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Financial institution marketing has long focused on the milestones of life first big job, marriage, homebuying, retirement. But that legacy focus may soon be eclipsed by the concept of financial wellness. Major life events clearly are still important, but are becoming just one part of a much larger priority.

Financial well-being is not exclusive to those financial moments when consumers make purposeful decisions on their finances, writes Jan Bellens, Global Banking and Capital Markets Deputy Sector Leader for EY. It is driven largely by everyday behavior and decisions some big and binary (such as deciding to get a college degree), some small and gradual (such as going to the gym).

Traditional financial institutions have not typically played a big role in these everyday financial decisions beyond handling transactions and providing loans and in some cases providing transaction-related notifications. Money management tools mainly center around the monthly financial statement and call-center help. All important services, but pretty unexciting, Bellens observes.

Some financial institutions have launched mobile apps or chatbots that proactively help consumers manage their finances or put aside money (RBC with Nomi, Fifth Third with Dobot, Bank of America with Erica). And while some of these tools have the ability to incorporate a consumers full financial picture, the majority of banking apps are still restricted to the banking ecosystem, EY observes.

Nomi, Dobot and Erica

In 2018 research conducted for Fiserv, The Harris Poll found that exactly half of U.S. consumers say they want a budgeting tool to help them save and track spending, and almost half (44%) want a service that consolidates account information from multiple organizations (for Millennials, the latter figure was 66%). Further, the research uncovered that just over a third (34%) of all U.S. consumers want to be able to manage all their financial accounts in a single, online location or app, and real-time access to their financial information is desired by the same number.

Financial institutions able to meet this changed expectation can increase customer loyalty at a time when people are able to switch banks more easily. This means banks that embrace financial well-being as a core principle must demonstrate how their digital products and services create lasting value for their customers, EY states.

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The August 2019 launch of the Apple Card was as example of this point. The mainly virtual card combines money management elements with a credit/debit/instant rewards product residing in your phone.

Financial institutions have an opportunity to leverage data and technology in new ways, EY maintains, including the use of predictive analytics and machine learning to help customers find ways to save money and avoid recurring fees. Connecting an AI-powered chatbot or app to a digital wallet could be very powerful. It would allow a financial institution to track spending and use that data to make recommendations.

Imagine walking into your local supermarket and not only having your phone identify where you are, but also speak to your digital wallet and banking app to identify the trades-offs you could make based on your shopping list, or your historic preferences, EY states.

Gamification in the app could encourage consumers to maximize saving. Then, at the end of the week, the $5 they have saved compared with their typical supermarket visit would automatically be swept into a savings or investment account. A key point is that consumers dont need to think about it, according to EY. They dont need to actively engage with a financial service provider. It all happens seamlessly in the background.

This is essentially what the Apple Card does, except that the money saved is a cashback reward versus smarter spending.

Indeed, Bellens warns that While existing banks have a window of opportunity to lead in [financial wellness], they will need to move faster if they want to stay at the forefront of this amazing opportunity.

On the plus side, banks and credit unions remain trusted institutions for protecting and securing customer data, the consultant points out. The bad news, he adds, is that traditional banking providers have been much slower in implementing the means to manipulate, analyze and leverage the data for the customers benefit.

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Research indicates there is increased need for financial guidance. Many consumers struggle to get a handle on their personal financial situation. Only 37% say they are satisfied with their financial health, well behind their rating for other areas of life, according to Fiserv.

EY envisions a closer connectivity between technology, financial services and health care industries given the fundamental connection between physical, mental, emotional and financial health.

Health-care firms, the consultant states, will use patient-specific data from wearables and mobile phones to build real-time pictures of a patients health status, recommending targeted interventions.

On the financial institution side, A rich array of data and analytics would enable hyper-personalized interactions that involve nudging, visualization and incentive tactics such as gamification to help consumers maximize their lifetime financial well-being.

Getting to this point will be difficult for many legacy financial institutions as they must overcome internal technology and organizational silos along with rising standards for data security and privacy. The danger here, according to EY, is that as this broader wellness scenario unfolds, platform operators like Amazon, Google and Apple could be the ones to coordinate an ecosystem of businesses including banking, around the consumer.

This would force todays financial services firms to decide whether they want to be the provider of the service or part of the ecosystem that is called upon to create curated solutions for individuals, EY states. In other words, will your firm be the aggregator, or be aggregated?

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Assuming a bank or credit union decides it would prefer to be more than an aggregated data source, the path for most institutions will likely be partnering with a fintech to provide the necessary capability. Even tech-savvy Radius Bank opted to partner with Wallit, a rewards-based savings app for families and teens. Outright acquisition is another option for some, like Fifth Third did with the Dobot app in 2018.

Either way, that step tees up a larger strategic question, according to EYs consultants.

To deliver hyper-personalized experiences, the financial services industry needs to shift its focus away from individual products and toward propositions their customers truly value, the firm states. It explains that this involves unbundling and then re-bundling products to deliver a tailored experience addressing three primary financial needs:

This re-bundling moves banks and credit unions toward a subscription model in which consumers pay for bundles of tailored products and services with fixed-fee pricing certainty and convenience, according to EY. This shifts revenue streams from product-focused to user-focused.

There are two ways to approach this, according to the firm:

Both strategies rely on a foundation of trust, says EY, adding that to truly establish trust, financial institutions must demonstrate to consumers they are doing right for them in all situations.

Beyond that, however, is the growing attitude among consumers, particularly younger generations, of preferring companies that have an ethical and moral approach to doing business. Mintel reports that 66% of U.S. consumers report that it is very important to them that a company acts morally and ethically. Financial wellness plays into that mindset, in contrast to high-cost overdraft plans, for example, or high-fee/high-rate credit cards.

Institutions choosing the platform approach can establish trust by protecting clients data and using it to better understand their needs and preferences. However, this option will likely only be viable for the largest financial institutions on their own or in concert with a big tech company. EY predicts that big tech players will begin to win over financial services clients looking for wellness services, because of their unprecedented expertise in leveraging data to optimize client experience.

Its no longer enough to simply offer accounts, savings or loans, EY maintains. If we want people to be more broadly served financially, then we need to engage them in a digital dialogue and be more proactive in helping customers achieve lasting financial well-being.

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Financial Wellness Strategies Crucial for Bank & Credit Union Growth - The Financial Brand

Im not accepting what I cant change, Im changing what I cant accept, activist and entrepreneur Sonya Renee Taylor said Sept. 20, at a Body Positive Cornell event, a University initiative striving to help Cornellians lead a healthy lifestyle that doesnt focus on weight.

Our society tells us that we should be able to lose weight and keep it off, and always promises this or that diet as the solution, Jennie Bernstein, Body Positive outreach coordinator at Cornell Health, told The Sun. The resulting detrimental effects including stigmatization of heavier weights and harmful behavior like weight cycling, the practice of losing and gaining weight repeatedly.

Instead, Bernstein believes that taking the emphasis off weight and instead focusing on improving health and lifestyle behaviors is a better attitude towards our bodies and life in general, as weight doesnt have a direct connection to health conditions.

You actually dont need to see the number on the scale drop to see an improvement in health outcomes, she said.

Increasing pleasurable activities or exercises, recognizing that mental health is an important part of physical health and eating intuitively or eating only when hungry are some of the ways Bernstein suggests for maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Bernstein and her team were inspired to run the BPC initiative by the lack of awareness around the Health At Every Size Approach. They coordinated the eight-week discussion group program using the curriculum developed by the Body Positive Institute and trained peer facilitators. The program is open to both undergraduate and graduate students. There are also specific groups for Panhellenic, women of color and Cornell staff members.

As a peer co-facilitator, I hold a script and lead the program; but just like the members, I am continuing to grow and learn new ideas every time I meet with a different group, Michelle Kubasek 20 told The Sun. She said she started out as a member of the BPC program and finished it with a new understanding of self-love and self-acceptance.

In addition to the program, past participants have started a Body Positive Cornell club that seeks to provide opportunities for other interested students to get involved with Body Positive.

We are collaborating with Cornell Pole Posse to host a workshop on pole dancing as well as a discussion regarding intuitive movement, said Caroline Mameesh 20, an executive board member for the club. Additionally, they plan to hold a fall panel where different people are invited to talk about concepts such as intuitive eating and intuitive movement.

The club general body meets every other Thursday at 5 p.m. in Rockefeller 122, beginning today.

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Body Positive Cornell Initiative Hopes to Push Back Against Societal Stereotypes About Weight and Health - Cornell University The Cornell Daily Sun

Adelaide Monday September 23, 2019

South Australian children experiencing mental crises are being tied down under nets, locked up in seclusion at extreme rates and forcibly injected with sedating drugs, prompting warnings youngsters are suffering lasting harm from coercive health-system practices.

An InDaily investigation into the treatment of an estimated 20 children a week sectioned by police or paramedics under the Mental Health Act and brought to the Womens and Childrens Hospital have prompted calls for changes and an inquiry from clinicians, experts and senior State Government office-holders.

Nets are being used to tie children to ambulance stretchers to take them to the hospital and, once there, children are being locked in seclusion at a rate which is the countrys highest, far outstripping the national average.

We collectively dont take an appropriately therapeutic attitude to these kids when theyre distressed, said senior child psychiatrist and Adelaide University Paediatric Mental Health Training Unit head Jon Jureidini.

Of course youve got to make [children] safe, but too often a level of force is being used in doing so thats damaging,

Professor Jureidini, who trains Womens and Childrens Hospital emergency department clinicians, said asignificant proportion of kids crises currently managed with netting, involuntary sedation and seclusion could be managed less restrictively, given appropriate training, support and staffing levels.

For somewhere between a third and a half of people who have an experience like this the trauma of it has a significant psychological impact on them.

State mental health laws and policies allow the use of restraint, involuntary sedation and seclusion where a patient is locked in a cell by themselves to prevent risks to safety such as violence or self-injury or to administer immediately required medication.

At the same time, the government acknowledges the practices themselves can cause significant harms, including deaths, injuries, emotional trauma and re-traumatisation, and has been committed, since a 2005 intergovernmental agreement, to reducing use of, and where possible eliminating, restraint and seclusion.

Researchers say reliance on the practices backfires, sparking increased patient aggression that in turn causes trauma, avoidance and thenvisceral gut reactionamong staff and that threats to safety have been better reduced by measures such as improvements in patient care and engagement and staff training in de-escalation and diversion.

We bring people in traumatised; we re-traumatise them in the context of apparent health care

Professor Jureidini said he would conservatively estimate that at least 100 times a year children arrive at the Womens and Childrens in an ambulance, having been netted restrained from neck to feet under a webbing net strapped to the stretcher.

The SA Ambulance Service, which did not answer questions about netting, says it restrained 36 children aged 17 or under in 2018.

But Jureidini said: I suggest the SAAS reporting system is far from capturing all incidents.

It is believed the SAAS data is derived from paramedics reporting episodes of restraint they have been involved in.

Principal Community Visitor Maurice Corcoran, a statutory office-holder who inspects mental health facilities and advocates for patients, said the netting of young people was something weve raised concerns (about).

Im just concerned about the level of restraints, and kids are being traumatised by that experience, absolutely.

Flinders University Professor of Nursing (Mental Health) Eimear Muir-Cochrane said while paramedics were much more aware these days about mental health patient issues she had anecdotally heard that if a person is seen as a mental health patient they automatically have to go to the hospital in netting, and thats discriminatory.

SA Ambulance Service Chief Executive Officer David Place said SAAS staff were highly trained in managing patients who present in a distressed state, with de-escalation measures a major focus of all our interactions.

Restraint is only used in cases of extreme behavioural emergency and as a last resort option, to ensure patient and staff safety.

Mandatory SA Health policy says the potentially harmful non-therapeutic interventions of restraint and seclusion may be used only when alternative strategies have been tried and warns unjustified restraint is potentially an assault or unlawful imprisonment.

InDaily can reveal the WCHs mental health ward, known as the Boylan Ward, has been secluding children at by far the highest rate of any mental health ward in Australia for both of the two years for which hospital-specific data is available.

The federal Department of Healths reporting set on seclusion, mechanical restraint and physical restraint shows the wards rate was 851 per cent higher than the child and adolescent national average in 2017-18 and 504 per cent higher in 2016-17.

Womens and Childrens Health Network Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service Clinical Director Mohammed Usman said seclusion was used as a last resort and but acknowledged infrastructure limitations of the current ward.

We acknowledge that the physical environment within Boylan Ward means the best way to safely contain threats of physical aggression or intrusive behaviour towards other unwell patients is to use the seclusion room, Dr Usman said.

The antiquated ward, the only mental health unit for children in SA, has neither a high-dependency area used in some other wards to locate higher needs children nor an outdoors area for patients.

Dr Usman said the hospital was building a new purpose-built child and adolescent mental health ward which would have a significant impact on safe care practices and was anticipated to be completed by October next year.

In a statement, SA Health said that Boylan Wards average seclusion duration was 15 minutes compared to a national average of 1.3 hours for child and adolescent services; that staff upheld standards regarding [use of] least restrictive practices; and that in 2017-18, two clients accounted for 60 per cent of the total [seclusion] incidents.

Boylan would still have the highest seclusion rate in the country with 60 per cent of its rate subtracted.

Some children held or treated under mental health laws are involuntarily sedated with powerful drugs, including antipsychotics and benzodiazepines.

An Adelaide mother who asked not to be identified told InDaily that during a 2017 WCH admission her agitated daughter was forced into the (Boylan) seclusion room and injected with a potent antipsychotic, leaving the girl extremely distraught, only for staff to announce the next morning she was being released, without providing any discharge information, including a diagnosis.

Principal Community Visitor Corcoran said his office wanted to see far better understanding and use of staff whove got expertise in supporting and engaging with people to deescalate well before jumping straight into a sedation.

Community visitors had raised the issue particularly in relation to children with mental illness and one or more other conditions, such as autism or an intellectual disability.

Physical adverse effects of forcible sedation can include respiratory depression, seizure, dehydration, and movement abnormalities, and researchers say the trauma of involuntary injection can put patients off accepting medication or treatment in future.

SA Health did not answer specific questions on sedation but said: All medication is administered at Womens and Childrens Hospital in line with designated clinical protocols.

The Womens and Childrens Hospital. Photo: wch.sa.gov.au

Professor Jureidini said the commonest reasons for the use of overly restrictive means of control was lack of training and support, inadequate staffing levels and redundancy in the staff team, and he stressed he was not blaming front-line health staff.

You cant just say, You blokes are doing a bad job; its actually us [public mental health services] who are not providing them with the support and training they need to do a better job, he said, adding this could be be done with very little investment.

Many of the most disadvantaged or traumatised children in the state are massively overrepresented in the paediatric involuntary and emergency mental health system pathways, data cited by the Guardian for Children and Young People suggests.

Guardian Penny Wright she understood that children who live in state care made up about 30 per cent of young people brought in to Boylan Ward by police and ambulance officers in the last year, even though they made up only about 1 per cent of the population.

It is even more troubling that many of these young people had multiple presentations, up to 24 in one year, Wright said.

Coercive practices could be traumatic in themselves and for many kids with a care background reinforce the trauma they have already experienced.

Commissioner for Children and Young People Helen Connolly slammed the use of ambulance nets as the spithoods of the health system, said SAs Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service was overstretched and called for a review of the childrens mental health system.

Melbourne University Professor of Youth Mental Health Pat McGorry said Boylans seclusion rates probablyneeds an inquiry of itself and called for well-resourced, 24-hour mobile home-based mental health care, which he said would reduce presentations at hospitals, allowing their staff to look after the people that do end up in hospital in a much less desperate or crisis-ridden way.

Professor Muir-Cochrane said mental health patients should have completely separate emergency departments, as the noisy and frightening nature of mainstreamed emergency departments reduced the ability of staff to distract and diverge patients who could be out of control.

Leading SA consumer advocate and 2017 Australian Mental Health Nurse of the Year Matt Ball said: We bring people in traumatised; we re-traumatise them in the context of apparent health care; they become less likely to access the system again, unless under duress, at which point we are going to re-traumatise them over and over again.

Is that about healthcare or is it really about punishment, containment and re-traumatisation?

For advice, consult a knowledgeable health professional, call the SANE helpline on 1800 187 263 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visitReachOutorBeyondblue.

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Well publish the best comments in a regular Reader Views post. Your comments can be brief, or we can accept up to 350 words, or thereabouts.

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Netted, drugged, locked away: the damning face of child mental health in SA - InDaily

Talk Like a Pirate Day is returning to port on September 19th and you can bet your boots that a few celebrants will be using the terms pirateand buccaneerinterchangeably. Most people do. Nevertheless, these two words arent actually synonymous.

Four hundred years ago, if you were a seafaring thief, the label that you received said a great dealmainly about whoever it was doing the labeling. Anyone who called you a "pirate" probably hated your guts. But those who cited you as a buccaneer might have had a very different attitude. Within certain contexts, the latter group may have even embraced you as a national hero.

Time for a swashbuckling semantics lesson. In article 101 of theUnited Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS), piracy is defined as "any illegal acts of violence or detention ... committed for private ends by the crew or the passengers of a private ship." UNCLOS also states that, to be considered piracy, a crime must occur within international waters. If the event in question takes place within a particular countrys territorial waters, the aggressors will be deemed armed robbers rather than pirates.

Historical definitions tended to be a lot broader. During the 17th and 18th centuries, England regarded piracy as any criminal act committed on the high seas or below the low tide mark around shores, rivers, and estuaries. Hundreds of years earlier, in the year 100 CE, Plutarcha noteworthy Greek scholar talked about pirates as anybody who attacked a ship or maritime city without legal authority.

Just what did he mean by legal authority? Plutarch was probably alluding to warships. Nowadays, these are generally owned by national governments, but this wasnt always the case. From medieval times through the early 20th century, it was common practice for a nation at war to recruit private vessels to assault its enemys ships, steal their goods, and plunder their ports. Mariners who engaged in such state-approved mischief were called privateers.

Usually, a privateer vessel was allowed to operate under a license that was granted by the country it served. Dubbed the Letter of Marque, this document laid out a code of conduct and payment policy for the crew. (Privateers almost always got to keep a percentage of whatever they took.)

Essentially, privateers were independent contractors, acting as hostile, government-commissioned, seafaring mercenaries. Therefore, they technically werent pirates because real pirates didnt behave in accordance withany national laws or regulations. But the dividing line here was pretty blurry. Many privateers eventually became pirates and vice versa. Also, a captured privateer would sometimes be tried as a pirate by the country he or she was victimizing.

This brings us back to buccaneers: Throughout the 16th through 18th centuries, Spain more or less controlled the Caribbean. However, in the 1600s, she started to get some not-so-friendly competition. By the middle of that century, settlers from various other European countriesincluding England, France, and the Netherlandshad colonized parts of the Leeward Islands and Hispaniola. Among these newcomers, transplanted Frenchmen were especially common. The Gallic colonists would frequently smoke their meat over a wooden platform that they called a boucan. Thanks to this cooking technique, the frontiersmen were given the nickname buccaneers.

Before long, many turned to piracy. Because of Spains huge colonial presence in the Caribbean, buccaneers more or less exclusively targeted Spanish ports and ships. This turned plenty of heads across the Atlantic. In an attempt to cripple Spains empire, the English, French, and Dutch began issuing Letters of Marque to buccaneer vessels.

Eventually, the word buccaneer came to possess its currentand very specificdefinition, which is: any of the piratical adventurers who raided Spanish colonies and ships along the American coast in the second half of the 17th century. (Told you it was specific.)

The most famous buccaneer of them all was undoubtedly Sir Henry Morgan. Little is known about his early life, although most historians believe that he was born in Wales at some point in 1635. Nearly 20 years later, he set sail for Barbados as a member of an expedition that saw England seize Jamaica from the Spanish.

Morgan quickly emerged as a leading buccaneer, and as Englands most ruthlessly effective privateer. In 1668, he seized the heavily guarded city of Porto Bello, Panama, holding it for ransom until the Spanish coughed up an amazing 250,000 pesos. Three years later, Morgan raided and sacked Panama City, which promptly burned to the ground. Such exploits did not endear him to the Spanish, but in England, Morgan was a widely beloved figure. Knighted by King Charles II, he was made Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica in 1674. Following his death on August 25, 1688, Morgan received a grandiose state funeral, complete with a 22-gun salute.

And, yes, that rum was named after him. Clearly, buccaneering had its perks.

Have you got a Big Question you'd like us to answer? If so, let us know by emailing us at bigquestions@mentalfloss.com.

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What Purpose Does the Belly Button Serve? - Mental Floss

A scene from the play (above); Anub George

Written by Sadaf Inamdar

Although there are virtually no accurate statistics to go by, anecdotal and narrative evidence point to a problem that is rising exponentially and has reached epidemic proportions in many parts of the world loneliness. A play written and directed by Anub George and titled The Damned Silence, focuses on how to come to terms with a persistent and pervasive problem in our cities.

Written especially for the Vibrancy Festival, a two-day diversity and inclusion event in Pune and organised by the Centre for Creative Transformation on the occasion of World Mental Health Day, the play centres around a male protagonist in his mid-20s who is going through various shifts in life alone. It takes one through his emotions, personified by other actors . Although its easy to blame the breakdown of a traditional family unit, mindless scrolling of our phones or the jobs that follow us through emails and texts, the loneliness that city dwellers are experiencing is not rooted in any one phenomenon, says George.

The play, which has no spoken word, uses a play of light as well as stylised movements to depict the dark monotony of loneliness. The protagonist mimes his longing to reach out and interact with others through actions such as watching his phone, scrolling incessantly and walking aimlessly.

There are various elements in the play that I directly pulled from the struggles I went through during the period of trying to choose a career and tackling issues of self-sustainability in todays competitive environment, he says. The play also highlights the effects of anger on men. There are a lot of violent crimes being perpetrated by men due to lack of understanding of their own emotions and frustration within. The way men experience anger is informed by societal expectations. These traditional notions of masculinity tend to favour stoicism and dominance.

Although not inherently negative, adhering rigidly to these traits has a very negative impact on their mental health and this then comes out in wrong ways, says George. His last play, Caf Alibaba, a six-scene play written by Satish Khot, was a take on modern-day relationship dynamics and talked about young people and their struggles and aspirations. His forthcoming play deals with another searing topic child abuse at home. George is working on Mahesh Dattanis classic 30 days in September, which tackles the issue through a poignant tale.

In the countdown to the Vibrancy Festival, he is fine-tuning The Damned Silence. Tackling the issue of loneliness requires a complex, multi-pronged approach and a good way to start would be to normalise conversations around the subject and not dismiss serious concerns as being dramatic or throwing an attitude. So much of the pain of loneliness is due to feeling compelled to hide the vulnerability, because more often than not, when someone does open up, they are told to chill. We have to think retroactively and not just in regards to how it affects us. Through the play, I hope to encourage people to think of the various ways they can help people suffering with these issues in life, he says.

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Silence and the city - The Indian Express

Credit: Nirzara VerulkarTinder story

For an Indian woman, Tinder often feels like the mental equivalent of being groped on a DTC bus. Its not just the disturbing number of men who are still obsessed with Friends in 2019 and insist it should get leeway for beingsexist, homophobic, and transphobic because it was from the 90s, or the type who comment furiously onUNILAD videos about how women who wear make-up are cheating them with their dark mastery of Revlon products.

Thing is, men who may have just begun learning how to handle rejection gracefully, how not to hyper-sexualise women and be generally respectful of their space and agency, seem to believe that the rules are different online. A dating app culture that on one hand thrives on candid conversation and on the other allows for secrecy and elusiveness with very few checks in place has facilitated the predatory and entitled behaviours that many urban, educated Indian men generally keep under wraps in real life. Here are some manifestations that could perhaps inspireSandeep Reddy Vangas next hero, but have women wanting to press delete forever.

When a woman creates an online dating profile, she may as well be opening applications for friendship on all her social media accounts. Most women would concur that the moment they signed up on the casual dating app, their others folder basically doubled up as their Tinder recycle bin, full of the users who refused to give up after a left swipe. Many of these disbelieving men end up shooting their second (or third or fourth) shots on Facebook and Instagram, unmindful that this persistent entitlement to a womans time and attention is not only intrusive, but also goes against the very spirit of this online subculture. Tinders defining feature is allowing users to text each other only after they mutually swipe right, and the app is designed to grant complete control to its users over who they choose to engage with (on the app at least). These rules of engagement are sacrosanct, and anyone who doesnt honour them should rightfully be banishedfrom your matches, if not the app.

When the Wanna fuck? message arrives as a conversation starter, it feels an awful lot like an unsolicited dick pic. Tinder has built a reputation as a booty call app, and neither the company nor its usersnot most of them, anywayhave any qualms about using it the way the tech-gods intended it. So, propositioning someone for sex is acceptable, if not expected of you. But even then, this particular MO gives away not only a lack of communication skills but a dehumanising attitude toward women. Do I hear you whine, But I just want to be upfront and not mislead anyone?

The difference between spending the night drinking wine straight out of the bottle alone, and swirling it around in your mouth pretending to be a sommelier, and making up an origin story to impress a date, could be this slightly longer, more polite message: Hey brand new match, would you mind if we got straight to the point and figured out if we could get together/hook up, and when?

Kids, remember, when in doubt, talk it out.

Getty Images

If pornography or a handful of obscure coming-of-age art films are to be believed, all non-heterosexual women spend their entire day unravelling the mysteries of their bodies and testing the boundaries of their sexual desires. Non-hetero women are highly fetishised not only in porn but also in pop culture, and these associations and perceptions follow them everywhere. Given the cushy illusion of anonymity that online interactions provide, queer folks get directly propositioned for threesomes painfully often. Some have even complained of being asked by cis male matches if the latter could join just to watch.

While the patriarchal notion that womens bodies are inherently sexual has been widely documented, heres a crucial intersectional observationnon-hetero women are subjected to this creepy entitlement much more rampantly. And sadly for them, life off the app is no different. They are accustomed to being asked questions that are all too personal, all too inappropriate (do you like licking or scissoring better?), all too often.

Virginia Woolf in A Room of Ones Own wrote, Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magical and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size. Just about every woman with A Tinder Account of Her Own has felt this too when she encounters a dude who defines himself in relation to (his idea of) his female audience. There are those who believe they should be showered with accolades and matches for picking up a skill that they clearly believe is a woman thing, marking them as extra special and sensitive. As for the guy whose USP is that hes taller than you in heels(?) all you can do is congratulate him on being able to more easily reach the lightbulbs he was born to fix. Theres nothing like a bit of reverse sexism to restore the balance in the universe.

Some men like to proclaim their love of fat women on their bio. Now, try to think of the last time you caught a woman describing her specific body-type preferences on her Tinder profile. This doesnt necessarily mean that all women are brimming with body positivity towards menits just that contempt for big men is not the default for them, so they do not feel the need to make any disclaimers. Moreover, men who articulate their desire for larger women are most likely not coming from a place of body positivityits garden variety objectification and fetishism only dressed as inclusivity. They typically view large bodies as a thing of novelty rather than normality, and reduce them to a porn category. Several women have confessed to being told it was a check-list item, too. Whats worse, in their warped heads, these men are doing a kind of charity; social media is crawling with screenshots posted by plus-size women who call out this fetishism, but instead, are asked to be grateful that someone finds them desirable at all.

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5 Horrid Things Indian Men Do On Dating Apps To Make Women Want To Quit - HuffPost India

The stigma of mental illness in Samoa is contributing to the country's stubbornly high suicide rate, an NGO says.

The Faataua Le Ola team. Papalii Tiumalu Caroline Paul-Ah Chong is seated far right. Photo: Faataua Le Ola

Faataua Le Ola, which means value life, said about 20 Samoans were taking their lives each year.

The NGO's executive director, Papalii Tiumalu Caroline Paul-Ah Chong, said young Samoan men between the ages of 12 and 35 were the most vulnerable.

"Men are more vulnerable. I think it stems from the macho attitude that our Samoan men have that they're invincible, that they can overcome anything," she said.

"They find it hard to reach out and ask for help and seek help."

Problems in relationships are the leading causes of suicide in Samoa, Papalii said.

"We've noted that the most common causes over the past 10 years have been issues between married couples, relationships between young teens, parents versus children," she said.

"The biggest factor we perceive is the lack of communication. Samoans tend to bottle things up."

As well as offering free and confidential counseling, Faataua Le Ola is spreading awareness about suicide prevention in schools.

It's also part of a UN funded roadshow of NGO's visiting villages to counter domestic violence.

"The roadshow is bringing about awareness of family violence and what it can lead to - depression, mental illness and suicide," Papalii said.

While noting that post natal depression was another problem in Samoa that was often "swept under the carpet", Papalii said she was encouraged by New Zealand's recent stance on well-being.

"It's very encouraging to know that your prime minster has given quite a lot of the national budget to mental health.

"I think that's a big flag to the rest of the Pacific and the leaders of our Pacific countries that mental illness is a big problem."

These are services across the Pacific for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.

In Tonga:

Lifeline 23000 or 25144

In Fiji:

Lifeline 667 0565

Fiji Women's' Crisis Centre 3313300 (24 hours) Mobile: 9209470

In Papua New Guinea:

Lifeline Port Moresby 326 0011

1-Tok Kaunselin Helpim Lain 7150 8000

In Samoa:

Faataua Le Ola Lifeline 800-5433

In the Cook Islands:

Te Kainga O Pa Taunga 20162

In New Zealand:

Lifeline: 0800 543 354

Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.

Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7)

Samaritans: 0800 726 666 (24/7)

Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 (8am-12am), or email talk@youthline.co.nz

What's Up: online chat (7pm-10pm) or 0800 WHATSUP / 0800 9428 787 children's helpline (1pm-10pm weekdays, 3pm-10pm weekends)

Kidsline (ages 5-18): 0800 543 754 (24/7)

Rural Support Trust Helpline: 0800 787 254

Healthline: 0800 611 116

Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155

If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111

Link:
Mental illness stigma exacerbating Samoa suicide rate - RNZ

I have started and stopped writing this post for about six years now.

Frankly speaking, as a Founder and CEO, I really thought that coming out as someone who has battled mental health issues would be viewed as a weakness; a frailty, and that people would think twice about working for and with me.

Depression is a disorder, not a choice. Sadness is temporary, depression is not. Those who battle depression and its closely related cousin anxietyknow all too well that being asked to simply snap out of it only minimizes the severity of mental illness.

I want to share my story because as someone who has come to terms with his condition, and who works every day to manage it through talk therapy, medicine and acupuncture, I feel obligated to help normalize the discussion around this disorder that still lurks in the shadows of our society.

Over the past several years, I have had my fair share of curveballs thrown my way, but those incidents didnt cause my depression. My mind is simply wired differently and, upon reflection, I realize I have battled this illness since I was a young boy.

Related: How Working as a Midwife Helps My Mental Health

Depression is often hopelessness, not just sadness. For those who dont struggle with this, let me try to frame the condition for you. Lets say youre having a bad day. A few things dont go right, a deal goes bust, you get into a fender bender and your child comes home with an attitude. If your mind works the right way, these things will impact you, but you will probably move on relatively quickly, put these thoughts in the rearview mirror and likely never look back.

When you have depression, triggers like this create a sense of hopelessness; a belief that things just wont get better. You are unable to move on from the incidents of the past and instead find yourself in a constant state of reliving the worst, while failing to remember any of the best.

If you also have anxiety, your mind bifurcates into two related patterns. One half focuses on the past and all the negative emotions that come with those experiences, big or small while the other half creates a future based on these negative emotions. You suddenly feel as if the future is written, and its a horror show. You are unable to control events, so you resign yourself to the belief that things just cant get better in fact, they will only get worse.

Related: How a Cutthroat Corporate Job Drove Me to Suicidal Thoughts

These thoughts begin to take over your day, week and month. Soon a few hours of shouting from your depressive and anxiety side becomes an ongoing chorus of noise that barely, if ever, ceases. Like the car alarm that wont turn off, or the drilling outside your window its noise that just will not stop.

Now imagine living every day with a tsunami of negative thoughts rooted in the past and shaping what you think the future holds. There is no escape. You cant make it stop. Its a voracious beast of negativity that feeds on negativity. It is at this point that some find ways to numb the pain and in many cases, this takes the form of alcohol and/or drugs. But heres the worst part the numbing agents only add to the negativity so the cycle picks up steam. Day in and day out, youre caught in a horrific cycle of downward pressure and the negative past fuels the negative future, so you numb yourself more and that only causes more negativity rinse and repeat.

Related: New Study Shows Common Antidepressant Doesn't Work for Depression Like Experts Thought

It is at this point that those without help, support or treatment begin to contemplate ending their life. Its not about being cowardly, its about making the noise stop. Theres a reason why sound torture is such an effective component of psychological warfare.

I wonder at times how loud the noises got inside the heads of people like Colin Kroll, Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain, Hideki Irabu and so many others who arent famous enough to get a byline or Wikipedia page. It must have been all-consuming.

I have often referred to my depression as my long shadow a hitchhiker that never quite goes away, no matter what angle the sun is at. One day in the not too distant past, I hit another rock bottom, probably my eighth or ninth over the past several years. I cant point to a specific trigger. I didnt lose a big deal, no child was injured, my physical health was fine but thats kind of the point. Triggers dont need to be major, life-changing events. (Thats not saying that major life-changing events arent triggers.)

I believe that when you struggle withdepression, triggers are like the causes of disorder. It can be traumatic, like being exposed to airborne asbestos, or it can come in the most subtle of ways, like touching a door knob or being downwind from a sneeze. While the outcomes may be drastically different, both of these examples result in sickness. The same thing goes for depression. It can be a memory, an email, a commercial all it takes is one moment.

After hitting my last rock bottom, I finally decided to seek help. (Dont get me started on the state of mental health care in this country, for that is an entirely different post.) Fortunately, I had access to health care, health insurance and an incredible family and friend support structure, led of course by my amazingly resilient, herculean and patient wife whose abilities know no bounds. After an initial session, I was quickly deemed as someone in dire need of medicine and talk therapy.

Ever since I began to realize that I had depression, I always had this visceral response to medicine as if it was a weakness, a white flag, a surrender the easy way out. This is the main reason why I chose to self-medicate for years as opposed to seeking professional care, and this is part of the stigma that I hope to break. Everyone reacts differently to medicine and yes, there are people who may turn to it too soon, there are people who might abuse it and there are people who judge others for being on it. But these cannot be the reasons why those in need should shun it. Personally, I like that my doctor pairs medicine with talk therapy because medicine by itself might only address the symptoms, while the therapy helps to address the root cause.

My doctors philosophy is simple: she wants to get her patients in need on and then off medicine as soon as possible.

The only way Ill describe the medicine is with an analogy that my doctor has stolen, with my complete approval. If youve ever taken a child bowling, you know that when its their turn, bumpers come out in the gutters. This is how Ive experienced medication. Its bumpers that prevent me from literally and figuratively ending up in the gutter. Your ball will still roll from side to side and it wont be a strike every time, but youll at least stay in the field of play.

The final piece I want to add is something that occurred more recently while on a few days vacation. I am a very curious person always have been so I wanted to better understand the causes of depression, a journey that I could now take as I was seeing things from a more level-headed approach than I have ever before.

I came across an amazing book by Michael Pollan called How to Change Your Mind: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression, and Transcendence. Yes, most people I know who go on vacation bring along a good science fiction book a deep autobiography, a story about magic or mischief. Me, I wanted to dive into the building blocks of the human psyche.

I do not want to spoil what I consider one of the three most impactful books I have ever read in my life, but there is one major takeaway that is relevant to this article. One of the theories/beliefs that has emerged from the modern understanding of psychedelics and depression is that depression is rooted in the minds inability to properly grasp the concept of time.

The book provides better evidence than I can share, but in essence, depression is a condition rooted in the past where an individual is unable to break free from the vicious cycle of reliving unpleasant memories versus just remembering them. Theres a lot more here, so I encourage those who share my curiosity to read Pollans book. Once you understand that depression is related to the brains ability to grasp the concept of time, you can begin to understand it or, at least, have more compassion for those that struggle with it.

So here I stand, or rather sit, at the end of a post that has taken me four plus years to write. I could go on about so much more, including what my triggers are, the types of curveballs Ive been thrown (including some very nasty ones), and the amazing and horrific journeys Ive been on to get to this point but that will take a lot more time and emotional capital to articulate.

For now, I hope that if you are struggling in silence, in the shadows, you know youre not alone. Depression is not a weakness, its a medical condition. And just as you shouldnt be judged for having another type of condition, you shouldnt be judged for having a brain disorder either.

I am fortunate enough to own my own business, so I came out to my company a few weeks ago about my depression. I cant preach the virtues of erasing the stigma if I perpetuate it and, what safer environment can I ask for than one where I have no boss? The response I received was tremendously heartwarming and the few private notes I read made me feel like I made the right decision.

My company has always offered unlimited sick and vacation days and from the beginning, I emphasized the importance of taking mental health days but no one ever took one, including me. Again, I was perpetuating the stigma. So now when I need a day off to rebalance my mind, I will be quite transparent in sharing the reason and hope that a mental health day becomes as acceptable as a traditional sick day.

If this post helps just one person choose to seek help, then I will feel overwhelmed with joy. Youre not alone friends and the sooner we can normalize this disease, the sooner we can improve treatment and give everyone the chance they deserve to live life in peace, free of noise.

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View post:
Why I Opened Up to My Employees About My Battle With Depression - Yahoo Lifestyle

Coinciding with the premiere of Under Three Moons, theatre company Box of Tricks have joined forces with a number of charities to deliver a programme of mental health engagement activities across Manchester, Huddersfield and Liverpool.

Working with Mind Manchester and The Samaritans, the programme aims to raiseawareness, engage new audiences and spark conversation about everyday mental health for men.

Under Three Moons tells the story of two men growing together, a relationship thats close but often unarticulated. It shows how the lack of direct expression can become the defining trait in life. The new play explores male friendships, our perception of masculinity and how our attitude towards mens mental health has shifted over the years.

In recent years, a long-overdue conversation about male mental health has been sparked, explains Co-Artistic Director of Box of Tricks, Adam Quayle.

As a society, were finally beginning to recognise that a culture of not talking, of manning up is making men miserable. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under the age of 45. Thats a pretty stark fact.

With that firmly in mind, alongside our tour of Under Three Moons, were delighted to be launching a raft of activities to get people talking and to raise mental health awareness.

Box of Tricks will be running the Under Three Moons Social Club, an informal post-show chat about the play and issues raised.

Alongside voices from local mental health charities, the cast and company will spark a relaxed conversation about everyday mental health in the modern age, the changing face of masculinity and the nature of male friendship. The Social Club is free and everyone is welcome.

The first sessions are:

Under Three Moons will open at The Lowry, Salford from the 24th to 28th September and then tour to Huddersfield, Liverpool, Crewe, Hull, Ormskirk, York, Leeds, Newcastle, Mold and Whitehaven.

For further information on the production and programme of mental health engagement activities visit http://www.boxoftrickstheatre.co.uk.

Link:
Box of Tricks to raise awareness of men's mental health - Entertainment Focus

Theyre gigantic, theyre often defensive, and you wouldnt want to run into them in a zoo after hours. Meet a few of the worlds biggest birds with attitude, from flightless giants to modern-day pterodactyls.

Everyone knows that the ostrich is the worlds biggest bird, weighing an average of 230 pounds and standing 7 feet tall (and some individuals can grow up to 9 feet). They can also chase you down: Ostriches are the fastest species on two legs, with a top speed of about 43 mph. They can maintain a swift 30 mph pace for 10 miles, making them the marathon champs of the avian world.

Often called the most dangerous bird on Earth, in addition to being one of the planets biggest birds, the southern cassowary is roughly 150 pounds of mean. On each foot is a 5-inch claw that cassowaries use to defend themselves. At least two people have been kicked to death by cassowaries, the most recent being a Florida man who unwisely kept one of the birds as a pet.

Like a smaller, shaggier ostrich, the 5- to 6-foot emu is the second-largest bird on Earth (as well as a goofy spokesbird for insurance). During the breeding season, female emus fight enthusiastically over unattached males. But the results of this mating ritual are impressive: clutches of forest-green, oval eggs that resemble giant avocados.

This flightless bird is named for the Titan goddess Rhea, who gave birth to all of the Olympian gods and goddesses in Greek mythology. At up to 5 feet tall and 66 pounds, the greater rhea may not seem like as much of a terror as the ostrich. But it gathers in massive flocks of up to 100 birds during the non-breeding season, so watch out if you happen to be in its South American habitat.

How scary can a pelican be, you ask? When it stands almost 6 feet tall, weighs 33 pounds, and has a wingspan of 9 feetall traits of the Dalmatian pelicanit's pretty petrifying. These scruffy-feathered monsters, native to Europe and Asia, breed in colonies of up to 250 pairs and can gulp impressive mouthfuls of fish in one go.

One of the heaviest flying birds, mute swans look harmless as they glide over ponds, lakes, and rivers. But mute swans are far from silent when defending their families and territory. Male swans warn interlopers that theyre getting too close with a hiss, then can launch a straight-up assault, bashing the intruder with their wings. Theyll even attack kayakers, canoeists, and people just minding their own business.

This freakishly big vulture isnt satisfied with just any carrionit prefers large carcasses like cattle and deer for dinner. Maintaining its average weight of 25 pounds requires a lot of calories, after all. Its wingspan is slightly less than its northern cousin, the California condor, but it still reaches a dramatic 9 to 10 feet.

Another big bird with a 10-foot wingspan, this Old World vulture has excellent vision to spot carrion while it flies, and a featherless head that resists the accumulation of gore when it feeds. Though its intimidating to look at, the cinereous vulture plays an important role in its ecosystem by cleaning up roadkill and other dead animals.

As if its red-tinged wattle, black back, and dagger-esque bill werent alarming enough, the marabou stork is sometimes called the undertaker bird thanks to its Dracula-like appearance. It also eats other birds. The largest verified wingspan on a marabou stork measured 10.5 feet, though unverified reports cited a specimen with 13.3-foot span.

Shoebill storks may not be the tallest, heaviest, or widest-winged birds, but just look at that death stare. On top of having a nutcracker for a face, the 5-foot-tall shoebill leads a fearsome lifestyle. It stands absolutely still for hours to hunt prey, watching for lungfish or baby crocodiles, then spreads its wings and collapses over it while trapping the target in its bill.

Original post:
Photographer Captures Polka-Dotted Zebra Foal in Kenya - Mental Floss