10 Ways To Cover Your Yoga Farts

Posted: August 28, 2012 at 5:13 pm


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Credit: Warwick Page/Getty Images

Yoga is good for you. It makes you flexible, calm and even helps your porn-addled brain enjoy making love for an extra minute or two. Unfortunately, while you're doing all those sun salutations and child's poses, you are both improving your digestion and opening your rectum to the heavens. Every yoga class regular is trained to tell you, "Don't worry, everyone farts there." However, when you do accidentally rip one, your whole class stares at you mortified. Some of them are holding back vomit. You disgust them. Every woman in that class is going to make sure you never date anyone in the world ever again. We here at the Guy Code Blog want you to be able to do yoga and fart when you damn please, so here are 10 ways to cover your tracks.

Run straight out of the class. There are plenty of other yoga studios.

If you're prepared for the inevitable passing of the gas, be ready to start sneezing immediately after you let one rip. This will introduce just enough doubt into everyone's mind: "You know what? Maybe that wasn't fart."

That's the point of yoga, isn't it? If everyone believes you've transcended the here and now, then they'll just think the gas is your soul finally being released. Which would make the poo particles stuck to your briefs represent your good will toward all.

There's a chance this could work. Trust us. Yoga people are supposed to be sympathetic. They'll think you're unable to control it. Poor you.

Always sit next to the old lady in the class. You wouldn't be lying because even if you were farting, at any given moment there's a 75% chance that she's farting too.

This is like the sneezing trick, but you do it in advance.

Say something like, "Master would be so proud." You have to say goodbye to ever dating anyone in your class, but at least everyone will be too scared to judge you.

Do your best Dhalsim impression and yell, "Yoga fire!" You'll be cheered and mothers will name their first-born sons after you.

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10 Ways To Cover Your Yoga Farts

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Written by simmons |

August 28th, 2012 at 5:13 pm

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