In a recent edition of Pediatric News, Dr. Barbara Howard discusses manners. Manners are important for ones group or society. It allows the group a sense of togetherness and the person itself acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

Manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners allow the members of a particular society to have mutual respect, good communication and team work. Each society or group has specific normal behaviors, which are considered good manners. This helps the person with these behaviors be part of the group but also identifies those with different manners as other.

Children with memorized rote skills are liked better by their peers and their teachers. Social skills are extremely important, and some children may need overtraining to achieve them. Good manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams or religious institutions.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, everything from using the toilet to not picking ones nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust.

Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (Im not more important than everyone else). These insights begin in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around a child is the most important way to teach courtesy.

Parents usually start teaching with please and thank you. Manners are most believable when they occur promptly as they do when they become a habit. When these behaviors are instilled early and become automatic, they are seen as genuine.

Modeling good manners is the best way to teach toddlers and preschoolers. Praise for manners is a simple start. Praise for the basics: to say hello, please, thank you, excuse me, youre welcome or would you help me, please?

Good manners also include avoiding raising ones voice, not interrupting and apologizing when appropriate. Shaming, yelling and punishing doesnt get rid of bad manners as it shows disrespect of the child, who will likely give it back.

Cultural norm manners are the manners of culture and society by which a person establishes an identity and membership in a given socio-cultural group.

Teenagers are likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup such as a gang or a team, for example. It could be something as simple as a secret handshake or as problematic as socially unacceptable behaviors. Teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing and using manners for their own well-being.

Good manners will be a benefit for their group and for their nation. Failure to demonstrate socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and could result in rough, life-threatening responses. Think of teens and police.

Oliver Wendell Holmes felt when people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners, they may be seen as other and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike and lowered ability to find common ground.

Thank you for reading about manners and modeling them.

Sally Robinson is a clinical professor of pediatrics at UTMB Childrens Hospital. This column isnt intended to replace the advice of your childs physician.

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Manners are important to teach our children | Health | The Daily News - Galveston County Daily News