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01

Paris Hilton goes skiing in Aspen: Differences between us and Paris Hilton on a skiing trip: More sweat, less Chanel, and a suspicion that those ski boots arent pinching her toes and she doesnt have to carry her own poles

02

Rihanna goes to Barbados: Barring a few suspicious cigarettes and 187 bikini shots, you probably wont know much about that though, shes awfully private. An obscure celebrity reappears five stone lighter with an excercise DVD to flog, Until May theyll extol the virtues of zumba and celery, then theyll realise that theyd better start overeating again if theyre going to have time to put the weight on for the Obligatory Before Bikini Shot, get the next DVD deal and lose the weight for Christmas 2014. Repeat

03

Jennifer Aniston goes to Cabo: She may take Justin, she may take Chelsea Handler, she may take Courteney Cox, but rest assured that if you ever want to track down Jennifer Aniston, bide your time until the end of December, stroll up and down the poshest beach in Mexico, look for a black bikini and good hair, and you will find your girl

04

Simon Cowell Rides a jet ski: Around the 1st January, Simon Cowell stands up from his Barbados villa sun lounger, grabs aviators and a life jacket (to be worn open allowing full view of chest hair and hint of moob) and jumps on a jet ski. If this ever doesnt happen, presume youve got the dates wrong and its August. Or that the worlds ended. He also populates the Barbados with his girlfriends Sinitta, would you like to spend New Year with me?" No thanks New Boyfriend, Id like to spend it in Barbados with my ex boyfriend, his other ex girlfriends and the mother of his future child. Dont worry though, you can come too.

05

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Celebrities and their bizarre January habits