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Archive for the ‘Self-Help’ Category

What’s Your Number? Meet the Enneagram Personality Type Influencers – The Daily Beast

Posted: January 17, 2020 at 1:44 pm


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A few months ago, I went day drinking with a group of unnaturally attractive humans, the kind of people who look good in baby bangs and low rise jeans. Im a 7, a girl with a sleeve full of tattoos announced. Same, I agreed, assuming she meant shoe size and thrilled that we had something in common. Then a large man offered that he was a 4, and I realized we werent talking about feet.

In a second, Id learn that we were talking about Enneagram types, a range of nine personalities that has become a kind of Whats your sign? for the influencer, or influencer-adjacent, set. Someone passed me their phone and I took a 10-minute test which asked questions like whether Im more relationship or goal oriented and whether Im methodical and cautious or adventurous and a risk-taker.

Wanting to seem Totally Chill for my new, seemingly-poreless friends, I lied, punching in that I am spontaneous and fun-loving and romantic and imaginative. According to 9Types.com, this indeed did make me a 7, or an Adventurer, known for being energetic, lively, and optimistic, someone who wants to contribute to the world. (Who doesnt? I silently countered to myself.)

Later that night, alone, my truest self bathed in computer bluelight, I retook the test. With no one to impress, I was a 4, the Romantic, basically a needy little bitch with sensitive feelings. Under How to Get Along With Me read truths like, Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me and Dont tell me Im too sensitive or overreacting!

Rude of the Enneagram to drag me like a runaway Clydesdale, but true.

The Enneagram has a hard-to-trace early history. The pseudosciences nine types allegedly have roots in fourth-century Christian mysticism, but it really became popular after the Armenian writer George Gurdjieff, who died in 1949, mapped out the geometric, constellatory figure. Gurdjieff taught the Fourth Way, a supposed path to enlightenment championed during the New Age by the Bolivian philosopher Oscar Ichazo.

Jesuit scholars in the 1970s also adopted the Enneagram in their teachings, and today the practice occupies a curious place in the cannon of self-help literature. Some therapists use the Enneagram to encourage self-reflection. Evangelical Christians believe the number can strengthen their relationship with God. Plenty of gurus use it to sell their pop psych books.

Few things can unite the religious right and Marianne Williamson supporters like the Enneagram does, probably because regardless of politics, people just like talking about themselves.

A lot of people will often feel like they are somehow unique and alone in their experience, they are somehow out there, and not normal, Kim Schneiderman, a New York therapist, told me. For those people, I find that with the Enneagram, they begin to realize certain aspects of themselves in the descriptions of personality types.

Just as the zodiac or crystal healing has helped many a nebulously spiritual person find clarity amidst the chaos, the Enneagram has also developed a very online following. This presents a new cottage industry of influencers like Ashton Ober, who runs @EnneagramAshton while working her day job at the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape.

In middle school, Ober lived for the days she her mother would drive her to Barnes and Noble, where she ran straight to the personality test book section. I was a diehard, Ober, now 30, told me.

The enneagram tells you the motivations behind your behavior. It tells you why you do the things you do. Its more of a tool for self-growth instead of just like, here are your results, thats that

She first learned about the Enneagram two years ago, while finishing up her masters program. Ober discovered that she is a 2, or a Helper, a type known for its need to give and feel loveperhaps unsurprising, given her career in social work.

Unlike the Myers Briggs Type Indicator, another character assessment Ober admits to being obsessed with, the Enneagram provided not just an evaluation, but an explanation. The Enneagram tells you the motivations behind your behavior, Ober said. It tells you why you do the things you do. Its more of a tool for self-growth instead of just like, here are your results, thats that.

Of course, that is only if one cares to deep dive into what things really mean. Others, like my day-drinking companions, might be fine explaining away their behavior with, Im such a 9.

Ober posts color-coordinated info-graphics that are ripe for comments, offering guidance and relationship advice for different types. The point of these posts are, of course, to engage, and nothing gets Enneagram fans talking more than a joke that makes them feel seen or read.

The Enneagram is not a comfortable thing, Ober said. It draws out characteristics about ourselves that are not always really great. A few of us who take the test are willing to go further with the results, but a lot of people dont.

I am trying my hardest, but I am not a lifestyle blogger, not going on there and saying, Look what I bought today at Target

Last summer, Obers account hit 20,000 followers. Today, it has over 190,000. She credits a willingness to start posting more about her personal life for that rapid growth. I started to show myself and my face more, Ober explained. I hit 40,000 in September, then 100,000 in November and 175,000 in January.

Still, Ober realizes that her content is very niche, and hard to monetize in the usual influencer way of sponcon and partnership deals. I am trying my hardest, but I am not a lifestyle blogger, not going on there and saying, Look what I bought today at Target, Ober said, though she has done some marketing for various life-coaching companies. By her own estimation, the following is like, 96 percent women.

Ginny Blake, 22 and a law student in West Virginia, says the Enneagram helped her through anorexia recovery. It ended up being a helpful tool to help me analyze triggers and thinking patterns Id been having for years, but now through a new lens, she said. Anorexia is largely driven by anxiety [and] I find I am most likely to relapse when I feel as though Im losing control over some aspect of my life. Restricting becomes a default mindset in order to restore some type of control.

Things clicked when she learned she was a Type 8, or the Asserter, a personality which generally fears a loss of agency. Reading up on the ways Type 8s respond to stress has been really interesting, because its like getting a peek at my brain. The Enneagram became a tool in my belt to help me begin to acknowledge and unravel harmful thought patterns, Blake said.

Blake now runs @EnneagramAndMemes, another popular account with over 160,000 followers. She believes it is like gently roasting yourself and your friends. Blake hopes that if she can make her followers laugh, she can inspire them to learn more about their types.

Everyone carries with them a story that shaped and molded them into who they are [and] learning someones type is like getting an itty-bitty glimpse of that story, Blake added. Learning someone shares your type is really special, too, because all of a sudden you realize someone else thinks like you.

Sarahjane Case, 33, runs @EnneagramAndCoffee from her home in Asheville, North Carolina. She first learned of the different types five years ago, while discussing her then-boyfriend, now-husband, with a friend. After annoying everyone she knew with facts about the Enneagram, Case began posting on Instagram in December 2018.

Were in this season of life right now where we are asking everybody to own their stuff, Case said. Really look at yourself and think about what you bring to the table and what is serving the world, and own that. The Enneagram basically asks you to do that directly.

Case said that her following of nearly 560,000 is made up of a lot of people in Nashville, with New York and Texas being other major hubs. Despite the interest, she is adamant that you dont have to be your number.

A lot of times we think that the whole point of the Enneagram is that we have to be this in order to be loved, be OK, and be safe, Case said. So when we over-identify with our number, there is a sense of, I do not need to change this part of myself. I want more for people than that.

John Luckovich, a 32-year-old teacher at New York Enneagram, has followed the practice since a canoe trip he took as a high schooler in north Georgia. I was friends with this woman whose dad was friends with Don Riso [who wrote the book Personality Types], and she goes, John, youre a 4, Luckovich said. It ruined my life. It started this obsession that I have not diverged from at all.

Luckovich is deeply involved in the Enneagram workshop and speaking circuit, even meeting his wife at a conference held near the Swiss-Italian border. Hes a searcher, someone who believes people need to spend years studying the Enneagram to truly understand it.

Im very snotty, he joked. With the Instagram stuff, some of the memes are funny, very feware, but some are. There are a couple of accounts I follow, but most of it makes me cringe.

He chalks the Enneagrams newfound prevalence down to widespread generational feelings of hopelessness about the future.

I think theres also a real interest in checking out whats going on beneath the hood? How do I find something thats fulfilling? Whats actually real?

I think people can instinctively feel that the Enneagram has a lot of substance to it, but its a far cry from recognizing that something has substance versus being able to extract that substance, Luckovich said. But I think theres also a real interest in checking out whats going on beneath the hood. How do I find something thats fulfilling? Whats actually real?

And of course: Some people are attracted to the Enneagram out of pure narcissism and fascination with oneself, and thats fine. If thats where youre at, thats where youre at.

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What's Your Number? Meet the Enneagram Personality Type Influencers - The Daily Beast

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January 17th, 2020 at 1:44 pm

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How much should you pack for a trip? The psychology behind how much a person packs. – Vox.com

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If you find yourself at an airport, youll likely notice two types of travelers. Theres the person struggling with the overstuffed suitcase (or three) right alongside the traveler handling little more than a light duffel.

Of course, they might be heading to totally different destinations for totally different lengths of time and under totally different circumstances, but its clear that a persons packing style whether they pack light or pack heavy is a distinctive personality trait.

It turns out that how much we pack has more to do with our personal travel experiences, including our destination, luggage type, and even social standards. Packing, whether it be for a weekend trip or a two-week vacation, is a highly personal act and can create a fair amount of pressure. Were expected to be effective and efficient travelers who can determine the most important items we need for the entire length of time were away from home. I personally find comfort in bringing more than I need, just in case.

When were traveling, our emotions can feel more polarized since were experiencing a stressful situation, Lara Fielding, a clinical psychologist and author of Mastering Adulthood, told me. Our stress levels increase because were not in our comfort zone, and [because we] are surrounded by uncomfortable, different people.

A popular travel stereotype is that women tend to pack more than men, which is an old clich that Fielding suspects originated nearly a century ago, when women wore more elaborate outfits. Women are also more accustomed to carrying some sort of bag, since womens clothing tends to have small, inadequate pockets. Although those expectations have changed, it takes awhile for these stereotypes to dissipate, Fielding added.

Our stress levels increase because were not in our comfort zone, and [because we] are surrounded by uncomfortable, different people

From Fieldings point of view, how a traveler chooses to pack ultimately comes down to their past travel experiences. A persons behavior is influenced consciously or subconsciously by what theyve encountered before, and most people are aiming to cover their butts when they pack.

There are plenty of smart packing and self-help guides for overpackers, but Jan Chipchase, founder of the design firm Studio D Radiodurans, says luggage design can also influence a persons packing behaviors. Chipchase, who also designs and sells lightweight luggage at SDR Traveller, classifies himself as a no-wheels traveler and has spent the past decade studying peoples packing behavior around the world.

Contrary to popular belief, Chipchase believes wheeled luggage is not a convenient invention for travelers, but rather constrains them during their trips. People see wheels as a way to get their luggage from point A to point B, but the moment theyve chosen wheels, theyve cut down the travel options that are open to them, he said.

For example, it would be much harder for a tourist to navigate a new citys public transit system with a wheeled suitcase than it would be with a small backpack. A backpack also allows for more spontaneous travel, Chipchase argued, since a person only has to worry about whats on their back.

The first wheeled suitcases were sold in 1970, but the concept faced resistance early on salespeople didnt think men wanted a suitcase with wheels. In the decades following this invention, however, designers fine-tuned the standard model of rolling luggage were familiar with today: a suitcase with two tiny wheels and a retractable handle.

Wheels give the illusion of weightless luggage and, according to Chipchase, lead people to pack more. In a 2015 blog, he wrote that when people are packing at home, theyre focused on fitting everything they need within the bag. Only after the trip has started, when the drawback of that extra bulk is apparent, is the desire for remedial action, the clear-out, triggered. By then it is too late.

His reasoning makes sense to me, a chronic overpacker. For a recent weekend trip to San Francisco, I unnecessarily packed a full suitcase and ended up trying to make the stuff I brought fit alongside whatever else I accumulated during my two-day stay.

As a frequent traveler, Chipchase is on the road anywhere from six to nine months a year, a lifestyle that requires him to be minimalist and intentional in his packing. In manifestos and blogs online, ultralight packers say this preparation method helps them think more deeply about the trip on which theyre about to embark.

In an essay for BuzzFeed News, reporter Alison Willmore wrote that the real trick to traveling light requires only that you accustom yourself to leaving things behind things that you bought because you thought you needed them, but now know you can get by without.

In a way, packing light is counterintuitive to what most of us have been conditioned to feel about entirely new environments. Even if youre an experienced traveler, youre likely to have a higher stress response, and the desire to make yourself more comfortable intensifies, said Fielding, the psychologist.

This is a mindset that most seasoned travelers, like Willmore and Chipchase, have attempted to overcome. However, Willmore wrote theres a reason for our attachment to heavy suitcases, that the amount of excess stuff we carry is an attempt to cope with the distance from home: The emotions carried in that heavy suitcase remain the desire to bring something of your life to a new place and to take something similar back.

Theres no right answer to whether a person should pack light or heavy, although the travel industry is encouraging fliers to travel with less. Checked-bag fees are on the rise, and airlines have adopted less-expensive ticket tiers like basic economy that limit travelers to only a small bag.

Its difficult to find that sweet spot if youre an infrequent traveler, but whatever your default packing behavior, it likely isnt a personality flaw, Fielding told me: Its a safety prediction based on your needs for whatever lies ahead.

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How much should you pack for a trip? The psychology behind how much a person packs. - Vox.com

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This Is the Cost of Your Beauty Routine – The New York Times

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It takes two hours to spot-treat a growing zit with a pimple patch. It takes 20 minutes to de-puff the eye area with a mask. It takes only 10 to give your complexion a shot of hydration with a sheet mask.

Fifty years ago, or as recently as 10 or even five, one skin-care product could last you a few weeks or sometimes months. Now, beauty companies feed our single-use behavior the super-convenient way of using something only once before discarding it with a flood of non-biodegradable, non-recyclable disposable products.

Not only is there an abundance of sheet masks, but there are also derivatives sold to target specific areas like laugh lines or your derrire or your nether regions. There are cleansing wipes available from nearly every brand on the market. And there are zit stickers that come packaged in multiple layers of plastic.

People havent been made as aware of the impact of beauty, said Freya Williams, the chief executive of Futerra North America, an agency that helps companies with sustainability efforts. Were taught in school to recycle, but its focused more in the kitchen than in the bathroom, so it doesnt seem as important.

The single-use phenomenon is a fairly recent development, Ms. Williams added. And, she said, its happening without anybody realizing how much these items are taking over.

Its hard to resist innovative product introductions, seasonal trends and the promise of clearer, tighter, smoother skin. At the peak of the K-beauty trend, a 10-step beauty routine was not only heralded as the answer to a flawless complexion, but it also came to exemplify one form of self-care.

We saw an uptick in the number of skin-care products consumers used at the height of the Korean skin-care trend, with many adding an additional mask or product, said Larissa Jensen, the executive director and beauty industry analyst at the NPD Group market research consultancy.

Every extra serum or mask comes with problematic side effects, of course. Without our even realizing it, were driving up the environmental impact.

Elizabeth Mullans, a dermatologist in Houston, believes that a streamlined anti-aging regimen can be boiled down to three essential products: sunscreen with an SPF of 30 or higher, an over-the-counter retinol or prescription-strength retinoid, and a vitamin C serum.

I dont think you can use too many products they will all be absorbed into your skin but these three are going to help the most, Dr. Mullans said. Other products can be added to target specific concerns, like benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid for acne, or hyaluronic acid for irritation or dryness.

Stay away from any product that contains collagen because the molecules are too big to be absorbed, she said. Its basically a glorified moisturizer.

Many believe the industrys biggest culprit and most challenging hurdle is packaging, with luxury brands being the greatest offender. The way brands create luxury is through layers of heavy packaging, which is often not recyclable and is being discarded, Ms. Williams said.

Already we have reached a point at which overpackaging no longer feels luxurious. The industry watchdog Estee Laundry, an Instagram account that calls out bullying, copycats and social injustices, has long put brands on blast for waste. A recent target was Pat McGrath Labs and the excessive amount of plastic that comes with a single beauty product.

Making sustainability synonymous with luxury is an opportunity, and its something were starting to see in fashion, Ms. Williams said. Invest in something thats worthy of your time and money.

Investing in waterless beauty products is one example. Anhydrous formulas eliminate water as a key ingredient to deliver on three things: higher potency (and in turn, greater efficacy); a longer shelf life (without water, there is less risk of bacteria growth); fewer toxins (because there is no longer a need for parabens or preservatives); and water conservation.

Clean beauty is expected to generate nearly $25 billion by 2025, according to a report from Grand View Research. That may be only a fraction of the beauty industry (an $863 billion business by 2024, according to Zion Market Research), but the demand for products that are marketed as clean or natural continues to be strong.

This focus on ingredients and whether theyre good if theyre harmful to your skin or the environment is why theres a big movement toward clean beauty, Ms. Jensen said. Clean beauty ties into the wellness movement and the wellness movement ties into the environment, because its about whats good for you and the planet.

She added that demand for such products may help explain an NPD 2019 market report (from January to September) indicating that the skin-care category was up 7 percent in sales, while makeup was down 5 percent.

And as Gen Z consumers, whose priorities include transparency and sustainability, gain spending power as they age, this movement will likely accelerate.

If you look at beautys impact as a whole, the challenge can seem overwhelming. Everything how ingredients are sourced, carbon emissions in production must be considered lest it lead to harmful social and environmental impacts.

Products that use plastic, like glitter or microbeads, can contribute to ocean waste; certain chemicals in sunscreens can harm marine life; and if an ingredient is not sourced responsibly, it can to environmental destruction, like deforestation.

Some companies are making an effort to effect change. Unilever recently pledged that all Dove bottles will be composed of recycled plastic, that the Dove Beauty Bar will be plastic free later in 2020 and that refillable stainless steel deodorant sticks are in the works in an effort to reduce its use of virgin plastic by more than 20,500 tons per year.

For many digitally native, born-good start-ups, sustainability is embedded in their DNA, like By Humankind, a personal care brand dedicated to reducing single-use plastic by introducing plastic-free shampoo and conditioner bars and refillable deodorant containers.

LOLI, a zero-waste clean beauty brand, bottles its formulas in food-grade glass yogurt jars, which can be reused in the kitchen.

Cadence, a company committed to eliminating travel-size plastic, will begin selling its refillable containers on Jan. 21. They allow users to decant their products into durable, leakproof vessels, a percentage of which is made from consumer waste.

Travel-size versions of beauty products are especially wasteful, said Stephanie Hon, the founder of Cadence. By delivering what you love your beauty routine were allowing you to bring what you want in a more sustainable way.

She has a point: Consumers are fiercely loyal to their routines (its why the beauty industry has historically been immune to recession), which means it is that much harder for them to give up their products for a more sustainable option.

Even though 75 percent of consumers believe sustainability is very important, its the key purchasing criterion for only 7 percent, according to a study by Boston Consulting Group.

Consumers think companies arent willing to change, and companies think consumers arent willing to change, so its a stalemate, Ms. Williams said. Once consumers arent forced to choose between sustainability and performance, thats when youll start to see solutions taking off.

There are, however, small actions you can take now: Look for packageless products (Lush has long championed them); avoid single-use products; swap disposable cleansing wipes and cotton pads for reusable ones; and recycle whatever you can. (TerraCycle offers programs for cosmetic products.)

Were nowhere near where we want to be, but taking the right steps is all we can do, Ms. Jensen said. At the end of the day, there are companies that are making money without any changes, but when it starts to affect a companys bottom line, thats when things are going to start to change.

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This Is the Cost of Your Beauty Routine - The New York Times

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5 mental traps that successful people never fall for, according to psychologists – CNBC

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Our brains are wired to make sense of things by drawing connections between thoughts, ideas, actions, and consequences. But sometimes, they can be straight up wrong, negative, or misleading.

Cognitive behavioral therapists call these instances "cognitive distortions." These traps cause us to perceive reality differently than how it really is and the most successful people have learned how to recognize and avoid these errors in thinking at all costs.

While writing my book, "The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care," I researched and interviewed psychologists to learn how these thought patterns can get in the way of our health, happiness, and ability to past struggles and achieve our goals.

Here are some of the most common mental traps that hold us back from success and how to overcome them:

Mistaking our emotions as evidence for the truth is one of the most common mental traps we fall into.

Example: "I feel like my ideas are worthless, therefore I shouldn't share them in this meeting."

Emotional reasoning can often cause us to make poor choices. In his 2015 letter to shareholders, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos warned against the dangers of letting emotions overwhelm you when making important decisions, rather than taking a step back and trying to learn what you can about a problem.

"Some decisions are consequential and irreversible or nearly irreversible," he wrote. "These decisions must be made methodically, carefully, slowly, with great deliberation and consultation."

To combat emotional reasoning, cognitive therapists suggest asking yourself questions like, "What are the facts that support my emotionally-based determination?" Or, "Is it possible that my feelings are clouded by some bias that ought to be reevaluated?"

When you stop transforming your feelings into truths, you gain the logic and clarity that will allow you to make smarter decisions.

We engage in blaming when we hold others accountable for our own actions and feelings.

Example: On your way out to work, your cat escaped through the door. "Great," you say. "Now I'm going to be late, and it's the cat's fault."

We often blame others because it helps us "preserve our sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of our own flaws or failings," according to Susan Whitbourne, a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.

But failing to take responsibility for the consequences of your own behavior means you're not learning from your mistakes. And being able to grow through your experiences, especially the unpleasant ones, is crucial to success.

"Playing the blame game is irrational, and it stigmatizes the other party," says Gustavo Razzetti, author of "Stretch Your Mind." He suggests that practicing empathy can help you quit the habit of blaming. "Focus on understanding the other person. Try walking in his or her shoes. Get rid of the 'right-wrong' approach."

Many of us have fallen down the negative spiral of expecting disaster to strike, no matter what.

Example: The news reports that a storm is approaching. You start to imagine all the bad things that can happen: "What if my house gets destroyed?" "What if someone I love gets hurt?" "What if I get hurt?"

Fear, especially irrational fear, plays a big part in catastrophizing, researchers have found. But always anticipating the worst possible outcome is far from useful. In fact, studies show that it can lead to anxiety and depression.

Psychologist Judith Beth, best known for her work in cognitive behavioral therapy, recommends listing the advantages and disadvantages of putting your time and energy into catastrophizing. Or, she says, it may help to play "devil's advocate," and list all the best-case (or even OK-case) scenarios. You may find yourself in a calmer, less anxious, and clearer state of mind.

In the fallacy of fairness, a person believes that every situation should be determined by what is fair.

Example: You're bitter that your colleague got a promotion and you didn't. You complain to yourself that it isn't fair: "She rarely shows up to work on time and I probably work much harder than her."

But guess what? As you've probably been told several times as a child: Life isn't always fair. When engage in the fallacy of fairness, you're more likely to wind up feeling angry, resentful, or hopeless.

Psychology professors at Brigham Young University-Idaho suggest that stating your feelings as preferences can help change the way you feel about a situation.

So instead of letting yourself be consumed by bitterness, tell yourself: "It would be nice to get a promotion, but I don't always have control over that. Perhaps I can talk to my boss about how I can get one next year."

Personalization involves taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself, without any logical reason.

Example: "My son got an 'F' on his final exam, and it's all my fault. I should've spent more time helping him study."

Psychologists have found that personalization can lead to guilt, shame, and feelings of inadequacy. To work through this cognitive distortion, take a step back and think about what part you played in the situation. Then consider how you might not be entirely to blame.

By looking at things from an outsider's perspective, you may discover that there were a variety of factors at play, and that the outcome is not a direct reflection of you.

Anna Borges is a writer, podcast host, mental health advocate, and author of "The More or Less Definitive Guide to Self-Care." Her work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, The Outline, SELF, and more. She lives in Brooklyn, New York with her two cats. Follow her on Twitter.

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5 mental traps that successful people never fall for, according to psychologists - CNBC

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Everything you think you know about minimalism is wrong – Fast Company

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It wasnt that long ago that Instagram was flooded with saturated filters and low-resolution photos. But then the gaudy, maximalist look of the 2000s faded out of style and was replaced with an interest in clean lines and mature color palettes. Seemingly overnight, the platform became an ode to minimalismfilled with interior design and lifestyle posts from influencers anchored by organic, nautilus-shaped forms and eggshell-colored walls. Everything on the grid was carefully curated to be monochromatic, uncluttered, and uniform.

[Cover Image: Tree Abraham/courtesy Bloomsbury]Minimalism has been eagerly adopted as an aesthetic by Instagram users and pretty much everyone else not on the social media application, too. Marie Kondo teaches us that minimalism is getting rid of anything that does not spark joy. Other influencers (and brands) suggest that its having a hyper-curated closet of a few basics, or a simple skincare routine featuring only three all-natural products. Minimalism has become a visual manifestation of wellnessa lifestyle trend rooted in conspicuous consumption.

But this loose misinterpretation belies its roots as a decades-old architecture and design philosophy. In his new book,The Longing for Less: Living with Minimalism, out from Bloomsbury January 21, culture critic Kyle Chayka investigates how weve veered away from minimalisms true origins, and converted it intowhat can be reduced toa look. Here, Chayka helps dispel the four biggest myths of minimalism.

Minimalisms recurrence as an idea, in both society and art, reveals the philosophys central paradox: It is a quiet celebration of space, but bold in the way its simplicity overwhelms. In the time right after World War II, minimalism was a popular aesthetic because its a perfect, utopian style that everyone can access, Chayka says in a phone interview. Soon after, in the 1970s, the idea of simple living began to take hold, which is the last time eco-conscious consumer practices (less consumption, more self-reliance) were as in vogue as they are today. I think the internet and social media and the financial crisis is what really caused the super popularity of minimalism this time around, Chayka says.

Its not difficult to imagine why we, as a society, long for less. Our lives are dominated by dizzying screens, which have forced us to prioritize images over the humanness of real life. So much of our visual experience is on the internet now. Thats the container of our experience, Chayka says. And so it makes sense that the spaces we occupy would be very simple because we spend so much time on our phones.

In an attempt to counteract the harm technology has done to our ability to focus, rest, and enjoy experiences, people have adopted minimalism as a visual aesthetic. Its blank, inoffensive, natural. Its even been marketed as a form of self-help.

But according to Chayka, minimalism is about experiencing the world directly and engaging with your surroundings. ConsiderAgnes Martins austere canvases or Donald Judds spacious constructions in Marfa, Texas. In architecture, minimalism has roots in Japan, where theres a real interest in very refined textures and creating experiences with light and shadowan architecture of ephemerality that modernism doesnt really have, Chayka says. In short, there was once a spirituality to minimalism that has been lost in its current expression. The style now seems more like numbing yourself and creating a protective environment, Chayka says.

Minimalism these days has an aura of moral superiority. Minimalism has always been associated with moral purity or a sense of existing outside of society, whether thats during the midcentury modern movement or the Voluntary Simplicity Movement of the 70s, Chayka says. The problem with luxury minimalism today is that the style is associated with moral purity and outsiderness but its being adopted by the most insider people possiblewealthy women and tech billionaires. The style of minimalism [we see today] is a reality thats not very minimal at all. Clearing out ones home for the sake of more space is not radical if theres a financial safety net in place to buy it all back again, if one should so choose. (Steve Jobss uniform of black turtlenecks and jeans was not minimalist as much as it was a decision to not be burdened with variety.) So the suggestion that someone owning fewer objects is healthier and more put-together overlooks the fact that participating in the trend is less about the inward journey than it is about appearances. Nothing morally superior about that.

Todays Instagram-ready minimalism couldnt have been born anywhere other than in the United States. I think the commodification of minimalism has been very American, Chayka says. The idea of an entirely minimalist lifestyle is deeply American . . . we consume everything to excess, even minimalism. Home organization entrepreneur Marie Kondo seems to have tapped into this American Achilles heel; her pivot to selling home goods reflects a genius awareness that consumers are eager to buy objects that represent an ideology, even though they are a shallow appropriation of it. This makes minimalisms success on Instagram plain, too; it is now an element deeply embedded into a platform that has become synonymous with a certain brand of conspicuous consumption.

Sometime soon, the minimalism trend will likely slip out of the mainstream consciousness again, just as it has in the past. I think weve hit peak minimalism and [are now moving] past it . . . minimalism is a trend and a style and it comes and goes in waves. We start obsessing over it and then find out that it doesnt solve our problems, Chayka says. For most people, minimalism is simply not a realistic lifestyle, because the very structure of our capitalist society relies on constant consumption and an attitude of overindulgence. To put it simply, minimalismas it exists in the culture todayis a privilege. Its the difference between an Apple Store and a Zen temple, Chayka says. The Apple Store never changestheres perfectly clean glass and steel and empty space. But if you think of the rock garden in the Zen temple, its always changing and moving with time . . . its more interesting and sustainable than creating something that never changes.

Buy The Longing for Less: Living with Minimalism, by Kyle Chayka, designed by Tree Abraham, Elizabeth Van Itallie, Mia Kwon, and Patti Ratchford for Bloomsbury on Amazon.

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Everything you think you know about minimalism is wrong - Fast Company

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January 17th, 2020 at 1:44 pm

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Self-help groups in rural Odisha are helping women avoid malnutrition and unwanted pregnancies – Scroll.in

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Mild winter sunlight streamed through the banyan trees under which Dhana Anjaria sat cross-legged with two other pregnant women of Dumuriput village in Koraput district, 500 km west of state capital Bhubaneswar. They were listening with rapt attention to tips on nutrition for pregnant women.

Monomita Nag, 35, a community resource person, was instructing the group on the importance of dietary diversity using a booklet coloured orange, green and white. These are the colours of the tiranga or the Indian flag, but Anjaria, who knew the booklet by heart, had decoded other meanings from it. Orange is for milk, egg, meat and pulses, white for roots, tubers and cereals, and green is for vegetables, said Anjaria, 21, seven months pregnant with twins.

Anjaria had conceived within the first year of marriage. She could have been among half of all Indian women who are anaemic and one-fifth who are thin. But she is neither, and also confident that her children will be born healthy.

The nutrition advice she was getting from Nag started long before her pregnancy. It began during a meeting she had with Nag as a newly-wed along with her husband. Anjarias mid-upper arm circumference or MUAC used as a rapid assessment of her nutritional status measured 22 cm. An MUAC under 23 cm indicates risk of malnutrition in women.

Anjaria followed Nags advice, went from eating twice a day to four times, including non-vegetarian foods and also started resting more. She was particular about not skipping her calcium or iron folic acid tablets. Over months, her weight increased from 41 kg to 54 kg.

Nag conducts monthly meetings in the village of self-help groups on microfinance activities as a part of the Odisha Livelihoods Mission, started in 2006, an autonomous body under the panchayati raj department that implements diversified livelihoods to reduce rural poverty.

Womens collectives have proved effective in driving nutritional outcomes earlier too the idea has been implemented along with economic empowerment through community conditional cash transfer programmes in Indonesia, Bangladesh and Nepal.

In India, this strategy was adopted in Keralas Kudumbashree programme, Andhra Pradeshs Society for Elimination of Rural Poverty Project , in parts of Telangana, and Jamkhed in Maharashtra too. Without health, livelihood [programmes] cannot work, said Saroj Kumar, block project manager, OLM, Angul. Most poor lose a lot of money in [buying] medicines. When they save this money, they can save it or use it for income generation.

IndiaSpend visited Koraput and Angul districts to understand how the Swabhimaan programme an umbrella of community-led interventions across Bihar, Chhattisgarh and Odisha is being implemented as a part of OLM and to study its impact. We found behavioural change and increased knowledge about health and nutrition among adolescents and women in villages covered by the project.

Self-help groups have become critical instruments of change in Odisha. It is the first state to use these to reduce poverty through the National Rural Livelihoods Mission there are 385,382 such groups in the state with 4.1 million members and they reach 2.8 million households. Generally, each household has at least one woman member of a self-help group and there are 10-12 such groups in each village.

Since 2016, Nag, part of the Swabhimaan programme, has been working as a poshan sakhi or nutrition buddy, trained to conduct meetings and hold awareness activities to improve the nutritional status of adolescent girls and women. Working in four districts across these states Purnea in Bihar, Bastar in Chattisgarh, and Koraput and Angul in Odisha the programme reaches over 356 villages and 125,097 households. Till now, 5,824 girls and women have benefitted from the programme in 39 gram panchayats of Odisha.

Swabhimaans focus is on adolescent girls, newly-wed couples, pregnant women and mothers of children younger than two groups that are most vulnerable to malnutrition. The aim is to improve nutritional intake, reduce instances of anaemia, increase the demand for health services, improve sanitation and hygiene and prevent unwanted pregnancies.

Poshan sakhis conduct monthly gatherings called maitri baithak or friendship meets with newly- wed couples and adolescents to deal with these health and nutrition targets. They also help local women set up kitchen gardens that can help improve the familys dietary diversity.

The benefits of the programme are measured through a randomised control trial where the impact is measured by comparing two groups, one benefiting from the intervention and the other not covered by it, in research parlance called the control arm.

A midline survey conducted in 2018 in Angul and Koraput districts among 1,191 adolescent girls, 614 pregnant women and 1,183 mothers of children under two years, showed improvements in several areas: Increased use of sanitary napkins among adolescents, their re-enrollment in schools, improved diet and increased intake of iron and folic acid tablets among pregnant women and greater participation in community health and sanitation events.

The full impact of the work will only become visible after the endline survey in 2020.

Poshan sakhis also encourage women to attend village health and nutrition days also known as Mamta Diwas or Mothers Day when they are screened for anemia and blood pressure, weighed and given calcium and iron folic acid tablets. These events are undertaken jointly by accredited social health activists or ASHA, auxiliary nurse midwives or ANM of health department, and anganwadi workers or AWW of women and child development department.

There is an advantage in having poshan sakhis deliver the programme they live in the same villages as the participants, while ASHAs and ANMs are often live elsewhere, said Meena Khora, master book-keeperin-charge of maintaining OLM records in the gram panchayat. This helps them in attending to the needs of the women, taking them to the PHCs, she said.

Across the three states, State Livelihoods Missions, in this case OLM, anchor the programme with the departments of health, civil supplies for public distribution system, social welfare, agriculture and public health engineering. The technical and financial support for the programme is provided by UNICEF, which is also involved in capacity building.

When Rima Rani Behera was 16, her parents arranged for her to marry a 26-year-old man. Three days before her wedding, Behera managed to stall the rituals by calling her cousin who brought in the police. I had told them that I do not want to marry, I want to study but they didnt listen, said Behera, now with her uncle in Dumuriput and dreaming of becoming a police officer. She could not continue her education because her parents would not allow her to collect her school leaving certificate after class 10 and threatened to get her married by age 18.

In Koraput, one in every three women 34% in the 20-24 age group is married off before 18 a 13 percentage point higher incidence than Odishas average as per the National Family Health Survey data. Our bodies are still growing in the teens, getting married and having children when our bodies arent fully grown is not good, said Harpriya Behra, 18. She is the secretary of the kishori samooh or adolescent girl group formed as a part of the Swabhimaan project to spread awareness about sanitation, health and nutrition.

The lives of young women here have changed in other ways. We used to use cloth pads before, it was uncomfortable but we didnt know any better, said Sumitra Khillo, 22. Now women get pads from ASHA and ANM workers though there are not enough to last the entire menstrual cycle, they said. The practice of keeping women out of the house during the menstrual cycle too is changing slowly, we found.

Some entrenched beliefs have yet to change. Though most households have latrines, villagers often defecate in the open. It is too small, I dont like using it, said one teenager of the toilet in her home, adding that three of her relatives also do not use the toilet.

Most of the girls in the village travel by bus to schools and colleges but have had to negotiate with their parents for the freedom. We know why we must marry after 18, said Behra, 18, secretary of the committee, and clearly the leader of the group. [But] I will get married at 30, after I get my PhD.

The poshan sakhis we spoke to pointed out that it was hard for young girls to upset their families by insisting that weddings be put off till age 18, but in most instances parents agreed. It was common for girls to marry at 16 and 17 here, said Nag. But in the last few years, this is changing. Even if the girls marry [at] 18, they want to wait till 20-21 to have children.

After the Swabhimaan intervention, 39 adolescents in two blocks of Pallahara and Koraput sadar rejoined schools, according to the midline survey shared by UNICEF. Also, there was a decrease in the number of adolescents living in homes where open defecation was practised and an increase in the number of teens consuming iron folic acid tablets and taking their own decisions on education and expenditure.

However, there was a drop in the number of adolescents who thought they could decide who to marry and reported dietary diversity. Also, similar trends of improvement showed up in both areas with and without intervention in many indicators. This is because Pallahara and Koraput blocks, where the study was undertaken are categorised as intensive gram panchayats getting more focussed government attention where all ongoing welfare schemes are doing well, said Sourav Bhattacharjee, chief nutritionist, UNICEF, Odisha.

An example from Kaliakota, a village with 1,439 residents in Handapa gram panchayat of Angul district, showed why it is critical for communities to engage with health, nutrition and sanitation. For a year, the pregnant women and lactating mothers of Kaliakota did not receive any iron folic acid tablets, putting their health at risk. There had been no village health and nutrition days and no antenatal check-ups because the assigned ANM had died and not been replaced.

The community then sat together and discussed the health, nutrition and sanitation challenges facing them as part of a micro-planning exercise. This involves an annual discussion spread over around 12 days across three months on issues that the women wish to prioritise. This could be the availability of latrines, access to public distribution system or drinking water or iron folic acid tablets.

When Kaliakotas women spoke of their problems, their CRP took their concerns to the block development officers who then assigned an ANM for the village. These meetings bring together officials of the public distribution system, women and child development and health department to find solutions.

In another case, sanitary napkins, available at the community health centre, could not be brought to the school in Pallahara block in Angul because there was no money for it. A meeting threw up a solution the napkins would be transported with public distribution supplies.

Micro-planning also increases the demand and utilisation of public services, showed the midline survey. For example, mothers living in households with access to public distribution system increased in the intervention arms from 68% in 2016 to 99% in 2018, and those who received supplementary food went up from 66.7% to 96.7% in the same period.

A fresh crop of cauliflowers was waiting to be harvested in the two-acre farm behind 22-year-old Tikina Pradhans home in Kishorenagar, Angul district. Saibalini Amanta, a poshan sakhi, collected several vegetables and fruits from Pradhans garden and put them on a plate to explain to Pradhan why she, seven months pregnant with her second child, needed to have an array of homegrown vegetablesmoringa leaves, green papaya, lemons, chillies and cauliflower.

We had everything, but we didnt know how to have a balanced diet, said Pradhan. She now has a varied diet of eggs, meat and green vegetables supplemented by calcium and iron supplements, as instructed by Amanta. While Amanta already had a vegetable farm, most women in self-help groups are encouraged to grow vegetables in their own backyards to ensure food security and dietary diversity. Given the fertile soil and availability of water, most of the households in Angul had patches of vegetables before, but they were often grown without much thought to it.

Earlier women grew only brinjals or only cauliflowers, now they are growing all kinds of fruits and vegetables, said Amanta. Also, most of the nutrigardens are organic without any chemical fertilisers or compost.

There was a 5.9 percentage point reduction in pregnant women worried about insufficient food in from 2016 to 2018, as per the survey. Also there were more women in 2018 than 2016 consuming a variety of foods and having at least three meals a day.

This article first appeared on IndiaSpend, a data-driven and public-interest journalism non-profit.

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Is Self-Care on Your Agenda for 2020? Check Out These Unique and Affordable Classes and Put Yourself at the Top of the List This Year – ThurstonTalk

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Winter can be a season of deep reverence and gratitude, and our community is fortunate to have the City of Olympias Parks, Arts and Recreation Departmentsclasses, camps and programs. These are blessings we can count twice. They make self-care affordable and attainable and provide us with experiences we will remember throughout the year.

Registration is open now for the new Winter/Spring 2020 offerings. The first page of the print brochure calls out Do Something for You.

All of these can be achieved and more and no matter what you resolve to do, the Parks, Arts and Recreation department can help.

To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow, said Audrey Hepburn. The promise of spring may be hiding in tightly-wound winter buds, but the gardener knows that winter is the season to begin making plans. There are plots available for those 16-years-old-and up at the citys two Community Gardens located at Sunrise and Yauger Parks. Applications are taken on a first-come, first-served basis beginning in January. Dig in the dirt, grow nourishing foods, and connect with other gardeners, because, after all, as an anonymous, yet very wise person once said, Gardening is cheaper than therapy, and you get tomatoes.

Communing with nature can be a transformative and spiritual experience. Norman Maclean in his book, A River Runs Through It, says In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing. Avid fly fishers have known for ages that finding deep peace may be just up around the next river bend, and this exciting outdoor activity will lead you into some of the most peaceful settings. Learn the basics of the sport through Introduction to Fly Fishing, instructed by members of South Sound Fly Fishers, who have a combined 90 years of experience. By springs arrival youll be ready to head out to our many lakes and rivers to try out your technique.

Theres an adage that says the difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them. No matter which you choose, with Rock and Mineral Identification youll at least be able to identify them. In a four-hour course held over two, two-hour blocks, Instructor David Kaynor, member of the Geologic Society of America, will teach you how to identify most rocks in Washington.

We dont make mistakes, just happy little accidents, Bob Rosss voice soothes. Those who are willing to show their age will say they remember watching him masterfully scrape at his palette, folding colors into one another, transforming Prussian blue into a more light-hearted shade. Make some transformations of your own in Bob Ross Joy of Painting. Or try Palette Knife Painting with Acrylics, where color mixing and knife strokes on the palette are the focus, and contrasting and blending happen before the paint even hits the canvas.

By the time we realize we are ready to throw something, we are past the point of needing some self-care. In Beginning Wheel Throwing, you can throw things in a healthful way its clay on a potters wheel. In a class designed for absolute beginner students learn to center with confidence, and though the catalogue is referencing the clay on the wheel, theres more centering going on than what meets the eye.

Perhaps being in your kitchen is what fills up your cup literally. Participants ages 14 and up and can learn the timeless skill of making your own vegetable and fish stocks in the Soups and Stocks class and then how to use each to prepare hearty soups and more.

Or perhaps youd like your baking prowess to rise like the yeasts in some of your favorite breads, and that can be achieved too, with the help of Instructor, Barbara Johnson and her Baking with Yeast class. These nourishing cooking classes take place in January, the perfect month to cozy up in a warm kitchen. Whether you are honing your knife or a new skill, if cooking is your love language, there are seven unique classes to choose from.

That wise phrase can be words to live by, and is especially helpful in new situations. Perhaps you want to try Acting with Accents, learn to dance the Cha Cha and Salsa in Latin Love, or glide across the room in a Ballroom Waltz? Through music, voice, theater, and dancing, we can study our way toward the performers we wish to become, or just pretend we are someone else for a little while. Through an impressive 29 different class offerings, theres no dancing around the fact that there are some self-care gems here.

Thomas Jefferson once eloquently defined self-care: Exercise and application produce order in our affairs, health of body, cheerfulness of mind, and these make us precious to our friends. Not only to our friends, but also to ourselves, there are many ways to put a little sweat equity into our self-care investments and the City Of Olympias Parks, Arts, and Recreation Department offers a variety of ways to get bodies moving. Crucial in the winter months, these indoor classes are a bright spot in the darkest part of the year. Choose from yoga to Taekwondo, to Jazzercise, or all manner of organized sports, these activities can be an outlet to escape the stressors and the mundanity of our lives.

New year, new start. For many, the shift in the calendar year brings a shift in mindset. A shift in lifestyle, a shift in self-awareness. And whether we resolve to be better humans, take care of our bodies better, or take time to make time self-care is a lasting gift we should all give ourselves.

Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of whats left of you.- Katie Reed

Experience It! Olympia Parks, Arts, and Recreation Department

222 Columbia Street NW, Olympia Classes are held at the Olympia Center unless otherwise noted. 360-753-8380 Schedule your experience online here.

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Is Self-Care on Your Agenda for 2020? Check Out These Unique and Affordable Classes and Put Yourself at the Top of the List This Year - ThurstonTalk

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December 17th, 2019 at 2:51 am

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Compassion Fatigue: When Counselors and Other Helpers Don’t Make Time for Self-Care – PsychCentral.com

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Home Blog Compassion Fatigue: When Counselors and Other Helpers Dont Make Time for Self-Care Last updated: 15 Dec 2019

~ 3 min read

It has been called many things: compassion fatigue, empathy overload, secondary traumatic stress, and vicarious trauma. It is what some counselors, therapists, first responders, doctors, nurses and other professionals or volunteers experience when they open their hearts every day to absorb the trauma and pain of others, while trying to help guide them through to healing. To be a great support person it requires the ability to have empathy and with that comes the risk of experiencing physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion.

While compassion fatigue can happen when helpers are unable to replenish and restore emotionally and physically (Figley, 1982), vicarious trauma is the shift you experience mentally from compassion fatigue (Perlman and Saakvitne, 1995). This shift has been identified as the altering of your perceptions and feelings towards the world around you. An example of this is police officers who have a hard time seeing the good in the world after years of helping victims of crime. Or the crisis counselor whose faith in humanity begins to deteriorate after supporting people in crisis for many years. You could say that compassion fatigue is the precursor to vicarious trauma that has been going on for too long. Many people dont recognize the signs of compassion fatigue.

Signs of Compassion Fatigue can include:

Eleven years ago, I worked for an organization that experienced a traumatic event that affected our clients, staff, and community. A tragedy that sent me on the brink of a mental health crisis. With a heavy load ofunresolved personal issues, feelings of powerlessness over clients I wanted deeply to help, I lacked a self-care plan that could render me resilient while doing my job. I walked away from a career I loved and spent the next few years suffering from compassion fatigue, not knowing if I would ever feel like myself again.

Most of us that are helpers choose our jobs and roles because of a deep and profound desire to make a difference in peoples lives. Knowing how to manage trauma exposure, identify your emotional experience limits, and having a support network are necessary tools to thrive as a helper. Too often though, we believe that we are already equipped to deal with other peoples issues and that our certifications and degrees come with an invisible armor protecting us from any harm. This false sense of security prevents us from identifying the symptoms and warning signs of compassion fatigue. I missed the signs and symptoms eleven years ago that were building up over time. My job was to take care of others and I told myself every day that I was fine. I believed my joy came from helping others and thats what was most important. Those beliefs and values sent me spiraling into depression and anxiety and left me with very little energy for myself.

I have since learned that saving others before you save yourself does not make you a hero. It makes you a villain to yourself. Forgetting to self-care because you channel all your energy and time towards others deprives you of your own peace and serenity. The essence of life fades from within you when you dont take the time for yourself. I heard long ago that when you are a helper you need to remember to put on your oxygen mask first, just like they instruct you when you are on an airplane. Putting the oxygen mask on someone else and forgetting to put it on ourselves means that others will be able to breathe with our help, but we cant. Not being able to breathe is what happened to me. My anxiety attacks raged, and I couldnt breathe. I had to learn to put on my oxygen mask every day before I put it on others as part of my self-care routine. Every morning I take time to pray, read daily reflections, meditate and set my intentions for the day.

Other Ways to Self-Care Through Compassion Fatigue:

When I take time for me, I am reminding myself that I matter too and even though I may know that mentally, I have to engage in my physical routine because my instinct is to care for others first. When I get away from my routine and start my day focusing on other people, I immediately feel the disconnect from me and know I need to start my day over.

Learning to take care of myself allows me to be there for others without losing myself. I am a better helper now than I ever was back when compassion fatigue took hold. The lesson I had to learn was not to deny myself of self-care because I am too busy helping. Self-care is a necessary part of life that allows you to genuinely help others to breathe easier without depriving yourself of oxygen.

Sue Morton is a Canadian Mental Health Advocate and Blog Writer who writes on the topics of Parenting with Anxiety, Grief, Addictions and Mental Illness. She facilitates an online Parenting with Anxiety network of over three thousand parents with anxiety, learning to navigate through the parenting years with anxiety tagging along. As a Mental Health Advocate she has worked as an Addictions Counsellor, Crisis Counsellor, and Woman and Children's Advocate. She is the creator of the course Authentic You inspiring others on a journey of self-discovery.

APA Reference Morton, S. (2019). Compassion Fatigue: When Counselors and Other Helpers Dont Make Time for Self-Care. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/compassion-fatigue-when-counselors-and-other-helpers-dont-make-time-for-self-care/

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Compassion Fatigue: When Counselors and Other Helpers Don't Make Time for Self-Care - PsychCentral.com

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December 17th, 2019 at 2:51 am

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Meredith Atwood gets out of her own way in new self-help book – The Boston Globe

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In 2017 I had the worst year ever, said Meredith Atwood. I had quit my law job to pursue a business, and everything kind of fell apart. I looked around and thought, everything is nonsense.

As described in her new book, The Year of No Nonsense: How to Get Over Yourself and On With Your life, nonsense can be a bad relationship, or an outgrown habit. Its subjective, added Atwood, a writer, speaker, podcaster, and finisher of several marathons and triathlons. So many of us are on autopilot. Just going forward, doing the same things, wondering why were unhappy and unfulfilled and overweight and sick. You know in your gut what your nonsense is. But you have to really listen to yourself.

Of course, nobody is ever perfect. Understanding that failure and relapse and roadblocks are a part of life, and just accepting that, and knowing youre doing the best you can, thats how you keep going, Atwood said. What getting rid of nonsense does it is frees up some space to begin to care for yourself, and to start to love yourself. Youve learned to trust yourself. Once you trust yourself, you can begin that process of learning to love yourself.

Self-help books often address women, but Atwood hopes men will read it as well. Men struggle with many of the exact same things women do, they just arent as vocal about it.

The books language is salty at times, and Atwood knows that might offend some who, like her, grew up in a strict religious background. I think Im going to get a lot of disapproval, but theres a whole chapter on people-pleasing and how Im no longer going to do that in my life, she said. Me using profanity in the book is me moving away from the fine art of people-pleasing.

Atwood will read on Tuesday at 7 p.m. at Brookline Booksmith.

Kate Tuttle, a freelance writer and critic, can be reached at kate.tuttle@gmail.com.

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Meredith Atwood gets out of her own way in new self-help book - The Boston Globe

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December 17th, 2019 at 2:51 am

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Need Help Managing The End Of The Year Stress? – Forbes

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Its both an exciting time of the year with holidays approaching and a stressful time of the year with all you are trying to accomplish. Add on some crazy weather issues and that further complicates things. So, how can you better manage everything and keep your sanity?

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Reality Check. First, recognize that you wont get it all done exactly as you imagined, and let yourself say thats okay. We often have extremely high expectations for what we think we can accomplish during this time of the year. Perhaps we need to make our goals a little more realistic.That doesnt mean you have to drop your enthusiasm; just do a reality check. See how much time is left and what is actually manageable. Readjust your goals to be more realistic.

Change others expectations. In addition to altering your own expectations, talk to your colleagues or supervisors to see if you can make some changes in their expectations for what can be accomplished at the end of the year. Chances are they are feeling just as stressed. Do you really need all those meetings at this time? Can the timelines for some projects be extended? Even if you are only able to change a few things, this can have a powerful impact on reducing your stress and maybe even theirs.

Chunk it into bits. One of the biggest stressors we face is the size of what we have to accomplish whether it is finishing up work projects, getting all of our presents ready in advance, or cleaning our entire house for holiday company. Sometimes just viewing these massive lists we have created can be overwhelming. If possible, break those large projects into smaller ones. Sometimes we only have 30 minutes here or there and we think we cant get our big project done then. Which is true we cant. But, if we can break it into parts, we might get some of the smaller parts done during those shorter time periods. That can still help us feel a sense of accomplishment, and that we are not being overwhelmed.

Dont forget your own self-care. We have the tendency to put all of our projects and others ahead of us during the end of the year mad rush to get it all done. Dont do this. Make sure you still find time to exercise, get plenty of sleep, and engage in some activities for your own sanity (e.g., mindfulness, meditation, prayer, etc). You need to keep up your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being during this time, probably more than at any other time of the year.Try to do something fun each day this gives you added joy.

Take advantage of forced slow times. Maybe you are stuck in traffic on the highway or circling a parking lot to find a spot at the shopping mall or waiting in a long line at a store, or on hold on the phone. These are forced slow downs imposed on you. Instead of giving in to the temptation to get angry and frustrated, use these opportunities to do other things. Each year, we know these things are going to occur, and yet we always seem surprised and frustrated by their existence (as if they just popped up). Be prepared. Bring other things to do while waiting in line or on the phone or as you are circling the parking lot. Maybe listening to relaxing music is just the thing that can keep your blood pressure from rising even higher.

Volunteer. It may seem counterintuitive to volunteer when we have so much on our own plates. But, this is the season to volunteer and help those less fortunate than us. While we may be very busy, sometimes just taking a little time to give back to others helps us to put things into perspective and remember how much we do have. It also helps us to remember the reason for the season.

The end of the year comes with celebrating various holidays and welcoming in a brand new year. It should be a time of joy and yet; it often comes with the stress of having too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Following some of these tips might just help you get your energy back and enjoy this holiday time and ringing in the New Year!

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Need Help Managing The End Of The Year Stress? - Forbes

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