Ethan Graber of Barr-Reeve High School was announced as the recipient of the Phil Gardner Mental Attitude Award for Class 1A Baseball.

The award is annually presented to a senior participant in the state finals who best demonstrates mental attitude, scholarship, leadership and athletic ability and is nominated by their principal and coach.

Academically, Graber graduated with a 4.15 GPA, an Academic Honors Diploma, and a Technical Honors Diploma. He has secured certifications as a Clinical Medical Assistant and Dementia Care and he looks to go into the health care field. He is a member of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, First Mennonite Youth Group, and ventured to Mexico on a mission trip to help build homes in 2022. He is pictured with his parents, Brent and Cheryl.

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Graber wins Mental Attitude Award | | washtimesherald.com - Washington Times Herald

The annual event kicks off Mental Health Awareness Month by providing people with available resources.

NEWPORT NEWS, Va. "Never give up" and "Your story isnt over" are just some of the signs and reminders to Peninsula residents at the Brittingham-Midtown Community Center in Newport News.

Mental health is a big issue in our communities," said Ivy Baptist Church Pastor Kevin Swann. "There are a lot of traumas that go unaddressed.

Saturday morning, theHampton-Newport News Community Services Board kicked off Mental Health Awareness Month with its second annual mental health expo educating the community and addressing misconceptions.

I think the first piece is the stigma that I should just be able to keep going, that I dont need help, that Im not that bad., said Dr. Kristie Norwood, a licensed psychologist and the founder of Remind U Wellness and Outreach.

The event exposed residents to organizations and agencies offering help in Hampton and Newport News. Some of those resources include support for substance abuse, and mental and physical wellness.

Just bringing light to the subject, making it more comfortable to talk about it and get the help that people need," Swann said.

The event centered around the eight wellness dimensions, including physical, spiritual, emotional and social wellness.

Health encompasses a large area, Swann said. You know you cant just talk about one and not address the other.

I think the education is so important for the community," Dr. Norwood said. "Also, we know that we are better when we are a community with each other.

The overall goal here is to remind residents they are not alone and that there are several resources in this community to support them.

The expo also included conversations on the journey to seeking mental health treatment, coping strategies and stress management tips, as well as exploring how faith can positively impact ones mental health.

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Newport News mental health expo provides resources, reminds people they aren't alone - 13newsnow.com WVEC

Surrounded by her parents, Kelsey Schneider is interviewed after being named the Patrica L. Roy Mental Attitude Award winner following the 44-36 state final loss to Fort Wayne Bishop Luers at Gainbridge Fieldhouse Saturday.

Greg Jones | For The Tribune

It was very exciting, Kelsey Schneider said when her name was announced as recipient of the Class 2A mental attitude award at the girls basketball state tournament at Gainbridge Fieldhouse in Indianapolis on Saturday afternoon.

I was definitely in shock, the Brownstown Central senior said. I was just standing in back with my teammates, just bringing it all in, looking at what the score was. I was looking at the other team, then my teammates were reacting. It was just a complete shock. Its very nice, and Im glad the money goes back to our school.

Farm Bureau Insurance will present to a school in each class a $1,000 scholarship.

Schneider, who ranks in the top 20 in the senior class at BCHS, said, Ive been in AP (Advanced Placement) classes throughout my entire high school career. You have to work hard and just find a way to cope and find help from your teachers and your classmates, and just finding the right connection with your teachers is helpful.

Schneider plans to attend DePauw University and said she is undecided about her major.

The Braves lost the championship game to Fort Wayne Bishop Luers 44-36.

Schneider was the only senior on the team.

(Coach Brandon) Allman told me at the beginning of the season that we needed leadership, she said. I tried to take the role on, and I realized that it was going to be a big one. I was really shocked at how big it was, but I was trying my hardest. I tried to keep the team up, just really tried to help the team out and keeping them positive all the time.

Allman said Schneider did a good job of filling the leadership role this season.

What an award to take home, he said. It talks about her and her maturity, and the growth Ive seen in her in the four years is as much as growth as anybody Ive been able to coach. If you would have told me her freshman year that she would have a chance to win that award, I would have said, Theres no way. Youre dreaming.

But her teammates, her coaching staff continued to push her and make her believe in the possibilities she had and accepted her role to a T, defending the heck out of people.and just being really disciplined and just showing the growth and maturity she has shown this season.

Schneider spoke about the postive attitude the team demonstrated in practice all season.

We did a lot of drills, and some of the drills got us down, but we kept building off peoples energies whenever we were shooting, and making them wed say, Nice round, good shot, and just keep positive words, she said.

Schneider is a three-sport athlete at BCHS as she also ran cross country and plays softball.

I just enjoyed being able to come into the tournament, any game honestly, and just being able to see our fans and parents, she said. The student section is a big part. My expectations were definitely met just being able to be here. Gainbridge is amazing.

The team held an hour workout on the Gainbridge floor Friday, then attended a luncheon.

Allman said Schneider is the fifth BCHS athlete to be named a mental attitude award winner with the others being Josh Brewer, Chris Baker, Blaze Ayers and Sammie Bane.

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Brownstowns Schneider awarded with mental attitude award from IHSAA - Seymour Tribune

Lanesville senior Ava Kerr was named the Roy Mental Attitude Award winner after the Eagles championship game on Saturday. She is accompanied in the photo by WNBA star Aliayah Boston of the Indiana Fever, as well as her parents, Christine and Kevin Kerr.

INDIANAPOLIS Ava Kerr ended her career in grand fashion Saturday.

After top-ranked Lanesville beat No. 5 Marquette Catholic 51-43 to win their second straight Class A state title, the Eagles senior guard was named the winner of the Patricia L. Roy Mental Attitude Award.

It means a lot to me because I was a head-case my freshman year and I have been able to grow up as a player and in the classroom, Kerr said. It means a lot because I have worked hard in the classroom and some kids dont get the recognition they deserve. To be able to be recognized for that, and my athleticism, means a lot.

The award is presented annually by the IHSAA Executive Committee to a senior who has been nominated by her principal and coach and has demonstrated excellence in mental attitude, scholarship, leadership and athletic ability during her four years of high school.

Lanesville senior Ava Kerr is emotional as she accepts the Patricia L. Roy Mental Attitude Award after the Eagles 51-43 victory over Marquette Catholic in the Class A state championship game at Gainbridge Fieldhouse in Indianapolis on Saturday.

She has been our senior leader and I call her my Bulldog, Lanesville head coach Angie Hinton of Kerr. I can tell her to go do anything and shes going to go do it. She takes all of the mental process, and she was a little bit of a head-case when she was younger, but she has grown so much.

Kerr was pivotal on the court for the Eagles in their come-from-behind victory over the Blazers at Gainbridge Fieldhouse. She only totaled two points, however, she also contributed six steals, four assists and one rebound for a 10 plus-minus rating in 31 minutes of action.

It means a lot to win back-to-back state titles because I get to do it with the girls I have been best friends with since second grade, she said of winning a straight state championship. It feels good because we were able to get coach even more history.

After hearing her name announced as the Mental Attitude Award recipient, Kerr received congratulations from her teammates then posed for pictures with her parents, Christine and Kevin, along with Aliyah Boston of the WNBAs Indiana Fever.

Indiana Farm Bureau Insurance, a corporate partner of the IHSAA, presented a $1,000 scholarship to Lanesvilles general scholarship fund in Kerrs name.

Kerr carries a 3.8 grade-point average and is a member of the National Honor Society, along with being the president of the student council. Shes a two-year starter and a four-year letterwinner for the Eagles. Additionally, she was a four-year member of Lanesvilles volleyball team and has been a three-year member of the softball squad.

She is the second consecutive Eagle to receive the Mental Attitude Award. Linzie Wernert earned the honor last year.

Lanesville players Jane Davis, Hadley Crosier and Ava Kerr taste gold again after their Class A state championship win in Indianapolis on Saturday.

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GIRLS' BASKETBALL: Kerr wins mental attitude award | Sports | newsandtribune.com - Evening News and Tribune

INDIANAPOLIS A season defined by their fortitude became the defending state champion Lanesville Eagles greatest asset on Saturday morning.

Tested throughout the year by the absence and in-season reemergence of junior center Shelby Allen, who suffered a knee injury last spring, the top-ranked Eagles were dealt another heartbreaking blow late in the first quarter during the IHSAA Class 1A State Finals in Indianapolis.

However, instead of letting the setback crush their repeat hopes, the Eagles (29-1) banded together to overcome 11 lead changes and five ties to defeat fifth-ranked Marquette Catholic, 51-43, and become the first back-to-back Class 1A champion since 2019.

Up 11-10 against Marquette Catholic (24-5) inside Gainbridge Fieldhouse, Lanesville guard Hadley Crosier, a projected Indiana Junior All-Star, pivoted under the basket and immediately dropped to the court, screaming out in pain and holding her right knee.

Crosier, the teams leading scorer, had four points, two assists and two steals before being helped off the court with 1 minute, 27 seconds left in the first quarter.

The shock hit the Eagles sideline, but with Allens injury and other adversities already dealt with this season, Lanesville adjusted quickly, as Crosier cheered on her team from the bench while wiping tears from her eyes and crutches nearby.

The kind of team that we have, you just saw up there. They have faced adversity this entire year, Lanesville head coach Angie Hinton said.

Our message in the locker room at halftime was that you faced adversity all year long. This is just one more day. I had confidence in these kids.

The Eagles led 27-26 by halftime following a pair of first half ties. The Marquette Catholic Blazers (24-5) jumped out fast with a 9-3 run to start the game behind three consecutive 3-pointers by freshman Marissa Pleasant, who finished with 13 points on 4 of 9 shooting.

A Crosier layup cut into the early deficit, 9-5, before Allen took control in the paint en route to a game-high 20 points and seven rebounds.

Allen was sidelined this season until mid-December with a torn anterior cruciate ligament, but the 6-foot-1 big returned to compete in 16 games prior to the State Finals.

With Crosier out the remainder of the title game, Allen hit her stride, while the Lanesville defense found a way to disrupt the Blazers, which won the rebounding battle 41-21 but lost the turnover tussle 24-9.

I thought we were in it. It was a one-possession game for most of the game there, and I thought our kids battled hard, Blazers head coach Katie Collignon said. Just down the stretch, we had some costly turnovers, didnt hit our shots and their free throws really helped them late. Those mistakes ended up in a situation where youre down five and you cant claw back with about a minute to go. Im proud of my girls effort. They were tough and resilient as they always are, but I think this one stung a little bit more than we imagined.

Sophomore Laniah Davis, who was averaging 20 points per game, struggled early on, but in the second quarter she scored 10 straight points to pull the margin within one possession entering halftime. She finished with 16 points, 12 rebounds and three steals.

By the end of the third quarter, the Blazers led 33-31, holding the Eagles scoreless from the field (0-for-8). A pair of foul shots by junior Hylton Brumley kept the Eagles from getting shut out, but in the fourth, a clutch 3-pointer by senior Emma Davis broke the games final tie, 38-35.

We just knew we were all going to have to step up. Hadleys really good with her jump shot. Shes real good getting to the basket, but we found other ways to score. Shelby inside, shes a beast, Brumley said. We had to step up, state championship game. We werent going to lose it, and we were going to do everything we could.

Crosier averaged 15.8 ppg for the Eagles this season, and defensively, Lanesville limited their opponents to 33.5 points allowed.

Marquette Catholic pulled within one possession of reclaiming the lead four times late in the fourth quarter, but the Eagles combination of Davis (5 points), Allen and Brumley (15 points), who shot 5 of 6 from the free-throw line in the final minute, cushioned their advantage.

The Blazers shot 44 percent in the first quarter and 50 percent in the second, but those numbers dipped to 25 and 31.3 percent in the second half due to Lanesvilles zone and Marquette Catholics mounting turnovers.

Its almost like we beat ourselves. Those possessions down the stretch. We didnt finish, Collignon said. Those are the toughest losses to take. You think, if we hang on to that ball, dont turn it over there, make that extra pass. What if? Thats the hardest thing to do at the end of the season. Not to say we were actually beaten, but we beat ourselves.

The Blazers had three players in double figures, including junior Livia Balling with 12 points and 12 rebounds.

Marquette Catholic was the last Class 1A team to repeat in 2018 and 2019. With Crosier out the last three quarters, the Blazers nearly prevented the Eagles repeat, but Lanesville found inspiration through experience.

In practice every day, we compete against each other, and we give them so many things to do so that when an offense breaks down, they know how to go make a play, Hinton said. We certainly did make some plays, and even though Hadley wasnt able to be on the floor, she has been that leader in practice every day. They had to go against her defense.

Having to take her off the floor was losing a very important piece to everything we do on both ends of the court, but I just felt like those kids knew what to do. We just had to make some adjustments to let it work for them.

The Eagles, in turn, worked together to secure their 13th straight state tournament victory, 57th win in 60 contests overall and third state championship in coach Hintons 18th season overall (sixth at Lanesville). Hinton led 4A New Albany to the state title in 1999.

I dont think a lot of people get to know when their last game is going to be, so to get to know that is unimaginable. But to be able to do it with us four (seniors) and the girls that weve been playing with for a long time means a lot to us four. Just to be able to finish with something this big and make history, said Lanesville senior Ava Kerr, who had two points and six steals.

The key was composure, going 11 of 15 from the free-throw line in the second half and logging 19 total steals as a team.

When Hadley went down that was a tough emotional situation for all of us. We had to be very careful as coaches how we handled that because I had to keep the confidence of my team because I really believed in my team, Hinton said. But then your heart is breaking for a kid on the bench. To have an injury like that was really, really tough. I had to really dig deep down to keep everything consistent, calm and cool. Weve taken a lot of hits this year, but no bigger hit than we took today. But the kids stepped up.

Crosier, who suffered a probable anterior cruciate ligament tear, hugged almost every Eagle after the final horn sounded.

I was on the bench, and I started feeling sorry for myself, and I was like, these girls are doing this, and I cant think about me because this is for everybody. This is our community, Crosier said. Yeah, I went down, and I probably wont be back for a while, but these girls, I just couldnt be any prouder.

Class 1A State Championship Records

Most Steals: (Tied) 19 by Lanesville vs. Marquette Catholic.

Lanesville's Ava Kerr earns Roy Mental Attitude Award

Following the game, members of the IHSAA Executive Committee named Ava Kerr of Lanesville Jr.-Sr. High School as the winner of the Patricia L. Roy Mental Attitude Award in Class 1A Girls Basketball.

The award is presented annually to a senior participant in each classification who was nominated by her principal and coach and has demonstrated excellence in mental attitude, scholarship, leadership and athletic ability.

Ava carries a 3.8 GPA, serves as senior class president, president of the Student Council and is a member of the National Honor Society.

A four-year letterwinner in basketball and a starter the last two seasons, Ava also has been a four-year member of the Eagles' volleyball and softball teams.

She is the daughter of Christine and Kevin Kerr of Lanesville, IN and plans to attend Indiana University Southeast to study Nursing.

The Indiana Fever and Indiana Pacers, the presenting sponsors of the IHSAA Girls Basketball State Tournament, presented a $1,000 scholarship to the general scholarship fund at Lanesville Jr.-Sr. High School in the name of Ava Kerr.

The award is named in honor of the late former IHSAA assistant commissioner Patricia L. Roy, who oversaw the girls basketball state tournament from its inception in 1976 until her retirement in 1999.

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Lanesville overcomes loss of top scorer to win second straight title | Indiana High School Athletic Association - IHSAA

It was a day of mixed emotions at the high school sports event where Lake Central faced a tough defeat against Lawrence, yet amidst the competitive fervor, Kennedie Burks emerged as a beacon of resilience and character. Earning the Mental Attitude Award, Burks' story is a testament to the profound impact of high school sports beyond the scoreboard.

In a game that could only be described as a rollercoaster of emotions, Lake Central fell to Lawrence, marking a pivotal moment in the Class 4A State Championship. The event, covered in collaboration with The Times, JEDtv, and WJOB, and supported by local businesses like Strack & Van Til, Midwest Express, and the Center for Otolaryngology & Facial Plastic Surgery, LLC, was more than a game; it was a celebration of the community's spirit and the athletes' dedication.

Despite the loss, the spotlight shone brightly on Kennedie Burks, who was honored with the Mental Attitude Award. This accolade, recognizing not just skill but the strength of character, mental fortitude, and positive impact on one's team, highlighted Burks' exceptional qualities both on and off the court. Her achievement brought a silver lining to the team's defeat, embodying the essence of sportsmanship and resilience.

The Mental Attitude Award is not just a trophy; it's a recognition of an athlete's ability to inspire, lead, and persevere against the odds. For Burks, this award validates her dedication, hard work, and the positive influence she has had on her peers and the broader community. It's a reminder that success in sports is not solely measured by victories but by the character we build and the lives we touch along the way.

While the game's outcome was undeniably disappointing for Lake Central, the event itself served as a vibrant showcase of the power of high school sports to unite communities, foster personal growth, and celebrate individual achievements amidst collective endeavors.

As the dust settles on the Class 4A State Championship, the story of Kennedie Burks and her remarkable achievement will undoubtedly inspire future generations of athletes. Her award serves as a beacon of hope and a reminder that even in loss, there can be victories of the spirit that resonate far beyond the game.

The legacy of this event and Burks' accolade will continue to influence the local sports culture, promoting values of resilience, character, and the indomitable spirit of competition. As the community looks forward to future championships, the lessons learned and the stories told will fuel the next wave of athletes to strive not just for victory, but for excellence in character and contribution to their teams and communities.

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A Triumph of Spirit: Kennedie Burks Wins Mental Attitude Award Amid Lake Central's Loss to Lawrence - BNN Breaking

The concept of toxic positivity has been gaining traction in recent times, casting a shadow over the idea of maintaining a positive mindset. Critics of toxic positivity argue that it encourages people to suppress or ignore their negative emotions, which can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues. However, numerous studies and expert opinions have shown that optimism and positive thinking, when balanced with a healthy dose of reality, are linked to improved mental and physical health outcomes. This article aims to explore the benefits of positive thinking and provide guidance on how to harness its power while avoiding the pitfalls of toxic positivity.

Positive thinking does more than just make you feel good. It has a tangible impact on your mental and physical health, as well as your overall well-being. According to a LinkedIn article, maintaining a positive attitude can lead to reduced stress, enhanced immune function, and improved physical and mental health. It can even impact our longevity and act as a preventative measure against diseases.

But the benefits of positivity extend beyond our bodies. As per a Medium article, fostering a positive mindset can cultivate resilience, nurture positive relationships, and turn challenges into opportunities. It can shape a brighter and more fulfilling future, contributing to personal transformation and success.

So, how do we cultivate this positive mindset? There are several practical strategies that can be employed. Firstly, positive self-talk has been shown to have numerous health and wellness benefits. As Popsugar suggests, it can reduce worry, improve confidence, and even enhance physical performance. Techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy can help challenge negative core beliefs and reshape your mindset through affirmations and journaling.

Another recommendation is to practice gratitude. Recognizing and appreciating what we have can generate positivity and happiness. It reminds us of our blessings, shifts our focus from what we lack to what we possess, and ultimately contributes to a positive mindset.

While positivity is powerful, it is essential to recognize and avoid toxic positivity. This is when positivity is forced upon oneself or others, invalidating genuine emotions and experiences. It promotes the idea that any type of negative emotion is inherently bad, leading to the suppression of such emotions and causing more harm than good. A healthier approach is to accept that negative emotions are a natural part of life and to deal with them in a constructive way.

The key is to strike a balance between positive thinking and acknowledging negative emotions. It is about being optimistic, but also realistic. As highlighted in a Kathmandu Post article, while positive thinking plays a crucial role in mental health, it should be balanced with professional help and addressing negative emotions. A holistic approach to mental health that includes both positive thinking and dealing with negative emotions is the most beneficial.

In conclusion, positive thinking has immense potential in improving our mental and physical health and boosting our overall well-being. However, it is crucial to recognize the pitfalls of toxic positivity and to balance optimism with a healthy dose of reality. Embrace positivity, but remember its okay to not be okay sometimes.

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The Power of Positive Thinking: Exploring the Benefits and Practical Strategies - Medriva

As we go about our lives, we encounter various challenges that can wear us down. We tend to anticipate the worst, worry a lot and find it hard to break through the shackles of challenges.

So, in a world filled with challenges, maintaining good mental health is more important than ever. One key ingredient to achieving this is cultivating a positive mindset.

At its core, a positive mindset involves adopting an optimistic outlook on life. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, individuals with a positive mindset focus on the brighter side of situations. This doesnt mean ignoring problems but rather approaching them with a hopeful and constructive attitude.

Anjina Sapkota, a residential psychologist at Chaitanya Institute of Mental Health (CIMIH), discusses the subject more. She obtained her psychology degree from the Central Department of Psychology at Kirtipur.

How does a positive mindset impact mental wellbeing?

A positive mindset involves nurturing optimistic thoughts and focusing on personal strengths to tackle the uncertainties and challenges of everyday life with resilience. It greatly benefits an individuals overall mental well-being. However, having a positive mindset doesn't mean ignoring or denying negative emotions or challenges. It's not about unrealistic optimism or believing that everything will always be perfect. Instead, a positive mindset acknowledges difficulties but chooses to approach them with a constructive attitude, actively seeking solutions and navigating through them with resilience and an optimistic outlook.

This mindset can significantly impact mental well-being by promoting healthy coping mechanisms, reshaping negative thought patterns, fostering self-awareness and encouraging individuals to concentrate on their strengths and the positive aspects of life.

Are there practices that individuals can adopt to build a positive mindset?

Certainly, cultivating a positive mindset involves various therapeutic strategies that individuals can adopt independently. One approach is journaling, where individuals can document their thoughts, feelings and actions. The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique encourages staying present by engaging the sensesidentifying things seen, touched, heard, smelled and felt. Different breathing techniques help in relaxation, while self-affirmation, practised by looking in the mirror, fosters positivity.

Creating a gratitude list, praying and following hobbies like gardening or cooking contribute to a positive outlook. Additionally, maintaining social connections by reaching out to friends and supportive groups plays a crucial role. Its important to note that the effectiveness of these strategies varies among individuals, and a personalised combination tailored to specific needs often yields the most beneficial results in managing emotional intensity.

Are there any misconceptions about the relationship between positive thinking and mental health?

A common misconception about positive thinking is the belief that it requires maintaining a positive outlook at all times, even in the face of painful or heartbreak situations. This misconception is often fueled by messages that emphasise good vibes only and suggest that being happy is the only acceptable emotion, labelling expressions of vulnerability as signs of weakness. This phenomenon is associated with toxic positivity, where the projection of constant happiness overlooks the complexity of human emotions.

Suppressing genuine feelings, especially in the context of mental illness, can result in increased frustration, distress, self-criticism, feelings of isolation, denial of problems and an exacerbation of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, deeming them unacceptable or abnormal. Its crucial to acknowledge and validate a range of emotions for a more holistic approach to mental well-being.

For individuals facing mental health issues, can they incorporate positive thinking as a way to feel better?

Individuals grappling with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, mood affective disorders and psychosis often contend with disorganised and irrational thought patterns. Cultivating positive thinking in such circumstances can be challenging. However, therapeutic approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), reality testing therapy, exposure therapy, and occasionally medical interventions are crucial, especially in severe cases. These therapeutic methods are designed to assist individuals in recognising distorted thinking patterns and beliefs, actively challenging them and fostering the development of more balanced and healthier thoughts.

By addressing the root causes and providing coping mechanisms, these interventions play a vital role in supporting individuals on their journey towards improved mental well-being.

Can maintaining a positive mindset help prevent or alleviate certain mental health issues?

Yes, maintaining a positive mindset plays a significant role in both preventing and alleviating certain mental health issues. It contributes to stress reduction, the development of healthy coping strategies, the building of resilience, mood regulation, enhanced motivation and facilitates engagement in daily activities and the pursuit of goals. Individuals with a positive mindset are more likely to seek solutions rather than adopt a victim mentality. Furthermore, those with a positive mindset tend to approach illness with progressiveness and insight, in contrast to individuals with a more pessimistic outlook. However, its crucial to recognise that a positive mindset is not the sole solution for mental health issues.

Mental health is complex and influenced by various factors, including genetics, environment, and life experiences. Given the variability of mental health challenges among individuals, professional help such as therapy or counselling may be necessary. Additionally, a balanced and realistic positive mindset involves acknowledging and addressing negative emotions instead of suppressing them. This holistic approach contributes to a more comprehensive understanding and management of mental well-being.

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What positive thoughts do to the mind - The Kathmandu Post

It was a random night during my sophomore year of high school where I received a text that would forever change the way I would view friendships. This text, sent by a person who I considered to be my best friend at the time, still weaves its way into my head every time I meet someone new.

I dont know why I hang out with you, its exhausting to be around you and to be your friend, the text read. Reading those words, my 16-year-old self didnt know what to do so I stayed friends with this girl until we graduated high school two years later.

Throughout my time in high school, I was around people who didnt value me as a person, and that in turn affected how I valued myself. I was able to convince myself that I was exhausting to be around and that my friends not inviting me to things was totally fair of them to do.

That attitude changed the second I walked across that stage at graduation. Gone were the days of rolling over and being made fun of for my interests and my passions. Gone was doubting myself about my energy and how I present myself. Going to college was going to change my perspective on friends, some for the best and some for the worst.

When you hang out around other people, you open yourself up to being vulnerable and allow them to see your true self. If someone directly challenges how you present yourself, it can greatly alter your mental health. The basic aspect of friends is to find a group that is going to uplift and support you, not make you feel worse about who you are.

Freshman year is the year when everyone is looking for friends, and finding people can be great or it can be rough. In my freshman year, I met some people who I considered friends, but now I can see that we werent meant to be around each other. Thats ok, friendships are a type of relationship; it takes work, and you can tell pretty quickly if its going to flourish or not. The one piece of advice I cannot stress enough is that no matter how much you try, not everyone will be your friend. Dont force a relationship that wont work out; its just going to cause more harm than good.

Friends can come into your life in the most random ways ranging from a direct message on Instagram turned into a sweet treat partner, to a sports section introduction that became inseparable. It is hard to find friends in college, and it can feel helpless at times, but you just have to trust that everything will work out. Talk to that person sitting next to you in class, go to that club meeting and put yourself out there.

You are not less of a human being if you are struggling to find a group to be a part of. It is far more important to find the people that make you whole than forcing yourself to make them like you. Being constantly asked to change or be something different than who you are changes the way you think of yourself, and it could possibly lead you to feel more lonely.

These college years are full of people looking to meet other individuals that they can share their moments with. You deserve to share the best version of yourself with them.

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Mental Health Journeys: Who you surround yourself with is mental ... - N.C. State University Technician Online

Times of crisis, injustice, and division seem to define our moment. But they are actually defining features of the human experience. The human condition is the same in all times and places. Were profoundly social as a species, but were also defined by self-loveand the tension between these facets of our nature ensure that injustice and chaos will always be part of our lived experience this side of eternity.

Its easy to despair.

I certainly did. I experienced a season of division in Washington D.C. while working at our nations capital. I chose to give up, to flee.

I moved with my husband to Indianapolis, Indianaa city in his home state that I hoped would be free from the polarities of extreme politeness and extreme hostility that I experienced while working in federal government.

While there, I discovered a quiet revolution afoot that is healing our world from the bottom up, one interaction at a time. I first encountered this revolution through an unexpected invitation.

Im Joanna Taft, said the tall, socially fearless woman with a blond bobbed haircut and ready smile. She immediately reminded me of my mother, in more ways than one. Would you like to porch with us sometime? she asked, as we chatted after church one August afternoon.

This marked the first time I had heard the word porch used as a verb.

For Joanna, porching is about reviving the community living room. The porch is a quasi-public third place, a neutral ground where people from different backgrounds can encounter and befriend one another. In a seminal essay for the Palimpsest, Richard H. Thomas documents how between 1860 and 1960, Americans gradually changed the architectural arrangement of their homes: porches moved from the front of the home to the back, becoming the modern patio. Thomas argued that the home is a personal and cultural statement about the way a society and culture is organized and oriented, and that this architectural shiftfrom front porch to back patiotracked a social one: a move from the communal to the individual, from a focus on public life to a preference for the private.

Though originally from the Washington, DC, area, Joanna chose to build a life in Indianapolis with her husband and family. She has used her porch to cultivate community and to provide a haven from the hurriedness of modern life. It is a place to forge new friendships, an incubator of ideas to make the community brighter, a place to encounter and create beauty, a catalyst for further cultural and communal growth, and a venue where those who differ politically, racially, and culturally can form bonds and feel seen, known, and loved.

My husband and I joined Joanna on her porch that afternoon, a decision that would deepen my understanding of the practical benefits of civility. Much as Id seen my mother do with countless others whom we had welcomed into our home growing up, Joanna asked us about our backgrounds, interests, and passions so that she could effectively introduce us to others and plug us into the community. Joannas emotional and practical hospitality helped us discover and define our niche in our new community. Her civilityand the community it builthelped make Indianapolis feel like home.

We live in fractured days, lacking in harmony, civility, and comity. Comity, an old word for courtesy and kindness, is related etymologically to the Sanskrit word for smile. As it often does, etymology here beautifully illuminates a reality, in this case about both kindness and smiling: they unceasingly bring warmth, joy, and a smile to both giver and receiver. I realized that the civility of Joannas front porch, as a place of joy and laughter, was a breeding ground of comity, a much-needed refuge from the broken state of our world.

In this way, Joannas porch and other spaces like it are essential building blocks of civil societyand in turn, contribute to human flourishing.

Other people across history and culture have similarly realized the power that lies in reclaiming their civic and social sphere, and choosing to be part of the solutions themselves in the face of chaos and injustice. Albert Schweitzer and the Chinese Sage Confucius are just a few.

Everyone must find their own Lambarene: Lessons from Albert Schweitzer

Alsatian-German doctor, theologian, philosopher, and Nobel laureate Albert Schweitzer spent over two decades reflecting on the nature of true civilization. As a young man, Schweitzers conscience was sensitized by the plight of colonial Africa. Horrified by the brutality of colonial powers toward the people of Africa and the European occupiers cavalier disregard of human life, he emerged as one of the twentieth centurys harshest critics of colonialism. He saw the transparent self-interest and imperialism that motivated European colonial powers, disguised beneath the name of spreading civilization to other nations. Schweitzer wrote,

Oh, this noble culture of ours! It speaks so piously of human dignity and human rights and then disregards this dignity and these rights of countless millions and treads them underfoot, only because they live overseas or because their skins are of different color or because they cannot help themselves. This culture does not know how hollow and miserable and full of glib talk it is, how common it looks to those who follow it across the seas and see what it has done there, and this culture has no right to speak of personal dignity and human rights.

He saw the Western worlds hypocrisy: its claims to support human rights and dignity rang hollow in the face of its ruthless colonial legacy. Schweitzer wanted to change the way the world understood civilization and how it viewed humanity. He decided to start with himself. My life is my argument, he was fond of saying.

In 1913, Schweitzer opened a hospital in Lambarene, a small town in what was then a part of French Equatorial Africa and what is today the West African country of Gabon. Immediately upon its opening, thousands of people traveled hundreds of miles to reach the hospital and seek much-needed medical care. When World War I broke out in 1914, Schweitzer and his wife, Helene, were German citizens in French-occupied territory and were placed under supervision by French authorities. During that time, they were able to continue their work serving Africans in need of medical care. In 1917, they were sent to internment camps in France, from which they were released in 1918.

After his release, Schweitzer processed his years of instability and tumult by writing about his experience in Africa. He wrote about the barbarity of colonialism, exposing the sham of this atrocity committed in the name of civilization. He offered an account of true civilization in his book The Philosophy of Civilization. In this work, Schweitzer said that there were two definitions of civilization: the material and the ethical. The material view defined civilization solely according to its creative, artistic, technological, cultural, and other material attainmentsin other words, the sort of superficial attributes that Saddam Hussein thought defined civilization. For Schweitzer, the material view was false civilization. He favored the ethical definition as true civilization, which he defined as a mental attitude premised on reverence for lifea phrase he coined for the view that saw human life, and all life in general, as intrinsically valuable. As Schweitzer wrote, Reverence for Life affords me my fundamental principle of morality, namely, that good consists in maintaining, assisting, and enhancing life, and to destroy, to harm, or to hinder life is evil.

In an argument similar to Martin Luther King, Jr.s, Schweitzer said that to perpetuate and foster life is an unalloyed good; to degrade it is an unalloyed evil. Individuals in a society must adopt a weltanschauunga theory of the universe, or worldviewthat respects personhood and the intrinsic dignity of the human being in order to form a true civilization. Reclaiming a high view of personhood begins with appreciating the capability and potential within each of us. After that, Schweitzer says, we become inspired to realize our potential in ways that benefit our fellow human beings and the world around us and bring about social, cultural, and scientific advancements.

In other words, the things that lead to achievements in culture, technology, and infrastructure are byproducts of a society that values the intrinsic worth of human life. On their own, however, such byproducts do not make a true civilization, one that values the dignity of the person and nurtures his or her potential, makes it. Once a society has lost its reverence for lifeonce it has come to see its value as a civilization in purely material terms, and degraded the personhood of its own citizens or other groupsit begins to decay. Only a vigilant commitment to a reverence for life can prevent civilization from descending into barbarism and chaos, Schweitzer argued.

But how can one begin the process of transforming a society from a faux civilization into a true civilization? Schweitzer, like Joanna, realized he couldnt single-handedly transform society.

He understood that big, heady concepts such as civilization are intimidating and abstract but that everyone has a role to play in preserving and improving these values.

Everyone must find their own Lambarene, Schweitzer asserted. Everyone has their own sphere where they can practice a reverence for life, esteeming and preserving its intrinsic beauty in all of its forms. Each one of us has a humble role to play in defending against inhumanity, cruelty, and barbarism, and in reviving true civilization.

Confucius: The Politician the Wasnt

British mathematician and philosopher Alfred North Whitehead noted that the European philosophical tradition consists of a series of footnotes to Plato. Many have said that the same is true of Confucius in the Chinese philosophical tradition: the entire history of Chinese literatureplays, novels, and moreis a series of footnotes to Confucius and the Analects. His philosophical and ethical ideas have formed the basis of East Asian culture and society.

We know little about the historical Confucius beyond the fact that he led a professionally frustrated life. He yearned to have political influence during his lifetime. He hungered to see his teachings adopted from the top of society down so that they could help people. He had a trickle down theory of social change that began with cultivating the character of leaders: elites with integrity would naturally work toward the benefit of all people. He spent over a decade traveling across China trying to convert rulers to his ideas and persuade them to adopt him as an adviser.

When he failed to do so, Confucius was at first discouraged that he was not able to put his ideas into practice. But he returned to his home of Lu, south of Beijing, and resolved to do what he could with the rest of his life to bring about positive social reforms. He spent the remainder of his life talking with his disciples and teaching his local community his vision of an ethical and humane world.

Confucius didnt let his failure to be a political influence in his lifetime stop him. He focused on what he could control, and he chose to make himself and those around him better and stronger.

And he had more influence than he would ever have guessed during his lifetime.

Confucius would not live to see the effect his ideas would have on government leaders. For many years, the entrance exam to become a government official in China was to memorize the entirety of the Analects! For Confucius, known simply as the sage throughout Chinese history, the best life was the social life, and the social life required developing a demeanor of kindness and benevolence toward others. We find in Confuciuss Analectsa collection of dialogues, maxims, stories, and aphorisms thought to have been compiled by his studentsthat the virtue and kindness of one person can elevate and improve the lives of those around him or herand society, too.

Confucius knew that we live in an incredibly complex and social world where roles and duties change all the time. Instead of giving people principles to memorize, he wanted to give them guidelines to live by and to help them navigate the often ambiguous and fluid project of life in community. He understood that changing our disposition toward others was more effective than memorizing a list of rules and would more reliably cultivate a shared effort to elevate social life and improve civility in society.

Lessons from the Original Porch

In 176 AD, Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, known to history as a philosopher king, endowed four chairs of philosophy in the city of Athens. For the Epicureans, he endowed the Garden. For the Platonists, the Academy. For the Aristotelians, the Lyceum.

And for the Stoics, the Porchor the Stoa.

The Stoics porch was located at the ancient Agora, which for many years had been home to a variety of famous philosophical schools. And for the Stoics the porch represented an important idea: we can each realize our capacity for true freedom and flourishing when we choose to distinguish what we can control from what we cant and decide to make the best of what is in our control.

The stoicism of Marcus Aurelius and that of his intellectual mentor, Epictetus, offers lessons in how to create a more civil future. In short, it starts with us. We cant change society, but we can change ourselves and how we operate in the world around us. And if enough of us decide to change ourselves, we might be able to change the world we live in, too.

Epictetus was a slave and referred to himself as a cripple. Despite his disability and his lack of the political freedoms that many of us enjoy, he made the most of his circumstances and ultimately became one of the most important philosophers in history.

Unlike Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius was born to freedom, privilege, and wealth. Yet as Roman emperor during a time of constant war and plague, he had his own struggles to bear. Like his teacher Epictetus before him, however, Marcus Aurelius strove to focus only on what he could control. He endeavored to treat those around him justly and to live a life of personal virtue.

Its easy to look around us at the divided state of the world and blame our public leaders, the media, our education system, and more. But thats not a productive way to spend our time.

Instead, we should focus on what we can control.

Us.

The Stoic porch of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus illuminates how each of us can do our part to restore civility to modern life. These philosophers remind us that change in society begins with ourselves. This chapter opened with my story of moving to Indianapolis after a frustrating season in Washington, DC. Soon after arriving, I saw how Joanna Taft sows seeds of friendship and community wherever she goes. She spreads and cultivates the garden of civilization in her wake by focusing on nurturing the individualsthe raw plots of soilshe encounters. The seeds shes sown have already flourished and been fruitful in her lifetime and will continue to do so after it. She is a serial builder of social capital and a deployer of the timeless principles of civility, tools she uses to create new institutions to make her community better.

Joannas front porchher stoais central to the relationships she forms and the institutions that she helps build. Like the Stoics, she focuses on controlling what she can and on making the world around her better. In doing so, she embodies the ethos of the Stoic philosophersthe original porchers.

The attitude of Stoic porchers shows how the disposition of civility is one we can all have anywhere, anytimewith a porch or without one. Anyone can be a part of healing their family life, their community, and even the world, one relationship, and one interaction, at a time.

Cultivating the disposition of civility in our personal gardenand the attitude of porchingmeans meeting people at a human level, cutting through tribes and superficial labels. Civility will enable us to build meaningful human connections whenever and wherever we can. This can take many forms, such as welcoming people into our home, initiating a conversation across political divides, or offering a simple smile and acknowledgment to a stranger on the street. We must resist the temptation to look around at the divided state of our world and feel stuck and helpless. Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus remind us that focusing on what we can do is the answer. And in truth, we can do a lot.

Our interactions with others can leave people better off, and restore faith and trust in society. These strengthened, trust-infused relationships, in turn, strengthen neighborhoods, cities, and countries.

The Joannas of the world are good stewards of the garden of civilization. They build and bind our social fabric. They lead their civility-rich lives to bridge divides and sow seeds of trust. We can choose to lead such lives, too.

In doing so, we can be part of healing the personal and social hurt caused by our tribal, toxic status quo and of moderating the excesses of hostility and atomization and destructive politeness that define our public life today. In choosing to embody civility, we each have the chance to promote individual flourishing, civil society, and our free and democratic way of life.

As Joanna Taft, Porcher-in-chief, is fond of saying, Its not about having a porch. It is a lifestyle.

We can each respond to the chaos, barbarism, and injustice in our world by learning from porchers across time and place, re-locating our center of control, and being part of the antidote to barbaric times in our everyday lives.

This essay is adapted from Alexandra O. Hudsons recent book The Soul of Civility.

Image credit: via Wikimedia Commons

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A Tale of Three "Porchers" - Front Porch Republic