering can have meaning and purpose.

Build on Past Accomplishments: Let your previous successes catapult you to more successes. When you find stagnation setting in, let your mind travel back to a time when it did work. Feel that satisfaction that you felt then and then allow that feeling to motivate you to work even harder to recapture it.

Take Care of Yourself: This isnt a few moments a day kind of thing, but rather a lifestyle, but the bottom line is that as long as you are tired, hungry and irritable, overwhelmed and overloaded, life is less about thriving and more about surviving. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising so that you will be in the right frame of mind to move forward.

Find Meaning in the Words: You are saying the words anyway, you may as well find meaning in them. Whether its davening, bentching, brachos, or songs, understand and then focus on the meanings of the words and what they are trying to tell you.

Make a Cheshbon Hanefesh: Take a few minutes every day to go through what you did right and what you can improve, which situations warranted which reactions, and how you can react differently in the future.

Keep a Journal: Journaling helps you stay focused and makes sure you are checking in with yourself. It allows you to sort through your thoughts and to identify habits and tendencies. You can journal your process of growth specifically, writing down the steps you take, your progress, regressions, as you go along, or you can just keep a general journal. Both are beneficial.

Take Baby Steps: Great things happen one small step at a time. When you identify an area in which you would like to grow, dont sabotage yourself by taking it all on at once, setting yourself up for failure. Take one small step and repeat it until it is a part of you. Then go for another, and another. There is no limit to the heights you can achieve, one small step at a time.

Read Biographies: Reading about great people can inspire you to aspire toward greatness. While not always can we relate to every gadol and every level, there are so many steps until then, so many things we can learn from the giants of yesteryear, and spending time reading up on their lives can spur you onto greater things.

Purify Your Environment: While the push to grow has to come from within, it can definitely be influenced by outside forces. Surround yourself with people who inspire growth, spend your time in places that are good for your soul. Cut out venues that drag you down, whether it be a physical moshav leitzim or online platforms that drain the spiritual energy right out of you. Surround yourself with greatness, and by osmosis, some of it will seep into you.

Talk to Him: Besides for davening, keep a regular dialogue with Hashem as you go about your day. Tell Him about your struggles, thank Him for the blessings. I mentioned earlier making Hashem a part of our daily lives; talking to Him as if He is right there beside you is a surefire way to do that. After all, thats exactly where He is.

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