Photo: Esteban L. Hernandez / Hearst Connecticut Media

Connecticut DCF finds success in domestic violence program for fathers

NEW BRITAIN >> Wigberto George Ortizs godsend came on his birthday. It arrived at his feet like a shell washed ashore by the tide, he said. He should have seen it coming, but his mind had been too busy with the storm raging in his head.

For weeks he had lived in constant torment. His mind was a prison. It was fueled, he said, by a twisted mixture of depression, aggravation, alcoholism and anxiety over what came next. It was all due to what happened when he and his wife decided their marriage was over. Their union had been troublesome. A few months prior, it had escalated. Ortiz had been charged in a domestic violence incident involving his wife.

Everything you could think of, that was me, Ortiz said. I was lost. I didnt know where I was headed.

There was no going back. But he didnt know that yet.

On his 38th birthday, he saw his wife in town. She was with someone else. At that moment, he said, it became clear what he needed to do. Whatever life he had lived before, it was time to release it. Whatever fantasy he had built in his head dissipated.

I realized at that moment that it was going to be just me and the boys, Ortiz said, referring to his four young children.

But his new focus was further sharpened by a program called Fathers for Change, a unique and relatively new service offered through the state Department of Children and Families to a selected few. Its purpose is to provide men involved in domestic violence situations a chance to rehabilitate through therapy by improving communication between parents and their children, as well as helping to reduce aggression. The program is one of DCFs community-based behavioral health services.

The program itself landed on my lap, Ortiz said. It changed my life. It made me become a man.

A non-traditional approach

Select families participate in the six-month program. Though about one in five DCF cases involve intimate partner violence, DCF spokesman Gary Kleeblatt said about 100 fathers and their families have been served by the program after it was launched in 2015.

DCF has about 16,000 annual cases in the state. The Fathers for Change, program is also available to men who do not have a legal involvement.

Mary Painter, director of Intimate Partner Violence and Substance Use treatment and recovery at DCF, helps supervise the program and said it has received high satisfaction reviews from fathers. Families involved report lower numbers of children being removed from homes, Painter said.

This is non-traditional, Painter said. We only use this program for families when its considered to be safe. The idea behind is we keep the family together. Traditionally, response to intimate partner violence is getting perpetrators out of the home. This takes a different approach.

Kleeblatt said DCF employees dont directly provide services. Instead, theyre provided by private providers, usually therapists and masters-level clinicians.

Painter said the program offers individual therapy with men, with an emphasis on in-home sessions if its safe, to help them regulate their emotional state and learn how to handle feelings of hostility. The service can also be delivered in the traditional outpatient clinic setting. Painter said fathers receive therapy based on their families individual needs. DCF will also try to find other services that could benefit families.

In Ortizs case, the programs ultimate goal was unsuccessful. The family did not stay intact. But calling his case a failure would be inaccurate: Ortiz is a proud father of four boys who now live under his roof. The boys are Vitally, 7, Lorenzo, 6, Marcelo, 4, and Matteo, 1.

During a recent afternoon at his home in New Britain, Ortiz quite literally had his hands full wrangling the energetic quartet. He would speak to one son while trying to hold on to another. This summer, he usually got up around 7 a.m. to get the oldest boys ready for summer programs. The night before, he would lay out their clothing and have them in bed by 8 p.m. The oldest boys are on the autism spectrum and took classes to help develop their speech, physical therapy and social skills.

I pretty much do what I have to do, Ortiz said.

Ortiz said he originally planned to do the program with his wife before they separated. He had enrolled in the program in December, starting his first session at his home in January with James Geisler, from the Child Guidance Clinic for Central CT.

His first session helped formulate his game plan. Each time they spoke, they explored another road Ortiz had traveled to learn how he ended up there. Ortiz said the sessions explored his past, forcing him to face realities he couldnt face by himself. He would recall his childhood and things he witnessed growing up. These were things that led him to act out the way he did against his wife.

Painter said this is the kind psychoeducational approach the sessions take.

They really teach them about the cycle of violence, what it is, what a healthy relationship is, Painter said. Fathers for Change is different in its really looking (at) a man not only as a man who perpetuated domestic violence but as family members and fathers.

Behavior exhibited by domestic violence perpetrators can often be traced back to events they witnessed as children. What we know about it is that there is a pattern thats intergenerational, Painter said, adding that girls exposed to domestic violence have a higher chance of being victimized. Boys, in turn, are more likely to perpetuate domestic violence if exposed to it.

(When) helping a man become better, then the next generation is learning the same thing, Painter said.

Ortiz said he would usually leave the sessions feeling uncomfortable, but to him that meant he had a positive session. Digging into the root causes of his situation gave him clarity.

Everything started to fall into place, Ortiz said. He said he felt like after every session, another part of his life grew more and more stable. Before starting the program, Ortiz said he wasnt skeptical. When he started, he had felt like he was fighting for his marriage. He accepted the changes as the program progressed.

There were other changes. Mornings became different. He would wake up and clean messes he had long ignored.

Those days became beautiful days, Ortiz said. I wanted that change more than anything in my life.

Life as a single father

A divorce was granted in May. Inside a nearly empty courtroom, But Ortiz would then face a judge on May 26 for a different but related reason. With things falling into place, Ortiz had his sights on his next, perhaps most important, goal: Sole custody of his children. It was granted.

Ortiz said the judge told him it was the first time had ever rendered such a ruling for a man.

There was nobody in the room, Ortiz said. He said some very nice things. Theyre personal. I keep those to myself.

He looked at his kids and noted how hard he fought to change. He knew the reason for changing his life wasnt solely about himself.

I feel like this is my gift for the change, Ortiz said.

On that recent day, Ortiz would pause every so often to speak to one of the boys, sometimes turning his head between two or three of them. Sometimes the boys were being too loud, so Ortiz would quietly ask them to hush. Two of them had to be put on time out for them to calm down. He held Matteo in his arms nearly the entire time he spoke to his other children.

I dont think you ever get used to it, Ortiz said. I have to adapt every day. You get up and fall in love with your children.

Reach Esteban L. Hernandez at 203-680-9901

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Connecticut DCF finds success in domestic violence program for fathers - New Haven Register