Express News Service

CHENNAI: Around 11-km from Coimbatore is the quaint Tho p p a m p a t t i Poonga Nagar. The o t h e r w i s e nondescript village is slowly gaining fame because of an 82-year-olds good green deed. When you reach here, ask for kaikari paati veedu, and anyone in this village can guide you to S Nanjammals one-bedroom house. Enveloped by plants, climbers and creepers, her house is a treat for every city slicker. Her love for plants and distributing free seeds and saplings to anyone and everyone have rightfully earned her the moniker kaikari paati. She invited us into her garden and we were greeted by a burst of green dotted with purple brinjals, red tomatoes and yellow flowers of ladies finger.

I have around 17 varieties of plants including chillies, tomato, brinjal, bottle gourd, snake gourd, curry leaves, moringa, and greens like ponnangani and thandan keerai. I use gardenfresh vegetables to cook my daily meals, she says beaming with pride. She also has fruit-bearing trees like papaya and guava. Gardening invokes happy memories in Nanjammal, who used to practice farming in childhood. The space in her house might not be big to cater to many plants, but she tends to them affectionately. She has placed a fence around the plants, waters it and checks for any pest attack regularly. She uses extract of neem leaves and custard apple tree leaves to spray and control the infection. She also makes natural fertilisers using waste vegetables and other ecomposable waste.

Self-sufficient village Nanjammals son Bharathi Chinnasamy, an author, follows the Gandhian way of life and he was particularly attracted by one principle the need or self-sufficient village communities to better the balance between man and nature. He began walking on this path ten years ago and has worked with many self-help groups and dreamed of implementing this idea. My idea of making villages self-sufficient is by inspiring people to grow vegetables in their own gardens. This will help them have good health and it also makes them responsible towards nature.

I have tried this concept in more than 30 villages across Tamil Nadu but didnt get the expected results, he says. Bharathi has shared his experiments in his book Ellame Illavasam published last year. Nanjammal believed in this cause and started supporting her son in his mission two years back. She started working towards making Thoppampatti a self-sufficient village. Bharathi has travelled a lot across Tamil Nadu and worked hard to make this concept relevant.

So, I wanted to try this in my village and distributed seeds free of cost to villagers. While some of them planted those seeds, some of them threw it away. I took efforts to make them understand why I was doing this and suggested that they grow at least one vegetable plant in their garden that will cater to their need. But even that went in vain. Then I decided to give saplings of brinjal plant instead of seeds as I had those aplenty. I made necessary arrangements for brinjal saplings to grow in my garden and once it attained a particular height, I gave it to the villagers for free, says Nanjammal. Four months back, she gave brinjal saplings to 37 families. Seeing the plants bear brinjals, many villagers came forward to purchase saplings from her. Nanjammal also makes it a point to visit the villagers houses to help them plant and maintain the saplings, at regular intervals.

Till families see the result, they do not want to plant trees. I go to their houses once a week to look at the growth. If it has any pest attack, I use natural pesticides like neem leaves extract to control it. I also cut the infected leaves of the plants. Sometimes, family members also come to help me, she says. After planting brinjal saplings, she distributed seeds of snake gourd and bitter gourd plants. Now, she is distributing saplings of curry leaves. I come from an agriculture family in Erode. I started going out into the fields at the age of seven. So, growing vegetables is not a difficult task for me. I enjoy it and like creating awareness of sustainable living. My vision is to make my villagers grow at least 10 varieties of vegetables and greens in their garden. I want people to make farming a habit, she shares.

Bond with plants Nanjammal chooses saplings to be distributed based on the size of the family. All the seeds are procured from the Tamil Nadu Agriculture University in the city. This cause is not so expensive. A packet of seeds costs `10 and you can get around 200 saplings. Growing vegetables in your garden will make you realise how fresh vegetables look, free of chemicals, says Bharathi. The mother-son duo also insist people to grow plants in public places.

A few families can join hands and grow plants like moringa or creepers like pumpkin in public places near their houses and share the vegetables. It will also help create a bond between them. The state government can take our village as a model and implement the concept in other villages too, says Nanjammal. Bhuvaneshwari R, one of the villagers, says, Initially when she gave us the sapling, we didnt take the cause seriously. She supervises the growth of the sapling and helps us take care of them. When we started reaping the benefits from the plants, we felt happy.

Every day I get around one kilogram of vegetables needed for our family from my own garden. She has made the village green and self-sufficient. Under her care, the future of Coimbatore looks green, healthy and self-sufficient. It is not hard to grow your plants. While people in villages and independent villas can maintain a small garden, people in flats and complexes can grow it in public places and split the vegetables, she says.

Continue reading here:
Grandma goes green - The New Indian Express

Jon Francetic and Dr. Jessica Griffin spent a lot of time together during Married at First Sight in Season 6, for all the wrong reasons. As a then-groom on the arranged marriage reality show, Jon Francetic seemed just as handsome, humorous, and charming as he is today, and Dr. Jessica Griffin remains the same as a relationship expert, but the relationship between the two now is drastically different. In addition to being partners in life, the unusual Married at First Sight match is merging combined talents in a new business venture.

According to an exclusive report on October 12 from Monsters and Critics, Jessica and John have launched a new web-based relationship skill training business called Love Builder.

Fans will certainly remember Jon Francetics failed pairing with Molly Duff in Season 6. On the surface, the two seemed to have much in common, but the bride never developed any sense of true attraction to her new husband, no matter the interventions by Dr. Jessica Griffin. Not to belabor the bad memories, but when the name-calling became vicious and toxic, the expert insisted that the negativity had gone too far. Fans rallied to Jons corner by the end of the difficult season.

Some viewers wrongly assumed that Dr. Jessica Griffin and Jon Francetic form chemistry during filming, but Jon insists that never happened, mainly because her visits were always at a crisis point of the current marriage. The Married at First Sight dejected groom didnt really like any of the esteemed experts during filming, and he even said I hope I never see that woman again! regarding Dr. Griffin.

The two formed a bond after the show, when Francetic realized how great she was, and eventually, locked that down into a committed relationship.

The idea for Love Builder came out of the experiences, both positive and negative, between the Married at First Sight veterans from both sides of the experiment. Jon Francetic is an analyst for a credit union, and he determined that presenting Internet webinars with Love Builder would not only be the most cost-effective but also could have a worldwide reach.

Francetic runs the back end of the business for Love Builder, making sure the logistics and everything technical runs smoothly. Jessica Griffin devotes her decades of expertise to help participants learn to build love like a house. Prior to taking courses, participants fill out extensive questionnaires and all identities are kept completely confidential.

The first two webinars began two weeks ago, and the couple plan on developing more advanced courses as Love Builder grows.

Jon Francetic also divulged that his marriage to Jessica Griffin is set, but the couple has decided to not give the date about a year out. They plan to exchange vows at Ventosa Vineyards in New York.

In a social media post, Dr. Jessica Griffin writes that most of what is written: in the self-help books on finding relationships is wrong! She then announces the October 24 evening webinar.

One thing is certainthis couple knows that love can grow out of a very painful situation. It comes down to a choice to decide to be vulnerable, according to Francetic.

Season 10 of Married at First Sight premieres in January on Lifetime, and the love gets bigger because five couples will take the leap in Washington DC.

Tresa has been a passionate and prolific online writer for years, publishing thousands of articles and features in music, television, theatre, and to honor those who bring light to the world in wonderful ways.She is also a teacher, a cancer survivor (so far, by God's grace), an advocate for children, and a devoted pet parent.She never tires of telling the story behind the stage, from the core of the artists heart.She has cerebral palsy but refuses to let it have her.Tresa lives out her faith and music is her life- force.

Read more:
Married at First Sight: Jon Francetic and Dr. Jessica Griffin Excited with Launch of Love Builder and Future Together - TV Shows Ace

Its impossible to say what the top nonfiction books are. What method could possibly tell us which books, of the millions available, are the best? This post is an attempt to use Goodreads to come to some sort of answer.

Ive already created my own list of the top nonfiction books, but that list is very subjective and based only on my own opinion. Here, Im letting Goodreads users have a say. To be clear, this list is also subjective. What Goodreads can tell us is how many of their users have rated a book and what the overall average rating is. But that only gets us so far.

The information is based on Goodreads users only, which limits the set of readers by a lot. Even accepting that limitation, another problem arises: sometimes the the number of ratings and the average rating dont match up. Some books have many ratings but a low average and others have a very high average but not many ratings. Which metric matters more? An older book may have more ratings than a newer one and therefore have an advantage. How to account for that?

In the end, a person (me) has to decide how to balance ratings and averages to determine which books to include. My method was to look for books with at least 100,000 ratings and an average rating of 3.90 or higher. I also tried to include a variety of genres to cover a range of the top nonfiction books.

Take a look at the list and see what you think!

Average rating: 4.13; 2,454,072 ratings

No surprise, this is the nonfiction book with the most ratings and the highest average of all the books I found. Its the hugely important, widely read diary of a young girl in Nazi-occupied Holland.

Average rating: 4.26; 806,101 ratings

The Glass Castle is one of the most memorable entries in the crowded field of memoirs about unhappy families. Wallss parents were idealistic and unconventional to an extreme, eventually sinking deeper and deeper into dysfunction.

Average rating 3.97; 796,899 ratings

This is the story of Chris McCandless, who walked into the Alaska wilderness and four months later was found dead. Krakauer explores what drove McCandless to set out on this journey.

Average rating 4.11; 347,156 ratings

When she was 15, Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban on her way to school. She went on to speak before the United Nations, become a symbol of peaceful protest, and win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Average rating 4.22; 365,266 ratings

This is the first and most famous installment of Maya Angelous autobiography. Its a powerful, inspiring tale of struggle and determination in the face of abandonment, violence, and racism.

Average rating 4.48; 406,224 ratings

Tara Westover was born in Idaho, the daughter of survivalists who kept her away from doctors and out of schools. This memoir tells the story of how she educated herself, making it all the way to Harvard and then Cambridge.

Average rating 3.99; 540,718 ratings

At the age of 22, reeling from her mothers death, Cheryl Strayed decided to go on an epic journey. She set out to hike the Pacific Crest Trail and made it over a thousand miles from California to Washington, finding adventures everywhere along the way.

Average rating: 4.40; 164,415 ratings

Written as a letter to his son, this book looks at what it means to be black in America. It covers Americas racial history, Coatess own experiences, and his analysis of our current situation. Its a short but rich and illuminating.

Average rating 4.35; 328,601 ratings

At the age of 36, Kalanithi got a diagnosis of stage IV lung cancer. This book is his attempt to grapple with mortality and to face his own death, which occurred in 2015.

Average rating 4.60; 285,747 ratings

Published not even a year ago, this book was a huge bestseller and already has almost 300,000 Goodreads ratings. In it, you can learn about Michelle Obamas life and journey to the White House.

Average rating 4.25; 142,678 ratings

Persepolis is a graphic memoir about Satrapis life growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution. She describes living in Tehran during a time of great political upheaval and violence.

Average rating 3.90; 152,954 ratings

This is Kalings follow-up toIs Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?It contains funny personal essays on finding contentment in adulthood, including thoughts on love, work, friendship, and more.

Average rating: 3.98; 578,388 ratings

David Sedaris is one of the best to turn to if you want to laugh, andMe Talk Pretty One Day is probably his most-loved essay collection. The title essay covers what its like to move to Paris and try to learn French.

Average rating 4.19; 469,265 ratings

This classic of self-help promises to help you get the job you want and make any situation you find yourself in work for you. It teaches how to make people like you, influence their way of thinking, and get them to change.

Average rating 4.09; 432,895 ratings

Here is another self-help classic that promises to help in your work and personal life. Covey has seven suggestions for examining your assumptions and learning to think in a new way to solve problems and work well with others.

Average rating: 4.08; 266,146 ratings

Duhigg dives into the nature of habits to help readers figure out how to develop the habits they want. The key to creating change, he argues, is to understand how the brain forms a habit and use that knowledge to ones advantage.

Average rating: 3.91; 119,616 ratings

In this book, the author of Eat, Pray, Love offers her theories of creativity and demonstrates how to foster creativity in our lives. She shows how to face our fear and harness inspiration to do the work we want to do.

Average rating: 4.38; 675,005 ratings

Unbrokentells the story of Louis Zamperini, a lieutenant in World War II who crashed into the Pacific Ocean. He pulled himself onto a life raft and began an adventure that took him out on the open sea and into enemy territory.

Average rating: 3.99; 455,948 ratings

The book is set at the Chicago Worlds Fair of 1893. Erik Larson intertwines the stories of the architect who designed the fair and a murderer who built a torture palace near the fairgrounds.

Average rating: 4.07; 476,175 ratings

In Cold Bloodis one of the most influential works of true crime ever written. Truman Capote tells the story of four murders that occurred in Kansas in 1959, describing the murders, the investigation, and the killers themselves in vivid detail.

Average rating: 4.45; 291,495 ratings

Harari has written a history of the entire span of human existence, in less than 500 pages. He tackles big questions such as how our species emerged and how we developed religion, nations, money, books, and so much more.

Average rating: 3.96; 618,728 ratings

The argument ofThe Tipping Pointis that one small but well-timed event can lead to tremendous change. Gladwell explores how these cultural changes happen and what types of people are most likely to be the driving forces behind them.

Average rating 4.06; 273,490 ratings

Here is the introverts manifesto. Susan Cain defines what it means to be introverted, how extroverts have come to dominate our culture, and the many contributions introverted people have brought us.

Average rating: 3.96; 635,553 ratings

Looking at the stuff of everyday life, Levitt and Dubner use the study of economic incentives to overturn conventional wisdom. Covering everything from drugs to parents to sumo wrestlers, this book will make you think in a new way.

Average rating: 4.45; 128,258 ratings

This book is an essay, adapted from a TEDx talk, about why feminism is important for everyone and why we need it in our world today. Its a great overview of feminism for every type of reader.

Average rating 4.06; 517,967 ratings

Henrietta Lacks was a poor southern farmer whose cells became important in modern medicine, although Lacks herself never found this out. Skloot writes about Lackss life and how her cells came to play such a vital role.

Average rating 4.06; 318,383 ratings

A Walk in the Woods is a humorous account of Brysons attempt to hike the entire Appalachian Trail, which is over 2,000 miles and stretches from Georgia to Maine. He also describes the history and ecology of the trail and argues for its importance.

Average rating 4.06; 155,920 ratings

Mary Roach can make any topic entertaining to read about, even dead bodies.Stiffis a description of what happens to bodies after death and how people have treated cadavers through the centuries.

Average rating 4.45; 107,003 ratings

Gawande is a practicing surgeon, and here he takes up the topic of aging and death. He looks at what medicine can and cant offer those approaching death and those keeping them company along the way.

Average rating: 4.16; 251,527 ratings

Published in 1988, this has already become a classic of science writing. Hawking covers many topics in physics, including black holes, quarks, antimatter, the big bang, the nature of time, and more.

Looking for more of the best nonfiction? In addition to my list of the 50 top nonfiction books, you might also like this list of free essays available online, and these 50 short nonfiction books.

Sign up to receiveCheck Your Shelf, theLibrarian's One-Stop Shop For News, Book Lists, And More.

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Go here to read the rest:
30 of the Top Nonfiction Books on Goodreads - Book Riot

As a society, were doing an amazing job of managing our anxiety.

Aside from medication, theres a glut of self-help techniques out there; you can try diet, exercise, breathing techniques, visualisation or even download apps on your phone to help calm your mind. These things are all important and I welcome them.

I also get a real sense of acceptance:

This is the way I am. Im never going to cure my anxiety, so I need to learn how to manage it.

And lets face it, acceptance can be empowering.

It can feel great to be doing something about it, yet there is something about the level of activity that soundsexhausting. We prop ourselves up with coping techniques, but the problem remains.

I often wonder if one of the barriers is the word cure. It feels pretty clinical to me, like the way wed treat a cold or the measles. At some point, you expect to be completely free of it. Perhaps were setting ourselves up to fail.

The Mindset Shift

As a therapist, I see more and more clients searching for something else. Anxiety management has become a challenge and they are fed up of worrying if the next thing will work. They feel as though theyre trying to fix something that they dont understand.

This is the mindset shift I see. A move from thinking about anxiety as something separate from the person, like an alien attacking you, to rebalancing the power and really getting to know it.

Its about making friends with your anxiety.

Anxiety isnt abnormal

It makes sense to pay attention to anxiety. It is something that develops over time. A natural reaction to protect us, usually from big emotions that we are struggling to process. When something is too big to handle we inhibit it by feeling anxious instead.

It acts as a blocker and for a time it helps us to survive, to get through the day. But then the solution becomes the problem and getting through the day depends on how anxious we are. It is incredibly cruel!

Common anxiety-related experiences

Therapy can help us to make connections to our anxiety by understanding how our life experience and responses have contributed to it. Sometimes the connections are not immediately obvious. Heres some examples:

1. Holding on to truths you were told in childhood.

Perhaps growing up you were told that you were shy, disorganised, messy or bossy. You may even have got a sense that you were irritating or hard work.

You may have grown up believing that this is just the way you are. Yet you increasingly find yourself feeling restricted by your labels as you go through life. If you were labelled as bossy, for example, you might begin to feel anxious when youre in a leadership role at work.

2. Keeping your emotions hidden.

You may have grown up believing that some emotions are bad. Maybe you were scolded for showing something like anger, or maybe you witnessed it often and it was frightening. Your early experience with emotions can shape how you are today.

For example, if anger is difficult you might struggle to assert yourself or avoid rocking the boat. Or if sadness is difficult you might keep it hidden and pretend that everything is fine.

The problem is that the emotions stay inside us, simmering and bubbling away like a kettle. Eventually coming to the surface as anxiety.

3. Growing up with an adult who needed you to care for or worry about them.

If an adult expected you to predict or tend to their emotions, you may have grown up to be someone who feels very responsible for others. You became hyper-aware of the effect you have on people and might struggle to tend to your own needs or ask for help.

How does it help?

This is all about knowing yourself.

Its impossible to cover every scenario here, and each person has their own unique set of experiences and responses. I find that most clients intuitively know what to explore.

Knowing some of these connections can give you a sense of control over your reactions. You know where they come from so you can begin to challenge yourself.

When you understand your anxiety, you begin to realise that it is an entirely valid reaction to your life experience.

It helps you to become more compassionate with yourself and more curious about how you react to the world. Anxiety can become the gateway to healing, rather than the enemy it is now.

Follow this link:
How to Make Friends with Your Anxiety - Thrive Global

Is there a problem in this sad old world that cant be solved by physical jerks? I find myself muttering this, because wherever I go someone is coming up behind me, breathing heavily: a runner.

Some of my best friends are joggers pushing themselves up hills, finishing marathons it keeps depression and mood swings at bay and its free. Its a good thing, but I cannot be alone in finding underwhelming the advice about looking after ones mental health as if it is physical health.

For example, there is the Every Mind Matters campaign, an initiative from the NHS with a well-intentioned film featuring Prince Harry and Glenn Close. It has a mind plan, which gives you top tips and advice. I filled in the questionnaire and it told me to get off the bus a stop early, run up stairs, relax more and all that. Yes, lovely. As we go into winter, some people can barely get out of bed. Some of us feel lonely, hopeless and absolutely unmotivated. We should all talk more about our feelings I get that but something is askew here or at least being glossed over.

I would like to be less aware of acute mental illness. And suicide. And of the eating disorders and self-harm in so many schools. I would like not to see severely mentally ill people every day, but I do. They are sleeping on the street, gathering near hostels abused and often abusive, clearly in torment. There is no care and no community. Do we not see these folks?

Anyone who has tried to get a bed for someone in acute distress will know they may end up being sent to another part of the country because there are none nearby. They will also be discharged way too quickly, often with a cocktail of medication and little follow-up support. They will often resurface in A&E.

People with severe mental illness are not necessarily likable, or comprehensible. Stigma is still attached to schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Those with these conditions may end up in prison, or as addicts, or on the streets. The economic cost of such illness is huge, the cost to loved ones even bigger.

Perhaps you will say this is a different issue, and there is a difference between serious illnesses and wellbeing the new catch-all term. Does wellbeing include the pandemic of anxiety disorders in young people and the rate of male suicide? Dont we need to be clearer about the bandied-about stat that one in six of us will have a common mental health disorder? Which disorder? The focus on anxiety and depression (as bad as they are) has led to this burgeoning discourse of selfhelp: we must all try to eat well, exercise, not become isolated precisely the things we are unable to do when our mental health is poor. Or when we are actually poor.

The link between mental health, unemployment, bad housing and isolation is real. Those in contact with secondary mental health services have an employment rate 67.4 percentage points lower than the overall rate.

The mental health crisis is a societal problem. Individuals find little help when there are long waiting lists even for six weeks of cognitive behavioural therapy. Psychiatric care is severely underfunded.

But we must ask what it is about the way we live that makes so many of us ill. Alienation in the Marxist sense cannot explain the forms and complexity of so much mental ill health, but it is a huge factor, surely?

Likewise, delving into individual childhoods, or seeing it all as matter of serotonin uptake, is reductive. We need to understand what is happening now, in this culture of 24/7 performance on social media and workplace presenteeism. What is also insane is the constant instruction to be happy. When I was young that was for the Americans.

Our malaise is not about individual pathologies. Self-care is never bad, but it can make it seem that, somehow, we are responsible for our own despair. Our failure here is collective and we are failing the mentally ill in myriad ways. It is a delusion to think that people can jog their way out of serious distress, or that a bit of mindfulness is the answer, just as you cant visualise your way out of cancer.

Awareness is cheap and comforting. What is much harder to understand is why so many of us are in pain.

See the original post:
We are in the midst of a mental health crisis advice about jogging and self-care is not enough - The Guardian

My goal is to meet my patient where hes at. If he isnt ready to try abstinence, we work from that positionembracing harm reduction techniques and keeping an eye on the benefits and consequences of being a social drinker. This article, however, assumes the patient has been abstinent, has relapsed, and wishes to return to abstinence.

How was it?

Usually, a return to my office suggests the relapse did not end well. But I need the patient to articulate that, so I ask: How was the relapse? Did you have fun? Why are you here with me? When he shares that It didnt get any better out there, we can explore what led to the decision to use.

Usually my client is confused, uncertain about what made using seem like a good idea. I did it again! How did that happen? This is why a relapse reconstruction can serve as a major foundation as we build a defense against the next drink/drug.

Was it a moment of simply not caring? Was it a belief that the relapse would not be discovered and no harm would come? Did romance cause distraction? Did a resentment cause an angry relapse? Did euphoric recall blur judgment?

What were you doing?

When I ask what happened, many addicts are unable to identify a precise cause and effect. The response is usually something like, I dont know, it just seemed like a good idea at the time, or I missed the good times.

I start with the moments immediately leading up to the use:

The answers to these questions can reveal quite a bit. If my client was with unsafe people or in a dangerous place, these are things she can avoid in the future. Note: Even if the unsafe people are family, there are ways to avoid them, in order to create a new family of stable individuals. This is, after all, a deadly disease. Saying goodbye to family members, although difficult, may have to be done.

Very often, there are signals that a relapse is imminent, but those signals can be subtle and difficult to recognize, and can be present weeks and months before the actual relapse. Its important to explore:

Gambling (buying scratch tickets is big with the population we serve).

Changes in eating habits.

Mood swings (depressive or manic episodes).

Elevated anxiety.

Aggressive behavior.

Adrenalin-inducing activities (stealing, skydiving, etc.).

Buying things not really needed.

Changes in sexual habits.

Spending time with online gaming or watching porn.

Spending too many hours at work or the gym.

Many addicts innocently fall into these habits, failing to recognize them as manifestations of the disease. At least Im not drinking is a common response when someone mentions these behaviors to the addict. In reality, the behaviorsswitched addictionsare an attempt to fill the void once filled by the drug use.

What werent you doing?

This is the area of greatest opportunity for the addiction professional, because there are myriad ways to fortify ones sobriety, but they do require action. I try to maintain silence when my patient tries to enumerate things he could have been doing differently. Patients need time to frame their thinking and to identify what wasnt happening.

I believe the most common and important variable is the lack of safe, sober people in the addicts life. Creating a network of stable people can take time and effort, and many addicts in early recovery are uncomfortable in social situations. But there are ways to meet and bond with stable people, such as night school, church, self-help groups, volunteering, etc.

AA, NA and SMART Recovery meetings offer a wonderful opportunity to meet like-minded individuals who have learned how to stay sober and to have fun. Without seeming to promote AA, I work with patients to help them make the best use of that fellowship. In that regard, theres much to be examined:

Do you have a home group?

Do you have a job (like coffee maker) in that group?

Do you have a sponsor?

Do you attend enough (three? five?) meetings each week?

Do you sit up front at these meetings?

Do you show up early to participate in the meeting-before-the-meeting?

Do you have any friends in recovery?

Do you stick your hand out to the newcomer?

Obviously, a negative response to any of these questions creates an opportunity for behavioral change. Ill try to get my patient to agree to one or more of these activities in the immediate future.

Exercise and nutrition also are topics that present opportunities for the newly recovering. Encouraging patients to practice basic self-care habits is certainly appropriate for any addiction professional.

Finally, medication compliance must be examinednot only meds to treat substance use and other mental disorders, but also those to treat physical ailments. Ideally, the addiction professional will have an ongoing dialogue with the prescribers.

Let us not forget that were dealing with a brain disease. Logic and willpower are not likely to yield long-term success. In my experience, learning from a relapse is a golden opportunity to create new behaviors that support a recovery lifestyle. Relapse is not part of recoveryits part of the disease. Lets learn from it.

Brian Duffy, LMHC, LADC-I, is a mental health counselor at SMOC Behavioral Healthcare in Framingham, Mass. His email address is bduffy@smoc.org.

Continued here:
Learning from the Relapse - Psych Congress Network

Toxic is a tricky buzzword slapped on practically anything from skincare products to teas claiming to rid the body of harmful...somethings. Its an umbrella term with a suspiciously vague definition, often showing up in pop psychology and self-help as a catchall for anything unmistakably bad. This also extends to relationships with co-workers, romantic partners, and friends. If you havent commiserated with someone about a toxic friend, perhaps you think youve been one.

The internet is saturated with checklists of so-called warning signs of a toxic friendship, like lack of trust, a feeling of competition, and jealousy. Much of this advice hinges on the premise that a friend who bullies, gossips, or puts down others should be cut off immediately and without question, and its not entirely wrong. It can be difficult to find the energy to put into a friendship that just doesnt feel good anymore, and some people really arent great at being friends. But calling someone toxic misses the point: People are more complex than a numbered list of negative actions, and usually, the reasons behind their behavior are much more complicated. The concept of so-called toxins in our bodies has largely been debunked, so lets take that a step further and consider that there is no such thing as toxic people, only people in crisis. I know, because I was one.

A few years ago, I experienced a period of severe depression that coincided perfectly with a flare-up of my autoimmune disease and a string of failed relationships. I missed birthday parties and nights out because I was too sad and too tired to get dressed. I never told any of my friends how badly I felt because I figured no one would miss me anyway.

I was wrong. I lost friends because I didnt show up and didnt seem to care, and some of them eventually stopped calling because they were tired of being ignored. I wasnt a good friend, but I also wish someone wouldve just asked me what was up.

Dr. Andrea Bonior, licensed clinical psychologist and author of The Washington Post's "Baggage Check" mental health advice column, believes the word toxic can be inaccurate and hurtful when used to describe a difficult friend. It's overused, and it runs the risk of maybe pathologizing individual people, she says. It's a loaded word, and I think we have to be careful when we use it. A friend can be flaky, dishonest, or unreliable, but simply calling her toxic doesnt leave any room to examine why; its a dismissal that undermines the friendship of which shes supposedly one-half.

There are so many possibilities regarding why a friendship might start to feel toxic, and curiosity is a great first step, says Amanda Zayde, Psy.D., Attending Psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center and Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine. If you have a friend whose behavior suddenly becomes problematic, checking in with them about what youve noticed and expressing a desire to understand the thoughts and emotions underlying their behavior may help them to feel safe enough to open up.

RELATED: How to Make Social Media Less Depressing Without Enduring a Dreaded "Digital Detox"

A friend who doesnt answer texts, starts missing birthday parties, or always seems to steer the conversation back to their own problems is still a friend, and its important to approach them with empathy. Maybe you have a friend whos really struggling, whether it's depression, substance abuse, or dysfunctional patterns with romantic relationships, Dr. Bonior says. The explanation for their change in behavior might not be easy for them to describe in a quick text or over brunch, but that doesnt mean no explanation exists.

Living with trauma from an abusive upbringing, an emotionally draining romantic relationship, or grieving the loss of a family member can all impact someones ability to focus on being a good friend, and these experiences can trigger a variety of emotional responses. They may isolate themselves, feel less excited to do things they used to enjoy, and their mood may be pessimistic, hopeless, or irritable, Dr. Bonior explains. A friend in crisis may feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid to speak openly about their feelings, potentially causing them to pull away from their relationships and social life. Chronically bad moods, constant one-way conversations, or total silence can be annoying at best, but may also indicate someone struggling.

Those toxic friend survival guides would instruct you to see your way to the door. Cant return a text? Didnt show up to my party? Thats it, were through. What if, instead, we consider our own role in the friendship? Sometimes, being a friend means showing up for a person even especially when they are unable to reciprocate that kind of care.

I always advise people to try and see the other person's perspective, because sometimes when a friend needs the most help is when they're actually the toughest to be around, Dr. Bonior says. Forget the so-called signs of toxic friendships express a willingness to listen. They may be ignoring calls or being a downer, but simply sitting and listening can mean a lot. I try to take the path of, Hey, is everything okay? I noticed that you haven't seemed yourself lately, or you haven't been as excited, or you haven't been following through on plans, and that's not really like you, Dr. Bonior added. I want to listen, I want to hear what's going on.

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Instead of writing someone off as toxic and immediately cutting ties, Zayde suggests trying to specifically identify whats going on with the friendship, whether it feels emotionally draining, dysfunctional, one-sided, or even destructive. This helps avoid a full-fledged confrontation or accusatory rant, which can damage the friendship even further. Sometimes, Zayde says, the relationship may just need a temporary pause or reboot. This doesnt always mean the relationship isnt special or meaningful its normal for people and friendships evolve. When the friendship is a longstanding one, I think we owe it to our friends that we have a history with, and are really intertwined in their lives, Dr. Bonior says. You have to make a good faith effort because, to me, that's what friendship is all about.

As painful as it is to watch a good friend struggling, jumping in to help might not always be effective. Offering well-intentioned but unqualified advice to a friend in the midst of severe depression or a mental health crisis, for example, isnt helpful or safe. It's really hard in those situations to draw your own line because you don't want to abandon the person, but it also doesn't do any good for you to drive your own mental health into the ground just for the sake of trying to help a friend, says Dr. Bonior. It's almost like you're a paramedic. The first thing that you learn is not to endanger yourself when you're saving someone else.

In some cases, ending a friendship is necessary for the sake of everyone involved. You have the right to say, I feel like you need something more from me and I don't know how to give it, and I do need to take care of myself. I love you, I care about you, and I want the best for you, but I also need to be able to regroup and get some space for my own self-care. This is an exit strategy, yes, but its not flushing a toxin from your life as much as it is honoring the difficulty that you and your friend are both experiencing. And thats real.

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How to Deal With a "Toxic Friend," According to Someone Who Was One - Yahoo Lifestyle

The Designing Justice + Designing Spaces team with co-founders Kyle Rawlins and Deanna Van Buren third and fourth from the left. Photo by Oretola Thomas.

Designing Justice + Designing Spaces (DJDS) is an Oakland, California-based architecture and real estate development non-profit that is working to end mass incarceration by "building infrastructure that attacks its root causes: poverty, racism, unequal access to resources, and the criminal justice system itself," according to the firm's website.

DJDSis led by Deanna Van Buren, an architect who "designs spaces for peacemaking, inside and out" that is working to envision a world without prisons, andKyle Rawlins, a real estate developer.The firm's necessary work involves upending America's blatantly unequal and inherently violent criminal justice system by proposing spaces that strive to instead achieve justice, healing, and reconciliation through alternative, human-centered means. The firm's work takes place both within correctional facilities through educational and self-care initiatives that help incarcerated people retain their humanity, as well as outside prisons, by helping recently-incarcerated people rejoin society. The firm also works directly in the communities impacted by the criminal justice system to deliver commercial, housing, educational opportunities, as well as other necessary services.

For this week'sStudio Snapshot, Archinect was able to connect with Van Buren to discuss creating a practice thataligns values, community work, social impact, and work culture.

Where and when did your practice start?

We started the firm in 2013 and we are based in Oakland, California.

How did you come up with your name and company ethos?

The name came from a toolkit we created for facilitating and leading design workshops in high-security settings with incarcerated men and women around the intersection of restorative justice and design.

How many people work at your company?

There are eight of us full-time.

Why did you decide to start an office?

DJDS co-founder Kyle Rawlins and I each had our own offices and were entrepreneurs. We started a new practice together because we felt that traditional architecture and real estate development firms were not practicing in alignment with our values, were not engaging communities in the work, and were not practicing with social impact in mind. They were also extremely white male-dominated and not resonant with the work culture we were interested in being a part of.

What are other offices that you look at for guidance and why?

We love KDI, Greater Good Studio, Love and Magic Company and Colloqate as examples of firms charting a unique path in designand sometimes real estateto solve big social issues. They think differently and challenge the status quo. We sometimes think of ourselves as the IDEO.org of reimagining justice.

What would you want your firm to be known for?

The creation of the first dedicated Center for Restorative Justice in the nation (maybe even the world). We have designed smaller versions of it and a conceptual design, but want to see it become a reality. We also hope to support a city in the United States to become the first Restorative Justice City. That would be incredible.

What was the first 365 days of running your practice like?

Not bad, actually. We got some grants early on. We had space and good people to work with. We werent paying ourselves, but were definitely filled with excitement and possibility.

What were the biggest obstacles along the way?

Figuring out how to work in communities that were really traumatized, and the other complexities that come with doing work directly with and for the community. We love it and believe in it, but it's also complex. Thats why we have a community liaison on staff.

What are you currently working on?

We are working on several adaptive re-uses of prisons and jails, including the Reimagine Atlanta City Detention Center Initiative in Atlanta. The goal is to transform them into something other than prisons and jails. We are also working on re-entry housing and housing for youth transitioning out of foster care who often end up homeless or incarcerated. We have a Pop-up Village project that activates blighted sites; a Womens Mobile Refuge Trailer, which provides a mobile space of refuge for women during the night as they transition from prison and other disparaging environments; and the Mobile Refuge Room to create dignity and privacy in transitional housing.

What other avenues of creative exploration does your office pursue?

We explore creative financing strategies for designing and developing spaces and places that restore and transform communities, as well as creative tools for community engagement. We also have several digital products in development from a video game to a mapping and data collection tool.

What are the benefits of having your own practice? And staying small?

With your own practice, you can do things your way, create your own culture, and curate a community of creatives that works well together. Staying small is helpful for staying fluid and testing out new processes and ideas. We really know each other and care about the whole person. It gives us time to really be with one another and form a tight, close-knit team.

What is the main thesis of your office and has it changed over time?

Our office is rooted in creative strategies that are empathic and always include deep listening to those most impacted by the problems we are seeking to solve. We are in service to those who have had no voice in the built environment. We are a relatively new practice so the thesis hasnt changed much, but has certainly become more refined.

Where do you see the office in 5 years? In 10 Years?

In five years, we will own and have built at least four or five of our prototypes, if not more. Our goal is to own or co-own our projects so that we have assets that provide us with the income to build more stuff. In 10 years, we will have built and evaluated these prototypes and be able to show how to finance them while also exposing the cost-benefit of building these types of places as opposed to prisons and jails. Our processes and products will be in replication and will have changed the landscape and our vision of justice.

How do you look for talent for your office?

We just talk to people who reach out to us. We invite them to try us out and see if we are a good fit. Our office insists on emotional intelligence and that you be culturally competent to work in low-income communities of color. This means having done your racial bias and gender equity work, as well as being a creative and hard-working person. Its not easy to find a good fit for our practice, but we have an amazing team today.

As you know, in many cases, prisons are spaces of institutionalized brutality; What power do architects have to better the living conditions of people who are incarcerated right now?

We dont design prisons and jails, but there are already plenty of architects doing this work. Even architects like Frank Gehry and MASS Design Group are putting efforts in to this aspect of the system. Our view is that more architects should instead help those who are formerly incarcerated so they dont go back to prison, and to support populations who are targeted and at high-risk for incarceration. We also want to support the masses of children and families impacted by incarceration who are living with missing loved ones in communities with no resources. There are a lot more of them than there are people in prison or jail.

Youve said that in terms of spatial justice, space amplifies effects of the process, can you explain how your practice works to push against (or in positive cases, embrace) that idea?

We are only interested in building spaces that amplify values we believe in. We do not believe punishment and retribution is the best way of addressing harm, so we dont design for that. We do not believe that there are members of our society who deserve less than others, so our spaces are of the highest quality, even with a low-budget. We build beautiful spaces that amplify self-care, love, restoration, and respect. We take this seriously.

You designed Restore Oakland, the nations first center that has space dedicated for restorative justice. Can you tell us a bit about what that means for the design of the building?

Restorative justice offers an alternative to punishment and possible imprisonment by bringing together the victim and the perpetrator to resolve the harm caused. For the process to work, it must take place outside of traditional courthouses and government buildings, which are designed to be oppressive, punitive, and windowless.

At Restore Oakland, the Restorative Justice Rooms are painted in a peaceful and calming sky blue, there are multiple large windows, and chairs are arranged in a circle in the tradition of peace circles used by many Native American cultures.

Two nonprofits, Restorative Justice for Oakland Youth (RJOY) and Community Works West, which have office space at Restore Oakland, are partnering with the Alameda County District Attorneys office to divert cases involving people aged 15 to 24 into the restorative justice program.

How does operating as a non-profit impact the way you practice architecture?

It allows us to pursue our own ideas rather than what a client always wants. It also allows us to use processes that other architects would never be able to use because of the cost and time associated with deeply engaging communities. We love the freedom it gives us to lead, but it can also be challenging to work with philanthropy that changes a lot and [donors] who often dont understand what we are doing. Its also challenging to work within a system that requires us to fundraise instead of doing the work we love.

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Architect Deanna Van Buren on Designing Beautiful Spaces That "Amplify Self-Care, Love, Restoration, and Respect" - Archinect

We asked readers about their college experience, and what they wish they had known sooner both inside and outside the classroom. We heard from hundreds of students and former students across the country and in Canada. The answers have been edited and condensed.

Brittany Collins, Westhampton, Mass., Smith College; Holyoke Community College; Greenfield Community College; University Without Walls, University of Massachusetts Amherst

In the way that my acquiring a disability put into perspective the ways in which perfectionism was guiding my academic path, so do I wish that I had sought balance outside of the classroom in college. When I returned to school after my leave, I found in the peers around me stories and experiences at times more educational than those found in textbooks.

At community colleges, and in an online degree completion program, everyones lives had altered from the path. We were thrown hurdles and had to adapt, find workarounds, wait, try, resolve. Yet there we were, in one classroom a patch-worked bunch of learners committed to sticking out lifes turns in pursuit of education.

Rachel Lo, Oviedo, Fla., University of Florida

I wish I had taken better care of myself my physical and mental health. And prioritized my sleep. I wouldve been healthier, less stressed and more resilient during difficult periods. The sooner you ingrain healthy habits early on, the better.

Angelica Munyao, Rochester, N.Y., St. Lawrence University

Forgive yourself for the many mistakes you may make along the way, and be kind and supportive to yourself; in acknowledging your own imperfections and process, you may find similarities in other people that help you build meaningful relationships.

As for the activities or hobbies you wish to try out, go for it and at least you wouldnt have to wonder about what could have been. Of all the places to explore your interests, college is among the best; look around you, and try opening some of those regular (probably daily) email newsletters once in a while.

Kate ODonnell, Brantford, Ontario, University of Waterloo

Do whatever you can to graduate with as little debt as possible. Take a year here and there to just earn and save, take a co-op program, whatever you can do. Your possibilities on graduation get a lot more interesting if you can hit them without a huge debt-monster riding on your shoulders.

Ben Sickle, New York City, N.Y., Bowdoin College

Dorm living exposes you to more germs than your body has ever seen. Be prepared to be sick. A lot. You wont have a parent right there. Have a plan. Take self-care and hygiene seriously.

Sophie Strassmann, Cambridge, Mass., McGill University

I overestimated, for better or worse, the amount of people in higher education who were there to pursue knowledge and truth. As someone who was driven by these, I began to see my internal compass as an asset.

As I watched intelligent people give up dreams, leave programs, it opened up places and opportunities that I dreamed of being in. For better or worse, I started recognizing my own intelligence to the point where I wasnt even looking at what others were doing.

Zoe Roberts, Ithaca, N.Y., Cornell University

If you act like youre supposed to be somewhere, people probably wont question you. Dont be afraid to go places by yourself. Take advantage of opportunities that interest you, regardless of what others think whether that be a guest speaker or a party. People admire those who arent afraid to go out by themselves (as long as they let friends know where theyre going and stay safe)

Maxine Seya, Newport Beach, Calif., Northwestern University

Its O.K. if it takes a long time to make friends. Youre comparing the depth of friendships youve had over 12 years at home and new friends youre only making a couple semesters into college. Its normal not to feel as close to anyone at college as at home. Itll come.

Wade Shimoda, Honolulu, M.I.T.

I wish I had known how to study. I did well in high school, but apparently I didnt have to study that much to do well, relative to how much I had to study in college just to do O.K. It took me a while to figure out how to study, and to this day, I dont know if I ever truly figured it out.

Gabriel J. Betancourt, San Diego, University of California, San Diego

Advice-givers arent joking when they tell you to network with professors. The kids who start early see exponential growth in available opportunity. The later you start, the less you reap. Some kids find the prospect easy, others find it difficult.

Worried about being too green and wasting your professors time? Reframe the problem. Their job is to teach, yours is to learn. Do your job.

Sarah Olson, Corvallis, Ore., MiraCosta College and Oregon State University

I wish I had known that its O.K. to not go straight to university. When I graduated high school, I felt lost and alone getting a job and starting community college while all my friends left for their universities and got to live in dorms. I made myself miserable with worry that I was behind and missing out. But community college changed my life for the better, and I want other people to know its O.K. to take a nontraditional path.

Miguel Ovies-Bocanegra, Minneapolis, Southern Utah University

I wish I wouldve known the academic resources on campus that were offered to students. In particular, multicultural students. Sometimes, well, the majority of the times, we fall between the cracks academically. Theres general academic advising and tutoring across the campuses nationwide. However, most campuses dont have a safe haven (academically) for a student who identifies outside the most represented group on campus, white students.

This barrier we face innately projects fear or intimidation to reach out and access services that may or may not be offered on campus.

Brando Asitimbay, Queens, N.Y., Lehman College

I believe it is important for every college student to figure out what their call is in life, whether it be medicine, politics, or business. Once this is determined, everything else will come naturally.

Michelle Garcia, Brooklyn, N.Y., SUNY Oswego

Take some classes to expand your mind, like philosophy, literature, theory. I had a good, practical education within my major and minors, but I wish I used the time and space to just think a little more deeply.

Grace deMeurisse, Bellingham, Wash., Western Washington University

I wish I had known how to separate my learning from my grades. My educational experience became profoundly better and more enriched when I learned how to start learning for the sake of learning, and not for the sake of monotonously turning in an assignment for the grade I would get in return.

Tina Yu, Boston, University of Michigan

I wish I had known to take more leap-of-faith classes classes outside of your comfort zone, or classes that dont have anything to do with your major but sound incredibly interesting. I often think back and wish I had taken more of these quirky classes that intrigued me, because while you generally know what to expect out of Econ 101, can you really say that same thing about a class like DNA Origami, Hula, Practical Botany, or Apocalyptic Media?

Amanda Starkey, Grosse Pointe Woods, Mich., Ferris State University and University of Detroit Mercy

I am a first-generation college grad. When I was in my early years at college, I assumed everyone else was so much smarter than me, and that for whatever reason I wasnt good enough to reach for the program I really wanted.

Now, Im excelling at my career with a B.S. and M.A. under my belt. I wish I would have had more faith in my ability to achieve great things. I would have gone to medical school like I always dreamed.

Caitlin Sherry, Mississauga, Ontario, McMaster University

Understand that you can only do so much work in a given day and its O.K. to fall behind when you need a break. SLEEP!

Read more here:
Going to College? Take Their Advice - The New York Times

More News10 Oct 2019 | 11:14 PM

Nashik, Oct 10 (UNI) President Ram Nath Kovind on Thursday inaugurated the Rudranath, a historical museum, on the centenary of the Deolali Artillery School, near here.

Latur, Oct 10 (UNI) Maharashtra Pradesh Congress Committee (MPCC) president Balasaheb Thorat on Thursday urged the people of Ausa to stand behind Congress nominee Basavaraj Patil in the coming state Assembly elections, for the well-being of Ausa.

Latur/Osmanabad, Oct 10 (UNI) Union Home Minister and BJP national president Amit Shah on Thursday credited the ruling Devendra Fadnavis-led government of BJP for having undertaken far more developmental works in its five-year rule than the Congress-led government over last 50 years in the state and claimed that the Congress-NCP combine has no issue in this Assembly election.

Rajkot, Oct 10 (UNI) At least 10 people, including seven employees of the Fire department of RMC, were injured during a fire fighting operation in a chemical factory, here on Thursday.

Mumbai, Oct 10 (UNI) Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) President Raj Thackeray on Thursday appealed to the people of the state to make his party 'a strong Opposition' in the legislature, after the October 21 Assembly elections.

Read more here:
Kamat demands clearance of pending dues to Women Self Help Groups - United News of India