"Can you bring the washing in? It's starting to rain," you ask with your head in the oven as you check on the lasagne.

"Yeah, in a minute," he says from the couch, staring at his phone.

"Don't worry, I'll do it then," you say with a small huff. It's just easier to do it yourself.

What's this story about?

Even if you haven't really heard about the "gender gap" or "mental load", if you're a woman in a heterosexual relationship then you probably know what they are.

To explore these issues and how you might resolve them, we've put together a "choose your own adventure" that puts you in the story and lets you play out a common scenario and see how, or if, it changes depending on what you choose.

You can follow it just as a bit of a story, or you can take some tips and try it out in real life. It's really up to you.

You come back in with the washing basket of slightly damp clothes. He's still on the couch scrolling on his phone.

You start to hang the clothes out on the clothes horse, then stop to go get the lasagne out before it burns.

As you walk back to the oven, you notice the house plants look limp and make a mental note to water them, adding the task to the rest of what you've got to do tonight; book the dog in to see the vet, do the washing up, iron your clothes for tomorrow, research new car insurance options and is that report due tomorrow or Thursday? You'd better check.

While you're planning out your to-do list, you notice the power bill stuck on the fridge was due two days ago.

"Hey, did you pay the power bill?" you ask.

"Oh, damn. Sorry I forgot. I'll do it tomorrow can you remind me?" he says.

"I'll just pay it now," you snap, getting the bank app up on your phone.

"What's with the attitude? I said I'll do it, just leave it. You need to relax," he says.

Relax? How can you relax when you have to keep track of everything all the time? You start to see red and know you're about to blow up.

The ABC's Australia Talks National Survey reveals that when it comes to little jobs around the house, plenty of women are over it. In fact, 44 per cent of women surveyed say they would be happier if they spent less time running errands and doing chores, compared to 32 per cent of men.

We asked 54,000 people about their lives. See what they told us and how you compare.

We often hear about the gender gap in the context of the workforce (we all know men get paid more than women, right?), but data shows it's just as prevalent in the home.

Despite women working in paid employment more than they have in the past, they're still doing more of the household chores, life admin and running around after kids (if you've got them).

The 2019 HILDA Survey breaks the "female-male housework gap" down clearly.

If you are a woman in a childless couple earning the same money, you are likely doing four hours more housework per week than your male partner.

An equal-earning couples with kids? Women are doing seven hours more housework per week, plus an extra seven hours of childcare.

Even if you are the breadwinner in a family with kids, you are probably doing five hours more housework and eight hours more childcare than your partner.

And research shows men enjoy more leisure time than women, which perhaps explains what they're doing instead.

On top of that, women are often the ones to remember when the bills are due, the kid or the dog needs its vaccinations, and to remind their partner of the things they need to do.

That stuff is sometimes called the the mental load; the organising, list-making and planning that you do to manage your life and the life of those dependent on you.

And here's the thing, being the boss of your own household might sound like a powerful role, but it doesn't exactly help you build a rsum and get a promotion, and it means you have less time to look after yourself.

It can also impact how your partner feels about themselves. You probably don't mean to, but telling someone what to do, or taking control all the time, can send the message that they're not good enough.

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While almost half of the Australians surveyed in the ABC's Australia Talks National Survey consider themselves to be feminists, one in five think our society would be better off if more women stayed home with their children.

And one in three Aussies think changing expectations around gender roles have made life more difficult for men, including 44 per cent of men themselves.

So how do we improve things?

It sounds cliche, but talking about it can be important especially with your partner.

Inequity in roles can cause both stress and resentment, which can erode a sense of wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

Starting a conversation about the mental load can help even things up between a couple, and can bring you closer together.

If you're both keeping track of household chores and sharing the work, you'll both have more time to devote to each other and less time feeling resentful or downtrodden.

There is also research that domestic fairness is positively correlated to a better sex life! Who doesn't want that?

For bigger picture stuff, breaking out of traditional gender roles helps everybody, not just women.

And the more we break down those gender roles and have real conversations that lead to action, the more society can begin to reflect equality and respect for everyone, regardless of gender.

We spoke with a wide range of psychologists, social workers and therapists who all work in the field of relationships while putting this guide together.

Special thanks goes to Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw, relationship counsellor Paul Gale-Baker, couple and family therapist Jacqueline McDiarmid, psychologist Annie Cantwell-Bart and Lee Town, director of Anger Management Institute Australia.

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What do you do when you're sick of carrying the mental load for your household? - ABC News