Monday, Nov. 4

Kripalu Yoga:9 to 10 a.m. (gentle/moderate). MaMA, Marbletown Multi-Arts, 3588 Main St., Stone Ridge.

Settled and Serving in Place (Kingston Chapter):Meets 9:30 a.m. at the Olympic Diner, Washington Ave., Kingston. Settled and Serving in Place is a social self-help group for seniors who want to remain in their homes and community. (845) 303-9689.

Mother Goose Storytime for Babies:9:30 a.m. Hyde Park Free Library, 2 Main St., Hyde Park. (845) 229-7791.

Toddler Romp & Stomp:10 a.m. every Monday. The folks at Little Pickles have been generous enough to lend the library their playroom for this music and movement program. Little Pickles is located at 7505 North Broadway, Red Hook. Event is free and open to the public. For more information, call the Red Hook Public Library at (845) 758-3241. The library is located at 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook.

Community Resource Navigator: 10 a.m. to 12 p.m. Meet with a representative from Community Partnership for Dutchess County to discuss your needs. They can help you find financial assistance, apply for benefits or obtain on-going support. Mondays, Nov. 4, 18, 25. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241,redhooklibrary.org.

What a Way to Start Your Day:10 a.m. Arlington Reformed Church, Raymond and Haight avenues, Poughkeepsie.

Happy Apple Thrift Shop:10 a.m., 24 E. OReilly St., Kingston. To 3 p.m. (845) 338-0833.

Mahjongg:10 a.m. to 1 p.m. Will teach if necessary. All welcome. Temple Emmanuel, Albany Ave., Kingston. Call Estelle Nadler, (845) 657-8476 for more information.

Yoga:10:15 to 11:45 a.m. Mountainview Studio, 20 Mountainview Ave., Woodstock. Mixed level class. Yang Yin Yoga. Classes are $15 with the first class free. (845) 679-0901.

Toddler Romp & Stomp:10:30 a.m. and Toddler FUNdamentals at 11 a.m. Red Hook Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. Free and open to the public.

Study Hours:2 to 5 p.m. Looking for a place to study? The librarys community room is reserved for quiet study alone or in small groups every Monday afternoon. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241, redhooklibrary.org.

Math Help:3 to 5 p.m. Phyllis Rosato welcomes all ages welcome. From kindergarten to calculus. Phoenicia Library, 48 Main St., Phoenicia. (845) 688-7811.

Stump Me!:3:30 to 4:30 p.m. Get help with elementary school homework. Saugerties Public Library, 91 Washington Ave. (845) 246-4317, http://saugertiespubliclibrary.org/

Movement Monday:4 to 5 p.m. This program is designed to help children find release from the normal stress and anxiety resulting from their daily lives. Pre-registration is encouraged. Call the Rosendale Youth Program at (845) 658-8982 or email rosyouth@hvc.rr.com for more information or to sign up. Walk-ins are welcome. A weekly commitment is not required.

Fitness Hour:4 to 5 p.m. Saugerties Public Library, 91 Washington Ave. (845) 246-4317, http://saugertiespubliclibrary.org/

Healthy Back Exercise Program:4 to 5:15 p.m. Exercises to strengthen back and abdominal muscles and increase flexibility and range of movement. 28 West Fitness Gym, Route 28 and Maverick Road, Glenford. Fee: $12 per class ($10 for gym members). Anne Olin, (845) 679-6250.

Conversation and Book Signing:4 p.m. "FDR and the Struggle for Justice in the Second World War" with Dan Plesch and Graham B. Cox, moderated by David B. Woolner. The Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum, Henry A. Wallace Center at the FDR Library and Home, 4079 Albany Post Road, Hyde Park. Admission is free, but registration is required. Register at fdrlibrary.org to register. (845) 486-7745.

Cards:6 to 8 p.m. Play Pinochle. Ellenville Library, 40 Center St., Ellenville. (845) 657-5530.

Community Yoga:6:30 to 7:30 p.m. New LGBTQ + Allies. This is weekly beginners class taught by Michele Muller. $5 suggested donation. Hudson Valley LGBTQ, 300 Wall St.,Kingston.

Mens Choir:7 to 9:15 p.m. Men of all ages, who would enjoy singing in a mens choir, are welcomed to join the Catskill Glee Club. Community Life Church, 20 W. Main St., Catskill. For questions, contact CatskillGleeClub@gmail.com or call Bob at (845) 389-1503.

Gentle Yoga:7 p.m. Olive Free Library, 4033 Route 28A, West Shokan. (845) 657-2482. Fee $6 drop-in.

Pickleball:9 a.m. to 12 p.m. Kingston YMCA. For experienced players. Free to Y members. $10 non-member day pass.Starting at 16 years old for all play.Call (845) 338-3810 or pballkingson@gmail.com for more information.

Aquoga class:9:30 to 10:15 a.m. at Kingston YMCA. Free to YMCA members; $10 non-member day pass available. (845) 338-3810 or amy@aquoga.com.

Settled and Serving in Place (SSIP 209):9:30 a.m. meets on Tuesday mornings, 9:30 a.m. at Lydias Country Deli, Route 209, south of Stone Ridge. SSIPs are local self-help, social groups which help seniors to stay in their own homes and remain active in their communities. For more information, call ViVi at (845) 331-0155.

Settled and Serving in Place meeting:9:30 a.m.Saugerties seniors meet at The Village Diner on Main Street. Settled and Serving in Place (SSIP) is a social self-help group for seniors who want to remain in their homes and community. (845) 246-3285.

Bridge Games:10 a.m. Church of the Messiah hall, Chestnut St. Rhinebeck. $10. For more information, call Pat at (845) 331-1743.

Computer Learning Center:10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Teaching computer-related and digital photography classes, Kingston Center of SUNY Ulster, 94 Marys Ave., Kingston. (845) 339-0046.

Preschool Story Hour:10 a.m. Olive Free Library, 4033 Route 28A, West Shokan. (845) 657-2482.

Toddler Time:10 to 11 a.m. Stone Ridge Library, Main Street, Stone Ridge. (845) 687-2044.

Happy Apple Thrift Shop:10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 24 E. OReilly St., Kingston. (845) 338-0833.

Mall Walking with OFA:10 a.m. Join a staff member from Ulster County Office for the Aging each week for a walk and talk. Every Tuesday at 10 a.m. sharp. Meet in the Food Court at 9:45 a.m. with a place for your coats. Hudson Valley Mall, 1300 Ulster Ave., town of Ulster.

Community Playspace:10 to 10:45 a.m. Gardiner Library, 133 Farmers Turnpike, Gardiner. Led by childrens librarian Amy Laber, a singer-songwriter, early childhood music.

Terrific two/three storytime:10 a.m. Gardiner Library, 133 Farmers Turnpike, Gardiner. (845) 255-1255.

Yoga:10:15 to 11:15 a.m. Energy Medicine Yoga will be taught by Maryanne. Mountain View Studio, 20 Mountainview Ave., Woodstock (845) 679-0901. Classes are $10 cash or check.mtnviewstudio.com.

Tots n Tales Story Time, For 2- and 3-Year-Olds:10:30 a.m. Hyde Park Free Library, 2 Main St., Hyde Park.

Preschool Storytime:10:30 a.m. For 3-to-5-years-old, Ellenville Public Library, 40 Center St., Ellenville. (845) 647-5530.

Story Craft and Play:10:30 to 11:30 a.m. together Tuesdays with Janice for children birth through preschool. Come to join the gang of local parents. Phoenicia Library, 48 Main St., Phoenicia. (845) 688-7811.

Tiny Tots Theater:10:30 to 11:15 a.m. Tiny Tots Theatres exciting dress-up box is back. Superhero dinosaurs save stranded elephants, pirates cook up wonderful feasts, and so much more. This is a free program for pre-school-aged children as young as 2 and as old as 5. No registration required. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241,redhooklibrary.org. Also offered Nov. 12, 19 and 26.

Toddlertime story hour and crafts:10:30 a.m. For children ages 18 months to 3 years, Kingston Library, 55 Franklin St., Kingston.

Tuesday Tales:11 a.m. For preschoolers ages 3-to-6-years-old, Saugerties Public Library, 91 Washington Ave., Saugerties. (845) 246-4317.

Classes:11 a.m. to 12 p.m. 8 Immortals internal Chinese straight sword (Jian) adapted to Tai Chi principles, Hawksbrother. (You may take both classes, or either Sword or Tai Chi Chuan). Marbletown Multi-Arts, 3588 Main St., Stone Ridge. (845) 687-6090

Free Caregiver Support Group:11:30 a.m. Community Center, 3 Veterans Drive, New Paltz. Join Miss Penny for a fun-filled storytime for the very young. Appropriate for ages 1-3.

Classes:Noon to 1 p.m. Second-generation Yang Tai Chi Chuan, with related Tai Chi Chuan chi gung, Hawksbrother. (You may take both classes, of either Sword or Tai Chi Chuan). Marbletown Multi-Arts, 3588 Main St., Stone Ridge. (845) 687-6090.

Thrift Store:12 to 4 p.m. Margaretville Hospital Auxilary Thrift Shop, 850 Main St., Margaretville.

Story Time:1 p.m. Preschool story time. Early literacy activities and stories for children ages 3-5. Ellenville Public Library & Museum, 40 Center St., Ellenville. (845) 647-5530.

Story Hours Grades 2 and 3:3:30 to 4:30 p.m. Stone Ridge Library, 3700 Main St., Stone Ridge. (845) 687-7023.

Pokemon Club:3:30 to 4:30 p.m. Saugerties Public Library, 91 Washington Ave., Saugerties. (845) 246-4317.

Tweenage Book Club:3:30 to 4:30 p.m. In this complete no-stress book club, participants talk about the books they've been reading and work on recommendations for their peers. Its all about book recommendations from kids for kids. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241, redhooklibrary.org.Also meets Nov. 19.

Spinning Yarns Knitters:4 to 6 p.m. Bring your knitting, crochet, embroidery or other hand-work to this friendly stitching group every Tuesday. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241,redhooklibrary.org. Also meets, Nov. 12, 19, 26.

Scrabble:4 p.m. Saugerties Public Library, 91 Washington Ave., Saugerties. (845) 246-4317.

Aroma Yoga Flow:4 to 5:15 p.m. (moderate) with young living essential oils. MaMA, Marbletown Multi-Arts, 3588 Main St., Stone Ridge.

Terrific Tuesdays:4:15 p.m. For grades K-6, Ellenville Public Library and Museum, 40 Center St., Ellenville. (845) 647-5530.

Boxing Conditioning:4:15 to 5 p.m., children ages 7-12; 5 to 5:45 p.m., teens; 6 to 7 p.m., adults. Mountainview Studio, 20 Mountainview Ave., Woodstock. mtviewstudio@gmail.com.

Prostate Cancer 101:4:30 to 6 p.m. Education and support group meeting in the Dutch Room of the Hurley Reformed Church, Main Street, Hurley. First Tuesday of every month. Learn your options, become educated and feel hopeful after talking to long-term survivors. Questions? (845) 331-7241 or (845) 419-5128.

Annual Spaghetti & Meatball Dinner:4:30 p.m. take outs, dine in 5 to 7:30 p.m. Adults, $9; children, 5-12, $5; under 5, free. Cairo Firehouse, Railroad Avenue, Cairo. (518) 634-7144.

LGBTQ Community Acupuncture Clinic:5 to 7 p.m., 300 Wall Street, Kingston. RSVPs highly suggested, though walk-ins will be welcomed when space is available; book your appointment at lgbtqcenter.org/acupuncture or call (845) 331-5300. The LGBTQ Community Acupuncture Clinic takes place in a relaxed and low-lit group setting using points on the ears, hands and feet. Intake takes approximately 10 minutes and resting time (after the needles are inserted) will vary, based on your preference, but is typically 20-45 minutes. $5 suggested donation, no one turned away for lack of funds.

Meditative Movement:5:30 to 6:30 p.m. Meditative movement (a blend of Yin/Gentle/Restorative). MaMA, Marbletown Multi-Arts, 3588 Main St., Stone Ridge.

The ProActive Caring Project:6 to 8 p.m. Join us for this course for parents and others caring for individuals with intellectual, developmental and/or other disabilities or illnesses. Set up as three in-person sessions and three sets of online resources on intervening weeks. Registration is required for this free program open to adults. Red Hook Public Library, 7444 South Broadway, Red Hook. (845) 758-3241 Also takes place Nov. 19.

Scrabble:6 to 8 p.m. Serious (and fun!). Wordplay at Ellenville Public Library, 40 Center St., Ellenville. (845) 647-5530.

Craft Night:6:30 p.m. Highland Public Library, 30 Church St., Highland. Sara creates a new project with tweens and teens ages 8-13. (845) 691-2275 or http://www.highlandlibrary.org.

Scrabble and Other Games:6:30 p.m. Pine Hill Community Center, 287 Main St., Pine Hill.

Open Mic:7 p.m. with Cameron & Ryder. Sign-up at 6 p.m. Club Helsinki, 405 Columbia St., Hudson. (518) 828-4800, helsinkihudson.com.

Weekly Meditation:7:30 to 8:30 p.m. Free weekly community meditation at Education Annex Of Wellness Embodied: A Center for Psychotherapy and Healing, 126 Main St., New Paltz. For optional beginner instruction, please arrive at 7:20 p.m. Donations accepted. http://www.wellnessembodiedcenter.com/community-meditation.

Here is the original post:
Mid-Hudson Calendar of Events: Nov. 4 and 5, 2019 | Life and Entertainment - The Daily Freeman

Mental health, technology, politics...they're all changing how we view our lives, goals, and the world. So what can we do about it?

Bestselling author Mark Manson is back and sharing this worldview in his new book, Everything is F*cked. Think of it as self help for people who don't like self help. Manson recently spoke with the Brew about his new book and how to move from quantity to quality in your own life.

Brew: Tell us why everything is f*cked.

Mark: Well, everything's f*cked because everything's always been f*cked. My argument is that humans are the problem: Our psychology looks for conflict and problems. The world is fine.

Is this a book that you would've written two years ago, or is this tied to what we're experiencing today?

It's definitely more emergent with the time. There were two things going on. One, there was a lot of data showing a mental health crisis happening across the whole population, but especially with younger people. The other was people seemed to be in hysterics over everything.

What I found interesting when I was touring the world promoting The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck in 2017 and 2018 was that this is happening all across the worldit's not just the U.S. Everybody who lives in the U.S. recognizes that public discourse has gone to sh*t and everybody hates each other. But that same dynamic is happening everywhere. It got me curious about what it is about 21st century technology, 21st century life that promotes this breakdown of public discourse.

As you started looking into what's wrong, was there anything in your research that changed your mind or surprised you?

I really went into it expecting social media to be the big culprit. And I came to the conclusion that it's notit's something more fundamental.

Things like depression and anxiety don't correlate as much to social media as it seems. It's not just screen time or smartphone usage. I came to the conclusion that it's not necessarily the technology itself, it's the way the technology warps how we perceive the world and perceive our relationship to the world.

You're writing self help for people who don't want self help. How do you, as a writer, connect with people who think they don't need to (or want to) hear and learn from your message?

I think what turns most people off from self help is the idealistic self help. I blogged for a long time about psychology and relationships. We spent a lot of time with psychological research. One of the first things you realize is that humans suck. We're pretty selfish and we're bad at thinking clearly and we're very self-serving and irrational. So my goal is to write a form of self-help that's not based on, 'hey, you can accomplish anything,' but rather, 'hey, let's try not to be so awful.' And I think that just strikes people as more realistic and honest.

What can readers pull from your book and start implementing in their lives today?

There are two big takeaways. One is to gain a better understanding of how our hopes and perceptions of the world can easily be skewed and corrupted. I also ended up making a strong argument for being more conscious of our commitments and choosing self limitationslimiting what we expose ourselves to, what we engage in, who we engage with.

For most of history, it was always about getting more, achieving more, knowing more. In the 21st century when we have access to everything, the way to grow and improve is by narrowing our focus. Finding the handful of really good sources of information, relationships, and pursuits.

So what are some limitations you've set for yourself?

I definitely consume way less media these days. I am less active on social media. I travel less and make a point to spend time with a small group of family and friends. The orienting principle in my life over the last few years has been quality over quantity. Everything in our culture is pushing us toward quantity, but quantity is a very poor replacement for the meaning and satisfaction that come from good, quality relationships.

You once went on a five year travel expedition. Did the quantity/quality dilemma hit you during that experience?

I started to notice towards the end that the more places I went, the more places I wanted to go. I would go to Hong Kong and have an okay time, but then see all these pictures online of Hong Kong and think I did it wrong. I have to go back. I realized that travel became one of those things for me where it was becoming compulsive and about quantity of experience.

That in a nutshell is what's happening to us across many parts of life. There's this compulsive drive to accumulate more experience. Go on more dates, make more money, do more stuff. And that constant pursuit of more just leads to more desire. You don't ever reach a point where it's enough. You have to pick a moment and say this has to be it. I'm giving up the chase.

What separates people from not just saying they want to be better and successful, but actually doing it?

I think what ultimately leads to success is an obsessive focus on improvement in the moment. One of the arguments I make in the book is that hope can actually become destructive in certain contexts. If we hope for something too much, we psychologically separate ourselves from it and put it on a pedestal and think it's going to change our lives. And in many ways that creates more anxiety, resistance, and frustration.

Just focus. Whatever's in front of you, just do it better than you did it before. Don't spin up all these visions of, if I just started this company and had this house and knew these people, everything would be great. Because those visions are more limiting than they are enabling.

Do we use too little profanity in our daily life?

Not necessarily, but I think we take it too seriously. They're just words.

Grab your copy of Everything is F*cked. If you're still trying to figure out why the name Mark Manson sounds familiar...you might be remembering his previous hit, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck.

Still want more? Give Mark a follow on Twitter to keep up with him every day or check out his 20 best articles that he's conveniently rounded up, covering everything from dating and relationships to life choices and culture.

What writers or thinkers have served as inspiration to you? David Foster Wallace, I'm a big fan of his nonfiction. Joan Didion. Hunter S. Thompson. I'm on a big Hannah Arendt kick right now. I'm a big Steven Pinker fan. Jonathan Haidt writes great stuff.

What have you been reading? This summer I went out and bought classic books by really famous women authors. So I read some Toni Morrison and Zora Neale Hurston and Hannah Arendt.

What have you been watching? I just watched the new season of Stranger Things. I'm rewatching a classic anime called Neon Genesis Evangelion. This is super nerdyit's like 20 years old and Netflix just put it up and I'm rewatching it for the first time since college.

Favorite travel destination in the last year? Last year I went to the World Cup in Russia and it was amazing. I love Russia. It's so raw and people are so abrasive, which I strangely like. And then on top you have all this amazing history and culture, and the food's really interesting.

Originally posted here:
An Interview with "Everything is F*cked" Author Mark Manson - Morning Brew

Starting in January, people who represent themselves in court and want to file for a Temporary Protective Order (TPO), otherwise known as a restraining order, will be able to do so in the same Las Vegas location that processes custody, divorce and other related civil proceedings.

Under the old system, self-representing litigants had to file TPOs at Family Court and would then be directed to a different location for custody and divorce assistance. Family Court and Legal Aid Center representatives said the new center, slated to open in January 2020, will be a one stop shop for TPO filings as well as custody, divorce and other self-help services for litigants who cannot afford an attorney.

Because we cant provide 500 lawyers for everyone in need, what we do to fill in the gap is innovative projects like this, said Barbara Buckley, executive director of Legal Aid Center of Southern Nevada, who described the plans at a press conference at Clark County Family Court on Tuesday.

The Family Court will house the new center, which will be run by Legal Aid Center with initial funding from the Eighth Judicial District Court and the Clark County Commission. Representatives from Family Court and the Legal Aid Center said that the new office will streamline essential self-help services and offer an expedited process for approving TPO applications in a more user-friendly way.

Before the process was updated, litigants often would have to wait between one and two days for their TPO applications to be processed, leaving them vulnerable to further harm. With the new live system, which the Family Court began implementing in January, more litigants will be able receive an approval on the same day they applied for the TPO.

According to Sonya Toma, a staff attorney at the Family Law Self Help Center, the Legal Aid Center took over operations of the Family Courts TPO office in March, at which point the office expanded staff to include herself, a second licensed attorney and 10 non-attorney staff. While the new center is being constructed at the Family Court building, the TPO office continues to operate at full capacity in an atrium of the Family Court building.

The Family Court reports processing approximately 6,000 TPOs per year.

Read the original post:
Family Court announces new office that will combine restraining order, family court self-help services - The Nevada Independent

Whether thats within or outside your means, experts shared ways to step into the season of giving and sidestep a post-holiday financial hangover.

Write a list of whom youre looking to connect with and your gift recipients. List your bills and compare that to your available money. Be realistic, and from that, youll see what you can afford or what alternative plans can be made.

Having it written down makes it easier to check in with your expectations, said Niki Pechinski, financial wellness educator at the University of Minnesota Duluth. If we dont know our expectations or what we want to participate in, it can be harder to negotiate what we say yes to and what seasonal spending might look like, she said.

Include any charitable giving to your holiday spending plan. Keep in mind travel and miscellaneous costs, such as work potlucks. I wouldnt exclude time, either, whether thats volunteer time or party-planning time or travel time. Thats a really valuable resource, she said.

Its helpful to look at what you spent last year. And while the consensus was to keep holiday spending in mind year-round, its not too late to save.

You never have too little money to save, said Kassy Burr, coaching and counseling supervisor at Community Action Duluth. Even if you can save $5 a month, thats a good start, and its building good habits that could come in handy in the long run.

Once you have your list, check it twice. And over and over again.

Keep it in your phone or in your wallet as a reminder. Having those goals articulated in a dollar amount of what youre willing to spend can motivate you to stick to it, Pechinski said.

Also, know yourself and your shopping partners. If you find you spend more when youre with certain person, consider going solo, or bring along someone who might help hold you accountable.

Shopping and the giving spirit can lead to a financial hangover, and debt still has to be settled.

Paying for something unnecessary with money you dont have, while adding interest, is making money for someone else, and potentially damaging your credit in the process, said Hugo Hietapelto, financial planning program director at UMD.

Theres nothing wrong with using the credit card to purchase something, as long as youre not carrying that balance, he said.

There are certain rewards with using a credit card, such as earning cash back, but our experts suggested being mindful going into it.

Paying with a card vs. cash can mean a higher level of disconnection from your money. That can lead to spending beyond your means, Pechinski said. Another thing to consider is your available credit.

The best credit scores and the healthiest accounts have a revolving credit that does not exceed 20-35% of their limit. So, if you have a $1,000 limit, you probably shouldnt spend more than $200-$300 during any bill period. And youll want to pay that off in full and on time, Pechinski said.

Credit card dollars are there if you need them, but depending on your goals, it might be net harm, said Pechinski. Use that as motivation to say, "Im not willing to damage my credit history for this.

Hietapelto suggested making a game of holiday spending.

If youve allotted $30 for someone, jot down ideas in that price range that meet that persons preferences. Bargain-shop, compare prices and use coupon codes if youre buying online.

And, having the budget or savings in place means you dont need to use credit, he added.

Be open with friends and family about finances. You dont have to spend money to show someone you care. Share gift costs with a relative or family member, or set up a gift exchange. Some giving traditions can be countered with a different suggestion, like the gift of time.

Hietapelto suggested homemade gifts, such as a frame with family photos or a printed photo on canvas. Its about the memories were making. Spending money on trinkets doesnt make the most powerful impact.

Year-round, Hietapelto notes what his loved ones want when they mention it, and he pays attention to seasonal deals and discounts.

Track seasonal spending and check in with yourself in 2020 to look at how it went and how you want it to look ahead. Then, consider a system with envelopes, or a savings account at a bank or credit union.

Pay yourself first. Put money into savings as if it were a bill, Burr said.

Culturally, Americans arent comfortable talking finance. Its seen as taboo, and its not always the case that families are collectively having transparent conversations about money, Pechinski said.

People have a lot of shame around their money. They associate how much money they have or even material things with their worth. That gets in the way of when people are trying to move forward with goals, added Burr.

It can feel paralyzing to look at something as sensitive as finances, but applying curiosity to the topic will help you make an informed decision. Treat this like a fact-finding mission, Pechinski said.

Financial goal setting can be incredible self-care, whether thats looking at a repayment plan or how to approach the holidays in a way thats honest for you, added Pechinski.

That might change conversations with loved ones about what the holidays look like. If youre trying to save or you dont have much to spend, be explicit about that.

It can be an opportunity to talk about the magical qualities of this season through connection rather than through gift-giving, she said.

1. Make a list and set your budget

Write down whom you're giving gifts to, include a dollar amount that suits your budget for each, and stick to it. Include travel costs, dining, potlucks and time. Prioritize the list.

2. Use your imagination

Share gift costs with a relative or family member. Host a potluck. Set up a gift exchange. Consider making something by hand, and don't underestimate the gift of quality time. Whatever you choose, be open with friends and family about your spending goals so you can manage plans and expectations.

3. Shop wisely

Keep your spending plan handy. Bargain-hunt, compare prices and consider your shopping pals. If you're prone to spend more while with a particular person, go solo, or shop with someone who might help hold you accountable to your goals.

4. Payment

Paying with cash can make a better connection between you and your money. But if plastic is more your jam, go debit or be savvy about credit card rewards. Pay off your balance right away and on time to avoid damaging your credit score.

5. Track

Note your spending this year and use it as a resource for saving for next year's holiday season. Consider some sort of system in an envelope or a savings account through a bank or credit union. Set a business meeting with yourself for the upcoming year to set goals. It could make for a hollier, jollier outcome next year.

Read the original here:
Make a list. Check it twice. Experts share tips to avoid holiday debt - The Daily Republic

I was inspired to write this book because I believe that the simple practice of speaking your truth sits right at the heart of a happy, balanced and fulfilled life.

LONDON (PRWEB) October 28, 2019

Counselor and life coach Harinder Ghatora has published her empowering and essential self-help guide to transforming passive and demoralized behavior and thoughts into a fresh outlook backed by self-assurance and courage.

In The Power of Speaking Your Truth, Ghatora impresses upon readers the need for them to speak up and helps them to find their authentic voice. The book is guided by five highly realistic, hypothetical scenarios and presents readers with a series of questions to shepherd their self-reflection and instigate the process of reshaping their perspective.

I was inspired to write this book because I believe that the simple practice of speaking your truth sits right at the heart of a happy, balanced and fulfilled life, Ghatora said. As human beings, we are permanently in a relationship with ourselves and with those around us. If we want to make meaningful connections with people, have closeness in our relationships, live a satisfying life and have a strong, healthy, respectful sense of self, then we must learn to identify and communicate what we truly feel, need and expect from others.

Ultimately, Ghatoras book offers a down-to-earth, holistic approach that considers the way ones mental and emotional health can foster instances of insecurity and fear in social environments. The Power of Speaking Your Truth helps readers to identify, challenge and transmute limiting beliefs and replace them with a positive awareness that is more conducive to healthy assertive behavior.

The Power of Speaking Your Truth: How to Become Confident and AssertiveBy Harinder Ghatora ISBN: 978-1-9822-2467-7 (hardcover); 978-1-9822-2465-3 (softcover); 978-1-9822-2466-0 (e-book) Available through Balboa Press, Barnes & Noble and Amazon

About the authorHarinder Ghatora is a holistic life coach and counselor. Ghatora resides and has a private practice in West London and offers a range of services that are designed to help people live a healthy and balanced life. She works with all aspects of a persons being mind, body, emotions, spirit and supports her clients in overcoming personal obstacles and fostering self-empowerment. Ghatora is a graduate of the London School of Economics. She previously forged a successful managerial career in local government, specializing in research and statistics, for 18 years before retraining as a counselor, Neuro-Linguistic Programming coach and healer. Ghatoras time is now fully devoted to supporting others through one-on-one work, group work, workshops and e-products. This is her first book. To learn more, please visit http://www.harinderghatora.co.uk.

General Inquiries, Review Copies & Interview Requests: LAVIDGE Phoenix480-648-7557dgrobmeier@lavidge.com

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Counselor Helps Others Find Their True Voice in Debut Self-Help Book - PR Web

In a new book of essays, literary luminaries share stories of surviving dark times and the foods tied to those memories. Think of it as a cathartic dinner party. Meryl Rowin hide caption

In a new book of essays, literary luminaries share stories of surviving dark times and the foods tied to those memories. Think of it as a cathartic dinner party.

Natalie Eve Garrett isn't sure exactly which shelf at a bookstore her new book would belong on. She says it "probably wouldn't be at home among cookbooks," although it does contain recipes. Maybe memoir? Self-help? Literary essays?

Garrett's new collection, Eat Joy: Stories & Comfort Food from 31 Celebrated Writers, is a multi-genre, illustrated work of food writing. Literary luminaries like Claire Messud, Colum McCann and Lev Grossman share personal essays and an associated recipe. In that sense, the book takes a page from Garrett's 2016 anthology, The Artists' and Writers' Cookbook: A Collection of Stories with Recipes, which paired writing and recipes from big names in the world of arts and letters.

The premise behind the new book, Garrett says, is a group of writers "coming together to make something delicious out of darkness." In Eat Joy, Edwidge Danticat gives a recipe for white rice like the simple dish she and her mother served her father three days before he died. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie shares a remembrance of a young boy who worked for her family who was later killed by a land mine, and his recipe for jollof rice. Diana Abu-Jaber offers a recipe for za'atar bi zayt (za'atar in oil) and her Palestinian aunt's recollection of eating wild za'atar leaves to stay alive in 1948 as she and her family were forced out of their village by soldiers in the war that led to the creation of the state of Israel.

We spoke with Garrett about the process of bringing it all together.

You write in the introduction that food is a "conduit for unearthing memories." Can you elaborate on that a little?

Food can be such a lovely way into the heart of a story, you know the sound or the smell of garlic in a pan. There's something about the sensory memories that really can pull us back into our childhood, or things we ate in times of celebration, or times of grief. It has a way of summoning up our past. A lot of cherished memories are times when someone created something for you and gave you this nourishing thing.

Where did the idea for the book come from?

The concept started in 2016. Back then the world was feeling pretty dark, and layered on top of that, a loved one received a diagnosis that we knew would pretty dramatically change their life and mine. Sometimes when we're faced with adversity we rise to it, and sometimes we tumble into bed and curl up in a ball and that was a curl-up-in-a-ball kind of time for me.

In that wallowing, I had a vision of the most cathartic dinner party I could ever imagine, where everyone laughed and cried and shared the stories of the hard times in their lives, and how they somehow managed to make it through.

So that dream dinner party became the book. To me, the book sort of embodies that idea of coming together to make something delicious and beautiful and joyful out of darkness.

The book does have if not a darkness to it, at least a heaviness. These stories are rich. Did you know so many of the stories the authors submitted were going to be about these fairly dark themes, like addiction, eating disorders and war?

I didn't ask them for their favorite food memories, like I did for my last cookbook. It was more like, "Tell me about a time you went through something hard." I wanted stories of adversity and resilience and what helps us along the way. I think it can be so healing for people to hear that other people are going through hard times, too. Hearing these stories can be a source of light.

There was one reviewer who said the book was good but it that it has the worst title because there's no joy. But to me it is joyful it's not happy, but I do feel like it is joyful.

What's the difference between joy and happiness?

I think of happiness as being something that we're always chasing the right person, the right job external things. To me, joy is quieter, more internal, and we often find it in simple moments along the way. Like in Claire Messud's essay [in the book], where she writes about her mother, who experienced so much disappointment and loneliness in her life, yet finds solace in the little things.

I think this is part of why cooking and eating can trigger joy. Food pulls us into the moment, and reminds us of our senses and all that we have to be grateful for. Even in or maybe especially in dark times.

And that feeling of gratitude for the little pleasures is in itself healing. Sometimes I think you have to experience the dark times in order to really see clearly, and experience joy.

It's like sugar and caramel. They're the same thing, but for caramel there's something extra sweet that comes from the burning. These stories aren't sugar stories they're caramel stories.

Yeah, definitely. These are caramel stories; I like that. It's like the lemon on the cover I had the saying, "When life gives you lemons..." in mind when I made the book, but I didn't know the illustrator was going to do that, and I think it's perfect.

How do you imagine people reading this book? Do you imagine people following the recipes? Some of them are kind of odd, in a delightful way.

I see the recipes as being kind of not the function of the book, but an additional gift to the reader. Like, here's a story of a really hard thing the contributor went through and they're sharing it with you, and it's intimate and they came out on the other end, and now here's a gift. It might be as simple as Anthony Doerr's recipe for brownie mix, and sitting on the floor eating it with his fingers in a rush of sugar and comfort which to me is such a moving and very relatable image, and such a poignant moment.

Some of the recipes are very recipe-esque. Very traditional. And others are more conversational. Like Porochista Khakpour's recipe for tahdig the story and the recipe are all one thing. In her recipe she says, "Every tahdig is uniquely its own mess. That to me seems apt for the Persian psyche as well." I love these lines.

And I like that the book has a lot of short recipes, too. I think sometimes that's what we need most of all. Sometimes, with really complicated recipes, I'm like "I 100 percent want to eat that but I do not want to make it." But cooking doesn't all have to be that way. It's OK to have it be easy. Maybe you'll even burn it a little bit, and that's still fine.

Emily Vaughn is an intern on NPR's Science Desk.

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Acclaimed Writers Reveal Their Comfort Foods And How To Make Them In 'Eat Joy' : The Salt - NPR

NOVEMBER 2, 2019

I NEVER THOUGHT that I would need books about womens anger. For a handful of reasons both intensely personal and shockingly common, I grew up angry and have remained so my entire life. In fact, most of the women I know are angry, particularly in light of the last three years. The election of a white supremacist and admitted sexual predator to the highest office in the United States which in turn renewed an onslaught of racist, misogynist abuse has brought public, widespread expressions of fury to our news outlets, social media channels, and dinner conversations. The dismal news pours in every day: most of us are still making less money doing the same job as the guy in the cubicle next to us, almost 60 years after the Equal Pay Act was passed. As of this writing, there have been 279 mass shootings in 2019, many committed by men with histories of domestic abuse. Pop cultures alignment with #MeToo exposed some high-profile sexual offenders to the withering light of social censure, but there are still plenty of criminals wandering our schools, our churches, and our communities. The list goes on and on, and for me, the question is not the obvious why of my angers existence, but what I can do with it.

There are an estimated 3.8 billion women in the world, and Id wager that nearly all have disquieting stories to tell. Therefore it should be no surprise that a number of recent books take womens anger as their subject matter. Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Womens Anger by Soraya Chemaly, Good and Mad: The Revolutionary Power of Womens Anger by Rebecca Traister, and Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper are all single-author extended meditations that approach the topic from synergetic angles. The newest addition to this growing canon, the anthology Burn It Down: Women Writing about Anger, diverges from these in providing a venue for 22 essays by women speaking about their anger from a variety of perspectives: as trans women, cis women, queer women, journalists, poets, actresses, first-generation Americans, women who are dealing with mental illness and physical disability; women living in New York, Chicago, El Paso, Columbus, the Pacific Northwest, and western Massachusetts; Black, Xicana, white; mothers and the childless; middle-class, poor. This panoply of voices demonstrates that anger isnt the rightful domain of a particular location, a race, or an economic status. The diversity of subjectivities serves two main functions: readers can find at least one essay in which they identify strongly with the author, and it creates a sense of sisterhood that could hypothetically transcend the typical boundaries that keep women from combining their considerable forces to enact change.

Ill admit that I approached these essays optimistically, but also with a dose of skepticism. As a person already in touch with her anger, I wondered if this volume was meant to be a form of self-help for the apoplectic, or if the essays would suggest promising avenues for change. And what of the larger questions that this collection might address: Does the expression of anger, on its own, have merit, or is anger only valuable as a catalyst to action? What is the it were exhorted to burn down? Theres a sense of asked-and-granted permission in the editors introduction: Lilly Dancyger notes, Its okay, get angry, and that is exactly what the authors do, in a confessional, intimate way. Though the urgent tone and relatively short length of each essay may tempt the reader to rush through, these stories are worthy of unhurried contemplation and definitely benefit from a little breathing room.

Overall, Burn It Down shares with the three books mentioned above the position that, though women have been actively discouraged from anger, they require it to feel it, acknowledge it, express it, use it in order to lead emotionally authentic, unabbreviated lives. Another notion the books share is that anger does not exist in isolation. Burn It Downs opening essay by Leslie Jamison, Lungs Full of Burning, wrestles with the irreducibly messy territory of where sadness and anger bleed into one another. Whereas the majority of the other essays contain first-person reckonings with anger, Jamison surprises the reader by viewing this emotional phenomenon through the rivalry between Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan and the way that the media of the time framed the story as raging bitch and innocent victim, or bad-girl hero and whiny crybaby. She reminds the reader that emotions are not dichotomies, and that women, especially women in the public eye, are socially orchestrated to be cutout dolls living within a flattened, bounded territory that prevents them from expressing the full dimensionality of their humanity. Monet Patrice Thomass The One Emotion Black Women are Free to Explore takes up this same argument against unidimensionality from a different angle, in which the racist stereotype of the angry Black woman clashed with instances of her anger existing alongside or being partially eclipsed by fear situations in which expressing anger would have put her at greater risk for harm. Anyone who has found themselves in a similar circumstance, in which addressing an injustice directly and with honesty would make them even more vulnerable, will understand the detrimental effects that come from having to set aside your anger in the first place a strategy that protects in the moment but over time compounds self-insult to the original injury. She concludes, My anger has always been dismissed or overlooked, because it was superseded by the fear of what Id lose by expressing it, whether it be my dignity, my safety, or my livelihood. Fear, I finally understand, is the one emotion that Black women are allowed to freely explore.

Skirting fear by conforming to predetermined (and often suffocating) expectations is a common motif. Minda Honey, writing on her early life at home, notes, Growing up, my mother taught us three girls how to read our fathers moods like the weather[.] [] It never occurred to me to stand up to him, to raise my voice in return. In terms of gender conditioning, some of the most illuminating essays are by trans women, who narrate how prior encounters with anger in their early emotional educations have shaped their understanding of culture and gender. In On Transfeminine Anger, Samantha Riedel talks about self-defense and her childhood discovery of anger as a masking mechanism, because boys are expected to get performatively angry as part of problem-solving: This was the learned language of boys. Later, she notes: Im still learning to recognize when I hold onto anger and use it for self-abuse[.] [] But the joy of expressing myself authentically is a greater reward than I ever could have dreamed, one that far too many women are still denied.

Reading these essays arouses all of the emotional states that they contain: anguish, anxiety, disorientation, and indignation. One of the most galling is Sheryl Rings recounting of how a medical professional repeatedly misgendered her and then reached out and poked her breast because she wanted to see if it was real. At the end of Crimes against the Soul, Ring tells another story about a cis woman who commiserates with the author about getting hit on at work, only to follow with a transphobic comment. One of the nascent themes in this collection is how the casual cruelties of other women from elementary school and the teen years through adulthood are often the most riling, if only because women already face so much maltreatment from our pernicious, destructive patriarchy. Its as if we thought there was a tacit pact to have one anothers backs, and so we are particularly stung on the occasions when we find its not true. Lisa Factora-Borcherss essay Homegrown Anger recounts the girls at her lunch table smugly calling her moms Filipino food dogshit, and though it is one tiny part of an essay about xenophobia and Midwestern politics, it made my throat tight with commiseration. The subject of gender perfidy is taken up in more depth in Brittney Coopers book Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower, which deals specifically with the contradictions, complications, and gray areas of being a Black feminist within the overlapping spaces of cultural conditioning, contemporary academe, and American pop culture. In a chapter thats mainly concerned with why she considers Beyonc to be a feminist, the author takes a look at relationships, power, and pretty privilege, and says, [F]or many of us, the first real injustices that mattered to us, that ripped our hearts out, werent the failings of our parents relationships, or the boys we crushed on who didnt love us, but the Black girls who we wanted to see us and befriend us instead either ignored or bullied us.

Not just anger, then, but also the betrayal that kindles it, are the themes that connect these essays (and these books) together like a network of threads or fuses. Our disloyalty to ourselves when stifling our anger, the treasonous rejection of other women, the falseness of a medical system that doesnt heal, the double-dealing of a government that doesnt keep its citizens safe from harm: all these things are catalysts for the countdown to angers expression and its effects. Anger becomes a beacon, a flare sent up to tell you when you need to be paying attention to your body, your psychic boundaries, and your very being. Lisa Marie Basiles My Body Is a Sickness Called Anger argues that anger is a force for self-advocacy within a medical system that frequently doesnt acknowledge womens illness and downplays womens physical pain. Of the propulsive power that catalyzes her self-support in navigating both disbelief and bureaucracy, she writes, [M]y anger has become my savior. In No More Room for Fear, Megan Stielstra, recounting the scene of an active shooter on the Northwestern University campus where she teaches, notes,

Twenty-five years Id imagined this moment and every time I was panicked, shaking; now, instead, I was white-hot and clenched, my muscles seething. Psychologists have long written about anger as a secondary emotion to fear, but I could give a shit about theory. This was gut-level; my body, my bones. I should not be under a desk.

All these mentioned above are excellent reasons to be furious, and letting off a little steam is healthy, unless, of course, it gets coded as natural for some people and abnormal for others. In the introduction to Rage Becomes Her, 392 pages of accessible scholarship on womens anger, author Soraya Chemaly lists the impositions and restrictions that shape the expression of and reception to anger:

While we experience anger internally, it is mediated culturally and externally by other peoples expectations and social prohibitions. [] Relationships, culture, social status, exposure to discrimination, poverty, and access to power all factor into how we think about, experience, and utilize anger. [] [I]n some cultures anger is a way to vent frustration, but in others it is more for exerting authority. In the United States, anger in white men is often portrayed as justifiable and patriotic, but in black men, as criminality; and in black women, as threat. In the Western world, which this book focuses on, anger in women has been widely associated with madness.

In other words, assuming a certain level of cultural competence, and depending on who else is in the room, you may or may not feel empowered to express your anger. The conceptual theories George Lakoff proposes in Women, Fire, and Dangerous Things sketch the linguistic roots of angers association with madness: in addition to the metaphorical connection between anger and heat (when you are angry you lose your cool, do a slow burn, and breathe fire), there is a connection between anger and mental illness (go crazy, nuts, bananas, berserk, raving, have a fit). But Lakoff doesnt analyze these utterances by sex, so it bears saying that in the same way that history is told by the victors, our society allows men specifically, white men to tell our cultural stories, shaping the language and discourse around womens behavior. The more gender-neutral simmer and blow up are recast, for women, as the expressly feminine and irrational hysterical. This situation is exacerbated if youre not white and Christian; in Burn It Downs The Color of Being Muslim, Shaheen Pasha notes, Too much anger and youre seen as unstable, a threat to society with jihad coursing through your veins. Thus the ongoing vacillation: women are angry, and we have very good reasons to be angry, yet we are told to not be angry, and we will be labeled as mentally unsound even dangerous if we show it. No wonder some women still need permission to acknowledge it. Even for those who embrace their anger, who among us has not waited until a more felicitous moment to express fury, or under the weight of a lifetime of suppressed feelings thought, Im afraid if I start screaming, I might not be able to stop?

The it we are exhorted to burn, then, is nothing less than the circumstances that threaten our autonomy, dignity, and personhood, including our own internalized subjugation. Burn It Down is an impressive collection of essays; nevertheless, women who want to see large-scale social change must beware the ease of stopping at mere personal disclosure, no matter how assuaging the feeling of release. Lakoff categorizes a subset of anger metaphors as heat of fluid in a container (steaming, fuming, bottled up), and while its true that everyone needs to vent, there is a grave strategic pitfall to catharsis being the terminus of ones efforts. This is not dismissive of the editors or authors work: personal narratives are crucial and need to be tended to; we are educating each other, leading to insight, connection, rapport, and, with effort, collectivity. Where we are divergent, they offer us a path back to one another. Megan Stielstra notes, I dont know if a story can save us but it sure as hell can show us whats worth fighting for. In other words, in order to make real change, we can start by saying, I care about your screaming because I am also screaming; but thats where the work begins, not where it ends.

Consciousness raising is an initiatory step toward long-term approaches necessary to overcome our instinctive American individualism, what we see as our personal problems and stories (despite their widespread relevance), the individualism which continually interrupts the construction of long-term systemic ameliorations. Over the last decade, weve watched the empowerment ofself-caremorph into capitalisticme timeand the selling of wellness, an I-got-mine marker of social status in the form of an achievable semi-permanent performance of mental and physical health within a culture and environment that are profoundly unwell, unhealthy, sick, and deranged. Instead of making structural changes to public health care, self-cares emphasis on separate, incremental actions twists the population back to propping up the status quo, with the deleterious effect of also blaming the individual for her own illnesses. Grappling with the territories of women and their anger, our individual stories are only truly valuable when they coalesce into collective activity, and we show up for each other in our homes, on the streets, in offices, boardrooms, and courtrooms. In the essay Unbought and Unbossed, Evette Dionne asserts, [O]ur anger is our best gift, it allows us to blaze a new path, and the most important word in this aphorism is us. Theres no such thing as an individual solution to a social problem. Self-help will end in self-destruction when not if it undermines collective support for social and legislative programs that lift all women up. Locating her adolescent anger and beginning to understand it, Melissa Febos writes, It was like carrying a hammer for my whole life and finally realizing what it was good for. Picture the power of a single hammer, and what it can fix; now imagine 3.8 billion hammers, and their unified, ringing blows.

Bean Gilsdorf is an interdisciplinary artist and writer based in Portland, Oregon.

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Auspicious Conflagrations: The Heat of Women's Anger - lareviewofbooks

Download the Astro Guide app by VICE on an iOS device to read daily horoscopes personalized for your sun, moon, and rising signs, and learn how to apply cosmic events to self care, your friendships, and relationships.

Cuffing season may have been cancelled last winter, but its back in full force this year thanks to some intense astrological weather.

As the temperature drops, cute and flirty Libra season transitions into intense Scorpio season, and the shift in mood leaves us feeling a little lonely, craving attachment and a chance to get to know each other with the lights off.

Like regular seasons, astrological seasons have a different flavor each year. While last years Venus retrograde had us rethinking love and prioritizing independence, this year is so emotionally intense that we can't help but crave intimacy that borders on clinginess. Mercury retrograde in Scorpio from October 31 to November 20 digs up secrets, and we might even reunite with an ex. Then, eclipses in December and January dredge up intense feelings about our pasts and February brings another wacky and emotional Mercury retrograde in Pisces.

How will this fare for your cuffing season? Read your horoscope below to find out:

Youre stepping into an exciting leadership role this winter, and you need partners who will give you space to do emotional work. Still, intimacy is a major theme for you at this time and you want someone who can keep up with and appreciate your popularity, sheering you on as you shine in the spotlight. Youre craving someone you can connect with on a deep level, physically and emotionallybut you also tend to speed through things, so do your best to slow down so the depth you seek reveals itself.

Cuffing season is off to a wacky start thanks to Mercury retrogradeyou and your partners will have some confusing back-and-forth, but thankfully things clear up by the holidays. This winter, youre letting go of old patterns of expressing yourself and discovering new sources of inspiration, and youll only be excited about a partner if theyre excited about the world, Youre beginning a new journey and changing your world view, and its important that a partner will support you in your goals. If you find yourself single at the end of cuffing season, sift through your old DMs or Tinder matches and consider rekindling a connection. You may also find your dream date in a friend of a friendshoot your shot!

Cuffing season starts as a bit of a mess as your ruling planet Mercury is retrograde, but by the time the holidays roll around, youre ready to plan some cute dates! Intimacy takes on a new meaning for you this winter, and youre rethinking how you approach self-esteem and security. Youve learned valuable lessons about give-and-take in relationships, and may spend time ending and mourning a situationbut an exciting new journey is on the horizon, and you want a partner as intellectual and adventurous as you are!

Cuffing season begins with Mercury retrograde in Scorpio, and youre running into cuties from your past, bringing you a new perspective. By the time the holidays roll around and Mercury ends its retrograde, youre letting go of old patterns that have been limiting you and engaging in new (or renewed!) partnerships. You are stepping into your power as you begin this journey, reflecting on how much youve learned about compromise and commitment in the last few years. By February, youre ready to start anew in your intimate relationships.

Youre in a domestic and nostalgic mood this cuffing season, so your partners better buckle up for several hours of looking through old photos with you! Youre letting go of old patterns this winter and crave someone who can support you as you implement new routines and do your best to be productive and responsible. By the end of cuffing season, youre reflecting on whether your partnership is ready for the next step, and whether your partner is someone who can reciprocate your generosity. Once you get your schedule locked down and spring is on the horizon, youre ready to enter new commitments and strengthen existing bonds.

Cuffing season kicks off with you and your partners having deep discussions about intimacy, Your social circle transforms this winter, as you get a renewed sense of creative inspiration, its important to you to be with a partner who helps you make space for play and laughter. By the end of cuffing season, youre eager to commit to a new routine and to partners who are just as reliable as they are fun. You may be wondering what they think of you and how you feel about the relationship, and though this might be confusing, its on the way to being organizedjust how you like it!

Cuffing season is a tough time for you, Librafinancial hassles abound during Mercury retrograde and you might be moving, renovating, or otherwise bringing new energy to your living space. This means that youll crave a partner who has their money in order and is willing to get domestic with you at home, baking pies and hanging artwork. By the end of cuffing season, youre ready to party and indulge in your artistic pursuits, and any partner who stands between you and a good time will need to step aside!

This cuffing season youre getting things off your chest, so send that risky text! Be sexually vulnerable and muster up the courage to say whats on your mind. You are a sign that is not afraid to take it there, so why not go for it? Outdated modes of thinking are being cleared out this cuffing season, so go for what you think is sexyespecially if it hasnt been done before! You become very clear on your desire for a partner wholl call when they say they will, is a good listener (and talker!), and whos willing to explore domesticity with you, whether that means living or cooking with each other. A stable relationship and ample personal space are not mutually exclusive!

Youre exhausted at the start of cuffing season and want a cutie wholl take naps with you and give you personal space. As you move through some big changes, you appreciate lovers that shower you with giftsthis is not the time to be afraid to ask for what you want! If you were considering moving in with a partner, expect some changes and delaysor potential upgradesduring Februarys Mercury retrograde.

A powerful transformation is taking place within you, and you may feel like youre being broken and reborn this cuffing season, my sea-goat. Bask in the power you have over your personal life; youve learned so much about your boundaries and now you have to be wiser about the way you expend yourself. You may be letting go of past partners as you step into a new journey. You wont settle for anything less than a partner whos a dependable and important part of your life.

Your cuffing season is actually all about you, Aquarius! Youre thinking about your career goals and reputation, and wont be distracted unless its for a partner who makes you feel like youre a power couple both in the spotlight and at home. As you break bad habits and get comfortable in a new routine, you feel good about the emotional work youve done over the years and ready to seek a peaceful life of contentment at home. Youre starting a new phase in your commitments to your partnerships and to yourself.

Youre rethinking your long-held beliefs at the start of cuffing season, and crave partners who can get philosophical. Major drama takes place in your social life around the holidays, and you may consider dropping your cuffing season partner. However, if your relationship can stand this test and your partner understands your need for privacy, it may be for the long haul! If you feel indecisive about commitment, remember that its OK to wait until you know for sure.

What's in the stars for you in November? Read your monthly horoscope here.

Want these horoscopes sent straight to your inbox? Click here to sign up for the newsletter.

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Your Astrological Guide to This Year's Cuffing Season - Broadly

Catherine Servel. Wardrobe Styling by Sean Knight. Prop Styling by Maxim Jezek at Walter Schupfer. Makeup by Toby Fleischman at Tomlinson. Hair by Charles Dujic at Tomlinson. Manicure by Emi Kudo at Opus. On Evan Rachel Wood: Suit by Christian Wijnants. Bra by Kiki de Montparnasse.

Evan Rachel Wood and I are seated on a couch in the corner of a cavernous L.A. photography studio, each of us curled up in pretzel-like ways: me, one knee pulled up to my chest and leaning sharply to the side; Wood, one leg tucked snugly under her, the other loose over the edge of the couch.

Have you seen the bi chair? she asks me excitedly. We are deep in conversation about her recent obsession with internet memes about bisexuality. Like Wood, Im also bi. So yes, Ive absolutely seen the bi chair.

If youre unfamiliar with the joke, at some point the internet decided that not sitting properly is part of bisexual culture. The bi chair is a chair that went viral because it appears to perfectly accommodate our slouching, dangling, leg-crossing, and otherwise crookedly sitting ways. And in this moment, Wood and I, each curled up and twisted in our respective seats, are basically poster children for the bi chair itself.

That's why it made me laugh so hard, she says. Because I didn't even realize it was a thing until I started looking back at pictures of myself. I thought, We can't sit!

Heres where I confess that, leading up to our conversation, Id hoped that we might spend a chunk of our time together laughing about bisexual inside jokes (I even crowdsourced peoples go-to definitions of disaster bi for the ocassion). Wood has made fansparticularly of the queer women varietythrough her affinity for talking frankly about bisexuality and, if I had to guess, wearing a not-insignificant number of suits over the years. You might even say shes reached Bicon status (Bi Icon, for the straights). So I wasnt about to roll into an interview with her without diving into the type of stuff you can only talk to other bi people about.

But theres also the fact that Id known going into the interview that the conversation was going to focus on significantly darker, harder topics, like domestic violence, sexual assault, and recovery from trauma. So for me, at least, as we sit there laughing, these small joyful moments feel like a welcome respitebits of comic relief and mutual recognition punctuating an otherwise broiling stew of frustration and rage. Because there are a lot of things to be mad about, and we dont waste our time getting into all of it.

Wood has worked in the entertainment industry since she was five years old, when she auditioned for the lead role in Interview With the Vampire and lost out to Kirsten Dunst. Her highlight reel is multidimensional and varied, from her breakthrough role as a teen rebel in Thirteen to the Vampire Queen of Louisiana in True Blood. Shell reprise her role as ex-damsel in distress Dolores next year in Westworlds third season. And next month shell make her Disney animation debut in Frozen II, voicing Queen Iduna, Elsa and Annas mother.

But beyond the normal day-to-day of her busy career, Wood has spent a lot of time recently doing a different kind of work: advocating on behalf of domestic violence survivors, like herself.

In February 2018, she testified in front of a subcommittee of the United States Congress about the Survivors Bill of Rights Act. And in April 2019, Wood testified in front of the California Senate Public Safety Committee. In her testimony, Wood went into excruciating detail about her own experiences with intimate partner violence, sharing that her abuser once tied her up and shocked her on sensitive parts of her body; that he made threats on her life; that he raped her. That she is, to this day, still terrified, traumatized, and very much in the process of working through it all.

She was advocating for passage of the Phoenix Act, a bill that she drafted with a team of domestic violence survivors, and which creates exceptions to the statute of limitations for domestic violence crimes. The Phoenix Act passed unanimously in California after her testimony (and was subsequently approved by the governor on October 7). Now Wood wants to bring the Phoenix Act to other states.

The day we meet, shes wearing a jacket emblazoned with a phoenixa gift, she tells me, and the way I see it, also a testament to her commitment to the cause. She became motivated to develop and advocate for the Phoenix Act because of her own experiences trying to bring her abuser to justice. She says that, years after the relationship ended, she gathered up all the evidence she had (of which she says there was an enormous amount, including photographs and video) and went to her lawyerbut it didnt matter. The statute of limitations was up and all of the evidence was obsolete in the eyes of the law.

It just seemed wrong to me that you could walk into a police station with a video of somebody committing a violent offense against you, and there's nothing that could be done, she tells me. That just didn't compute in my brain. I wanted to try to create a law that will catch the survivors that are slipping through the cracks.

Wood hasnt named her abuser. Its not to make a point that the system is fucked upalthough it is, she points out, extremely fucked up. Its because, quite simply, she still doesnt feel safe or protected enough to name him. When someone on Twitter asked why she kept him anonymous, Wood replied, They threatened to kill me or have me killed.

Im so scared, she tells me. People are like, Why don't you name your abuser? And I'm like, I tried, I tried; I did all the things that I was supposed to do and I was told there's nothing I could do. It was too late, she says.

Meanwhile, she tells me that testifying brought on a variety of emotionsanxiety, shame, validation, and relief, to name a fewbut beneath all that was a simple truth: Wood is pissed that she has to do this at all.

I don't want this to be my story, she says. I hate that this is my story. I hate having to talk about it. I hate having to relive it. But that's why I have to do it. If its not me, its going to be some other survivor.

One of Woods goals is to shine a spotlight on domestic violence specifically. Among other things, she wants to shatter the narrative of, Why don't you just leave?

Wood rattles off answers to that question, one by one: A victim is more likely to be killed by their intimate partner when they try to leave the relationship. Nearby shelters could be full. Someones abuser might have control over their finances or their car. Or they know who and where a victims friends and family are, and they might threaten violence on them, too. She speaks quickly, and its obvious to me that she knows this material very well, presumably a consequence of the work shes been doing.

It's not always that easy to leave, Wood says. They take away your privacy or take away your freedoms. And it happens slowly and steadily until one day you look around, you go, Oh, my God, I'm trapped here. I am trapped.

If someone doesnt know the statistics or hasnt spoken to a survivor, often their only perception of abuse is what they see in the media, which is frequently misleading. They assume that if they were in that situation they would act differently, she says. And that just shows you that we are not talking about this enough and people don't understand the complexities behind it.

And so her advocacy work continues.

For a long time, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been an umbrella diagnosis for the symptoms that develop in the aftermath of a terrifying event, like flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety. Most people associate the disorder with war veterans, but anyone who has experienced or witnessed trauma can develop it. But despite a singular diagnosis, experts are starting to look into how symptoms of PTSD can differ depending on the trauma that caused it.

In fact, some are even pushing for two separate diagnoses: PTSD, which results from one-time traumas like natural disasters, mass violence, accidents, and rape, and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), which comes at the hands of prolonged, repeated trauma such as going to war, domestic violence, childhood physical and sexual abuse, and concentration camps. Though CPTSD is not yet officially recognized as a separate condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), some doctors will diagnose it and many people with PTSD are embracing it as a label that accurately describes their experience. Evan Rachel Wood is one such person.

Wood says that symptoms of CPTSD regularly affect her life. She experiences disassociation, panic attacks, night terrors, agoraphobia, impulse control, and chronic pain, just to name a few. For a long time, it was hard for her to cry about what had happened to her because, she says, her body protected her from it.

Theres a book, The Body Keeps the Score, that is something close to gospel for many survivors of trauma. An exploration of how trauma leaves its mark on someones mind, emotions, and body, many find comfort and even healing in its pages. I ask if Wood has read it. She has, and its the first book she recommends for anyone with PTSD.

Sometimes I'm afraid to be alone in my house, she says. Sometimes I can't even go out of my front door to get a package. I'm that scared. And that's when I get really pissed off, because you can sit there and intellectualize it all day and go, There's nobody out there waiting to kill you. Go out your front door. But your body is paralyzed. It just won't do it, because the memory is still in your body.

Which is partially why she finds it so galling when people dismiss survivors, telling them to just get over it already. All we want to do is get over it, Wood says. I would love to not talk about this and never think about it again. But thats not possible.

Its particularly hard to just get over it given the current political and social climate, which nearly demands that people lay bare their most vulnerable and even traumatic truths in the hope of bringing about change, as Wood has done. With the surge of attention on the Me Too movement in 2017 came a near-constant deluge of stories about sexual assault and abuse on social media and in the news, and it hasnt always been easy for many survivors like Wood to witness. The outpouring of stories certainly spread awareness about the astonishing prevalence of sexual violence, but it also retraumatized a lot of people. It was like an avalanche when Me Too hit, Wood says. It was difficult to get out of bed sometimes.

But she also can see the value in it. For example, she says that testifying publicly made her feel validated in a way she hadnt anticipated. To have members of Congress look at me and say, Hey, that wasn't your fault, I just broke down in the middle of the hearing room, she says. That was like the first time I really just like let it go. I knew I had been heard and then I realized, Holy shit, that's all I wanted. Which was for someone to acknowledge this did happen and to hear me. It was just such a powerful thing.

Powerful and empowering are words that gets tossed around a lot when people fight for basic rights, bodily autonomy, respect, and justice, but theres no denying that this dam breaking open has been a reckoning. Theres no way to lie to yourself about where we are, Wood says. Here it is right in your face.

Given everything shes been through, its no surprise that she takes the work of healing and tending to her mental health very seriously. A big part of that is in building and nurturing friendships with people who support her.

I have friends that understand my past and my trauma, she says. They understand my PTSD. It doesn't matter what time of night it is. I can call them at three in the morning and say, I need you right now. And they will show up and they will hold my hand until I fall asleep.

Her people are a big part of her self-care, alongside a pretty solid mental health toolkit shes cultivated over the years. In it, she has coping mechanisms galore, thanks, in part, to being a self-help obsessive. Shes also a huge believer in therapy and getting mental health treatment from a medical professional. I just really think everyone should just have a therapist, like they have a regular doctor, she says. And crying helps a lot, too. I cry all the time now, she says. I love it because I fought against crying for so long, but now I really welcome it with open arms.

Of course, just because Wood has the tools doesnt mean its always easy to use them, an annoying reality anyone whos been to therapy likely knows. One thing that I had to be okay with was that therapy was not going to fix everything, she says. And it's not a be-all end-all solution. I think a lot of people think they're going to go to therapy and they're just going to tell you what to do. No, it's their job to lead you to water, but you're doing the work."

Asking for help hasnt always come naturally to her. She was 22 the first time she allowed herself that life jacket, when she checked herself into a psychiatric hospital following a suicide attempt. Before that momenta time she refers to as her rock bottomshe says her anger made it hard for her to reach out when she needed support. By the time I had reached that point where people wanted to give me help [...] I was mad at them for not helping me sooner," she says.

Thats not to say Wood doesnt think anger can be healing sometimes. Some days I just have to be mad, she says. I am definitely guilty of just sitting in my house alone and screaming at the top of my lungs because you just gotta get it out. She also recognizes the cathartic value of justdestroying shit. To that end, Wood says she sometimes goes to rage rooms. There's one in downtown L.A., she tells me: a haven for being destructive, where you can don protective gear and choose from a well-stocked arsenal of tools like pipes, bats, sledgehammers, and mallets. Then youre free to wreak havoc in a way women are rarely allowed, demolishing anything from plates to mirrors to TVs.

Last year, Wood rallied some friends to go to the rage room after the Kavanaugh hearings. We were like, Okay, we're going," she recalls with a laugh. Wood does this a lotlaugh, I mean, in a wonderful and unfettered way totally at odds with the subject matter at hand. It bubbles up throughout our conversation, no matter if we're talking about the effects of PTSD or bi chairs. Frankly, it's a familiar 2019 mood. When everything is going to shit, what else can you do but laugh and rage? "There was no other way to deal with it in that moment," she says. (I wonder, in this moment, why we chose to meet at Milk Studios when we couldve bashed some fax machines up while talking, instead. Maybe next time.)

Still, even with all the tools at her disposal and her years of practice at it, taking time to care for herself sometimes isnt so simple, especially when she has others relying on her to show up no matter what. As the mother of a six-year-old son, Wood understands this well. She says that mixing motherhood with tending to her own mental health comes with a bit of a learning curve. "It's a really delicate balance of self-care and needing to be there all the time for this other life, and not having to feel guilty about taking the time to take care of yourself, she says. Because I know that if I don't do that, I'm not going to be the best mom for my kid."

There is a silver lining, though: Shes using what shes learned from her own experiences to give her son the necessary tools of self-preservation. Some of the advice she has passed on to him is about how to cope if hes having a terrible day, feeling overwhelmed, spinning out, or just angry and cant feel better. "There are three things that I want you to do first," she tells him in those instances: "Get a good night's sleep, drink a bunch of water, and listen to music."

Wood is modelling behavior for her son in other ways too. Given that so many of the complicated conversations our culture is currently entrenched in revolve around violence and trauma at the hands of men, its an interesting time to be raising a young boy, to say the least.

I can only hope that I am raising a good man, she says. Part of that, she knows, will be about navigating this culture of sexual assault and how so many consequences of toxic masculinity involve learned behavior. Its just as much a conversation about boys. I feel like we're failing them by not addressing the fact that there is this culture of violence. I hope one day men are outraged of the shitty stereotypes that we're pushing in their name, because I get outraged for my son.

Wood took her son into consideration when deciding whether to come forward with her domestic violence story. She knew that one day he might read her testimonies, or discover other artifacts of her past. So she sat him down and explained to him what had happened to her in a way that a child could understand. And he was sad about it, she says, but he was also okay. More than anything, he was just happy that his mom was okay.

I think it inspired him to want to be a better person, she says. She recalls times when her son has noticed the culture around him, picking up on things like subtle sexism and pushing back against stereotypes. Kids are actually more understanding than adults most of the time, Wood says. They can actually handle a lot if you're just really honest with them and give them a chance. They have such open hearts and are so willing to learn and have these conversations.

I ask Wood if she ever feels pressure as someone who talks so openly about her mental health to appear more healed or more okay than she actually feels to set a strong example.

She shakes her head no. I used to think being strong was not being affected, she says. And now, to me, being strong is letting it affect you but being able to move past it, and seeing the pain, walking through it, letting it flow through you, and then letting it leave. You can break and still be strong.

All told, Wood recognizes that the work of healing might never be donenot completely.

Now that Im older, I have moments where I'm like, No, I've worked on this already! I got past this!" she says, gesturing as though to curse the heavens, a frustration anyone who is working through trauma would recognize. And now I'm starting to realize that even stuff that you've worked on and felt like you've gotten past sometimes comes back. You've got to work on it again. Its an ongoing process.

Woods son has accompanied her to the shoot and at one point pops into our conversation to check in on his mom. We were actually talking about you, Wood tells him. Pleased with that answer, he bounces off again in a blur of blond hair, and we laugh as we watch him go. I use the moment to ask her if shes talked to him about her sexuality. Oh yeah, she replies, adding that when she asked him what hed think if she started dating a woman, he responded enthusiastically. He was like, 'I think that would be amazing. That would be so cool! she recalls.

And in case you were wondering, yep, Wood currently has a partner, who she says is nonbinary. And despite what some people might think, dating someone who isnt a cis dude is hardly a unique occurrence for her. A lot of people are like, Why do you not have any public relationships with women? I'm like, I have not hidden any of my relationships with women. We've been photographed together. We'd been out and about. We held hands. Everyone just always assumed we were friends.

You know, just gals being pals.

Wood has some other bisexual grievances, while shes at it. To name a few: people saying bisexuality enforces a binary and excludes trans and nonbinary people (When I identify as bi, to me that means everyone); the tired bisexuals are just confused myth (I always say: Bisexuals aren't confused about who they are; they're confused about where they fit in the world.); and various disaster bi shenanigans (The number of times I've hung out with people one-on-one and had to be like, I'm sorry, I'm bi. I just have to know: Is this a date?).

And then theres the fact that she never felt she could be open about her sexuality growing up. Which, relatable. We volley memories of our experiences as baby queers back and forth: dismissive of our own feelings, unable to differentiate between life goals and wife goals, and stumbling to find our way. For Wood, being bisexual in high school meant feeling like there was something wrong with her or being minimized into a stereotype, never able to fully express her feelings.

Now, she says she notices a difference, especially when talking to her son and also with her younger sister, whos in high school. I was like, so kids are out in school now. And she said, Oh yeah, there's tons of kids out, Wood says. That just blows my mind. I can't even imagine how different my life would've been if I could have just been who I was, she tells me.

Speaking of growing up, if Wood is raising her son with foundational forms of self-care and cultural awareness, I want to know what formative values shaped her as a young person. I had astrology, music, and Disney, she says. That was it. That was the Holy Trinity.

She is unsurprisingly thrilled to be in Frozen II. Disney taught me how to sing, she says. It taught me about death and taught me about love and taught me about bravery, about what real what true strength was, what true friendship was. All of that's in Frozen II. It's a real coming-of-age story about finding out who you really are and embracing yourself.

I had to ask: Did she know that some people were rooting for Elsa to be gay? And oh, she knows. I remember going into work one day and saying, I feel like people are going to be bummed when they find out Im not Elsas girlfriend.

And even though shes all for a gay Disney princess, shes more than happy with her role as Elsa and Annas mothera character who died in the first movie. "I thought, Wow, the only thing as cool as being a Disney princess is being a Disney mom that dies, she says.

Voicing a Disney character has actually been a secret goal of hers for a while nowemphasis on the secret. I have secret goals that I don't tell anybody about, she says. I don't like disappointing myself, I don't like disappointing people in general, so I keep it to myself. I like to set completely unrealistic standards for myself and matching them.

Because Wood listed astrology as the third part of her Holy Trinity, I am obligated as a fellow Virgo to point out to her that this is a very Virgo point of view. Whether you believe in astrology or not, it tracks for Wood, who identifies as a perfectionist, a trait typically associated with our shared sign. I can be really hard on myself, she says. I have to be okay with something not being perfect, which is hard. But I know at this point that Ill feel worse if I didnt try.

After a long detour into the contours of Woods natal chart (Pisces moon, Sagittarius rising!), I only get her to tell me one more of her secret goals: Finally hosting SNL. I'm manifesting it. I'm saying it right now, she says. The rest she keeps to herself, presumably until she undoubtedly accomplishes them.

Nearing the end of our conversation, I keep thinking of something I had recently discussed with my own therapist: She told meand Im paraphrasing herethat when youre someone who is typically very open about things others consider taboo topics (like, say, PTSD and sexual assault and trauma), people often assume youre open about everything. But that very often isnt the case. So I ask: What are the things that are truly difficult for Wood to talk about?

She has to think about that one. Goodbyes, she says. Ive got a real problem with endings and accepting the end of things sometimes. Thats probably the thing that if you really probed me about it, Id be like, no, I dont want to talk about it.

I dont push it. When youre someone who regularly puts your heart and pain on full display to help other people feel less alone, you deserve some vulnerabilities that are just for you. Because we all have our shit: from bad coping mechanisms to traumas were still working through to mental health struggles to simply living day to day in the tumultuous world around us.

Were all, we agree, a little fucked up.

Is anyone okay right now? I ask as we prepare to part ways.

I don't know, Wood says. But the good news about that is none of us are alone in it.

See the rest here:
Evan Rachel Wood on Bisexuality, Rage, and Life After Trauma - SELF

You Should Never Give Up is for readers who have tried almost everything, but still cant get answers.

DUBLIN (PRWEB) October 30, 2019

Sheila Mo Cierpikowskas book You Should Never Give Up #MyTestimonyVol1 ($12.49, paperback, 9781498477055; $5.99, e-book, 9781498477062), is available for purchase.

You Should Never Give Up is for readers who have tried almost everything, but still cant get answers. They are tired of making the same mistakes. They have faith in God, but it seems that their prayers are in vain and their back is against the wall. This book contains author Sheila Cierpikowskas testimony of an intelligent faith that she learned from the Universal Church. This book is a message of practical advice that will guide readers to overcome those inner battles and complexes solely to receive the Power of the Holy Spirit to guide you if they accept.

Sheila Mo Cierpikowska is an entrepreneur and she achieved her Post Graduate award in entrepreneurship at the University College Dublin in Ireland. She is the mother of two kids, Latoya and Antonio. She resides in Dublin with her husband, Krzysztof Cierpikowski.

Xulon Press, a division of Salem Media Group, is the worlds largest Christian self-publisher, with more than 12,000 titles published to date. You Should Never Give Up #MyTestimonyVol1 is available online through xulonpress.com/bookstore, amazon.com, and barnesandnoble.com.

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Self Help Book Encourages Readers to Trust God to Change the Story of Their Lives - PR Web