Instead of comparing your happiness with other peoples projection of happiness, its important to know what fulfills you what fills up your cup. It sounds obvious but it really isnt, and id be the first one to admit that I have lived my life in comparison to a model of success that I was conditioned to feel. This doesnt even take personal responsibility away from me, I chose to accept those conditions, I believed them.

And heres the disclaimer for life: were here to experience those conditions, were here to experience life as life, and its impossible to avoid these experiences.

A lot of personal growth mentality focuses on this idea that you can transcend the boundaries and suddenly become a person that never experiences hardship again, when in fact, the transcendence occurs when you learn to accept the hardship and value it. Its how you deal with hardship that frees you to be fulfilled; the very root of the word passion comes from the Latin word for pain. Passion is something that we are willing to suffer for because we know itll lead us to fulfillment, and its necessary to suffer in pain to get to where you want to go, because without suffering we wouldnt know what it was to be joyous, and we wouldnt gain the lessons that we need to ensure that it doesnt happen again; we wouldnt have the chance to set our personal boundaries.

Of course, children who accept conditioning in their environment dont actively choose it, they do so because their survival depends on it, the same can be said of any adult that is not being given their personal freedom under an oppressive power structure. They have to align with their primary caregivers because if they dont then they risk being ostracised, and ostracisation from the primary caregiver is likely to lead to severe hardship, or quite likely, death.

As we grow and evolve though, our choices become less about survival and more about acceptance and adherence to our own codes of beliefs, passions, and conditions: what we want from life.

By now we have worked out, as a race, that there is no set way to do things. At least some have. This Earth is full of diverse and wonderful cultures and none of them are more important or the right way to do things; they just are, and variety is the spice of life, and thats all wonderful. In fact, I believe that all cultures on this Earth contribute to the whole understanding of what it is to be human. The Universe expresses itself in vast and complex different ways and all forms of life are the limitlessness of the Universe (or God) expressed in form. Its our prerogative if we want to transcend the form and see the beauty thats inherent in all things. Because theres always beauty.

Right?!

Quite simply then, it doesnt matter what you do, it only matters how you do it, and whether its suited to the beliefs and passion that fulfill your life; what lights you up.

Its all well and good to say that, but how do we go about finding that in the muddle of modern life?

* * *

I believe one of the worst things to get lost from Western culture is the ceremony around becoming an adult.

We have kept a semblance of this in terms of moving out of home at around eighteen, however this puts a weird kind of materialistic slant on becoming an adult; you can only become an adult if you have the material means to do so. Its the mastery of personal destiny that separates a juvenile being from an adult being. Its making decisions in and around hardship not because they make you immediately happy but because they are necessary for the thread of fulfillment of your life, and therefore provide you longevity around happiness. We all know the happiness you get from drinking four glasses of wine to relax, and its a great happiness to be drunk with loved ones, yet come the next morning it might be a little less glamorous.

Are you providing fulfillment to yourself, or are you self medicating?

Having said that, Ive had wonderful drunken nights with such stimulating conversation and experience that I woke up the next morning feeling, hungover yes, but grateful and expanded. The difference being that getting drunk and having those experiences aligned with the thread of my life.

So what keeps us in juvenile spaces?

The subconscious beliefs around safety and security that we formed, quite rightly, during childhood that have gone un-investigated in adulthood. These beliefs underlie many of our thoughts, words, and actions and we dont even know that theyre there. Then we end up thinking in despair:

Why is it that this keeps happening to me?

The Work is merely four questions; its not even a thing. It has no motive, or strings. Its nothing without your answers. These four questions will join any program youve got and enhanced it. Any religion you have theyll enhance it. If you have no religion, they will bring you joy. And theyll burn up anything that isnt true for you. Theyll burn through to the reality that has always been waiting. ~ Loving What Is ~ Byron Kelly ~

For me, Byron Kelly is saying that we all have a truth that underlies the things that we have learnt make us secure in this world, things that are valid and sometimes need to be kept, but shes saying, at the very least, investigate these things and work out whether they are true for you. If they are, wonderful!

Whenever I make a tough decision I almost always sit with the question until I feel what is right to do, and I believe that everyone does this because you simply cannot act in ways that you dont agree with on some level. Even in times of extreme hardship, we are being tested to continue along with the life that suits us best.

This is why its so important to understand your inner workings; what makes you tick; what lights you up; what are your passions.

People of a more spiritual persuasion might say: whats your soul contract? or Whats your true path?

I resonate with those things but I dont find it essential for you to, because thats my path, not yours. I know what my thread is, and Id love you to know the same.

* * *

So that is a little bit of an out-standing view of the world, however what about the in-standing view?

How do we gain this kind of clarity and vision of beauty about our own selves?

Lets accept that we cannot delve fully into the humongous arena of thought that goes along with self-growth, and personal progression, but an introductory conversation might start with these things:

The scale of vibrational energy relates to The Abraham-Hicks Emotional Guidance Scale. The underlying principle of this is considered in many different cultures of knowledge, one of them being quantum physics which describes that all things in this Universe can be described as one of two things:

Space,

or,

Matter.

When broken down to its fundamental pieces matter was found to be the same side of the coin as energy. Einsteins famous equation proved it:

Energy and matter are two sides of the equation which means they are equal.

So if everything is either energy or space, then what are the understandings we have around them?

This scale explains that emotions sometimes described as energy in motion, vibrate at different frequencies, and this can be observed in the body:

Sit with yourself and take a couple of deep breaths.

Now think about something that makes you stressed.

Observe anything that changes in your body, dont judge them, just see that they are.

Now think of someone or something that you absolutely adore.

Observe anything that changes in your body, and equally important is that you dont judge them, just see that they are.

When I think about being stressed my chest constricts, and I start feeling weighty and constricted. These words already exist in our language: Its so common to describe a challenging situation as weighing me down or I feel like its dragging me down or I feel like im drowning as if the scenario is creating weight that is pushing you beneath the surface of an imaginary water line.

I find this fascinating.

When I think of someone or something that I love I soar, Im free, expanded, and I feel that I can achieve more.

Theres an idea that made its way into popular phrase that says that: When she stepped into a room, the room lit up.

This is common around celebrity figures but not necessarily confined to them, I believe we all have that person in our lives that lights us up, that we look forward to seeing because we know theyll just get us. The conversation flows, and I believe a big explanation for this is that the emotions flow at similar frequencies.

This is an expansive subject and ill be talking about energy a lot, but lets leave that there as an introductory look at energy.

Space is so important.

The 5 elements of the Earth are:

Earth

Fire

Water

Air

Void (space) some call it sky.

Theres a zen idea of the void element of the Universe:

What we call the spirit of the void is where there is nothing. It is not included in mans knowledge. Of course, the void is nothingness. By knowing that things exist, you can know that which does not exist. That is the void. People in this world look at things mistakenly, and think that what they do not understand must be the void. This is not the true void. It is bewilderment. ~ The Book Of The Five Rings ~ Miyamoto Musashi.

Space is the ability to be aware of something; its the void of luminescent darkness. Its really difficult to actually communicate in words. If youve achieved a good level of meditative skills you might resonate with this concept as the peaceful nothingness of just being in meditation; without thought or circumstance; the life force.

It allows the observer to observe the observer (themselves); it allows you to understand what it is that youre going through as youre going through it.

You might say that that sounds just like the thinking mind, but space isnt the thinking mind because it allows an observation of the thinking mind too.

The ego is always on guard against any kind of perceived diminishment. Automatic ego-repair mechanisms come into effect to restore the mental form of me. It is much more interested in self-preservation than in the truth. ~ A New Earth Create a Better Life ~ Eckhart Tolle ~

Space is the observation of truth. Space just is.

* * *

So how do these aspects help us to find the thread of our existence?

Finding the thread of our existence is sometimes challenging, sometimes easy. The essential fact is that the information is already inside you, and evident in all of your previous actions. Theres nothing an article could tell you about your thread because your thread is unique to you.

If you can get to the place where you understand your out-standing experiences; your environment, and your in-standing experiences; your feelings, then you will reach a level of harmony and balance where the purpose of your life, or at the very least your passions and what lights you up, will be so clear, or it will start to become clear.

Thats a really important point, never give up on the sense that your life is working for you, that this universe is a kind and cooperative universe, because it is, if you want to see it that way. If things arent clear, know that they will become clear.

Finally:

Firstly, understand the adventure Secondly, begin living the adventure.

Once youve learned about your car and the road, it still remains up to you to get into the drivers seat, turn the key, put it in gear, and go! ~Infinite Possibilites The Art Of Living Your Dreams ~ Mike Dooley

Previously published on The Ascent, a Medium publication.

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