Dear Mothers (yes, all of you)

Oh please, oh please, give yourselves and each other a break.

Consider this an early Mothers Day present. I have no stake here except to be an objective outsider who sees much. Im not a parent and never wanted to be, so I speak out of concern for the many mothers I love and even the ones I dont know personally but whose angst is palpable.

Its all about this: Finding a way to peace about your decisions regarding your life as a parent.

Because clearly if one comment by Hilary Rosen a comment clearly made in the context of a conversation on CNNs Anderson 360 about PAID work can set off a firestorm of wrath where youre fighting each other about your decisions (again), there is a reason to go within and examine them. When we feel defensive about anything, it is a sign to stop and look at the situation. I tell this to my life coaching clients all the time and we work on where their sensitivity might be originating. Get in there and understand why a quip angers you or hurts your feelings.

I practice what I preach here, albeit in a different context. In a dialogue with a friend recently, I shared that I enjoy life as an independent contractor most of the time but every so often I find myself wondering if I made the right choice. The hours can be erratic, as is the money flow. But there is great freedom, too, and it works with my body rhythms. Overwhelmingly, my thoughts bring me back to yes, this is indeed the way of life that is best for me. However, if and when that changes, I will address it and alter my course.

So must mothers. A life path you chose two years ago might not necessarily be working now. Re-evaluate it thoughtfully. This applies to everyone, really, but I am especially thinking about mothers because of what Ive been hearing and reading in the wake of the political dustup created to put women in a twist last week. It worked like a charm.

Almost every day I delight in how mothers are their own best support system for each other, but also feel dismayed that they are the most vicious in cutting each others choices down. Why must your next door neighbor Sally approve of your decision to work part-time while raising your children? Why does that matter to you? And, if youre in the judgmental Sally category, what is it about your choice that bothers you so much youre projecting your uncertainty on to others in a way designed to hurt?

We as women so easily get into please validate me mode, dont we? Goodness, its exhausting.

For me, this last week of criticizing each others choices isnt about race or class or geography or who has a car elevator. Its not about political persuasion. Its about making a decision for yourself and your child and then knowing that at times youll feel great about it and at other times youll feel shaky and question yourself. Find peace in that reality.

Continued here:
Life Coaching Mothers of All Stripes