In our culture, we tend to fixate on the idea of adding to our lives. We desire more money, more education, more love. While all of this comes from a place of positive intention, we are missing an essential step of the process subtraction.

Imagine a mug that is full of piping hot coffee. If I look at that mug and think, I really want more coffee, it would be silly to top it off without first making room for more. The same concept applies to our lives. If the Google calendar is already full, adding more to it (even with the worthiest of pursuits) is likely to lead to burnout, overwhelm/shutdown, and ultimately a sense of failure.

Many of us havent practiced the art of releasing as much as weve practiced accumulating. Thus, when we reach a certain point in our lives, we find ourselves weighed down by responsibilities, our energy shooting out in all directions like an old-school sprinkler in the yard.

The first assignment my clients usually get is to declutter one thing. It could be physical like a junk drawer, emotional like a draining relationship, or digital like their email inbox. A small act of clearing out and making space sets the tone and the intention to draw in something new. It also brings a feeling of relief to let go of something thats ready to be released.

Curious about how to practice subtraction? Here are three ideas to try.

We often think about what we want to do, to get, or to create. Instead, try asking yourself, what do I want to release or let go of? It may invite a new perspective on how to evolve or improve our lives. When I think about desires, my default thoughts are about gaining the next level of financial freedom, having more travel experiences and time outdoors, and investing more into my close relationships. When I shift into what I want to release or let go of, I notice wanting to let go of thought patterns that tend to keep my anxiety present. I want to let go of screens as one of my primary ways of decompressing. I want to release myself from following the urge to push through when things are hard and busy, if its possible to rest and return to the task at hand instead. And truth be told, the latter is likely going to be a lot of the how of achieving the former.

In a related vein, consider what you might need to let go of or clear out in order to have space and resources for your desired direction. If someone wants to be healthier and have more energy, they may need to subtract working as much overtime, screen time before bed, or being overcommitted socially in order to have the time they need to get solid sleep and engage in more energizing activities.

Finally, try subtracting by addition. What I mean by this is to add a step into planning the upcoming week or month: schedule your white space first. White space is when there is nothing scheduled; its blocked to be your recharge time. Some folks use it to rest or read, others like to craft or exercise, while some like to leave it up to whatever calls to them in the moment. The point is that you are creating you time in your schedule first, then scheduling everything else after that. Despite the thought many of us have that theres not enough time, when you schedule your white space first, the most important things will still get done.

So, yes, keep asking yourself what you want more of. And, with perhaps equal reverence and attention, consider what you want to subtract.

Having trouble letting go of something in your life? Feeling a nudge that youre ready to release a relationship, a job, a life chapter, or something else? Id love to hear from you. Submit below.

Tiffany Skidmore is a mental health and life coach who specializes in anxiety. Email your questions and feedback to tiffany@tiffanyskidmore.com or submit them anonymously at tinyurl.com/thelifecoach. Visit tiffskidmore.com to learn more about Tiffany and her work.

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The Life Coach: Tiffany Skidmore: The life-changing magic of subtraction - Longmont Times-Call