Kai Koerber has partnered with BrainCo. in hopes of bringing quantified meditation to U.C. Berkeley.

Image: Alana Koerber

At CES, tech execs and thirsty industry analysts abound. This year, there was also a college student and mass shooting survivor named Kai Koerber preaching about the benefits of meditation.

Koerber is a U.C. Berkeley student and activist who is a survivor of the February 2018 shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, in Parkland, Florida. Parkland survivors took action in the wake of the shooting by advocating for gun control legislation, and now, Koerber is calling for mental health resources in schools.

He founded an organization called the Societal Reform Corp. that raises money and champions mental health, mediation, and mindfulness education.

Koerber attended CES in Las Vegas to help make a high-tech announcement: Societal Reform Corp. has partnered with much-hyped "brain machine interface" (BMI) company BrainCo. to advocate for a Berkeley program that would encourage students to meditate, with a little help from some brainwave monitoring headbands.

BrainCo. makes a wearable device, the Focus1 headset, that monitors brainwaves and analyzes them in an accompanying app. The app gives users games and exercises for meditation and focus. Then, users are ideally able to better understand the power of the practice.

"They can literally change their brain activity," Max Newlon, BrainCo.'s USA president said during the presentation. "Seeing this really gives them the empowerment that theyre in control."

The science behind the efficacy of technology like BrainCo.'s is promising, but not entirely well established. However, the company has raised millions, has undertaken its own studies to examine how its activities can help people with attention challenges focus, and is working to optimize mental states for fitness.

BrainCo. and Koerber say that it is early days for their partnership. A BrainCo. representative clarified that, while nothing is final yet, Koerber would like to bring a meditation center to Berkeley's campus equipped with BrainCo. devices. Students would be able to take the devices back to their dorms and homes to continue their practices on their own.

Koerber thinks seeing visual representations of your brain activity while meditating could encourage critics who see meditation as wishy-washy to commit to a mental health practice.

He also considers promoting mental health his own form of anti-gun violence advocacy.

"Any person who walks into a room and kills 20 people is not well," Koerber told Mashable. "From a wellness perspective, there's something wrong there."

Meditation and mindfulness has become a much-talked about tool in trauma care. However, it is not the holy grail. In some cases, a mindfulness practice might be ineffective or re-traumatizing for people with PTSD. It could also be overly simplistic to posit mindfulness as a way to stop a potential future shooter.

But Koerber views what he calls "social emotional learning" as one part of the solution.

"If we provide students with the ability to manage stress, and positively construct a new reality for themselves, I think we'd start to see a lot more difference in the world we're living in today."

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Parkland survivor on why he believes in brain-scanning meditation wearables - Mashable

Maybe you remember the Muse Softband from last years CES. Honestly, probably you dont. I do, but only because A) I was there and B) I actually really liked the companys regular version. Im still pretty skeptical about the concept of using meditation to jumpstart mindfulness, but the Muse 2 makes a compelling case for hardware as a means of quieting ones thoughts.

After a year of silence, the rebranded Muse S is ready to launch. I like the name. It beats Softband, in that it doesnt sound like a Japanese investment firm. S is for soft and also sleep two elements that obviously go hand in hand. Its also s for savvy move on Muses part, as sleep tech is all the rage at this CES. And certainly meditation and sleep go hand in hand.

The fabric headband offers similar biofeedback-enhanced meditation, measuring brainwaves to determine where your concentration is. Sleep is added to the mix, as well, designed to be worn for five or so minutes a night before trying to get to sleep. The system pairs up with the Muse app, which features Go-to-Sleep Journeys essentially guided sleep meditations. Unlike some comparable sleep masks, however, the headphones arent built in.

Instead, you pair it with your headphones and put your phone away. Comfort levels will vary, of course, depending on your headphones. The sounds are impacted in real time based on biofeedback, including brain activity, movement and heart rate, adjusting the soundtrack accordingly. Compelling for sure. Ive got it on good authority that theres a unit waiting for me back at home. Sadly, it didnt get to me in time would have been nice for CES hell week.

Anyway, review soon, probably. For the rest of you, the Muse S is currently available for $350 through Muses site and Amazon. The Muse meditation app runs $13 a month.

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Muses innovative meditation headband gets a softer, sleepier version - TechCrunch

Bagia Arif Saputra runs a meditation studio in Jakata, Indonesia. Photograph: Krithika Varagur

When Bagia Arif Saputra was growing up in a university town near Jakarta, becoming a jihadist seemed a natural choice for young men like him, who were steeped in the teachings of Islamic fundamentalism. Less easy was reconciling this identity with his sexuality.

I was living a double life, says Saputra. I would go to the campus mosque, try to focus on my prayers and find myself checking out a guy and thinking, Nice ass. And then immediately, Astaghfirullah [God forgive me]! So then I would have to redo my prayers. It was a vicious cycle.

Saputra, now 34 and openly gay, recounts this serenely at the meditation centre he runs in the centre of the Indonesian capital. As a mindfulness expert who spent his formative years in student jihadist circles in conservative West Java, his life has combined two vastly different currents of modern Indonesia since its transition to democracy in 1998: the rise of religious piety and fundamentalism, and the explosion of a young, globalised middle-class.

At the Golden Space meditation centre, in a high-rise apartment block, Saputra says he first attracted wider attention when he started appearing on the Indonesian lecture circuit as an ex-closeted gay jihadist who found his dream job.

The mere fact of openly identifying as gay in Indonesia, where in recent years the LGBTQ+ community has faced a rise in hateful political rhetoric , raids, and potential criminalisation, seemed remarkable.

My parents definitely cried and were upset with my choice, he says, recalling coming out to his family in June 2015, during Ramadan. But they still love me and today we have a great relationship.

Saputra grew up in Bandung, a university town three hours east of Jakarta that is known both for its lively cafe culture and as a hotbed of fundamentalism. He went to a pesantren, a traditional Muslim boarding school, and then to the Indonesia University of Education.

In college, he felt adrift and was soon recruited to the Tarbiyah movement, the student wing of an Indonesian Islamist party modelled on the Muslim Brotherhood. This provided him with a sense of belonging.

He adopted the mannerisms of Salafis, puritanical Muslims who seek to revive the traditions of Quranic times: wearing ankle-length trousers and an untrimmed beard, refusing to shake hands with women, forgoing music and TV. At the time Indonesian Islamists were gripped by the Palestinian intifada and they stayed up late plotting to fight jihad alongside those they considered their Muslim brothers.

I was ready to die, says Saputra. Becoming a jihadist seemed like an easy way to go straight to heaven.

Some of the older boys were later recruited to Jemaah Islamiyah, the Indonesian affiliate of al-Qaida.

But Saputra was becoming tormented by the clash between his fundamentalist peer group and his suppressed homosexuality. No matter how hard I tried to pray the gay away, it didnt happen, he says.

He eventually withdrew for a different reason. His parents were upset by his growing disinterest in school and he realised he had gone too far for even his pious Muslim family. At one point, he says, he had even reprimanded his mother for wearing a hijab that was too short.

He left the group, graduated and headed to Jakarta, where he plunged into the underground gay scene.

There, he spent his nights with lonely strangers and days on a carousel of corporate jobs. And he started calling himself an atheist.

Then in February 2015 a friend gave him a week-long meditation course that changed his life. He studied with Umesh Nandwani, a Singapore-based meditation practitioner and Golden Space founder who, Saputra says, was one of the first people to recognise that he was gay.

I dont know how he knew, but he unlocked something within me, Saputra says.

Within four months of completing the course, he had become a dedicated practitioner himself and had come out to most of the people in his life. Nandwani recruited him to open Golden Space Jakarta in late 2016 and today he oversees 15 trainers.

Meditation is still something new for Indonesians, says Saputra. Some of them think its a religious practice and is part of Hinduism or Buddhism. I have to explain to them that its non-religious and that anyone can benefit from it.

At least one in five Indonesians are now middle class, according to the World Bank, and they are concentrated in Java and particularly in Jakarta. While meditation studios are still scarcer than in the holiday island of Bali, those in the capital are riding the wave of Jakartas burgeoning wellness industry.

Saputra, who met his partner of eight months at a meditation class, says that despite his own positive experiences since coming out, it is still not easy to be gay in Indonesia.

Most of my gay friends here are not open, and with good reason. One of them had to undergo an exorcism when his parents found out, he says. Closeted people often come up to him after speaking engagements, from teenagers to married men, and confess that they are torn about their identity.

I try to lead by example, he says. To plant the seed that there is a possibility of being openly gay in Indonesia and having a good life.

After his flirtation with atheism, Saputra says he is once again a Muslim. I fast during Ramadan, but not out of fear.

His specialty as a counsellor is anger management, because he has a lot of experience wrestling with that feeling. I carried so much anger within me: towards God for making me this way, towards my parents, towards myself, he says.

Meditation has helped me not to suppress this but to process it.

Saputra believes it is anger that motivates religious fundamentalists too. They are angry that the world has nothing to offer them, he says. Its a coping mechanism.

Whenever he sees news of occasional flares of terrorism in Indonesia, such as the Surabaya suicide bombings in 2018, he reflects on how easy it may be for such people to radicalise.

They probably thought it was the easiest path to heaven, he says. I certainly did.

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The ex-closeted gay jihadist' bringing meditation to Jakarta - The Guardian

JAMESTOWN As the new year begins, if you are investigating healthy ways to deal with the stress in your life, Audubon Community Nature Center (ACNC) has just the class for you.

MMI (McLean Meditation Institute) Certified Meditation and Mindfulness Instructor Loretta Cheney is teaching the Three Pillars of Meditation at ACNC on Thursday, Jan. 23. In the 5 to 6 p.m. class, you can end the day and begin the evening by reducing stress in a natural setting through meditation and mindfulness.

Cheney will introduce the three ways meditation trains your awareness, the three requirements needed to meditate, and the five essentials for a successful experience. Participants are asked to bring a warm blanket if they have one.

The adults-only (16 and older) program is $16, $12 for Nature Center members. Space is limited. Paid reservations are required by Tuesday, January 21, 2020, and can be made by calling (716) 569-2345 during business hours or going to AudubonCNC.org/Programs and clicking on Current Schedule. Walk-ins may be accepted if there is room; call for availability after the deadline. The class will be offered again on the fourth Thursdays in February, March, and April.

Audubon Community Nature Center is located at 1600 Riverside Road, one-quarter mile east of Route 62 between Jamestown and Warren, Pa. To learn more about Audubon and its many programs, call 569-2345 during business hours, visit AudubonCNC.org, or find Audubon Community Nature Center on Facebook.

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Learn the Three Pillars of meditation at the Audubon | News, Sports, Jobs - Evening Observer

There are plenty of apps out there focused on guided meditations and mental wellness. And, not surprisingly, there's a software component to Core as well. But what sets it apart from the Headspaces of the world is there's a physical object for you to hold that also collects data to help track your meditation journey.

The Core meditation trainer itself is a sphere with a slice taken out of it. The bottom is a satisfying piece of rosewood, though the top is a more utilitarian white plastic with an ECG sensor embedded in it. Still the over all aesthetic is appealing. And that's important to the company's philosophy. It doesn't want to nag you with notifications that you've been trained to dismiss (like so many CES PR pitches), instead it wants you to feel comfortable leaving the device out on your nightstand or desk as a regular reminder to take a few minutes for yourself.

Inside the app you'll find a selection of guided meditations, breathing exercises and soundscapes. There's a small collection of them available for free when you purchase the $169 Core, but there's also a subscription service if you want to take venture deeper. The $10 a month price isn't cheap, but you can cut it in half by signing up for a full year.

Once you select and session and rest your thumbs on the ECG sensors the Core will start to gently vibrate in sync with the app. There is a baseline, but as you're instructed to take a deep breath in, or a long exhale the intensity will ramp up. The purpose here is to give you something to focus on. Often in apps like Calm you might be asked to focus on your breath, but for those just getting started, holding a physical object might prove an easier entry point.

At the end of your session the app will display a host of data, taking obvious cues from things like Fitbit. You'll see a general measure of your calm and focus, but also raw data like your heart rate and your heart rate variability which is a decent measure of how much stress your body is under.

Core is part of a growing market looking to capitalize on a renewed interest in meditation and wellness. But it's also a slightly pricey device going up against established players like Headspace, Calm, and Sattva. And unlike those services it requires a pretty significant outlay of cash just to try it out. But if you've been looking to bring Fitbit style quantification to your mindfulness training, there aren't many other options out there.

Core will be available on January 6th for $169, with subscriptions starting at $5 a month.

See more here:

Core brings Fitbit-style tracking to your meditation sessions - Engadget

Hey, I think its time that we have a talk. Please, dont freak out. I need you to breathe. Breathing is everything. You taught me that.

Its crazy that weve been together for so long, but now that our yearly subscription is coming to an end, after a lot of self-reflection, I just dont know if I want to renew. After taking a few moments to really check in with myself, I realized that $98.99 annually is a ton of money for a meditation app. Like, thats a lot of sandwiches.

Dont get me wrong! Weve shared incredible memories, like that time I had a panic attack in the 7-Eleven parking lot after I found out my ex was already in a serious relationship. Or when my mother tried to kick me off the family phone plan. You were there for me every step of the way, and I will never forget that.

But, lately, things have been different between us. You always say its important to find your own space, and, if Im being honest, Ive been feeling suffocated. Every morning, as soon as I wake up, theres another notification waiting for me. Ive given you anywhere from one to thirty-five minutes of somewhat uninterrupted attention per day, but, no matter what, it never seems to be enough.

The thing is, its time for me to sit quietly with myself, by myself. Youre the one always telling me that my inner citadel shouldnt be dependent on anyone else. Thats also when I knew I couldnt be with an app that uses phrases like inner citadel.

I feel like youre not seeing me right now, which is weird since both my camera and microphone are enabled. Wait, are you mad because you wanted us to go on that silent retreat in Bali? Yeah, I could tell when promotions for it started showing up in my targeted ads on Instagram. But Im just not ready for such a big step. Besides, I was kind of hoping to save up to go to Mardi Gras this year. You can drink there. And eat. And...talk.

Dont look at me like that. There isnt someone else. I just think we should try to see other people. I mean, youre already seeing thirty-one million other people right now, anyway. Shouldnt I have the chance to be happy, too?!

I get it. You want to know where this is coming from. Do you remember that one weekend when I didnt have service in Joshua Tree and couldnt access you? Yeah, it was really, really scary. But I realized something. As long as I have the aching quiet of the wilderness, the right combination of hallucinogenic drugs, and my amethyst crystals, Ill be O.K. I sat perfectly still atop some ancient monzonite rock for thirty-six hours, and I didnt need you. Youre the one whos always telling me to follow my blissand I didnt try to post the sunset to my Instagram story once. I think this means Im finally ready to move on.

I cant believe Im about to say this, but I want to unplug. Deleting you is one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do, especially because I could not remember my log-in password for the longest time and the verification PIN kept getting messed up. But know that Ill always think of you whenever Im stressed about getting a really expensive parking ticket, trapped in an overpacked elevator, or about to spend $98.99 on a budgeting app that Ill never use.

Namaste.

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How to Mindfully Break Up with Your Meditation App - The New Yorker

Is meditation good for health?

Updated: 12:33 PM EST Jan 3, 2020

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ADVICE, BUT LOOK GO BACK IN TIME. -- LETS GO BACK IN TIME. IT IS A NEW YEAR, A NEW DECADE. THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER. >> I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS. SHAYNA: RESOLUTIONS MADE WITH HOPE OF A FRESH START, BUT IT IS WINTERTIME. THAT MEANS SNOW. >> THIS TIME OF YEAR YOU ARE GRIEVING AND MORNING OVER THE LOSS OF WHAT NO LONGER IS. AND GRIEVING OVER THE LOSS OF WHAT CURRENTLY ISNT AND FEELING A LITTLE BIT STRESSED WHETHER OR NOT WHAT YOU ARE HOPING WILL BE IS GOING TO HAPPEN, AND IT FEELS LIKE IT IS A LONG WAY OFF. SHAYNA: DR. RUSKIN IS A PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND AUTHOR. SHE SEES ANXIETY SPIKE THIS TIME OF YEAR, SEASONAL AFFECTIVE OF -- SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER. >> THE WEATHER AFFECTS THE HUMAN BRAIN. WHEN WE ARE EXPERIENCING REAL LIGHT FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT HELPS US TO FEEL ENERGIZED. WE ARE FEELING EMPOWERED, CREATING SUNLIGHT IN OUR OWN BODY. SHAYNA: EVEN THOUGH THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER, THE FALLOUT FROM FAMILY QUESTION TIME LINGERS. >> WHY HAVENT YOU HAD CHILDREN, WHY ARE YOU HAVING SO MANY CHILDREN, WHY ARE YOUR CHILDREN ACTING THAT WAY, WHY DONT YOU HAVE THAT JOB? HOW COME YOU ARE NOT WORKING ON HAVING THAT WORK ETHIC? DYNAMICS BETWEEN SIBLINGS. MEDICAL, PHYSICAL, WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, CHOICES THAT YOU MAKE, IT IS ALL UP FOR GRABS AND ON THE TABLE WITH FAMILY GATHERINGS. SHAYNA: DR. RUSKIN SAYS RESET. NOW IS THE TIME FOR SELF-CARE. >> ARE YOU TAKING A WALK? ARE YOU TAKING THE TIME TO REALLY AND MENTALLY STIMULATE? ARE YOU INTERACTING AND SOCIALIZING WITH OTHERS IN ORDER TO EXPERIENCE CONNECTION? EVERY PERSON IS DIFFERENT IN TERMS OF WHAT THEY NEED TO HELP THEMSELVES TO FEEL HEALTHY. THERE ARE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN PEOPLE. THE FACT IS ALL PEOPLE CAN BENEFIT FROM MEDITATIVE BREASTS. -- MEDITATIVE BREATH. SHAYNA: HE SIGNED UP FOR THIS CLASS. >> THERE IS LESS WORRY ABOUT THE FUTURE, NOT DRAGGING THE TEST AROUND AND I FEEL PRESENT. SHAYNA: DO YOU FEEL BETTER AFTERWARDS? >> I REALLY DO. >> YOU HAVE TO BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU ARE FEELING, WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. IT COMES DOWN TO AWARENESS. MEDITATION IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO JUST SIT, CLOSE YOUR EYES, NOTICE WHAT IS HAPPENING INSIDE. SHAYNA: JENNIFER HARVEY OWNS LAUGHING DOG YOGA STUDIO WHERE THE CLASSES ARE POPULAR. >> PEOPLE SAY I AM STRESSED OUT. I NEED TO DESTRESS. YOGA AND MEDITATION REALLY HELP PEOPLE DO THAT. IT CHANGES YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM. SHAYNA: THIS INSTRUCTOR CREDITS THE PRACTICE FOR OVERCOMING A SERIES OF CHALLENGES. >> I WAS 19, 20, GOING THROUGH A FAIRLY NORMAL MID TO LATE COLLEGIATE CONFUSION ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH MY WIFE AND STARTED MEDITATING. LATER ON MY BEST FRIEND DIED, AND MEDITATION KEPT ME HANGING ON. I HAD NON-HODGKINS LYMPHOMA WHEN I WAS 28. YOGA WAS INTEGRAL FOR HEALING. SHAYNA: HOW HAS THIS HELPED YOU GET THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE? >> THE MEDITATION WHICH CAN CLEAR THE SLEET AND BRING YOU BACK TO CENTER. ZONING IN, YOU ARE BECOMING PRESENT. YOU ARE BECOMING MORE REALISTIC, NOT LEAVING REALITY. SHAYNA: WHY DO PEOPLE MEDITATE? >> THE VARIOUS LOGISTICS AND PARAMETERS COULD FEEL LIKE THEY ARE PULLING YOU APART, MEDITATION MEANS THE THINGS YOU ARE EXPERIENCING ARE THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING BUT YOUR SENSE OF OK IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE OWNERSHIP FOUR. SHAYNA: MARGUERITE SAYS THE BENEFITS ARE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL. >> STRESS LIVES AND OUR BODIES AND CREATES TENSION AND HEADACHES. MEDITATION FOR ALL OF THOSE BRINGS IT DOWN, BRINGS IT IN. IT ALLOWS YOU CLARITY FOR FINDING WHAT IS IMPORTANT. IT HELPS YOU TO JUST RELAX INTO YOUR DAY. SHAYNA: I NEED A LITTLE OF THAT. >> [LAUGHTER] WE ALL DO. ANTHONY: EVERYONE EXPERIENCES MEDITATION DIFFERENTLY. WHAT WAS YOURS LIKE? SHAYNA: RELAXING BUT NOT LIKE A NAFF. THEY WANT YOU TO NOT THINK ABOUT THE PAST OR PRESENT WHICH WAS HARD. TO GET INTO THAT PLACE. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, YOU DONT NEED TO TAKE A CLASS. THERE ARE TONS OF BOOKS AND APPS TO GET IT STARTED. ANTHONY: THINK TWICE FOR SKIPPING THE WORKOUT.

Is meditation good for health?

Updated: 12:33 PM EST Jan 3, 2020

Is your mind drifting to the past? Are you worried about the future? Meditation might be a way to train yourself to be present. https://www.drkarenruskin.com/https://www.ldyoga.com/

Is your mind drifting to the past? Are you worried about the future? Meditation might be a way to train yourself to be present.

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Is meditation good for health? - WCVB Boston

In meditation God will spoon-feed you at your own pace. He will give you no more than you can handle at one time. Then sometime he might knock your lights out with an overwhelming realization.

I was very happy to see your editorial by Erick Erickson in your Saturday Jan. 4 edition about eternity.

But, what is the eternal? I could illustrate by asking you what time it is. You might look at your watch and tell me the time. Then days or months later I might ask you again, what time is it? Again you look at your watch and give me the time.

In term of the material world both answers are correct. In terms of the eternal, both answers are wrong. Because in the eternal the answer is always the same. It is now. It has always been now and always will be now.

RELATED: What is meditation?

When your body dies and falls away from your soul you will be left with nothing but your soul, which is who you really are, the soul, which is a part of God himself and like God your soul is eternal. It had no beginning and it has no end.

You take nothing but your soul with you at death but your soul does have baggage. This baggage is called kharma and dharma. Kharma will weigh you down and is the result of your selfishness in life. Selfishness is the root of all evil. Dharma is the result of all your attempts to seek God. Every time you walk into a church you acquire dharma. The balance of kharma and dharma will influence the conditions of your next rebirth.

You can experience the eternal in your own body through meditation. You want the kind of meditation that will reveal the light of God to you. All that is required is to sit, and be still, and concentrate on the God within you. Remember Exodus when God said to Moses, Be still and know that I am God.

RELATED: Meditation apps might calm you but miss the point of Buddhist mindfulness

In meditation God will spoon-feed you at your own pace. He will give you no more than you can handle at one time. Then sometime he might knock your lights out with an overwhelming realization.

Ive had people who are already in meditation ask me to help them find God. I tell them you have already found God. You found him on your first day of meditation. All that is required now is for you to meditate enough that you finally realize that.

God is right there under your nose but God being the most powerful thing in the universe, he is also the most subtle. You can go a thousand lifetimes and never figure it out for yourself. The mind is of the brain and the brain is of the body, and the body is of the material world. It is totally incapable of discerning the eternal.

RELATED: Thoughts on meditation: Local experts offer suggestions for everyday life

But your conscientiousness can because it is not of the brain or body, it is of the soul which is eternal and can therefore comprehend its own nature through meditation.

Babba Ram Das wrote the book titled Be Here Now. It is highly recommend. I can also recommend the Tao Te Ching bay Lao Tzu.

William Roberts Helms is a resident of Fort Walton Beach.

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GUEST COLUMN: Meditation key to finding Light of God - Tuscaloosa News

Photo: Westend61/Getty Images

Its been about five months since I paid attention to my breathing. For almost half a year, Ive neglected to carefully observe my breath, and yet my breath has still come in and out, and in and out, etc. a fact of which I am only passively aware because I am here, now, alive, typing these words. Not only am I alive, but I feel fine.

I started meditating about four years ago, after a friend of mine suggested it. I meditated almost every day, noticing each in breath and out breath (or at least trying to), noticing my thoughts and letting them go (or at least trying to). Most of those days, it didnt really do anything for me. The alarm on my phone would go off after 10 or 20 minutes, and Id feel pretty much the same as when I started.

But article after article on pop-science websites assured me that meditation would better me in every possible way. I would be less anxious, more focused. I would be kinder, healthier. My skin would be clearer, my stomach flatter. I would feel happy, I convinced myself. I would be a better friend, a better writer. I would be patient. When that girl from college captioned another photo of herself doing Pilates with a quote from Nelson Mandela, I would either ignore it or simply mute her account instead of screenshotting it and texting it to my friends with the message, Shoot me into the sun.

I desperately wanted to be the person I thought meditation would make me, and I feared becoming the person Id be or rather, the person Id remain if I stopped. So I meditated over and over and over again, sometimes sitting up, sometimes lying down, sometimes in the morning, sometimes in the evening, sometimes while squished between masses of arms, stomachs, and backpacks on the rush-hour 2 train.

Occasionally, meditation would help me achieve a sense of calm. Id spend the rest of the day on a high, feeling pleasantly, magnanimously superior to those poor souls around me who probably hadnt yet unlocked the power of mindfulness. Other times, Id finish my meditation feeling worse because Id spent the whole attempt berating myself for not being able to quiet my mind, and then berating myself for berating myself, and then thinking, I dont need to follow this train of thought, and then thinking, Jesus, I sound like an asshole, and then going through my to-do list for the day, getting progressively more stressed. Some days, when I was trying to meditate in the morning, Id just fall asleep again.

I didnt consciously set out to stop meditating. I just had other stuff going on. I quit drinking, I started kickboxing, I went hiking, I took writing classes, I read more. All of these things took me out of my head and made me feel more present than meditation ever did. Occasionally, I feel calm. Sometimes, I feel bad. Some mornings, I fall asleep again. My skin is fine good, not great. Im still impatient. I try to let other people bother me less but I still shit-talk that girl from college. I would like to improve these things about myself, but Im less stressed about it. Ive got other things going on.

None of this is a knock against meditation, which is a helpful tool for a lot of people. I was setting myself up for failure by looking for a panacea in the first place. Im just telling you this now, as we enter into a new year and a new decade, and as we reflect on the habits we want to shed or bring with us, to say that if there is a wellness trend you have been laboriously trying to get into for the past month, or the past four years, something you have been promised will improve your life in every way, even though it hasnt so far, consider just letting it go. Do stuff you actually enjoy instead. Itll be fine.

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I Gave Up on Meditating, and It Feels Great - The Cut

POLAR BEAR SWIM

Sonny Brewsbros races out of the water during the Polar Bear Swim at Simmons Island Beach on Jan. 1, 2020.

Heather Poyner, left, plays the drum during a drum circle at the Southport Beach House on Jan. 1, 2020.

Olivia Derouin, 5, center, celebrates the new year with other children as the ball drops during the "Noon Year's Eve" party at the Southwest Library on Dec. 31, 2019. Attendees made hats and decorations and took part in games, musical activities, a scavenger hunt and a photo booth. At noon they celebrated the new year.

The final full moon of the decade, a Cold Moon, rises over Wolfenbuttel Park on Dec. 11, 2019.

Trempers Brianna Pacetti, center, battles St. Josephs Jayden Hill, bottom, for a rebound Saturday night during the Doctors of Physical Therapy Holiday Classic at Carthages Tarble Arena.

Bradfords DaQuantae Sawyer shoots over Wilmots Mason Cummings, left, and Ryan Stalker, right, during the first night of the Doctors of Physical Therapy Holiday Classic on Thursday at Carthages Tarble Arena. The Red Devils won, 82-78 in double overtime, and Sawyer scored a game-high 26 points.

Ray Santiago, left, gets a roll served up from Lauren Tully, 11, at Christ the King Church on Tuesday, Dec. 24, 2019.

Jon Olson Jr. makes a Tom and Jerry drink at Swedes on Tuesday, Dec. 24, 2019.

Ben Mulwana, a local musician, gets help playing Christmas songs on his guitar from Aiden Techert, 6, right, and his brother Dylan, 5, at the Comfort Inn & Suites on Monday, Dec. 23, 2019.

Delaney McCann gives apples to animals at Tiny Hooves Sanctuary in Union Grove.

A goat waits for a treat at Tiny Hooves Sanctuary, a farm animal rescue organization founded in 2015, in Union Grove. Have a photo youd like to share? Send it to newsroom@kenoshanews.com.

The Rev. Grace Cajiuat leads a carol during a multi-congregational holiday service at Wesley United Methodist Church on Sunday. See more photos from the event on page B1.

Tracy Krisor, right, lights candles in memory of three homeless people who died in 2019 during the 13th Annual National Homeless Persons Memorial Day observance at Library Park on Sunday.

Mary Baron, left, keeps the class moving during an early morning weekend start.

"Star Wars" fans Shannon and Amanda Tuckey, with their children Liam, left, Jonas and Ben, right, enter the theater to see the new "Star Wars" movie "The Rise of Skywalker" at Tinseltown on Thursday. Afterward Shannon said, "It was great," Amanda said, "I loved it. ... I cried," and Liam Tuckey added, "The best!"

Monica Cummings teaches breathing techniques to the Women in Recovery group at the Kenosha County Detention Center.

Yexeliz Banuelos, in first grade, center, smiles as she opens her gift from Santa at Frank Elementary on Thursday, Dec. 19, 2019. Banuelos asked for a new school uniform for Christmas, and Santa delivered.

Swaggy T with the Milwaukee Red Bull Rim Rockers performs at Bullen Middle School for the school's winter pep assembly on Wednesday.

Grace Nelson, left, Lori Russ, Ignasio Mercado, Jay Rattle, Reign Trimarc and Alex Metalsky, far right, share a scene in A Christmas Carol.

Amber Young reacts as she opens her gift from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department deputies and corrections officers at Wilson Elementary School on Tuesday, Dec. 17, 2019.

Kenosha County corrections officers hold gifts to be passed out at Wilson Elementary School on Tuesday, Dec. 17, 2019.

Jerome Pearson, 3, picks out toys with volunteer Ann Marie Venn during the Holiday House event on Monday, Dec. 16, 2019.

Lily Matsuoka, 11, gets help from Deputy Rolando Ortiz, with shopping for her dad during the Shop with a Deputy event. at Meijer on Sunday.

Ceceilia Hunter, 5, smiles as she pushes her cart with Deputy Ray Rowe during the Shop with a Deputy event at Meijer on Sunday.

Tanya Koscinsky, left, helps Ethan Powers and Chloe Williams, both juniors, with housing options during the Reality Check event at Tremper High School on Wednesday, Dec. 11, 2019.

Brooke Clements, a junior, center, discusses the cost of child care during the Reality Check event.

Tim Lewis, a member of the Kenosha firefighters CARE group, right, gets ornaments ready with decorator Eve Mumenthaler for the Christmas tree for the upcoming Goodfellows event at UW-Parkside. The annual Goodfellows fundraising dinner is 5 to 9 p.m. today in the Student Center Ballroom at Parkside. The event, which includes live and silent auctions and raffles, raises funds to help children in need. One of the events for which Goodfellows provides major funding is the Holiday House Christmas Toy and Food Basket distribution, which will be Dec. 16-18. For more information on that event, turn to page A3.

Penny Schaubel, of new Leaf Designs, left, helps Carol Hailey with a hat during the Working Artists Sale at the Union Club on Sunday.

A NEW BEGINNING

Katie Erickson, right, receives flowers from fellow drug court graduate Jamie Rightmire on Wednesday, Dec. 4, 2019. Erickson graduated from the program Dec. 4, and Rightmire graduated this past February. Have a photo you'd like to share? Send it to newsroom@kenoshanews.com.

Chef Danielle Weybright instructs kitchen staff at Sazzy B. She appeared on Guys Grocery Games, a Food Network production, earlier this month.

Chris Allen, executive director of the Kenosha History Center, shows a new exhibit featuring designs of concept cars.

Jacob Czaplicki, right, and James Shehada, owner of the restaurant, second from left, take orders from Tiffany Adams, left and Krsytal Smith at Trolley Dogs on Sunday, Dec. 1, 2019.

From left, Rickhi Edwards, 5, Success Johnson, 10, Samieon Edwards, 7, and Rhanaija Adams, 14, enjoy hot dogs and fries at Trolley Dogs on Sunday, Dec. 1, 2019.

Allie Preston, 6, studies a table display with her dad, Russell, at the Durkee Mansion on the opening day of the annual Christmas at Kemper. Tours are available Saturday and Sunday at the Kemper Center.

Patrons check out the display Tom Preston made at the Gallery of Trees event at the Kemper Center on Sunday.

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Yoga and meditation enhance recovery processes - Kenosha News