What Therapy for Narcissism Involves: Steps and What to Expect – Healthline
Posted: December 16, 2020 at 12:58 am
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) under the personality disorders category.
NPD is characterized by a:
We often hear the word narcissist used in general conversation. In this context, people are usually referring to one who exhibits some self-centered, vain behavior.
But having the tendency toward narcissistic behaviors doesnt mean you have NPD. Either way, change is possible.
A 2018 research review showed that true NPD is not common. It requires a diagnosis by a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Treatment for NPD can be challenging. Much depends on the persons willingness to enter therapy and to stick with it.
There are several forms of therapy that can be used to treat NPD. Lets take a look at some of them, plus tips on where to find help.
Your mental health provider will begin by assessing your psychological functioning. Theyll also consider differential diagnoses and coexisting conditions before recommending a plan for treatment.
Therapy for NDP will likely involve:
Psychoanalysis is a form of talk therapy. Through one-on-one sessions, youll explore the reasons behind your feelings and behaviors.
As you begin to understand your past, current emotions and behaviors come into focus. This can help you better manage your thoughts and feelings. Then, you can start changing the way you react to them.
The focus of CBT is to identify unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior and replace them with healthier ones.
Youll practice new skills with your therapist. Youll also have homework assignments to put these skills into action between sessions.
There are many CBT techniques, such as:
Schema therapy is an integrative approach to therapy. It combines elements of psychotherapy and CBT.
The aim is to help you identify and understand unhelpful patterns and coping mechanisms that formed from early childhood experiences.
Once you uncover these maladaptive schemas, you can learn to modify them. With practice, youll find new ways to help meet your emotional needs and change your behavior toward others.
Gestalt therapy is a form of psychotherapy. Youll focus more on the present than the past or the future. Earlier life experiences are considered in the context of how they affect you today.
Youll be encouraged to reflect on whats happening in your life now. Youll work on improving self-awareness and self-responsibility.
MBT works on improving your ability to reflect on yourself, as well as the thoughts and emotions of others. Then, youll learn to connect emotions to behavior patterns.
Youll explore the intent behind other peoples behavior and work on thinking things through before reacting.
In TFP, you take your emotions about someone else and direct them toward the therapist. This may make it easier to talk things through. The therapist can help you gain insight into your thoughts and feelings.
DBT is a form of CBT with a focus on:
DBT may involve individual and group therapy sessions where youll learn and practice new coping strategies.
MIT is a step-by-step treatment designed to:
The therapist will also look for barriers to effective therapy and work to help improve them.
In EMDR therapy, the assumption is that narcissism is based on difficult early life experiences or traumas.
EMDR therapy is a step-by-step process divided into eight distinct phases. As you progress, youll be encouraged to address:
As you do, the therapist will direct eye movements to divert your attention. The goal is to lessen the impact of traumatic memories.
If youre concerned that you exhibit narcissistic behaviors, consider contacting a medical or mental health professional for evaluation.
Even if you only have a few tendencies toward narcissistic behavior, therapy can help you look at things differently.
According to a small 2017 review of case studies, people who have NPD experience significant social problems and multiple medical conditions, so its worth seeking help.
Also, what appears to be narcissistic behavior could very well be due to another condition. Other causes of similar symptoms include:
NPD doesnt always present the same way. A broad spectrum may exist that includes covert narcissism and malignant narcissism. A qualified doctor or therapist can help determine the best approach.
If youre ready for change, now is the time to take that first step toward improving your life.
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What Therapy for Narcissism Involves: Steps and What to Expect - Healthline
An open letter to Lions fans everywhere: I’m always on your side – The Pioneer
Posted: at 12:58 am
Joe Judd, joe.judd@pioneergroup.com
Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford (9) walks off the field during the second half of an NFL football game against the Green Bay Packers, Sunday, Dec. 13, 2020, in Detroit.
Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford (9) walks off the field during the second half of an NFL football game against the Green Bay Packers, Sunday, Dec. 13, 2020, in Detroit.
Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford (9) walks off the field during the second half of an NFL football game against the Green Bay Packers, Sunday, Dec. 13, 2020, in Detroit.
Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford (9) walks off the field during the second half of an NFL football game against the Green Bay Packers, Sunday, Dec. 13, 2020, in Detroit.
An open letter to Lions fans everywhere: I'm always on your side
Im not a Detroit Lions fan and never have been despite living in Michigan for a majority of my life.
I know it probably sounds like an easy cop out, but Ive just never been drawn to them, even though pretty much anyone close to me is such a die-hard fan of the Honolulu Blue particularly my dad.
For as long as I can remember, Ive always wanted them to be successful, and my soft spot for the team and its fans has swelled to gargantuan proportions.
It would be far too easy for me to openly giggle at their futility on Sundays (and the occasional Monday night) while my dad sits in fury just a few short feet away.
Dont get me wrong, I have a few times before when I was much younger and less mature than I am now.
But now after looking back at the various forms of futility put on display both on the field and in the owners box and having a front-row seat to it all has given me frustration by proxy.
Year after year, season after season, no matter what takes place over the course of 17 or so weeks, the end result is always the same.
As an outsider looking in, its something you come to expect each season and maybe some Lions fans feel the same way, but for the most part, there is genuine hope and excitement with the onset of a new training camp every summer, and it never wavers.
Thats why I have more respect for Lions supporters than I do any other fanbase in the league.
Ill stop you right there before you say Im biased on the matter; I also spent a fair amount of my childhood in Ohio, where I had no choice but to watch the Bengals and Browns fumble their way through the late 90s and early 2000s, so I am no stranger to football misery.
To me, I just feel like there is slightly more humility and self-awareness to Lions fans that puts them in a special place in my heart.
When I see someone out in public wearing some type of Lions gear, I cant help but think of my dad and how happy hell be when they hoist the Vince Lomardi trophy one day, because its going to happen.
All the years of frustration and colorful language directed at the television from Mr. Judd, much to the chagrin of Mrs. Judd, will one day be worth it and Ill get a first-hand view of happiness.
To be a Lions fan is to be an extremely committed, hopefully optimistic individual and I mean no disrespect whatsoever in saying this because I truly mean it as a compliment.
Okay, so maybe there is a little bias here; you caught me.
Can you blame me though?
Joe Judd is a reporter for the Pioneer. He can be reached at Joe.Judd@pioneergroup.com.
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An open letter to Lions fans everywhere: I'm always on your side - The Pioneer
Using art to help kids tap into their creative side – Joplin Globe
Posted: at 12:58 am
PITTSBURG, Kan. Its been said painting helps people of all ages tap into their creative nature, creating art while putting aside their anxiety and fears.
A Crawford County man, Steven Humeida, is putting this art theory to the test not only in his own life but in the lives of children he comes into contact with in his role as a case manager for the Childrens Program at the Crawford County Mental Health Center.
Humeida has created a program involving art as a mental health treatment for children with behavioral health issues. Known as the Friday Art Club, the club is made up of smaller groups of children ranging from kindergarten to high school.
We do it on Friday nights because the kids have been in school all week, experiencing stress especially now during the pandemic, Humeida said. Its nice for them to relax and be themselves. Its very therapeutic and relaxing.
Getting started
The COVID-19 pandemic plays a role in Humeidas foray into art. Last summer, he and his wife, Kim, found themselves watching reruns of Bob Ross Joy of Painting each evening.
When Kim found a really nice art set for only $30 on a buy/sell/trade marketplace, the pair decided to give painting a try.
It was suggested to her to try to get into it, he said. I was sitting there, and thought I might as well do it with her.
The Bob Ross shows soon expanded into Pinterest ideas and YouTube videos. As they discovered new techniques, additional tools were added to their collection.
Humeida likes doing landscapes, starting first with sunset and sunrise images, then experimenting with different trees. He jokes the couple can purchase a 10-pack of canvases and have them filled within hours.
Helping children
Humeida began to consider bringing art to his clients after he discovered how it helped him relax and put away the stress of work, bills and adulthood.
The American Art Therapy Association states art therapy, or the use of art media and the creative process, helps clients explore their feelings, reconcile emotional conflicts, foster self-awareness, manage behavior and addictions, develop social skills, improve reality orientation, reduce anxiety and increase self-esteem.
For Humeida, art gives him a way to talk with students and help them not only build their creative side, but also find ways to work through behavioral issues, attention deficits and anxiety, among other issues.
Its amazing how the kids focus on it and really enjoy it, Humeida said. The last question they ask at the end of Art Club is what will we do next time.
Humeida uses the club as an incentive for good behavior. Students earn a spot in a Friday session based on reports from their parents and teachers.
Sometimes kids just need reminders of what they are looking forward to doing, Humeida said. It helps them follow directions, because they are trying hard to work towards a goal of earning a place in the art club.
Humeida said art has opened doors for students to talk with their parents and other adults, especially when they have a chance to show off a piece of their art on display.
Art allows kids to express themselves and be who they want to be, Humeida said. Its a fun way to work on their skills, plus its just relaxing. Its a fun way to work (on things) besides just sitting and talking to each other.
Art is also important, Humeida said, because its something that can be completed during the pandemic, unlike sports or other things which have been canceled because of social distancing requirements.
Its an extra thing, so kids have somewhere to go of their own, Humeida said. Personally, art has taught me patience. I paint a lot of nature scenes, its taught me to look at nature differently, to see a little more and to pay attention. It also gives me a way to forget everything related to work, bills, etc.
The art club sessions are geared toward all students receiving help from Crawford County Mental Health Services. Projects organized by Humeida began with painting on canvas. It has grown to include new techniques such as wood burning, marbling and pouring. During the Christmas season, Humeida helped students create their own ornaments.
Hes also teamed up with Michael Brennon, the Nature Preserve land coordinator, to incorporate some unusual mediums into the art club projects.
The Nature Preserve is a 40-acre property under development designed to give clients the healing benefits of nature in conjunction with traditional mental health therapies.
Humeida said the Nature Preserve has been instrumental during COVID-19 for patients to continue to receive mental health treatment in a safe, socially distant environment.
Using wood for projects allows students to find a piece of wood for their next project during a visit to the preserve. Most are created using round discs cut from fallen branches or limbs; however some students have used large pieces of bark as their medium.
While Humeida has a small budget to purchase art supplies, some of the funding has come from his pocket. The results make the efforts worthwhile.
I see a lot of positives, Humeida said. Students have positive interactions, manage their anxiety better and are able to focus. You start seeing I cant do this, into something they can do.
This builds more confidence in the students and helps them have a better self esteem. Art is fun, therapeutic and fun for me.
Did you know?
Art supplies may be dropped off at 411 E. Madison St., Pittsburg, Kan. Monetary donations may be made online at http://www.crawfordmentalhealth.org/donate-now. Crawford County Mental Health Center provides services to residents of Crawford County without regard for ability to pay and according to a sliding fee scale.
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Using art to help kids tap into their creative side - Joplin Globe
What 2020 has taught us – The Daily Wildcat – Arizona Daily Wildcat
Posted: at 12:58 am
Published Dec 14, 2020 2:00pm
Updated Dec 14, 2020 2:00pm
Many students reflect on 2020 and how this year has affected them. Students at the University of Arizona enjoy a social distanced picnic beside Old Main on Monday, Sept. 28, 2020.
Published Dec 14, 2020 2:00pm
Updated Dec 14, 2020 2:00pm
Looking back on this year, it is undeniable that people now are living through historical moments that will be recognized generation after generation. University of Arizona students look back now, reflecting on the impact 2020 had on their lives.
A multitude of students have come to realize and understand more about themselves and their mental health during 2020, making it one of the most common points of growth throughout the year.
Jade Salmon is a senior of the honors college at the UA and has noticed immense personal growth since the start of January.
This year has taught me that not only is it okay to have free time, but its necessary. I used to think being busy full-time made me a good student and person but having to stay home and tone down my schedule has been amazing for my mental health, said Salmon in an email. Ive gotten to delve into my hobbies, nap, and just relax without feeling guilty. Im on the best terms Ive ever been with myself, despite 2020 being a very messy year.
This year has brought upon much introspection as mental health and self-awareness have been the most prominent areas of progress students have recounted throughout the year.
Wendy Waltrip, a UA student studying creative writing, discussed her 2020 growth and how she now understands more about herself and her mental health than last year.
2020 taught me that its okay not to be available to everyone 24/7 and that I need to take time for myself. I learned that I was wearing myself out by constantly replying to messages on social media and email and that that isnt healthy for my mental health. I now know to take breaks when I need them and that I can be much more open about my mental health with others, Waltrip said in an email. I started going to therapy this year for my anxiety, and that was one of the best decisions I made all year because I feel like Im much more relaxed and myself now. Basically, I learned to put myself and my mental health first.
Destiny Ruiz is a communication major at UA, who understands the importance of mental health and creating a space for herself where she can prioritize it.
For me its the year for not apologizing and having boundaries with everyone. Including family," Ruiz said in an email.
Ruiz went on to illuminate how the year brought about new beginnings for her and her sexuality.
I also came out a year ago and so 2020 was seriously the first year I was able to be myself and not feel like I had to tiptoe around people," Ruiz said.
Asia Raymor, a UA student studying criminal justice, has had her share of hardships during 2020 and discusses the lessons she has learned over the course of the year.
2020 has taught me that its okay to ask for and receive help. With a year full of struggle, its been very eye-opening to see how we are all so similar when it comes to mental health, finances, etc. and those who have the resources and capacity to give help, they are more than willing to, Raymor said in an email. Ive learned that its not embarrassing to reach out when youre feeling down people appreciate it and it also lifts a weight off of your shoulders when done.
The most important lessons are taught during times of hardship and 2020 has provided the world with a multitude of struggles. Despite the pain it has brought, it is incredible to see how UA students are making what they can of a challenging year, acknowledging their growth as they work to improve the state of the world.
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What 2020 has taught us - The Daily Wildcat - Arizona Daily Wildcat
$15 million in funding to support health and medical research – University News: The University of Western Australia
Posted: at 12:58 am
Eleven University of Western Australia research projects have received a combined $15 million in funding, including a project aimed at enhancing the wellbeing of Aboriginal young people through activities with horses.
The National Health and Medical Research Council Ideas Grants were announced today by Minister for Health, the Hon. Greg Hunt MP.
UWA Professor Juli Coffin (who is also a researcher with Telethon Kids Institute) will lead a $2.5 million project working with horses and using Equine Assisted Learning (EAL) to promote the social, emotional and spiritual wellbeing of Aboriginal young people.
Through EAL, participants will learn important life skills such as building relationships, problem solving, communication, self-awareness, and regulation of emotions.
The program is already under way in Broome following a successful pilot in Geraldton, with the team planning to implement and evaluate it in multiple sites across the Kimberley.
Our intervention delivery approach has been co-developed alongside Aboriginal communities and is underpinned by Aboriginal leadership, cultural governance, and the use of trauma-sensitive and culturally secure research methods, Professor Coffin said.
Findings will build an evidence base that informs policy and practice, by gaining a comprehensive understanding of key intervention elements of social and emotional wellbeing support for Aboriginal youth, how to incorporate Aboriginal worldviews across different stages of interventions, and how to best capture impact using culturally secure methodology.
Full list of grant recipients
Chief investigator: Professor Julianne Coffin (UWA/Telethon Kids Institute) Professor Donna Cross, Professor Helen Milroy, Professor Cheryl Kickett-Tucker, Mr Rob McPhee, Ms Lesley Nelson, Mr John Jacky, Ms Abby-Rose Cox Project: Working with horses to promote the wellbeing of Aboriginal youth: an experiential learning approach for the Kimberley Funding: $2,516,797
Chief investigator: Professor Daniel Fatovich (UWA/Harry Perkins Institute of Medical Research) Doctor Jessamine Soderstrom, Professor Andrew Dawson, Associate Professor Sam Alfred, Associate Professor Shaun Greene, Doctor Katherine Isoardi, Doctor Laura Pulbrook, Doctor David McCutcheon, Doctor Francois Oosthuizen, Professor Nadine Ezard Project: Drugs Network of Australia: a coordinated toxico-surveillance system of illicit drug use in Australia to enable rapid detection and harm reduction responses via an early warning system Funding: $3,722,730
Chief investigator: Professor Ruth Ganss (UWA/Harry Perkins Institute of Medical Research) Doctor Anna Johansson-Percival, Doctor Louise Winteringham, Doctor Jiulia Satiaputra Project: Therapeutic induction of tertiary lymph nodes in cancer Funding: $995 010
Chief investigator: Winthrop Professor Karol Miller (UWA) Professor Toby Richards, Professor Paul Maria Parizel, Professor Adam Wittek, Doctor Nicola Gray, Doctor Luke Whiley, Associate Professor Jens Ritter Project: Biomechanics meets Phenomics: towards understanding and predicting abdominal aortic aneurysm disease progression Funding: $1,324,897
Chief investigator: Dr Gianina Ravenscroft (UWA/Harry Perkins Institute of Medical Research) Associate Professor Robert Bryson-Richardson, Professor Nigel Laing, Professor Sandra Cooper, Doctor Mark Davis, Professor Monique Ryan, Professor Phillipa Lamont, Doctor Macarena Cabrera-Serrano Project: Novel genomic approaches to identify the missing genetics underlying skeletal muscle disease Funding: $1,935,964
Chief investigator: Professor Daniel Green (UWA) Doctor Andrew Haynes, Associate Professor Joanne McVeigh, Doctor Louise Naylor, Professor Graham Hillis, Professor Keith George Project: Identifying the optimal age to apply physical activity interventions to improve heart health Funding: $852,000
Chief investigator: Dr Benjamin Mullin (UWA) Associate Professor Elin Grundberg, Associate Professor Kun Zhu, Doctor Jordana Bell, Associate Professor Brent Richards Project: Analysis of the osteoclast methylome for characterisation of epigenetic mechanisms underlying metabolic bone disease Funding: $299,018
Chief investigator: Dr Lea-Ann Kirkham (UWA/Telethon Kids Institute) Associate Professor Peter Richmond, Doctor Alma Fulurija Project: First-in-human evaluation of a novel immunobiotic to prevent respiratory infection Funding: $1,180,080
Chief investigator: Professor Livia Hool (UWA) Professor Filip Van Petegem, Doctor Evan Ingley, Doctor Helena Viola Project: Integrating biology and medicine to develop 3D-structure guided drug design for treatment of cardiovascular diseaseFunding: $978,832
Chief investigator: Dr Aron Chakera (UWA/Harry Perkins Institute of Medical Research) Associate Professor Timothy Inglis, Dr Kieran Mulroney, Ms Angela Jacques, Professor Suzanne Robinson Project: Culture-independent microbiology: reducing delays in the diagnosis of severe infections and detection of antimicrobial resistance from days to hours Funding: $949,589
Chief investigator: Associate Professor Kathy Fuller (UWA) Professor Wendy Erber, Doctor Henry Hui, Professor Jan Dickinson Project: Precision molecular diagnostics of single cells by imaging flow cytometry Funding: $875,110
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Dean Spade: ‘Mutual Aid Always Pops Up Where Disasters Are’ – Progressive.org
Posted: at 12:58 am
Facing the fallout from a polarizing election, the global spread of a deadly virus, and impending ecological collapse, the contemporary political moment has been defined by crisis after crisis. Even in this formidable context, where wealth inequality, gender-based violence, and racial discrimination have been brought to the foreground, social problems are still often seen as individual shortcomings rather than systemic problems.
I think of charity as a centuries-old practice in which rich people give really small amounts of relief to poor people whom they select as deserving.
Writer, teacher, and trans activist Dean Spades new book, Mutual Aid: Building Solidarity During This Crisis (And the Next), defines mutual aid as survival work done in conjunction with social movements. Mutual aid is described as a way to meet peoples needs from an awareness that the current systems in place have failed to do so. Through mobilizing, expanding solidarity, and collective action (as opposed to saviorism), mutual aid aims to take back control from forced dependency on hostile systems and put it in the hands of community-led operations.
Deftly exploring the grassroots theory of mutual aid and its role in social justice movements, Spade critiques the existing systems and the need to fix people who are in need, as well offering actionable advice for activists in this recent interview for The Progressive.
Q: You write in the books introduction that successful social movements have included mutual aid. What specific challenges are we facing in todays society with the climate crisis and the pandemic, and how can mutual aid offer solutions?
Dean Spade: The crises were facing are arguably the most significant crises that humanity has ever faced. Were facing the climate crisis, a pandemic, a significant economic crisis, housing crises in many parts of the world, the crisis of militarized borders, and racist law enforcement.
So we are living under this huge set of crises, which are, in many ways, deeply tied to the severe concentration of wealth that has happened through the last half century. The only thing that we can fight this with is movements that have hundreds of millions of people. The opposition has all the money, all the guns, control over land, control over enormous militaries and police forces and border protection agencies. Its essential to build movements that have lots of people in them.
In the United States, social change is generally narrated as being about legislation, court cases, and charismatic figures. We talk about when that person gave that speech or when that law was passed. And thats not the bulk of what social movement work is. Mostly, its people who youve never heard of helping each other survive and building the people power capacity to fight the root causes [of injustices].
Mutual aid is vital for that. Its not a coincidence that that has been narrated out of how we talk about social change. That is why I really wanted to write about this tactic, this aspect of social change, and draw it to the surface.
Q: What do you think it is about the COVID-19 pandemic specifically, compared to other disasters, that has proliferated mutual aid groups?
Spade: Mutual aid always pops up where disasters are. If you look at the media coverage of a hurricane or a flood, youll see people discussing mutual aid. But because this disaster rolled out everywhere at once, that proliferation of mutual aid projects was more visible. Many people started doing mutual aid projects at the exact same time. Thats the main reason the idea of mutual aid went mainstream during this period.
Q: You refer to the long history of mutual aid, including Indigenous anticolonial projects and the Black Panther Partys free breakfast program. What was your personal introduction to the idea of mutual aid?
Doing mutual aid work for the long term means that we need to really care for ourselves and each other.
Spade: I was first involved in mutual aid projects related to people living with HIV/AIDS in New York City in the 1990s. The city was failing to house homeless people living with HIV/AIDS and putting them in really dangerous shelters and other dangerous situations. That was mutual aid work. It was going with people to the welfare office, and helping people find a place to stay when they needed it. I continue to do a lot of different work related to different groups of people who are not getting what theyre supposed to get from New York Citys welfare authority.
I dont think I called that work mutual aid when I was doing it in the 90s. At that time, I was also in communities that were doing harm reduction work and a lot of work related to resisting the war on drugs. We all knew that if you care about something, youre going to directly support the people facing it while youre trying to solve the root causes together. But the work of mutual aid is something that Ive been doing probably for around twenty years.
Q: Most people have grown up being taught that donating to charity is the best way to support vulnerable people in society. Can you explain why this charity model is flawed?
Spade: It is important to distinguish mutual aid from charity. I think of charity as a centuries-old practice in which rich people give really small amounts of relief to poor people whom they select as deserving. And so, charity is always moralizing. Most charities also have very racialized and gendered norms built into them. Those kinds of distinctions uphold existing systems that are producing poverty and crises for certain populations.
Charity is problematic in the way it usually involves lots of eligibility criteria that keep most people out. Its designed to not actually solve the problem. Charity is rich people seeing the problem as a few poor people who have something wrong with them. And maybe we should make them take a budgeting class or a parenting class. It suggests that theres nothing wrong with having the wealth concentrated in the hands of very few, and many people living severely under resourced lives.
Mutual aid says lets get everybody everything they need right now, without strings and without eligibility criteria, and charity says lets figure out who are the people who are deserving.
Q: You talk about the idea of having a cause as part of a persons brand and activism as a kind of lifestyle accessory. What do you think about the boom in online activism? Do you see it as helpful or self-serving?
Spade: Its essential for us to understand social media as an entry point for some people. Certainly, as were trying to recruit people into social movement organizations, including mutual aid organizations, social media can be a useful entry point. But social media has a very thin relationship to social movements and what we want to see is thick, participatory relationships to social movements, and to each other. Right now, social media can be very demobilizing. We are encouraged to post images related to certain political positions and then kind of be done. And that is very convenient for the existing systems to have us only self-branding about these ideas.
There is a lot of social pressure for people to just announce their political positions on social media and seek credit in that way. And thats not a very good practice for our movement. Social media is very individuating, and it can lead to shallow branding approaches to transformative ideas. Our job as activists and organizers is to use [social media] strategically to bring more people into active participation.
Q: The term self-care has been a bit of a buzzword over the last few years. Would you say self-care and mutual aid are at odds?
Spade: Doing mutual aid work for the long term means that we need to really care for ourselves and each other. And thats hard, because capitalism gives us a really strong message that products will make us feel better, or buying services will make us feel better. And thats not totally untrue, there are things that we want people to have that will support their wellbeing.
The bottom line is that mutual aid asks us to grow a lot of self-awareness. What does it look like when Im under too much stress? How do I ask for support? When do I need time alone, when do I need time with others? Those kinds of questions are like a deeper self-care inventory.
Q: In your book, you ask a very interesting question: What would winning look like? What would you say to people who are overwhelmed and pessimistic about the challenges we face today?
Spade: When people are involved in a mutual aid project where they are focusing on something specific, like grocery deliveries for elders in their neighborhood, or supporting childcare for low-income people, or whatever it is, that can be really grounding. And we learn through our work about more and more ways that people are experiencing harm, which is an organic way to build our solidarities. Then you move from feeling overwhelmed to doing grounded action you care about.
Q: Where is your work heading now? Do you think the work will shift under a Biden presidency?
Spade: I dont think were going to see a lessening of any crises coming soon, despite the shift from Trump to Biden. Our movements are just as necessary as ever. Ill probably just continue doing the same work Ive been doing for decades in prisons, and with people facing deportation and things like that.
My next book project Ive been working on for maybe six years will go more into how we do this kind of self-awareness and self-development work. A lot of my early writing was about the grand scale of how we misunderstand power. Its hard to find tools that are about this level of the self that arent actually just reifying individualism. Thats where my writing is going next.
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Dean Spade: 'Mutual Aid Always Pops Up Where Disasters Are' - Progressive.org
I Never Thought I’d Say This, but Offset’s Defense of Cardi B Was Absolutely Right – POPSUGAR
Posted: at 12:58 am
Image Source: Getty / Gabriel Olsen
I never thought that I would agree with Offset about his feminist views, but that's 2020 in a nutshell. On Dec. 12, the rapper was approached by TMZ reporters about comments made by Snoop Dogg about Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion's megahit single "WAP." In an interview posted earlier that same day, the older rapper told Central Ave's Julissa Bermudez that he felt the song was too vulgar and recommended the rappers tone it down and use "some imagination."
"Let's have some privacy, some intimacy, where he wants to find out as opposed to you telling him," the 49-year-old rapper says in the video. "That's like your pride and possession and that's your jewel of the Nile, that's what you should hold on to. That should be a possession that no one gets to know about until they know about it."
Rather than having the self-awareness to realize he had no right to tell two grown women how to talk about their bodies, Snoop went on to rationalize that while he may have been into that type of music when he was younger he may have even been on a "WAP" remix! as he's approaching 50, he's now worried about how the theme may influence the younger generation. "I love that they're expressing [themselves] and they're doing their thing, but I don't want it [to become] fashionable to where young girls feel like they can express themselves like that, without knowing that is a jewel they [should] hold on to until the right person comes around," he explained.
Aren't we so lucky that after almost 20 years of rapping, Snoop is finally concerned about what the younger generation is listening to? I'm sure he's worried about people's daughters that's why he recommended that they "just send her to the Dogg so I can woop-de-wop" in the 2017 track "3's Company." He plans to teach them how to respect themselves and keep their jewels safe for the right person!
When TMZ brought the comments up with Cardi's husband, Offset, he noted that although he's a fan of Snoop Dogg, he hates when men "get in a female's business." He pointed out that his wife is grown, and Snoop's comments show the clear double standard women face in the music industry. "As rappers, we talk about the same sh*t," he said. "Men can't speak on women they're too powerful, first off. There's a lot of women empowerment, don't shoot it down. We never had this many female artists running this sh*t and they catching up to us, [even] passing us and setting records."
He went on to note that "WAP" is a record-breaking single, so regardless of the bullsh*t that people want to say about it, they can't take that away from Cardi or Megan.
"We should uplift our women and not say what they can or can't do. You know how long women have been told they can't do something or they shouldn't do this, or they have been blackballed out of entertainment? So, I stay out of female stuff," the Migos rapper said. "It's entertainment. You can go on YouTube to see people shoot videos with guns and talk about killing. We can't really be judgmental on certain things, but certain things we aren't."
I did not have Offset showing off his feminist learnings on my 2020 Bingo board, but I'm here for the nuance! And he's absolutely right; not only is Snoop talking out his ass considering the way he's spoken about women's bodies for the past two decades, but he also has no right to tell any woman how she should express herself or treat her "jewel." Young people are indeed listening to "WAP," but children don't represent who this song is supposed to appeal to. If your kid is listening to the track, you need better parental control on their devices!
And if your kid is older and listening to "WAP," I can assure you that a sex-positive song with two women talking about how they enjoy sex is far from the worst thing they'll ever hear.
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I Never Thought I'd Say This, but Offset's Defense of Cardi B Was Absolutely Right - POPSUGAR
The Thing You Need To Know About Letting Go – Forbes
Posted: at 12:58 am
getty
With all the talk these days on social media about going for it, it can feel like a lot of unnecessary pressure.
Never give up! Never stop! Never quit! Overcome all obstacles! Succeed! Win! And then succeed and win again!
While these messages and memes are meant to be motivational, theyre not specific to the individual; thus, they shouldnt be considered as universal truths for all people in all scenarios. Its of course admirable to persevere in the face of hardship - its the heros journey after all - but the message of persevering can be dumbed down to a point where it becomes an obstacle in itself.
If you have been dealing with a project or person that has presented obstacle after obstacle for you, the answer might not be in persevering, but rather pivoting or, dare I say it, letting it go.
There are a few reasons why we might resist letting go...
Holding On Is A Form Of Control
We may not want to let go of an idea, a business, a person, a project - whatever it might be - because we cant face the fact that we werent able to control a matter in our favor. We werent able to bend it to our will. We reason that if we had a little more time we could get there.
When the prospect of letting go rears its head we have to face the loss of control, which means accepting an unknown future; we are forced to accept that we cant control the external world. The upside, however, to the future being unknown is we have free will. We have the freedom to change course and try a new way.
Letting Go Doesnt Make You A Failure
Winning is so ingrained in our society that if you dont succeed, the only conclusion must be that you have failed. And when you have failed, that makes you a failure. This isnt the natural conclusion, however.
To call yourself a failure is to cement your fate and presume you wont succeed ever again. Having not brought a project to a desired completion simply means you might need to try a different method. It might mean you need to pivot. Disassociate the concept of letting go with being a failure. They are not synonymous. On the contrary, letting go is an act of bravery and maturity.
When Your Identity Is Tied Into What Youre Holding Onto
Lets face it, what we put our heart and soul into is often an extension of our identity, how we see ourselves. If we are faced with the prospect of saying goodbye to something we see as an extension of ourselves then it can feel as though were losing a part of ourselves, i.e., If this project / business/person goes away then who am I without it? This is another facet to letting go, as you have to let go of the notion that something youve created will take a piece of you with it if it goes away.
Rest assured, you will remain you despite anything external going away. Youre the source, the creations you manifest are at your mercy, not the other way around. If its a business that you must let go of, it doesnt mean youre not an entrepreneur, it means this iteration didnt work. If its a project you were working on for work, it doesnt mean youre bad at your job, it means it needs retooling. Rinse and repeat.
The Sunk / Cost Bias
Our natural biological state seeks to maintain the status quo. Our brains like equilibrium; it doesnt like change or rocking the boat. That isnt to say we shouldnt do it, but rather the brain has our best interest at heart and is trying to protect us from danger; it thinks scaring you into keeping things as they are is the healthiest way to go. Its a carry-over from primitive days and it doesnt always serve us.
Thus, we all fall prey to the sunk/cost bias from time to time, which is when we sink more time / money / effort into a losing proposition because weve already spent so much time / money / effort on the project at hand and we cant bear to cut our losses. We keep investing more time / money / effort in the hopes that things will turn around for the better, not realizing it doesnt matter how much more energy we invest, this is a sinking ship.
In these times, we need a dose of self-awareness in order to ask ourselves, Why are we persevering with a losing proposition? Is this the thing thats going to bring us closer to our professional goals? Or is it getting in the way? Its not easy to take a hard look in the mirror, but when youre not getting the return on your investment its imperative that you do.
So Whats To Be Done?
To be clear, letting go doesnt mean quitting. It means accepting what is and allowing yourself to move on despite not achieving the initial desired result. Its a more evolved approach than beating a dead horse simply because the internet - as one example - has reinforced the notion of never quitting, never stopping, never giving up, always going for it, etc etc.
Before you let everything go, however, I dont mean to suggest that when the first sign of difficulty rears its head you say goodbye to the whole endeavor. If you would like to see something come to fruition you do have to persevere in the face of challenges. You have to see it through to a certain point, put in the work, try and try again. If, down the road, youre still not succeeding then its probably time to either let your method go, or possibly the endeavor itself; at least, in its current incarnation.
But remember, youre not a failure. Youre facing the fact that your attempt didnt pan out as hoped, which takes courage.
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The Thing You Need To Know About Letting Go - Forbes
Cast headed by Meryl Streep makes Let Them All Talk a winner – Detroit Free Press
Posted: at 12:58 am
Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic Published 12:17 a.m. ET Dec. 11, 2020 | Updated 12:40 a.m. ET Dec. 11, 2020
Meryl Streep in Let Them All Talk.(Photo: Peter Andrews)
"Let Them All Talk is a loose, chatty movie, basically a slow-moving cruise with some terrific actors sorting things out (and the director aint bad, either).
Steven Soderberghs film retirement still isnt working out for him, happily brings together Meryl Streep, Dianne Wiest and Candice Bergen on a real-life trans-Atlantic voyage of the Queen Mary 2. The script, by Deborah Eisenberg, reportedly served as more of an outline for the cast. However they worked it out, its a good, not great, movie and another chapter in Soderberghs continually evolving process of filmmaking.
Streep plays Alice, a writer famous and respected in literary circles with a Pulitzer Prize-winning book under her belt and a few less-regarded works that she naturally prefers. The film opens with her talking to her new agent, Karen (Gemma Chan), about her new book, which shes customarily secretive about.
Shes receiving a British literary prize, Karen notes. Maybe shed like to accept in person? But Alice doesnt fly. Karen works out the cruise, which Alice will accept if she can invite two old college friends she hasnt seen in years, along with her nephew.
Susan (Wiest) and Barbara (Bergen) are surprised at the invitation. Theyve fallen out of touch. Susan is a social worker. Barbara is an unapologetic gold digger, who jumps at the chance to sail with a potential rich husband. But she also wants to confront Alice about the Pulitzer-winning book, which she believes is based on the secrets of her own marriage she confided to Alice. The book, she contends, ruined her marriage and her life.
Meanwhile Karen is also on board, in secret, trying to figure out what the new book is about. (Everyone hopes its a sequel to the Pulitzer novel.) She and Tyler (Lucas Hedges), Alices nephew, begin flirting; she enlists Tyler to help her suss out the subject matter.
Its really just heightened personal drama played out over a couple hours. But the acting is so comfortably genuine that its a really enjoyable ride. Streep is good you may have heard that a time or two at bringing some empathy to a self-centered writer who no longer connects with the world outside her own interests. (Did she always talk that way, her friends wonder? The consensus is no, she did not.) Streep lets some self-awareness creep in to the character, which helps.
Bergen nails a tricky role. Its the brash way she approaches Barbaras mercenary ways that makes the character work. She has no self-pity (well, maybe a little) and no shame (definitely not). Wiest may be the best of the bunch. Her delivery of surprising lines is delightful. Her delivery of less surprising lines is, too.
But what makes the film hang together are small moments, like those provided by Dan Algrant as Kelvin Kranz, a stratospherically popular mystery writer of the Dean Koontz variety who is also on board the ship. Naturally, Alice looks down her nose at Kranz. Naturally, Susan and Barbara have read piles of his books. Theres a great scene in which Alice browses through the ships bookstore and finds some of her books and a ton of Kranzs.
Theres an even better couple of scenes when we learn more about Kranzs approach to his work and just his unassuming attitude in general. Alice could learn something from him. Maybe she does.
Theres a low-energy mystery about another character on the ship who proves to be both crucial and extraneous at the same time, a neat trick.
But the film is ultimately an excuse to watch and enjoy Streep, Wiest and Bergen. Sometimes roles for outstanding actors who arent in their 20s and 30s anymore wind up being embarrassing misfires. (See the cloying And So It Goes or Book Club for examples or, better yet, dont see them.) Thats not the case here.
Let Them All Talk is a low-key success.
Three stars
out of four stars
Rated R; language
1 hour, 53 minutes
Now streaming on HBO Max
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Cast headed by Meryl Streep makes Let Them All Talk a winner - Detroit Free Press
If You’re Too Busy for These 3 Things, Your Leadership Skills May Need a Tune-Up – Inc.
Posted: at 12:58 am
Hundredsof books, articles, and podcasts are published each year offeringthe answer to the question: How do I lead well?
To really grasp theprinciples of effective leadership that will lead to results, one primary lesson that many of those books and podcasts won't teach comes down to one short sentence:
Leadership is aheartmatter. Ifthe heart is not right, your leadership isn't going to be right.
The heart of a leader has to be focused on serving others first. This will reveal the leader's true intent. It is not a heartmotivated by self-interest, status, position, or power. It's a heart that is driven by service and the overarching life philosophy of "How many lives can I impact for the better?"
To that end, there are things to being a good leader that just cannot be ignored. If youare too busy to put these practices into daily motion, it may be time for a leadership tune-up. Here's what I would recommend to get you running on all cylinders.
Many autocratic managers viewfeedback as a threat to their power, self-worth, and position, which explains why they are opposed to it and often reactfearfully and defensively to feedback. Great leaders, on the other hand, viewfeedback as a gift to improvetheir leadership so they can serve others and their mission better. Theyvalue truth and honesty and diverse perspectives for betteringthemselvesandtheir businesses. Even when feedback is negative, it prompts an exercise in curious exploration to find out where things went wrongso that it doesn't happen again. This is setting your heart right.
So many high-level managers get caught up in situational dramas in whichthey're typically the main character. Sincetoxic fear or insecurity and false pride operate in tandem to protect their self-interest, ithijacks their thinking and potential for healthy relationships. Great leaders don't react to people or situations, theyrespondto themby being quick to listen and understand. They apply self-awareness and curiosity to get varied perspectives and won't get riled up or let their emotions sabotage their thought process. They takea step back, assesswhat happened, and get clarity before their next move. Whatever that next move is, their integrity steps in to end a conflict, help others, and make things better.
When fear,uncertainty, and lack of direction permeates the workplace, you begin to see fewer risks being taken and fewer problems being solved.Team members need to feel psychologically safe tobe at their best. To create a safeenvironment for your employees, managers need to do what great leaders do consistently well: pump the fear out of thework environment. First, honor your team'svoice by allowing them the space to present ideas and express objections. Second, invest in theirsuccess and regularly communicate that their development is a top priority. Finally, sethigh expectations forteam members by giving feedback that ensures they know how valued and valuable they are.
The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
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If You're Too Busy for These 3 Things, Your Leadership Skills May Need a Tune-Up - Inc.