There are very few shows in the history of television that end with an old man dancing by himself on a cliff. There are even fewer that could have ever made such an idea work. Yet thats exactly how The Affair concluded its five season run this past Sunday (November 3), with a Fiona Apple cover of The Waterboys The Whole of the Moon. And it was as beautifully glorious as it was bizarre. Spoilers ahead for The Affairs finale.

All throughout The Affair Season 5 the Showtime drama has been jumping between present day and another timeline set several decades in the future. Initially that time jump was justified as Joanie (Anna Paquin) tried to piece together what really happened to her late mother. But as Season 5s finale reveals, that initial murder mystery premise was never what this show was angling for at all. The ending of The Affair was ultimately about the same thing as its beginning: coming to terms with mistakes, whether they be mistakes made in your parents lifetime or yours. Naturally The Affair decided to illustrate this final lesson with one of the most mistake-prone and unrelenting characters ever created, Noah Solloway (Dominic West).

The Affairs final episode was written and directed by series co-creator Sarah Treem. For years now weve seen Noah commit sin after sin, from cheating on his wife and ruining a happy marriage to becoming the center of a #MeToo scandal. Noah has always been a mess, and at least until this final season, he was a mess who was rarely held accountable for him many, many mistakes. That changed once his daughter Whitney (Julia Goldani Telles), disgusted by all of the pain her father has inflicted on so many people, uninvited him from her wedding.

This is far from the first time Noah has been called out for being an asshole. But before the finality of missing his daughters wedding, Noahs comeuppance always seemed to come with a side of pleasure. He ruined his marriage only to have a relatively healthy relationship with Alison (Ruth Wilson). He was falsely imprisoned only for that jail time to lead him to his next great novel and countless job offers. Were deeply aware of how Noah typically responds in situations where he is called out, through bouts of anger, blame, and an uncomfortable habit of lashing out. But faced with his own daughters scorn, Noah doesnt do that. For once he accepts that he is the one in the wrong. He has hurt Whitney, his children, and his ex-wife Helen (Maura Tierney), and he has to pay for that pain.

So when Helen asks Noah to leave the wedding venue after hes finished choreographing a flash mob for Whitneys reception, for once he doesnt fight. He doesnt lash out at Helen or argue with Whitney, pointing to the fact that he almost single-handedly planned her wedding. He meekly leaves the venue and stays away. For the first time Noah demonstrates something akin to humility.

Thats what makes his final dance in Montauk so remarkable. Yes, on the surface it is Dominic West in questionable prosthetic makeup dancing alone in silence. But in the context of this show this dance is the remembrance of a single time Noah put the needs of his family before his own. In that moment hes just an old man with fond, happy memories about his family.

If Apples Container was an internal scream about self-improvement and unseen pain, then The Whole of the Moon is its opposite. Its a celebration of life, understanding, and finally being able to see the big picture. Its right there in the songs lyrics: I saw the crescent / You saw the whole of the moon. This final moment with Noah is one of joy and self-acceptance.

The Affair started with a group of broken people who thought their only hope at self-betterment was to break each other further. Throughout five seasons and countless hookups they did a damn good job of doing just that to the misery of everyone involved. But The Affair ended with at least one of its tumultuous characters realizing that real love and happiness comes from vulnerability. As silly as Noahs dance was, thats a thing of beauty.

Watch The Affair on Showtime

Excerpt from:
Fiona Apple's Cover of "The Whole of the Moon" Was the Perfect Ending to 'The Affair' - Decider

Byram

Looking to curl up with a good book by the fireplace as the weather gets colder? Then the annual Byram Shubert Library book sale couldnt be happening at a better time.

The sale, put together by the Friends of Byram Shubert Library, will take place from Nov. 7 through Nov. 10 at St. Paul Lutheran Church at 55 William St. W. near the library. According to organizers, more than 30,000 items will be offered for sale at bargain prices.

In addition to books, there will also be DVDs, CDs and other media up for sale. Proceeds benefit the Friends group and its work to provide programming at the library, including the upcoming tree lighting in Byram. That event also serves as an open house for the library, with a potluck supper, carol singing, photos with Santa and more. The Friends also sponsor classic film screenings, monthly chess lessons, tai chi and yoga classes, and family craft workshops.

The sale offers a wonderful opportunity to begin holiday shopping or to choose reading mater for the long winter nights ahead, the Friends said in a statement.

It kicks off with a preview event from 5 to 8 p.m. Nov. 7, when, for a $20 fee, patrons get the first chance to purchase items.

Entry is then free as the sale continues from 5 to 8 Nov. 8; 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Nov. 9; and noon to 4 p.m. Nov. 10. On the last day, fill a bag with books for only $8, or two bags for $15.

Organizers say there will be more childrens books than ever, with an entire room dedicated to them. Additionally, there will also be fiction bestsellers, as well as nonfiction items in categories ranging from art and cooking to self-improvement, sports and travel.

Prices are so low that just about anyone can buy a really nice gift for a friend, Friends member Judy Crystal said.

The book sales take place twice a year, in November and May. For more information, call the Byram Shubert Library at 203-351-0426.

Greenwich

November is grapefruit season in Greenwich as members of the Lions Club begin their annual sale of citrus fruit.

For the next month, be on the lookout for Lions Club volunteers decked out in their distinctive yellow vests. They are selling grapefruits for $24 a case at locations all over town, including downtown, Old Greenwich, Greenwich Point, Perrot Memorial Library, the Cos Cob Fire House and the resource recovery center at Holly Hill.

This past week, Lions Club members unloaded 850 cases of Texas ruby red grapefruit and oranges. The sales are scheduled to take place through Dec. 1.

This fundraiser is a Greenwich Lions tradition that dates back more than 50 years. Proceeds support the Lions Low Vision Center at 500 W. Putnam Ave., which is set to reopen Nov. 7, as well as the clubs eye screenings at local schools that can help diagnose vision problems that might go unaddressed. Staff at the Low Vision Center assess the needs of patients and provide visual aids that can help the visually impaired in their daily lives.

Additionally, the proceeds help support camp scholarships to Greenwich kids, the Connecticut Lions Eye Research Foundation and grants that go out to local human services providers.

According to the Greenwich Lions, Texas ruby reds are the best grapefruits around. The cost to ship a case can be as high as $45, but the Lions offer the fruit at a far reduced price in Greenwich because they make their purchase at a bulk discount.

Glenville

Its not too soon to start planning for Christmas and one thing to remember is to pick up tickets for the annual performance of A Christmas Carol at the Bendheim Western Greenwich Civic Center.

The production presented by the town Department of Parks and Recreation will take place from 4 to 5 p.m. Dec. 9. It is best suited for kids in kindergarten through sixth grade.

Tickets are limited and they go quickly. The cost is $7 per person. They are available online now at http://www.greenwichct.org/webtrac or at the civic center starting Nov. 19.

The play will be presented by the Hampstead Stage Company, which has been coming to town for years to perform. The play is an adaptation of Charles Dickens classic story about miserly Ebenezer Scrooge and how his life is changed on Christmas Eve thanks to three ghosts who show him the true meaning of the season.

The Hampstead Stage Company is one of the largest national educational touring companies in the world, performing more than 2,000 shows a year for more than 20 million audience members.

For more information, visit http://www.greenwichct.gov or call the civic center at 203-532-1259.

Greenwich

When Greenwich residents head to the polls Tuesday, they will make their voices heard in the municipal elections. And they will also get an early opportunity to buy Girl Scout cookies, which are not usually available until March.

Girl Scout cookies will be sold at the following polling places: from 6 to 10 a.m. and 4 to 8 p.m. at Central Middle School; from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and 4 to 6 p.m. at North Mianus School; from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Old Greenwich School; from 5 to 8 p.m. at Glenville School; and from noon to 3 p.m. and 5 to 8 p.m. at North Street School.

The Girl Scouts will also be setting up outside the Stop & Shop on West Putnam Avenue from 1 to 3 p.m.

We love getting our Girl Scouts out and about on Election Day to learn about our nations political process and practice the five skills of the Girl Scout Cookie Program: goal setting, decision making, people skills, money management, and business ethics, said Frances Wu Nobay, co-service unit manager of the Greenwich Girl Scouts.

The Girl Scouts will also accept donations for Cookies for Heroes, which sends cookies to active duty service members and veterans stateside and overseas.

Cookie sales support community service projects and educational programs for the Girl Scouts.

kborsuk@greenwichtime.com

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What's going on in your part of Greenwich - CT Insider

Published 3:00pm EST, Monday, November 4, 2019

Check out local talks and lectures in the area.

Check out local talks and lectures in the area.

Photo: Metro Creative Connection/ Contributed Photo

Check out local talks and lectures in the area.

Check out local talks and lectures in the area.

Cooking, book talks and more lectures this week in Fairfield County

Art & Architecture

Lecture: Demeter and Persephone: The Message and Meaning of a Myth From Ancient Greece to Modern America, Nov. 7, 14 and 21, 10:30 a.m.-noon, Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Registration required. Info: wiltonlibrary.org, 203-762-6336.

Bruce Experiences: The Art of Scientific Observation, Nov. 13, 6:30-8 p.m., The Bruce Museum, 1 Museum Dr., Greenwich. Hara Woltz is an artist and scientist who addresses the destruction and conservation of ecological systems through a variety of visual media. Free; members only event. Info: brucemuseum.org, 203-869-0376.

ARTalk: Brant Foundation Education Director Sabrina Marsalisi, Nov. 17, 2 p.m., Ridgefield Library, 472 Main St., Ridgefield. Free. Info/Registration: ridgefieldlibrary.org, 203-438-2282.

Senior Art Workshop: Chinese Brushwork Painting, Nov. 18, 1:30-3:30 p.m., The Bruce Museum, 1 Museum Dr., Greenwich. Cost: $25-$30. Info: brucemuseum.org, 203-869-0376.

Art Adventures: Watercolor Landscapes, Nov. 23 & 24, 1-3 p.m., The Bruce Museum, 1 Museum Dr., Greenwich. Art Adventures: Watercolor Landscapes. Exhibition-related activities for children ages 4 and up with caregiver. Free. Info: brucemuseum.org, 203-869-0376.

The Healing Power of Mandalas with Inez Andrucyk, Jan. 10, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Silvermine School of Art, 1037 Silvermine Rd., New Canaan. Ages 17 and up. Cost: $165. Info/Registration: 203-966-6668.

HeART & Minds closing reception and Artist Talk, Jan. 12, 3-5 p.m., Silvermine Galleries, 1037 Silvermine Rd., New Canaan. Free. Info: silvermineart.org/exhibition/heart-mind/.

Crafts

Brookfield Craft Center, 286 Whisconier Rd.; brookfieldcraft.org: classes, open studios in clay, fiber, glass, jewelry, metal. Gallery Shop open Sat., 11-6, and Sun., 11-5. To learn more, visit brookfieldcraft.org or call 203-775-4526. Gallery hours: Tues.-Fri., 12-5; Sat., 11-5, Sun., 12-4.

The Nutmeg Woodturners League, local chapter of the American Association of Woodturners, promotes woodturning as craft and art form. Meeting at Brookfield Craft Center on second Monday of every other month (January, March, May, September, November). All welcome.

Film

TV Forensics: Fact and Fiction, Nov. 13, 6:30 p.m., Fairfield Public Library, 1080 Old Post Rd., Fairfield. Free. Info: fairfieldpubliclibrary.org, 203-256-3160.

Norwalk Public Library offers Kanopy, a cinema streaming service, which has 30,000 award-winning films, including The Criterion Collection, The Great Courses, PBS and thousands of feature and festival films. Kanopy can stream on your phone (Apple or Android), tablet, computer or Roku device. You can stream up to 6 films per month. For step-by-step instructions, visit Kanopy page on NPLs website, norwalklib.kanopy.com/welcome/frontpage, or stop by library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Info: Cynde Bloom Lahey, director of library information services, 203-899-2780, x15133, or clahey@norwalkpubliclibrary.org.

Gardening

Gardening Lecture: Honeybees and Pollination, Nov. 13, 6-7:30 p.m., Norwalk Public Library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Discussion of C. Marina Marcheses book, Honeybee: Lessons from an Accidental Beekeeper. Free. Info/Registration: 203-899-2780, ext. 15110, snacker@norwalkpl.org.

Greater Bridgeport Mens Garden Club monthly meetings, Sterling House, 2283 Main St., Stratford. Members normally meet third Wednesday of each month to discuss various gardening issues, share in plant swaps, DVDs or speaker presentations. Beginner gardeners and anyone with interest in gardening, plants and landscaping welcome. Info: Joe, 203-339-2701 or Art, 203-261-9771.

Seed Library at Norwalk Public Library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Now, everyone from avid gardeners to newbies can check out free vegetable, flower and herb seeds along with getting support for growing and saving seeds. Brochures available on how self-service procedure works. Info: Laurie Iffland, reference librarian, 203-899-2780, x15114 or iffland@norwalkpubliclibrary.org

Health

St. Vincent's Breast Health Center in Bridgeport offers free and low-cost digital mammography screenings through its mobile mammography coach for women age 40 and older. No prescription needed but appointments are required. Walk-ins welcome. For those who have insurance, bring card and photo ID at time of visit. Appointments: 203-576-5500.

History & Antiques

Lecture on Mark Twain by Dr. Alan Gribben, Nov. 10, 3-4:30 p.m., Mark Twain Library, 439 Redding Rd., West Redding. Info: marktwainlibrary.org.

History Presentation: Queen Victorias Forgotten Granddaughter: Elisabeth, Grand Duchess of Russia, Nov. 15, noon, Norwalk Public Library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Free. Info/Registration: 203-899-2780, ext. 15133, clahey@norwalkpl.org.

Lecture: Tales from the Crypt with Dr. Nicholas Bellantoni, emeritus CT state archaeologist, Nov. 16, 4-5:30 p.m., Kellogg Environmental Center, 500 Hawthorne Ave., Derby. Free. Info: 203-734-2513.

Keeler Tavern Museum, 18th century historical building at 132 Main St., Ridgefield, 203-438-5485, keelertavernmuseum.org. Museum has begun docent training sessions.

Weir Farm National Historic Site, 735 Nod Hill Rd., Wilton, 203-834-1896 or http://www.nps.gov/wefa: grounds open daily dawn to dusk.

New Haven Museum, 114 Whitney Ave.; newhavenmuseum.org or 203-562-4183.

Literature

Friday Evening Literary Salon, Nov. 8, 6-7 p.m., Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Watch video clips of Yale Literature Professor Harold Bloom as he talks about why we should read the "Great Books. Registration/Info: wiltonlibrary.org, 203-762-6336.

Author Talk: Steve Gillon America's Reluctant Prince: The Life of John F. Kennedy, Jr., Nov. 12, 7-8:30 p.m., Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Free. Registration/Info: 203-762-6334, wiltonlibrary.org.

Author Talk with Athlete Michael Korda: Passing: A Memoir of

Love and Death, Nov. 12, 7 p.m., Ridgefield Library, 472 Main St., Ridgefield. Free.Info: ridgefieldlibrary.org.

AuthorSpeak: Helene Stapinskis Murder in Matera: A True Story of Passion, Family, and Forgiveness in Southern Italy, Nov. 13, noon, Norwalk Public Library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Register/Info: 203-899-2780, ext. 15133, clahey@norwalkpl.org.

Battle of the Books, Nov. 14, 7 p.m., Ridgefield Library, 472 Main St., Ridgefield. Matt Byrnes, Rich Cohen, Dave Griffith, Amy Macartney Freidenrich, and Suzanne Nelson, will each have 5 minutes to champion a book they love. Free; registration required. Info: ridgefieldlibrary.org/.

Author Talk: Downsize with Sheri Koones, Nov. 17, 2 p.m., Fairfield Public Library, 1080 Old Post Rd., Fairfield. Sheri Koones talks about her latest book, Downsize. Free. Info: fairfieldpubliclibrary.org, 203-256-3160.

Foxfire Living Creators: Eliza Clark and Tim Trojian, Nov. 18, 7 p.m., Fairfield University Bookstore, 1499 Post Rd., Fairfield. Free. RSVP: FairfieldUBookstoreEvents@gmail.com. Info: 203-255-7756.

Author Talk with Peter Steiner: The Good Cop, Nov. 19, 7 p.m., Ridgefield Library, 472 Main St., Ridgefield. Free. Info/Registration: ridgefieldlibrary.org, 203-438-2282.

Senior Center Book Discussion, Nov. 26, 11-noon, Comstock Community Center, 180 School Rd., Wilton. Ray Rauth will lead a discussion of Katherine Anne Porters Pulitzer Prize-winning short novel Noon Wine. Registration/Info: 203-834-6240.

Book discussion groups at Cos Cob Library, 5 Sinawoy Rd., Cos Cob. Info: 203-622-6883.

Miscellany

MEOW-ZA!: The Scoop on Everything Cat, from the Experts, Nov. 9, 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Norwalk Library, 1 Belden Ave., Norwalk. Panel discussion. Info/Registration: 203-899-2780, ext. 15133, clahey@norwalkpl.org.

Panel Discussion: How to Be an Ally for LGBTQ Youth, Nov. 12, 6:40 p.m., Fairfield Public Library, 1080 Old Post Rd., Fairfield. Free. Info/Registration: fairfieldpubliclibrary.org, 203-256-3160.

Tellabration! An Evening of Storytelling for All, Nov. 19, 6-7:30 p.m., Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Registration/Info: wiltonlibrary.org, 203-762-6336.

YWCA Darien/Norwalk, 49 Old Kings Highway North, Darien; ywcadariennorwalkk.org or 203-655-2535: Job Search Support Program for Women, incl. computer classes, info., katefywcadariennorwalk.org.

Meditation Sessions, Sat. and Sun., 10-11:30 a.m., open sessions; Mon. and Wed. eves., 7-8:30 p.m., Tues., 12:30-2 p.m., Thurs., 9:30-11 a.m., open sessions; Family Program, ages 4-12 yrs., usually 2nd and 4th Sun. of the month, 10-11:30 a.m.; Redding Center for Mindfulness & Meditation, 9 Picketts Ridge Rd., West Redding; info., 203-244-3130 or visit reddingmeditationsociety.org.

The Compassionate Friends, Stamford Chapter, non-denominational selfhelp group for bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings; meets 2nd Mon. of each month at 7:30 p.m.; Tully Center, 32 Strawberry Hill Ct., Stamford, main floor; info., 203-329-2796 or 203-323-2617.

Music

Drawing & Painting: A Focus on Mind, Body & Synchronicity with Inez Andrucyk, Nov. 17, 10 a.m.-3 p.m., Silvermine School of Art, 1037 Silvermine Rd., New Canaan. Ages 17 and up. Cost: $140. Info/Registration: 203-966-6668.

HeART & Mind Conversations with Artists program, Nov. 17, 3-4 p.m., Silvermine Arts Center, 1037 Silvermine Rd., New Canaan. Free. Info: silvermineart.org/exhibition/heart-mind/.

Visual Thinking in the Galleries, Dec. 8, 2-4 p.m., Silvermine Arts Center, 1037 Silvermine Rd., New Canaan. Jessica Sack will encourage participants to explore feelings, perceptions, and imagination in response to works in HeART & Mind exhibit. Free. Advance registration required.

The Ridgefield Songwriters Circle, monthly gatherings to play new songs and discuss them; for info, call Dave Goldenberg, 203-438-4521.

Nature & Science

Explore the History and Ecology of Milfords Coast - Silver Sands State Park Discovery Walk, Nov. 14, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., CT Audubon Society Coastal Center at Milford Point, 1 Milford Point Rd., Milford. Guided walk. Cost: $20-$25. Info: ctaudubon.org/milford-coast-2019, 203-259-6305, ext. 109.

Animals Who Hibernate, Nov. 16, 2-3 p.m., Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Meet animal ambassadors such as a rabbit, an African Bullfrog, and an Axolotl. Registration required. Info: wiltonlibrary.org, 203-762-6336.

Explore the History and Ecology of Milfords Coast - Charles Island Discovery Walk, Nov. 21, 11 a.m.-2 p.m., CT Audubon Society Coastal Center at Milford Point, 1 Milford Point Rd., Milford. Guided walk. Cost: $20-$25. Info: ctaudubon.org/milford-coast-2019, 203-259-6305, ext. 109.

Back Yard Beekeepers Association, last Tuesday of the month, 7:30 p.m., Norfield Church Community Room, 64 Norfield Rd., Weston. Free. Info: backyardbeekeepers.com.

Planetarium Show/Telescope Viewing at the Westside Observatory and Planetarium at Western CT State U. Westside Campus, 43 Lake Ave. Ext., Danbury; wcsu.edu/starwatch/ or 203-837-8672.

Woodcock Nature Center, 56 Deer Run Rd., Wilton; center open 9:30-5, Tues.-Sat., two-plus miles of trails open daily, dawn to dusk; reg. in advance for programs, 203-762-7280.

New Canaan Nature Center, 144 Oenoke Ridge, New Canaan, 203-966-9577; satellite site for NY Botanical Garden programs (800-322-6924 or nybg.org/adulted); buildings open Mon.-Sat., 9-4 (closed major holidays); Programs for Kids & Families: First Saturdays, 1st Sat. of the month, free guided activities for visitors, 10 a.m.-1 p.m.; Free Live Animal Presentations, Sat. at 3, lasting 15-20 min., different animal each week.

Audubon Greenwich, 528 Riversville Rd., Greenwich; 203-869-5272: program fees: $3/adults, $1.50/children, srs. (incl. adm. to Center & Grounds); trails open dawn to dusk weekends; Kimberlin Nature Center open daily, 10-5; trails and grounds open daily sunrise to sunset, occasionally unavailable till 9 a.m.; 203-869-5272 or email greenwichcenter@audubon.org.

Connecticuts Beardsley Zoo, 1875 Noble Ave., Bridgeport; adm. $14/adults, $11/children 3-11 and seniors, free for children under 3; open daily 9 to 4; Carousel and Peacock Cafe, winter hours: Gift Shop, daily 9:30-4; New World Tropics Building, daily 10:30-3:30; 203-394-6565, http://www.beardsleyzoo.org.

Wolf Conservation Center, 7 Buck Run, South Salem, N.Y.; 914-763-2373, nywolf.org. Live webcam at website shows either Ambassador, Mexican gray or Red wolves.

Self Improvement

SCORE, Service Corps of Retired Executives, offering free seminars and workshops to entrepreneurs. SCORE offers Free Business Counseling bit.ly/SCOREMentor Questions/Comments: score.fairfieldcounty@gmail.com or call 203-831-0065 or visit https://fairfieldcounty.score.org.

Theater

Sunday Symposium for World Premiere Translation/Adaptation of Molires Don Juan, Nov. 10, following 3 p.m. performance, Westport Country Playhouse, 25 Powers Ct., Westport. Don Juan will be staged through Nov. 23. Tickets: $30-$40. Info: westportplayhouse.org.

Darien Arts Center, 2 Renshaw Rd., behind Town Hall in Darien. Info: darienarts.org or call 203-655-8683. Educational programs, including many new offerings, in theatre this fall for children, teens and adults, such as Creative Dramatics, Beginning Acting, Improv for various age groups, etc. Reg. at website or call for details.

Writing

CT Poetry Society Workshop, Nov. 16, 2-4:30 p.m., Wilton Library, 137 Old Ridgefield Rd., Wilton. Share poetry you have written by reading it aloud to the group. Free; registration required. Info: wiltonlibrary.org, 203-762-6334.

Writers Group workshop, Saturdays, 1-3 p.m., Stratford Library, 2203 Main St., boardroom. New writer's workshop group open to both new and experienced writers in all genres. Workshop will support the creative process through writing prompts, offer opportunities for participants to share their work and gain feedback and provide some introduction (or for experienced writers, refreshers) on essentials in crafting poetry, fiction and creative non-fiction/memoir. Jennifer A. Hudson, who has MFA in writing with honors from Albertus Magnus College, to work with group. Free and open to public.

Send listings to tinamarie.craven@hearstmediact.com at least two weeks in advance of desired publication date.

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Cooking, book talks and more lectures this week in Fairfield County - The Ridgefield Press

T.J. Watt stood at his locker, speaking softly about making splash plays when he casually mentioned the switch.

Off the field, the Pittsburgh Steelers third-year outside linebacker tries to be the personification of professionalism.

You can always lead by example, Watt said. Thats what Im trying to show my team: I will do whatever the heck it takes to produce to be able to help this team win. That goes a long way without having to say much.

Then he flips the switch.

Game day, its a whole different animal, Watt said. You have the juices flowing, so Im not afraid to say anything on game day.

Dont buy the humble act, Steelers inside linebacker Vince Williams says, shaking his head in disagreement. Williams sees Watt in a different light, as an aggressive competitor with a killer instinct.

Hes not some soft-spoken, quiet, humble dude. He wants to play that game, but T.J.s a dog, Williams said. We know what hes capable of. And hes a professional. He comes to work every day, tries to be the best every single day. He knows what it is. But if he wants to keep it cool like that and play the whole Clark Kent and Superman thing like that, I guess Ill play along with him.

Whatever the role Watt prefers, the 6-foot-4, 252-pounder is playing superhero for the Steelers through their first seven games. He leads the team with 17 quarterback hits, six sacks and three forced fumbles. He also has 23 tackles, three fumble recoveries, three pass breakups and an interception. Yet Watt is his own harshest critic, talking not about the plays he has made this season but rather the ones he has missed.

Theres always more plays to be made, Watt said. Thats how Ill always look at my film and our film as a team. I think theres definitely some good splash plays. Every time Im around the ball, I try and knock it out. Im trying to create any type of elite-level play that I can. Im trying to take plays from good to great to elite.

Thats an attitude that has impressed Watts teammates, who have watched with admiration and anticipation as the 2017 first-round draft pick has evolved from All-Rookie team to Pro Bowl pick to performing like an All-Pro. After leading the Steelers with 21 quarterback hits, 13 sacks and six forced fumbles last season, Watt set a goal of making more splash plays this season. And he is delivering on that promise.

Hes going to be the guy thats going to take it to a different level every single year that he plays this game of football, Williams said. Some dudes, you can honestly say the sky is the limit, and theres no limitations on a guy like that. Hes a pro. Its how serious he takes the game from a very young age. Some guys come into the NFL and dont know this game is a business. Its constant self-critique, constant film watching, constant self-improvement, self-motivation.

Thats why Watt reminds Williams of another Steelers linebacker, comparing his maturity as a rookie to that of Ryan Shazier. Both players came into the league with a veterans mentality, as much in terms of their preparation as their immediate impact.

I said he was the most NFL-ready rookie Id ever met in my life, Williams said of Watt, so none of this really surprises me at all because of the approach he takes to the game and how much he cares about it. So hes ahead of the game. When you have guys like that, you know theyre going to have a tremendous amount of success because their starting point is further ahead.

What Watt doesnt want to hear is his brother J.Js season-ending injury serves as motivation. The five-time All-Pro defensive end for the Houston Texans a three-time NFL defensive player of the year suffered a torn pectoral last week against the Oakland Raiders.

Obviously, its devastating for him, three out of four years, T.J. said. Just to see him work and have a really phenomenal season like he was having it makes me appreciate being healthy and being able to play but its not going to make me play harder.

Thats when Watt loses his smile, showing how quickly he can flip the switch.

If we were having this conversation on game day, Watt said, it would be a whole lot more intense, Ill tell you that.

Find the man a phone booth.

Hey, Steelers Nation, get the latest news about the Pittsburgh Steelers here.

Kevin Gorman is a Tribune-Review staff writer. You can contact Kevin by email at [emailprotected] or via Twitter .

TribLIVE's Daily and Weekly email newsletters deliver the news you want and information you need, right to your inbox.

More Kevin Gorman Columns Stories

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Kevin Gorman: T.J. Watt flips the switch to become a superhero for the Steelers - TribLIVE

Photo illustration: The Globe and Mail. Source images: iStock

Isabel B. Slone is a writer living in Toronto.

I was born in 1989, part of a generation for whom gold stars and cheerful posters proclaiming If you aim for the moon, youll land amongst the stars were plastered on the wall of seemingly every elementary-school classroom. I was relentlessly conditioned to believe I could achieve everything I wanted to achieve, and for a long time, I believed that to be true. So far, the defining feature of my adult life has been a recalibration of expectations. Every year, the success and accolades I once imagined for myself grow further out of reach. I will not be everything I wanted to be. Thats why I started giving myself participation ribbons for achieving the bare minimum.

Its generally accepted that people are supposed to find purpose, or at least a modicum of stability and satisfaction, in the institution of marriage, parenting and home ownership. But having little interest in the first two and priced out of the latter, I look to simple tasks such as making the bed, watering plants and cooking a meal to find purpose in my life. Like so many other millennials, I live in an overpriced city with diminishing job prospects in my chosen field. But rather than fantasize about torching my current situation in favour of moving to a cabin, a less expensive city or, worse, grad school, I have committed to finding pleasure in the life I currently inhabit.

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As someone who has spent most of my life working toward the next lofty goal, my life got a whole lot better once I stopped searching for ways to improve it. Mundanity is my succour. Consistently completing tasks such as keeping track of my expenses or remembering to take my library books back on time all loosely tied together under the umbrella of adulting are a form of revelling in my own mediocrity. Although adulting is a puerile word I can barely bring myself to utter in seriousness, I embrace the definition of the term as a duty to myself. My ability to complete the tasks that most people have been trained to view as tedious, or a waste of time, is my way of making peace with living a life that is by all accounts totally unspectacular.

In essence, adulting has become my hobby. On an average day, I will wake up early, make coffee, then immediately get to work on my laptop. But my day is constantly interrupted by unavoidable duties such as cooking, washing the dishes, sweeping, watering plants, scrubbing the bathtub, doing laundry, taking out the garbage, keeping track of expenses, getting toothpaste from the drugstore. I do not rush through these activities with an attitude of resentment, or believe Im too important, or even too busy, to be completing these tasks in the first place. Instead, I do them, consciously mindfully, even. Ticking every item off a to-list gives me an inordinate sense of accomplishment.

Ironically, what makes these tasks enjoyable is the fact that, technically, I dont have to do them anymore. We live in a world of utmost convenience where almost every single prosaic activity can be outsourced. We no longer have to learn how to take care of ourselves, because as long as we have enough money, there is always someone who can do it for us. There is no incentive to cook, thanks to Foodora; for driving, theres Uber; for leaky faucets or putting together furniture theres TaskRabbit and for any random activity someone is willing to perform for $5, theres Fiverr. This aversion to grunt work advances the mindset that domestic tasks have little value, and therefore ought to be outsourced in order to devote time toward more esoteric pursuits.

More often than not, these esoteric pursuits turn out to be more work. Free time can always turn into productivity, so when productivity is properly managed, there is no such thing as free time, Malcolm Harris writes in the 2018 treatise on millennial culture, Kids These Days. Mr. Harris argues that present social conditions lead kids as early as preschool to view themselves as human capital who must work toward fulfilling their full potential or else risk certain failure. Human capital views time as an investment: If an individual is going to be spending time on an activity, it had better pay off.

Technically, nothing about these compulsory duties ever pays off; like a millstone around the neck, theyre a permanent weight that never quite lifts because they invariably need to be performed over and over again. A dirty floor will just get dirty again, so why bother sweeping at all? Answer: because the routine completion of these tedious tasks helps life to flow more smoothly. If I go through the trouble of picking up milk while doing errands, the next morning I will be able to enjoy coffee made to my own specifications instead of frustrated and crabby at the inconvenience caused by failing to perform a last-minute errand.

Earlier this year, writer Anne Helen Petersen published an essay on Buzzfeed about her inability to complete these small tasks. Ms. Petersen self-diagnosed her inability to go to the post office as millennial burnout, a generationwide exhaustion that comes with every moment of ones life being optimized for work. After the essay was published, it received widespread praise, then inevitable backlash: It failed to take into account the generational trauma faced by people of colour, and also, the problem of exhaustion isnt unique to millennials. Two months later, Maureen OConnor wrote a similar story for The Cut about the outsourcing economy, admitting that she eschews trips to the grocery store in favour of ordering perishables through Amazon Fresh. (One time, a single onion was delivered in a furniture-sized box.)

But while these essays expertly zero in on the locus of a problem that the former goalposts by which we used to measure adulthood have all but disappeared they fail to provide a way out of the modern morass of convenience that has all but consumed our very will to live. Shifting the small acts that make up adulting from drudgery to the sublime is the only way out of this bone-tired corner late capitalism has painted us into. If grunt work can be elevated into something that is inherently satisfying, it will remove some of the control capitalism has over our lives. Sure, I could summon a hot meal or a handyman to my door with the nimble swipe of a finger, provided theres enough money in my bank account, but why would I want to? The ability to cook and clean for myself is not just an insistence on humility, its a way of taking back power in a world that not just expects but profits off of my own helplessness. Its never been easier to figure out how to do things oneself Rule 34, which dictates that if something exists, its been made into porn, applies just as much to YouTube instructional videos as it does smut but tinkering as a hobby has largely been left behind in the converted garage workshops of the houses most millennials will never own.

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I come by this desire to DIY honestly. My family hails from a rural area where self-sufficiency is paramount. The majority of the food they consume comes from a vegetable patch in the backyard, or from livestock raised and slaughtered by the neighbours; the surplus is frozen and feasted upon for the remainder of the year. Groceries are supplemental, as opposed to a necessity. My parents buy next to nothing because they want for so little, and when they do, it can always be found second-hand. Nothing about their life could be described as convenient they only recently got WiFi and have a habit of unplugging the router when its not in use, terrified some internet demon will filch their precious bandwidth and thats the way they like it. Theyre essentially living the modern hipsters fantasy of farm life, only thats the way theyve always lived.

My boyfriend is convinced my yen for self-sufficiency is somehow a marker of lurking conservatism. But just as the Luddites were painted as the enemies of technological progress for destroying knitting machines in the 1800s, my intentions are easily misconstrued. The term Luddite has become shorthand for technological ineptitude; say, a mom who refuses to let go of her landline in favour of a smartphone. But in actuality, Luddites attacked only the factories whose owners upheld exploitative working conditions. They were labour activists, not inept fogeys. By eschewing the technological advances designed to make my life more convenient, I am leading a quiet one-person rebellion against the working conditions that require these services exist in the first place.

The trick is to view everything in life as a success, even the most basic tasks. Once I was able to accord the same level of accomplishment to a trip to the grocery store as I did a long-held career goal, suddenly, my life was flooded with success. For example, if I manage to put on a great outfit and do my hair and makeup in a day, I view that as a success rather than an integral part of daily life. Its gamifying life, only the stakes are much, much lower. Pouring my self-image into tasks that I actually can accomplish instead of relying on outside validation has done wonders for my self-esteem.

Simply put, to take radical pleasure in ones own mediocrity is the best way to defang the threat of constant failure. Academically, this concept is called kakonomics, or as philosopher Gloria Origgi writes, the weird preference for low-quality payoffs. Ultimately, its about renegotiating expectations to avoid disappointment at all costs. If an individual puts little effort into a venture which results in minimal gain, the outcome should be more or less expected. Its an agreed-upon discount on quality that makes life more relaxing for everyone. Instead of chasing excellence, why not get a few loads of laundry done instead?

In the long-term, Ms. Origgi writes, a prolonged series of these low-quality exchanges will erode the system. Kakonomics regulates exchanges for the worst, meaning that if individuals are continually satisfied with mediocrity, theyll never have the joy of experiencing excellence. But with the current concern over climate change that has turned almost everyone into a doomsayer, humanity might not have that much time left anyways.

So far, self-care and self-improvement have served as a balm for people hoping to self-soothe in a broken culture, but no matter how many face masks and rose quartz crystals an individual buys, they cannot magick themselves out of reality. Drinking kombucha and lighting scented candles will not cure anxiety or depression; the only surefire way to improve ones life is to come to terms with ones own inherent mediocrity.

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Putting this philosophy into practice shouldnt feel like giving up or a failure, it should feel like freedom from both societys expectations and ones own unrealistic ideas of productivity. Adulting, when done right, is a way of creating meaning for oneself in a world where it so often is hard to come by. People are trained to feel as if executive duties are a distraction from life when, in reality, theyre the main event.

Every time you suspects your efforts are not enough, I urge you to accomplish one task that will make life a little bit easier, be it wading through the mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, or returning an overdue library book. You will be happier for it, I promise. And frankly, if you can shift your worldview so that laundering your bedsheets becomes the height of accomplishment, life might not be so dire after all.

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Excerpt from:
The small pleasures of adulting - The Globe and Mail

Roxane Gay has 10 of them, but how healthy is it to obsess over a rival or enemy? Stylist investigates.

They are our secret adversaries. They make our blood boil on Instagram. Their ever-growing LinkedIn connections really drives us mad. Pit us against them on a sports pitch and we turn gladiatorial. They are our nemeses, and they are also completely normal to have.

Guest editor Roxane Gay is the undisputed queen of conjuring up adversaries. She can have 10 nemeses at any one time, simply because she likes having them. A nemesis is someone for whom you harbour an abiding, relentless dislike, she writes in her essay on the pleasures of having an imagined rival.

They might not know we exist, but that hardly matters. Roxanes primary foe, for example, smiles too much, is thriving professionally and exists to spite me. It is almost too much to bear.

Our rivals exist solely to grind our gears, but we also cant get enough of them. It might not have quite the thrill of Eve versus Villanelle, but more than half of us have a work enemy, according to Totaljobs. And social media has gifted us access to our adversaries out-of-hours. There are close to 300,000 Instagram posts dedicated to the #nemesis.

She smiles too much, is thriving professionally and exists to spite me. It is almost too much to bear.

From YouTube beef to Twitter feuds, nemeses are trending in real life. So why do we have them? Our nemesis often shows what actually matters to us. They reflect back our own values and ideals, says psychologist and life coach Honey Langcaster-James. Its often someone who is doing what we would secretly like to. Or perhaps they appear to be living their life in a way that we aspire to. Your nemesis is a mirror, reflecting back what you want to be doing with your life.

We tend to pick nemeses that are quite similar to us. They are us but with a better CV, #friendshipgoals and great hair (how do they do that?). Social media puts all of this pettiness in the palm of our hands.

Yet nemesis-collecting can be a noble pursuit. We pick workplace nemeses according to how willing they are to throw others under the bus, Totaljobs found, suggesting were keen to protect colleagues who have been wronged. There are other good reasons for having an adversary. Long-distance runners cut five seconds off their race times when competing against an arch-rival, according to a 2014 study from New York University. Nemeses are motivational.

Think of a nemesis as grit in your oyster, Langcaster-James suggests. They might really wind you up, but they also might represent something that is against your own values. They can make us think, What do I want to be doing more of? How should I be investing my time? You can use your nemesis as a springboard to differentiate yourself from. You can even turn a nemesis into an inspiration.

Here,four women offload about their arch-nemeses.

Jen Corrigan - Writer and Tech Worker

I met Diane in a poetry workshop in college. She was the best poet in class, so I was already impressed by her, but what really got under my skin was that she had faith in her abilities. I had never met a writer my age who was comfortable with her own voice, something that I was struggling with. When I met her, I was instantly jealous that I didnt have her skills or her confidence.

A nemesis has to be someone I respect, even just a little bit, otherwise I wouldnt care what they think of me or if theyre better than me in some way. I tend to care too much about what people think of me, even the people I dont like. My nemeses are always a projection of my own insecurities.

At the time, in college, I dont think my envy of Diane motivated me in any meaningful way. It was a distraction, because I was young and hadnt yet learned how to use my insecurities as fuel for self-improvement. It was only years later that I was able to revisit those feelings in a way that was more productive.

I have many nemeses of varying degrees now: ex-partners, former friends, smug acquaintances, people who are just better than me at something. They keep me focused on my goals. Some of my nemeses I want to emulate, some of them I want to impress, some of them I want to prove wrong. Im petty, and revenge can be a great motivator.

Marie Le Conte - Political Journalist

Im a big fan of enemies. I still have a nemesis from a previous workplace. The feud started out for quite dull work reasons, we both enjoyed having someone in the office to annoy. It just spiralled. Now, I will celebrate his demise when it comes. If he loses his job, I will be buying champagne in the pub.

These feuds motivate me. I think, Ill prove them wrong. I work best out of spite, when someone doesnt think I can do this. Im also proving to myself that I can do it. Having nemeses makes life more fun. I dont follow people I dislike on social media, but once a week I will go on my nemeses profiles, screengrab their posts and send them to friends.

I work in Westminster, where people hold grudges over the tiniest things. Youre quite free and expected to act like a wronged teenager even if youre a 47-year-old man. One of my nemeses said that she would never attend the same events I would go to, and so I made a point of ticking attending on every mutual Facebook event invitation, just so she didnt go. It was a proper dick move.

Im a Marmite person. People will dislike me no matter what I do. I suspect this happens a lot, especially to women who are outspoken, people of colour and LGBTQ+ people. Youre disliked for who you are. You can agonise over the fact that they hate you, or you can say fuck that, Ill hate them as well. Ill hate them first. And Ill hate them better.

Sally Thorne - Author

A friend requested I write a fiction piece as her birthday gift. When asked for a prompt word, she offered nemesis. That resulted in The Hating Game, an office romcom about two publishing assistants who play juvenile games of one-upmanship until it becomes clear the fighting is a cover for their attraction. The hate-to-love trope was fun to write.

A nemesis stirs powerful emotions: jealousy, sabotage and a strange kind of obsession. Its compelling in fiction, particularly the romance genre, because if its written right, all of these negative feelings can unexpectedly boil over into passion. Then we ask ourselves, how can they ever move past hate?

I do have flashes of envy when I see another writer hit the New York Times bestseller list. But I remind myself Ive had achievements that others would envy. I wrote about nemeses and it changed my life in the best way.

Vivienne Jeffers - Football Coach and Founder Of East London Ladies Fc

My nemeses are womens football teams who use grassroots football as a vanity project; hip teams born from the hype and opportunities in women and girls football. They take money and attention from clubs like ours, teams that provide proper grassroots opportunities for women and girls to build confidence and self-esteem.

Our team, East London Ladies, started from nothing and continues to grow without big endorsements from sports brands, who focus their attention on the teams with the trendy-looking girls without a hair out of place. These teams dont know they are my nemeses. Ive tried to get to know their story rather than judging a book by its cover, however, Im not sold on what they are selling. Some may call it jealousy, but when youve been grafting, providing opportunities for over 120 girls and women a week, and it goes unnoticed to the point where you cant even get equipment, its disheartening.

At the same time, it becomes your driving force. Its healthy competition. Every Instagram post of their fresh new kit from a well-known brand motivates me to go that bit extra.I meet my nemeses at games. Sometimes they cant fulfil all the opportunities thrown their way and we are asked to step in. So why not take that moment to show what you do? A nemesis keeps me pushing and driving, but it is not as important as what happens on the pitch.

Roxane says:

I have several nemeses people who have slighted me in ways both real and imagined who are now mortal adversaries. May they be forced to fly only United Airlines for the rest of their days

Photography: David Harry Stewart/Trunkarchive.com

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Healthy rivalries: is it good to obsess over a nemesis? - Stylist Magazine

Simon Sinek. TED

Sinek goes on to share the story about how he and Grant were slated to introduce each other at an event.

"I went first. I looked at Adam, looked at the audience, and said, 'You make me unbelievably insecure because all of your strengths are all my weaknesses. You can do so well the things that I really struggle to do.'The audience laughed,"he recalls. "Adam looked at me and responded, 'The insecurity is mutual.'"

It was a funny (and ballsy) introduction, but Sinek's self-revelatory joke ended up being more than a clever applause line. By facing his insecurity head on, Sinek realized why Grant bothered him so much: His fellow author was great at things Sinek struggled with.

That's a common dynamic, according to experts. We're often most irked bypeople who highlight our own weaknesses. If you hate arrogant people, it's often because you have unresolved issues about self-confidence. If bragging sets you off, chances are excellent you struggle with tooting your own horn.

By recognizing what it was about his own weaknesses that was triggering his envy of Grant, Sinek was able to focus his energy not on fruitless competition but instead on self-improvement. And that eventually drove him to even greater success.

That's often what a great work rival paired with a littleself-awarenesscan do for you.

"A Worthy Rival can push us in a way that few others can not even our coaches, mentors, or advisors," he contends. "Traditional competition forces us to take on an attitude of winning; a Worthy Rival inspires us to take on an attitude of improvement. The former focuses our attention on the outcome; the latter focuses our attention on process."

"It is the focus on process and constant improvement that reveals new skills and boosts resilience. An excessive focus on beating our competition not only gets exhausting over time, it can actually stifle innovation,"Sinek insists.

So forget about winning the competition and vanquishing your work nemesis once and for all.The comparison game is a never-ending soul suck.If you really want to be successful, you don't want your biggest competition to go away. You always want to have a worthy rival. As Grant did for Sinek, the person who makes you sick with envy at first can end up being one of your biggest sources of self-improvement.

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Simon Sinek says having a 'worthy rival' at work can make you better at your job and even he has one - Business Insider UK

November 17

After two seasons of Claire Foy playing Queen Elizabeth II in the period drama The Crown, Olivia Colman takes over for season three, which will follow the queens reign from the late 60s to the late 70s. Tobias Menzies will be playing her husband Prince Philip, while Helena Bonham Carter will take on the role of her sister Princess Margaret. This was an eventful decade for the monarch, as England went through dramatic cultural changes and labor strife, at the same time that the young Prince Charles began preparing under intense public scrutiny for the job of one day replacing his mother.

November 22

The country music singer-songwriter Dolly Parton has already seen some of her more story-driven songs turned into successful TV movies. Now shes serving as executive producer on the anthology series Heartstrings, featuring a variety of approaches to converting her music into television. In the first season, Parton hits like Jolene, Two Doors Down and Cracker Jack will be brought to life with the help of guest stars like Julianne Hough, Ginnifer Goodwin, Delta Burke and Melissa Leo.

November 27

The Irishman stars Robert De Niro as a contract killer looking back on his life and reconsidering his associations with a notorious mobster (played by Joe Pesci) and with the labor union leader Jimmy Hoffa (Al Pacino). Directed by Martin Scorsese (from a Steven Zaillian screenplay, adapting the Charles Brandt novel I Heard You Paint Houses), this movie is a decades-spanning reflection on American crime, with cutting-edge digital de-aging technology used to make the characters look era-appropriate. The film is also an elegiac genre piece, made by the modern masters of the gangster picture, and is Netflixs most high-profile attempt yet to compete with the traditional Hollywood studios.

November 29

Based on a novel by Guillaume Laurant (best-known for co-writing the movie Amlie), the animated feature I Lost My Body is imaginatively fantastical and poignant, telling the story of a North African immigrant looking for love and personal purpose in Paris. The story is told mostly in flashback, narrated by the heros severed hand, as it crawls across the city, looking for its original owner. Part action-adventure and part low-key character sketch, this is a cartoon like no other.

Also arriving: Ash vs. Evil Dead Season 1 (Nov. 1), Atypical Season 3 (Nov. 1), Holiday in the Wild (Nov. 1), The Man without Gravity (Nov. 1), Matilda (Nov. 1), Tucker: The Man and His Dream (Nov. 1), The End of the F***ing World Season 2 (Nov. 5), Outlander Season 4 (Nov. 5), Seth Meyers: Lobby Baby (Nov. 5), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Season 4 (Nov. 5), Scams (Nov. 6), Busted! Season 2 (Nov. 8), Im with the Band: Nasty Cherry (Nov. 8), Let It Snow (Nov. 8), Phantom Thread (Nov. 9), Blockers (Nov. 11), Jeff Garlin: Our Man in Chicago (Nov. 12), Maradona in Mexico (Nov. 13), Joe Versus the Volcano (Nov. 15), Seven (Nov. 15), The Toys That Made Us Season 3 (Nov. 15), Iliza: Unveiled (Nov. 19), Bikram: Yogi, Guru, Predator (Nov. 20), Z Nation: Season 5 (Nov. 20), The Dragon Prince Season 3 (Nov. 22), The Knight Before Christmas (Nov. 22), Nailed It! Holiday! Season 2 (Nov. 22), Narcoworld: Dope Stories (Nov. 22), Final Space Season 2 (Nov. 24), Mike Birbiglia: The New One (Nov. 26), Holiday Rush (Nov. 28), Merry Happy Whatever (Nov. 28), Atlantics (Nov. 29), Sugar Rush Christmas (Nov. 29), The Movies That Made Us (Nov. 29).

Originally posted here:
The Best Movies and TV Shows New to Netflix, Amazon and Stan in Australia in November - The New York Times

Life naturally has its ups and downs, and we tend to produce many of them simply by making right or wrong decisions at any given time. With such oscillations, its often difficult to notice patterns that force us to abandon certain healthy habits or to form unhealthy ones in their stead. Too often, we float through life without giving too much consideration to those common issues, let alone to finding ways to give our choices a structure.

That is perhaps why so many of your New Years resolutions never come to life, or so many of your dreams get replaced by other, subpar solutions. To achieve some of those major milestones in your life means not only to embrace the fact that your entire lifes journey is made up of self-improvement, but to also find systematic ways to take meaningful action. Here are a few starting points to consider that will add purpose and structure to your life and imbue it with meaning and wellbeing.

Photo by Nicole Honeywill / Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Some people enjoy sci-fi novels, others like the classics such as Hemingways stories, while there are those who love poetry. Maybe you have long abandoned your love for storytelling because digital domination has taken over most of your time, so you enjoy social media or you prefer blogs. However, reading, especially fiction, has a profound effect on your mind, both on a physical and a spiritual level.

In addition to boosting brain connectivity and various brain functions, devoting some time to reading fiction allows you to develop your imagination, explore alternative ways of self-expression, evolve your language, and boost your communication skills. Even a chapter a day is more than enough to tickle your reading muscles, so give your mind the boost it needs by picking up a book on a regular basis.

Forming healthy habits takes time, but when you start with a single healthy habit, you have a better chance of developing others, supporting ones down the line and much sooner than you think. In the todays era of greater fitness awareness, its relatively easy to find an activity that will suit your personality and that will help you grow stronger, more agile, and retain healthy muscle and bone mass as you age, all of which is essential for a long, healthy life.

If youre a dancer at heart, find high-quality womens dancewear that you can use as inspiration to hit the dance floor on a regular basis and that will provide you the support you need to dance safely for hours on end. Obtaining the right gear is half the battle, its also a source of motivation that will help you get out of the chair more often, so as to stick to your exercise regime.

Photo by David Pennington on Unsplash

Although dancing and other physical activities give you ample stimulation and allow you to learn something new as often as you please, learning should become a mindset that helps you improve over time in other areas as well. For example, you can try your hand at chess, take up cooking classes, or take math lessons.

Expanding your knowledge gives your mind a way to stay nimble, and youll be humbled by how much you dont know, thus be more curious and eager to learn as you go through life. These new insights will also give you a way to connect to new people, expanding your social circle and giving you a better understanding of the world around you.

Life is so much more than a routine, but in order to lead a functional, fruitful existence, you need to develop habits and rituals that enforce positive behavior, self-love, self-care, and that allow you to accomplish anything you desire without exposing yourself to excessive stress. For example, instead of working haphazardly during the day, you can assign various time-slots to each task you should complete.

If you need to reply to emails every day, take a designated hour to do so. If you need to do some creative work, make sure that you devote time to such tasks when you know youre most likely to focus, imagine, and create, be it in the morning, afternoon, or evening. That will let you add your exercise schedule into the mix and establish a stable structure in your life that ensures ample time for all activities that help you grow and lead a fulfilling life.

Systematization may not seem like the most romantic or spiritual way to approach self-development, but its by far the most promising one to give you the flexibility and the structure you need to evolve in life. These are just some examples of healthful activities that will empower you to find other, complementary ways to grow and keep learning as your life unravels.

Read more:
4 Ways to Improve Yourself Systematically - Thrive Global

Inevitably, most teams get to the stage where they need to adopt a more Agile delivery process. This is not just a sign of maturity. Its a sign that the software they are developing is being used, is deemed useful, and is receiving feedback and change requests so that it continues to improve.

My team is in a unique position. We are striving to improve delivery as we develop a tool that strives to help teams do the same. In other words, we use our own tool to improve the delivery of it!

In my experience, the journey to becoming more Agile can be tricky. Each team has its own goals and ideas about how to get there. All teams, however, need to be able to reflect on their progress, measure how effective their current strategy is, and gain more visibility of the wider landscape. Of course, this is easier said than done.

The topic of which metrics Agile teams can trust to reliably help them measure progress or whether to use them at all is both fascinating and contentious. Many people associate metrics with a top-down management style, which is the opposite of the decentralised, empowered and self-determining team philosophy that Agile promotes.

During a one-to-one meeting with my team lead, I asked him which metrics he felt I should focus on. He explained that the only ones worth looking at were those that the whole team agreed would help improve delivery. When it came to my own self-improvement goals, he said I should select metrics myself.

SEE ALSO:Infrastructure as Code Lessons learned from Dev to Ops

As a rule, whenever metrics are applied from the top down, the less effective they are. (This is not to say, however, that there arent valuable metrics that can indicate progress at a higher level.)

Self-improvement is a key Agile principle. On the face of it, its a pretty simple process. First, you identify what you want to improve. Next, establish ways to measure the attributes that contribute to improvement. Then measure and reflect. Therefore you will always need a reliable way to track progress.

My team chose Agile metrics that focus on various attributes of delivery, quality and value. For example, we measure Lead Time from the time the ticket is created in Jira to its production deployment and number of escaped bugs. Weve created a dashboard in our own software around these attributes so we can measure, integrate and affect them daily, or as part of a retrospective. Our dashboards help guide us and qualify decisions we make around team, process, and delivery improvement to ensure we continually head in the right direction. We can also opt to see individual contributions to these metrics. For instance, I have chosen to create a view of metrics that only I can see, so I can measure my own personal output.

As part of our cycle rituals, our team is responsible for making sure our scope is realistic. To support this, we use Agile metrics to ensure that the sum complexity, time and effort of our tasks match the overall time available and the teams abilities. We measure the scope using story points. We also built and now use a Sprint Report facility. This allows us to see a breakdown of the sprints overall completion, including the target completion and work added to the sprint after it started. It also includes Sprint-specific dashboards that use metrics like Completed Tickets to calculate the amount of work developers can reliably complete during a sprint (aka their velocity).

As I said before, Agile metrics for team improvement can be contentious. They open up a lot of heated discussions and to varying degrees benefit from a wider understanding of context and narrative. So we discuss them and apply the following tenets to help find common ground:

Complicated metrics run counter to the Agile spirit. We like to define our journey as specifically as we can, answering simple questions with easy to understand metrics which support them like:

The metrics need to be selected by the development team and serve a common aim shared by project members from the Scrum Master to the technology leader.

You shouldnt measure anything unrelated to your journeys destination. Each project follows a different set of milestones so may need different metrics. However, as there is only one final destination, some carefully-selected metrics should be applicable across all teams. Less can be more, so when we build out a dashboard together in our team meetings, we try to concentrate on only a handful of metrics at a time.

Software delivery metrics are often outcome-based. Although legitimate, theres a risk of tracking only symptoms and not root causes. The Cycle Times metric, for example, shows how long work is taking rather than why. Descriptive metrics like these should also include details of the variables that impact the outcomes. For example, alongside Cycle Time you could show an analysis of the bottlenecks. To improve we want to uncover root causes and identify behaviour gains we can make together we need to tell a full story.

Right sources we need to analyse data from those sources that our developers genuinely engage within their everyday work. These include workflow management software like Jira; code repositories like GitHub and Bitbucket, TFS or Gitlab; code quality tools like Sonarqube; time tracking systems like Harvest or Tempo; and continuous delivery tools like Jenkins and GoCD.

If analysing metrics takes significant cognitive effort or time to collate, we tend to lose patience and abandon the effort. The metrics need to complement processes, not slow them down.

Agile metrics delivered in near real-time fundamentally drive improvement as they can be discussed in daily stand-ups and sprint retrospectives.

Software development is a process (almost) completely driven by people. This means it should be possible to source information and get to the root-cause of issues very fast. Typically feedback is collected in person, in stand-ups and retros. In theory this should work well, but it can also hide issues that participants dont want to openly communicate. This is especially true in changing, distributed teams with a mix of full-time employees and contractors. To address this and provide us with context and narrative around our metrics, we incorporate feedback into our tool. For example, when tickets get closed we get the chance to provide feedback on how the ticket went and its requirements via Slack. These prompts also give us a feel for how a ticket has performed post dev as it continues (hopefully!) past QA.

Metrics only make sense if teams can act upon and improve them. Without constant support, many teams will not have the time or inclination to drive their own self-improvement as they strive to meet their short-term delivery objectives. Active stewardship by the technology leadership team can make a huge difference.

Since for many developers (Agile && metrics) dont seem to get along, its no surprise that few analytics tools are available to measure Agile delivery effectiveness. However, now that Agile is mainstream, there is urgency to measure. Since few analytics tools were available, many teams started to build their own. This worked well on a small-scale but hit the wall when projects and teams grew.

There are several other problems with home-grown tools. Most notably, they allow teams to tweak calculations and tell an overly flattering story. Also, the time it takes to build your own tool can be a big distraction from planned work. Fortunately, new solutions are now emerging that work in line with the principles listed above.

If you are still not convinced about using Agile metrics for teams, I recommend testing them on yourself. Most find that when they do this, the metrics become a reassurance or even a confidence boost. For example, a younger colleague of mine was struggling with his programming confidence. He found metrics to be very helpful because they showed him objective proof of improvement.

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For my part, one way I often use Agile metrics is to provide insights during a retrospective. To measure how Im improving over time, I track metrics for the tickets Ive completed, the amount of story points completed, and the amount of returns Ive had from QA. Crucially, this also helps me remember the tickets Ive worked on and how they went. Like most developers, I tend to switch focus once a ticket passes and can find it hard to retain the details when its time to review a cycle or perform a project post mortem.

You will of course come up with your own, but I have found these example questions (and related Agile metrics) can help self-improvement:

Whether you decide to use them yourself or for your team, (Agile && metrics) return true. In my experience, people want similar things and work well together in helping deliver on the key Agile principle of self-improvement. Try it out!

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(Agile && metrics) ? Can agile metrics help developers and teams improve? - JAXenter